INTENSE BIRD FACTS (THAT ARE IN NO WAY MADE UP) [1 of ???]
This is less of a story or story snippet and more along the lines of a "Writing Exercise". Like...what kind of Bird Facts and Bird Secrets would a Bird (such as myself) divulge to the other Non-Birds that make up the population of this bizarre world? So, here's a quick list of INTENSE BIRD FACTS that are Totally Legit and Super Reliable. These are the facts that National Geographic and The History Channel hoped that the world would never now.
Number 10 on the list is a Cipher with an ACTUAL MESSAGE by the way (assuming...I /succeeded in coding it right/. Please get back to me if there are any typing errors in this cipher's hidden message that went unchecked! >v<). I have faith that some people are nerds enough to figure it out.
Enjoy! chirp chirp chirp!
As a Bird of Writing and The Sciences, Thoth was the True Brains (and Most Attractive) of the Ancient Egyptian Pantheon. Alas, the only Egyptian Gods that mortals care about these days is Anubis and Horus. While artists inflate the egos of those two pompous jerks with depictions of tasteful nudes, Thoth has been stuck teaching ungrateful college students for the last three centuries with practically nonexistent pay.
Pigeons don't need OR want mind-numbing propaganda promoting our politics. We're not like those "All-American" clearly-compensating-for-something Eagles or Conceited Chickens.
Geese are not Birds. They are Lesser Demons from Eldritch Realms. Your acknowledgment of their so-called existence gives them power.
Never trust The Phoenix. Only fools and Tyrants-Destined-To-Be-Forgotten believe that they can benefit from the Filthy Lies that The Phoenix offers them.
Edgar Allan Poe plagiarized work from an actual down-on-his luck Writer Raven that had been struggling to get by. People mourn Poe's death. Nobody thinks of that poor raven that Poe swindled. Humans are jerks.
If an Owl is awoken in the middle of the night and asks "Who's There?", is anybody really there? Answer: Yes.
Birds cracked the code to time travel ten timelines ago. Do not refer to the Birds assigned to supervise All Of Time as "The Council of Cuckoos". Do. Not. Do. That.
Bird Society frowns upon the illogical popularity of Grumpy Cat Memes.
Birds love them some Doges though!
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