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Cinderella and Prince Charming were married, and everyone rejoiced. The country was safe, offspring were guaranteed (an heir and a "spare") and the fairy-tale ending was had by all. Except it didn't quite work out that way. See, Cinderella - real name Elanor - had been having, well, 'these feelings', and despite how much she loved the Prince (real name Bertram), the longer things went on the more insistent they became.

Despite her years of cooking and cleaning and washing-up and chasing around after her sisters (all without getting a single hair out of place, folks), despite having the magical wedding which everybody believed that she should have, including her, if she was downright honest with herself then she didn't really feel all that feminine on the inside. Truth to tell, she felt --- well, honestly, truly, she felt a lot more like a guy, a basic, guy-next-door, down-to-earth dude. She didn't want to prance around all lady-like in her sweeping gowns any more: they were all very well and she'd got what she wanted, but in reality she wanted to put on a pair of pants and an old shirt and go off with the guys, huntin', ridin', shootin', fishin', doing all the kinds of activities that don't end in a 'g'. In short, she wanted to be a guy. And that hurt.

It hurt double because, in her heart of hearts, she knew that she really loved Bertram (the Prince). She - or was it he? - really, really did love him. She even wanted to, well, you know, get kissed by him - exactly where, she wasn't willing to put a name to - but she did love him. He loved him.

Everything came to a head one morning sometime after the Glorious Twelfth, when the Prince and his hunting pals rode off in search of fresh game. Cinderella, left behind as usual with nothing to do but a little needlepoint, some reading, a bit of music-making and trying on new dresses, felt everything become too much. She just had time to tell all her handmaidens, maids and ladies-in-waiting to go away and leave her alone and to slam the door resoundingly behind them before her legs gave way and she started to cry. Really to cry. It came in big, long, gulping sobs of unfairness. Why did the Prince and his pals get to be all manly and ride off and hunt things, and she had to be left at home? It wasn't fair. It just wan't fair! She locked the door and threw herself onto her bed and cried and cried and cried and cried until there was nothing left.

Eventually, she got calmed down, eased herself from the bed and walked over to a small box on the wall in which a parsnip hung beneath the words, "IN EMERGENCY - BREAK GLASS." This is an emergency, Elanor told herself, broke the glass with a surprisingly solid punch, lifted down the parsnip and put it to her ear.

A moment later she heard the familiar voice of Ethel, her fairy godmother, asking her what was wrong. Well, it all just poured out of her, the issues, the unfairness, her love for the Prince (Bertram), all of it. Ethel listened attentively, making "mm-hmm" noises along the way, and when Elanor had run out of steam she simply said, "I'll be right there." And she was. One moment Elanor (Cinderella) was alone, the next minute Ethel was there in the room with her.

The parsnip dropped from Elanor's grasp as she ran over and gave Ethel a big hug. "Oh, thank heavens you're here, Fairy Godmother," said Elanor, her face pressed against the front of Ethel's imperial-sized bosom. "I've been so worried! I didn't know what to do!"

"There, there, my child," replied Ethel soothingly and led Elanor over to sit on the bed with her. "Now, tell me all about it."

So Elanor did, again. Starting at the beginning, with her first 'feelings', how she actually really enjoyed chopping wood and mending fences and making fires and what annoyed her was not having to do it but the totally arrogant and ungrateful attitudes of her step-family, how those 'feelings' had grown and how she'd pushed them aside for the wedding in her excitement but now, well, they were just filling her up fit to burst. And then out came her love for the Prince (that's still Bertram), and how she - or was it he? - loved him, and she was afraid he would stop loving her and she didn't want that, she just wanted to be a guy, and the tears started all over again and Ethel held her close and stroked her hair until she was quiet again.

"Well, my child, you're in a real pickle and no mistake," said Ethel. "Are you absolutely, positively sure about this?"

Elanor nodded. "I'm sure," she replied. "I wouldn't have said anything if I weren't as sure as sure can be."

"Well," began Ethel, "you definitely have to tell Bertram about this. I'm sure he might have guessed that something is amiss: he's a very smart young fellow --- he married you, after all." A little smile and a blush touched Elanor's face. "And yes, he might have some problems adjusting, but I know he really does love you very, very much and I don't think that's going to change. So he's not the problem. The thing is, dear, I can't make you into a man. I just can't. I can turn mice into horses and pumpkins into carriages - I can even just about make Seth Rogen funny - but I can't change your body from male to female. I just can't. I'm so, so sorry, dear, but there it is."

Elanor's bottom lip trembled and it looked as though she was about to cry. "But... but Fairy Godmother..."

"I know, child. You want to run and play with the men, and you want to be a man and feel like a man and be... equipped... like a man. I know that." Ethel paused a moment. "Well... I have an idea. I can't take your bosom away, but I can make it smaller, if that would help a bit." Elanor, looking up, nodded vigorously. "Well, that's a start. As for the rest of it... Oh, I know," said Ethel, "there's a 'Victoria's Secret' just opened in the next hamlet over. I've been there once or twice --- just for research purposes, you understand," she added hastily, blushing herself as Elanor gave her a keen stare "--- and I'm sure they have something you could use to, you know..." She made a 'down-the-front-of-your-pants', male-bulge-where-there-wasn't-one kind of gesture and gave a meaningful nod.

Elanor brightened and then just as quickly sighed. "Oh, but I can't get out of the palace! Everybody knows me! I can't get out to go anywhere, never mind 'Victoria's Secret', for that sort of thing!"

"Oh, don't be so silly, child. It's easy. We'll get some rough clothes, take you down the back stairs and scoot you out through the kitchen door. Then you're just a couple of mice, a canteloupe and a little magic away from getting out of here for a couple of hours to pick out your favourite... uhmm..."

"Appliance?" suggested Elanor.

"Appliance," agreed Ethel in relief. "So it's not a problem at all."

"Oh, Fairy Godmother!" exclaimed Cinderella joyfully, reaching over and giving Ethel a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Oh, Fairy Godmother, thank you again! I don't know how I should ever manage without you!"

"Now, now, child," said Ethel kindly, patting the girl on the back, "dry your tears: there's nothing to worry about. I'll take care of you, just like I always have."

Elanor lifted her head and blinked away tears. "You really mean it?..."

Ethel nodded, smiling. "Yes, my dearest child, I really mean it. Cinderella shall go to the balls."