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            It wasn't long after the dingo

experience that we got into the truck and headed out down those miserable

excuses for roads there in the outback. We were going to be driving a ways, for

the farm (if you can call it that) where the emus were raised was distant, near

a small section of woods and brush."Now emus, they're a special treat,

but you got to be careful with them." My host told me. "I'm sure you're no stranger

to birdie anatomy, so you know you can't get aggressive with them or you'll do

them harm.""Yes, I know that quite well. In

theory, if the egg passes through it, a cock can go in it, but I would never

feel right about trying this out on a chicken.""Right you are mate. Stuffing that

small of a bird would seem a bit hard-hearted in my book. But emus, now they're

a solid piece of work. Have you ever seen the egg one of them feathered twits

can pass?""Only in a collection. They are a

good sized egg.""Right you are again! So trust me

Yank, you'll find out soon enough that they can take what you and me have to

offer!"I had to admit that I was

unfamiliar with the birds, outside of the fact that they were in the same group

as the African ostrich. That made them ratites, a technical term for most of

the large, flightless birds. Emus were about perfect for this little endeavor,

whereas I was well aware that their cousin the cassowary was not. Oh, they were

about the same size; I'm referring to their attitudes. Trust me; I would never

want to go there without ropes, drugs and a few prayers. Those are some badass birds!We stopped a couple of times along

the way to relieve ourselves and to stretch tortured muscles from the pounding

our spines were taking from the rugged ride. Like I said, there wasn't so much

a road as a winding path through the Outback. It was a wonder the truck had

help together even just today, much less all the years it had been in service. We

finally got to the station (or ranch if you like) in one piece, though I think

my ass had developed a crack right down the middle... That's some humor son. Keep up with

me.The cockie was a man named Bailey.

He gave us both warm handshakes and did a little dance that Nigel copied.

Apparently it was an old tradition and I wasn't about to ask about it. My guide

put his arm around the farmer (aka the cockie) and introduced us."This here Yank is a veterinarian!

He's got a deep love and appreciation for all of the animals on this here

Earth, but especially the ones you can bugger!"The man looked me over. "Is that

so?""I'm not going to get in any

argument over that determination."He started laughing. "No need to be

coy boy. Out here we're all men and the Sheilas are few and far between. Rather

than taking to buggering each other, we try to keep the genders separate. That

takes a little fancy footwork now and again. We don't have the variety other

places have, so we make do. So what has old Nigel been testing you out on?"I looked from one to the other. "A

wombat, a roo, and a dingo.""Yeah, that about covers it unless

you want to try taking a crack at one of our scaly friends. Crocs are said to

make wonderful bedmates." His deadpan reply was only offset by the slight

upturn to the corner of his mouth.I could tell he was holding back

his mirth. "I'll skip it thanks. I've already been down that road once."His slight smile faded. "You're

kidding, right?""No. But it was at my first job and

the thing was out like a light. I did nearly rock the table off of its moorings

though.""Blimey! We've got us a keeper here

Nigel!""Yeah, this guy will make your

mouth drool. Just wait until he tells you about all the pussies he's nailed.""That many huh?""A few. There was the tiger, the

snow leopard, the panther, the lion, the...""Wait, you mean pussies as in big

cats?""Yeah.""Hell, I though he meant it in the

usual way. I want your autograph mate before you leave here. I ain't never had

a celebrity around my place before and it ain't likely to happen ever again.""It's hardly something you can go

around bragging about you know.""Out here ya can and you will!

Nigel, did you bring any bottles with ya?""Of course!""Then I think it's time for a

party!"We unloaded the truck, including

the beer and set everything inside. It was a nice place, if a bit simple. Then

again, out here, you tended to stick to the principle things that you needed.

There was no point is having nice furniture considering the abuse it would get.

Everything was either handmade or old, but all completely serviceable.There were several bedrooms; a

kitchen and a bath included, but the toilet was outside. As Bailey put it,

"there ain't no reason to stink up the house." The point was that while there

was a water supply, it wasn't to be wasted on flushing a toilet. It was for

drinking and if you were lucky, the occasional bath. I was warned early on

though to check the outhouse for the variety of killer fauna that frequented

this continent."It only takes one bite from a lot

of these pests to put you six foot under mate. Open the door, look around, lift

the lid and then check again before you sit."The instructions hardly inspired

confidence in my surroundings.The corral that housed the birds

however renewed my hope that this wasn't going to be a waste of my time. There

were a lot more birds than I ever would have figured. I could hear them before

I ever saw them, but I had no idea of their numbers. There were several hundred

of them, grouped into separate pens. They weren't particularly showy birds, but

then again their size made them exceptional enough for my tastes.If you've never seen one, then you

won't know just what I mean.  They aren't

like ostriches exactly, but their structure and body form are very similar. The

nice thing was going to be that their rumps would reach my crotch. That made

them just about perfect in my book.As it turned out, I was going to

get a solid lesson in emu biology. For one, I happened to make it into

Australia right in the middle of their breeding season. The males were all

presently separated, not to keep them from the girls, but the other way around.

