Your Best [INSERT HERE] Walks Into a Bar Jokes With a Twist!
We've all told those jokes where someone or something walks into a bar. The fact is though, while originally meant to be funny with little to no embellishment on the story, the possibility for greatness was often overlooked. Why not tell or retell those old and worn jokes from a story-tellers POV? In other words, take one or more of your favorite or least desired jokes and turn it into a real story. Sure, keep the punchline "as-is" but really go out and tell the story to make it interesting! I don't fancy myself as much of a writer, but I gave it a go when responding to a joke thread, and instead of rushing to the punchline for a quick payoff, I turned it into a slightly more descriptive tale, giving the characters just enough substance to divert the reader from the "waiting for the rim-shot" to enjoying a well thought out story that leads to the inevitable GROANER of an ending. I welcome you to the challenge of doing the same. They can be short, or as long as you desire, but make the story interesting ... tell the joke as if you had all the time in the world to set the scene, and let the chips fall where they may! I'm eager to read what you come up with ... I bet they'll be far better than mine. ;)
A finely-dressed fellow walks into a bar with a wee little bloke sitting on his shoulder. He orders up two, top-shelf, single-malt shots of the finest the house has to offer, hands one to the wee bloke and downs the other himself. After the wee bloke finishes his shot, holding the empty shot-glass in both hands, he lets it fly with a hearty toss, where it crashes into a tower of stemware the bar tender had just meticulously cleaned and stacked behind the bar.
The wee bloke laughs maniacally, while the bartender fumes and approaches the pair angrily. Sensing the urgency of the matter, the finely-dressed fellow profusely apologies for the actions of his persnickety companion, takes out a wad of bills ad begins peeling off $100's like they're singles at a "titty-bar". Mollified at receiving well more than double what the broken stemware was worth, the bartender's ire was reduced to a mild boil, so to smooth things over, another round was ordered, along with an extra shot for the bartender himself.
After the finely-dressed fellow and the bartender "SKOL!" and down their shots, the wee bloke slowly finishes drinking his, wobbling a bit from his perch upon the fellow's shoulder, then suddenly lets the empty shot-glass fly directly into the large, ornate mirror behind the bar, which shatters in a grand manner befitting its opulence, leaving it cracked and ruined beyond repair. The wee bloke begins laughing hysterically, nearly falling off the fellow's shoulder while the bartender appears to be out for blood and readies himself to throttle the wee bloke into the hereafter.
Calmly, the finely-dressed fellow apologizes profusely, reaches deep into his pocket and produces ten 1 oz. gold coins and lay's them along the bar-top, directly in front of the stunned and wide-eyed bartender, who huffs, takes a deep cleansing breath, and while gathering up the proffered coins, finally asks the fellow for his story. After a long sigh, as though he's told his story far more times than he cares, but knowing he owes the bartender an explanation, the finely-dressed fellow begins his tale:
"Many years ago, far more than I care to remember, I was strolling upon a secluded beach one morning, when I noticed the tide had washed something ashore. I dug the partially buried object from the sand and discovered it was an old, and ornately decorated bottle. Attempting to see if there was anything of value contained within, I opened the bottle and to my sheer amazement, an ancient Djinn appeared, thanked me repeatedly for freeing him, and as a reward, offered me three wishes, with the caution that they could not be taken back or undone, Wanting to make the most of my wishes, I carefully thought out my perfect trifecta.
My first wish was for unlimited wealth , so I may have the means to afford any indulgence I could possibly desire. This was quickly granted, and I was literally showered with wealth beyond my imagination.
But, what good was wealth if you can't take it with you? So for my second wish, I wished for immortality affording endless years of perfect health with which to enjoy my fortune. This too was quickly granted, and I was energized as if I were at my peak of fitness and virility, lost and forgotten so many years ago, yet now mine forever from this day forward.
But, what good is wealth and an eternity to enjoy it without the company of the fairer sex? This was a conundrum for me ... The first two wishes were easy, but as I soon discovered, the Djinn could not make me irresistible to women or bend them to my will, as no wish could interfere with the free-will of another.
I pondered my dilemma while the Djinn waited patiently for my final wish and his ultimate freedom. Suddenly it hit me ...
I had my wealth, eternal life with a 20-year-old's libido, and while I was already an easy going fellow with a sharp wit and charming smile ... the ONLY thing left to seal the deal with any girl of my choosing would be a substantial improvement with my downstairs endowments.
So, I looked to the Djinn and triumphantly voiced my final wish for a twelve inch prick...
There was a blinding flash of light, and when my eyes finally recovered, the Djinn was gone and I was stuck with THIS GUY!" ...