In a twist of evolutionary fate, emu females pursued the males, not the other way

around. What it meant was, at this exact moment, all of the females were ready

for some action.I have to admit I was ready to go

for it right then and there, but I didn't see anyone making a move, so I held

my tongue and zipper in place. It turns out this day was going to be even

weirder because not only did this guy raise the birds, he raised them for

market, which meant we were having it on the menu in two forms.I will admit that I was a little

leery; eating the same kind of animal I was going to be hitting later on, but

it dawned on me that it happened all the time with sheep, pig, goats, cows and

where applicable, horses. I did feel a pang in my conscience, but it passed

when I smelled the wonderful aroma of the meat roasting on, as they called it

here, the barbie. I guess there was more than one way to enjoy of good sized

bird.We ended up relaxing over our meal,

draining our beers and telling tales. My mind kept wandering to the pens full

of wandering bipedal feather dusters, itching to get a stab at one of them.

They would be my first animal here that wasn't either drugged, or bound and

gagged. I liked it to be a little more natural. I don't know, I guess it just

made me feel better about the whole thing. Anything else tended to feel like

rape.Bailey was pumping me for stories

with as much enthusiasm as I was going to have in pumping his birds. So I

patiently sat back and listed off all of my exploits, figuring that my stories

would never reach outside of the setting we were in. He was suitably impressed

and questioned me for some of the more intimate details. He was really impressed

with the fact that I had done this essentially under the noses of thousands of

people. I had to remind him that after closing the hours, the zoo had been all

but empty except for me. "I envy you mate. Now me, I'd

prefer a good woman any day, but I've grown attached to me birdies. They don't

talk back, they don't never have a headache , and I ain't going to be paying no

alimony to 'em any time soon"I had the same sort of feelings. I

know it's something that would tend to scandalize normal, Christian people, but

I had been doing my homework. Human interaction with animals went very far back

in our recorded history, and it could be inferred that it could go even farther

back than that by several thousand years. Heck, I could even see the human

ancestors like Cro-Magnon getting it on with a Neanderthal. Or maybe even with

something a little more primitive than that. It was all pretty much the same.

If it wasn't your own species, it was considered bestiality.I so could have been a Roman. But

Nigel was telling a story, so I had to pull myself from my reverie. "You see, me and Bailey here, we've

been friends for a long time. I don't always have time to pop over here for a

bit of fun, but when I do, you can imagine I go home weak in the knees. With

all these birds around, you can hit a dozen without a repeat. Heck, with as

many as he's got now, I think the three of us could take a week before we make

it through each and every one of them!"I wasn't sure I was up to that much

activity, but the other two seemed pretty enthusiastic about it. I figured

Bailey might have had his fill of them, dealing with them every day like he

did, but apparently the chance to have a "party" was enough motivation for him

to get excited. It truly had to be lonely way of life out here.We went through a lot of beer

before they two Aussies finally made a move towards the corral. "Well, come on

Yank! The night ain't getting any younger!"We all headed out into the dimming

light. Bailey flipped on a generator and a string of lights lit up the area,

casting an eerie glowt on the emus, who in turn cast animated shadows across

the ground. They were milling about uncertainly in the sudden glare.Bailey turned to me. "Now you

listen good. I'm not worried about the birds, because they're plenty tough. But

if you're going to get cozy, at least put your boots back on, because there's

still plenty of browns here about, and I've seen a few spider's that'll make

your hair stand on end."I was beginning to think that my

libido was taking a few hits with all these warnings. It was something I never

had to worry about back in the old days. Here I had a bunch of available females,

and I had to be concerned with getting bitten by something that could kill me.

I was tempted to grab an emu and go back into the house.But the other two were already

stripping, so I followed suit. My socks stayed on and my boots were pulled over

my feet in double time. I think I was going to be staring at the ground the

whole time now.Bailey and Nigel each had a small

dog collar and leash and handed me a third. The idea seemed simple. Slap a

collar on a bird for better control. I liked it!"The males are over there for the

time being, so as long as you avoid them, you'll be fine."From there it was a simple matter

of cornering a female and getting her under control. It was as challenging as

it sounded. These weren't tame animals, but simply wild creatures being raised

domestically. There was still an element of uncertainty to this endeavor. You

might call it spicing up the pot. The other two were well practiced at this

sort of thing and cornered and collared theirs right away.I had a bit of a tougher time. I

quickly realized why predators locked onto a single animal and pursued it. Too

many choices messed with your head. In the end, I managed to wrangle one and

snap the collar on. I was ready to go at this point.The other two had theirs up against

the fence with the leashes tied off, so I followed suit. I coerced my feathered

prize to the rail and tied her securely. I ran a hand under all those long

hairy feathers until I found what I was looking for. I spread her open a little

until I was satisfied that this was going to work. Don't take me wrong; I

trusted my fellows but I also knew that an injured bird was likely to be on the

menu. I didn't have the heart for that.I spit in my hand, lubed up and

pressed it home. There was a brief moment when I didn't go it, and the emu was

beginning to fidget but she inadvertently pushed backwards and I slid in like a

spike into a railroad tie. I was half expecting her to be rather flimsily

constructed, but her hole was as tight as any mammal's. It was hard to believe

that an egg the size they laid could squeeze down a passage so damn tight!Once I was inside, she stopped any

struggling she had been doing and settled down. I had a feeling this might not

have been the case had she not been in heat. As it was, apparently the feeling

of having something stuffed inside her hole was enough to pacify her. Heck,

there might be a chance, should her little brain have been capable of retaining

any memories, that she might find that any other males besides these human ones

weren't much fun in the long run. I really doubt the male emu's came equipped

with a cock anything close to a human one.I had a handful of feathers in each

hand and was thankful that she wasn't fighting me. I didn't want to do any

damage to her plumage either. I could only assume that yanked-out feathers had

to hurt as much as hairs did for us, so I wanted to keep this gentle.My compatriots didn't have any qualms

though, and their birds were rocking and swaying as they were worked over like

a chef with a meat hammer. I figured that if the birds could handle that, then

I was in the clear. I pushed mine up against the fence and went to work.I know some of you out there

probably are thinking that birds are sort of freaky. You do have to remember

that they are warm blooded after all, and in the case of these guys, had

feathers more akin to thick hair that to the normal avian kind. It wasn't all

that different from the back end, and you sort of got used to the small bobbing

head at the other end.I don't know if it was the novelty

of the experience, or the alcohol, or maybe both. I let loose inside my little

friend after only a few minutes. I gushed forth without missing a beat,

continuing to ram away at her egg-maker like nothing happened. The only

noticeable difference was the new slipperiness, which only made my movements

easier.I'm telling you that those birds

were terrific. As I said before, a smaller bird, even one which could

hypothetically take a human cock, there was always a risk of doing severe

damage. Not with these gals. They were built tough and unless you were built

like a porn star, you'd never reach in far enough to hit anything vital. I was

already wondering if there was some way I could get some back home into the

states. I bet the customs forms would be a bitch!That meant I had to get my fun now,

while I was here. I looked around and saw the other birds milling about. Yeah,

I think I could handle that.There wasn't a whole lot out there in

the scientific texts on emu anatomy and physiology, so I'm going to tell you a

few things that I learned during this experience. These guys have orgasms. It

was information that I certainly couldn't publish, and it didn't come as a

surprise after some of my earlier dealings with birds, but if the question ever

came up as to whether or not these guys enjoyed doing it, the answer is a

resounding yes.It was like trying to screw a

slippery animated Chinese finger trap. I could see where this could cause a

bird to come to harm, for if you got too crazy, or pulled out too sharply, I

could see you pulling these gals inside out. A tunnel that could push out a

giant egg had some remarkable qualities to it, not the least of which was the

firm, rhythmic squeezes this one was giving me. A certain amount of care was

necessary.I suddenly found myself

uninterested in any of the other specimens flocking around me. I was in lust

with this one. She was holding still, taking what I was giving her, and giving

back more in return. I could suddenly see the allure of living out here. I was no longer even marginally

concerned with being bitten by anything out here. I forget there was even any

danger to be had. I concentrated solely on my new friend. I have used the term stuffing the bird before, but this

brought it to a whole new level. I was basting this beauty from the inside out. Those continuous contractions did a number on

me, for a second wave of my fluids filled her up. I slowed down without

stopping, figuring I was going to be done for a while, but after a few minutes

of slow, shallow strokes I was back in working order. The others had finished

with their first birds and where heading for new ones. Let them. I was more

than content where I was.When I came the third time, I was

wobbly in the knees.  I held onto her rump

for a few minutes until my spasming cock had finally given up the ghost. As I

slid out, I stretched out my slightly hunched back and sighed. Yeah, this was

pretty damn good. It was nice too to have someone who appreciated the little

things like this. For the longest time I had felt like I was the only one

enjoying himself in this manner.I went over and leaned against the

rail while the other two finished up the ones they were presently pounding away

on. It was almost as much fun to watch someone doing it as it was to actually

do it. It nearly got me going again, but the fact was, I was finished for the evening.

I remembered belatedly about the leash, so I went over and released my girl,

smacking her rump and watching as she fled into the flock and was gone.The next morning, three very tired

and very happy men sat around the table discussing the night's previous adventures.

I got some teasing for only taking on one, but I admitted to them that she was

good enough for my first time. There were several jokes about how I had picked

the "ugly" one, which I took with good grace. All these damn birds looked the

same.But the joke was on them.When we went out to check on the

flock, all of them were at the far side, either looking in on the males or

sitting in the sun. All for one. One of them came right up to the fence and

stuck her head over the side. It was my girl form the night before. I knew this

because like an idiot I had undone the leash, but not the collar. She was still

wearing it. I came up and scratched her head, but she backed away and began

making some strange calling noises.Bailey let out a grunt. "Well I'll

be damned!""What?""I think this girl has found

herself a mate, mate. They only do that to attract the attentions of a male. I

think she's hooked on you!""Suits me fine.  I prefer quality to quantity any day."I also found out, by the way, that

unlike a lot of birds, emus will willing mate several times a day over an

extended period of time. And oh, did we.