Star Fox: Ethanol
Alcohol makes you do weird things in bed.
I'm not sure when I wrote this, but I found on my external a while ago and figured I might as well post it.
Enjoy!
The world blurs around me, but it doesn't stop me from steering the hovercar through the seedy streets of midnight Corneria, or from keeping up my count of how many grandmas I pass. It's a perk of being a pilot--even when driving dead drunk, listening to the mewling of some vixen your teammate's got in the backseat, you still outdrive everyone.
It's all his fault I'm drunk, really. Made me do shots with him and this girl, who he's prolly gonna be up fucking all night. I don't see why he even bothered with the drinks; we could get into anyone's pants we want, but I guess it's always a perk if everyone else thinks her bedding team Star Fox was just a drunken fantasy.
I pull into our fancy six-star apartment and look back to tell them that we're here. Falco's got his tongue down her throat and a paw rubbing at her groin. I tell him, "You just gonna do it in the car?" He flips me off and drags her out, leading her into our place. It's as much a wreck as anyone would think, but it looks slightly better than your average man-cave because of all the fancy shit we've got in here, like the promo holovision some corp gave us last month. I'm usually self-conscious about this kind of stuff, but it's not like it matters, 'cause I bet the only thing the vixen's thinking about is the contents of Falco's underpants, and she sure as hell won't be disappointed.
I follow and grumble as I head for my room, ears flicking at the vixen's giggles, which only muffle slightly when Falco shuts his door. I wonder if I'll get any sleep at all tonight; I've got earplugs, but for a fox, that's about as fun as shoving a beer can up your nose. They keep it up while I get out my comm and browse the news and flight catalogs for a bit, until it starts getting difficult to focus my eyes. Drunk as I am, it should take me five seconds to fall asleep when I put my head to the pillow, but it's about that time when the vixen gets a good eight times louder.
Usually I can sleep through Falco's weekend escapades (sometimes I have my own, but that's rare), but I can't get myself to focus on anything but the sounds. I try folding the pillow over my head and blocking my ears with it, but that doesn't do too much except cramp up my head. I want to go over there and tell her to shut up, but I know that's about as stupid as sending Andross a ShipCo gift card and asking him to pretty-please stop targeting Slippy so I can bomb his army without having to deal with all the whining.
It's funny--when I'm drunk, I end up doing a lot of shit that I know is stupid. Like, I dunno, maybe drinking a bottle of hot sauce. There's this voice of reason in the back of my head that tells me to stop, and I know it's right, but I do it anyway because I just don't care that two minutes from now I'm going to be waking the neighbors with all my cursing. That's how I feel right now--because, dammit, I want to sleep, and I don't really care what the pornstars nextdoor think about it. In fact, I care so little that I don't even knock--I just throw the door open, ignoring all the shouting and moaning, and get ready to scold.
I find them both facing me, almost like they anticipating me coming in and positioned so I could get a show. I swear, I've only done a girl under the tail a few times in my life, but it seems like Falco can just do it to whoever he wants--and her eyes are glossed over as her rear strains around his thick shaft. He's all over her breasts, too, tongue snaking over one, wing rubbing the other. That's not the only thing he's rubbing, and judging from the way her lips are all spread, I bet he's already put more than a finger in there. Just like that, my sheath is straining. Alcohol's never inhibited my erections, and, looking down at the throbbing hardness between Falco's legs, I know it's the same for him.
He gives me a nonchalant, "'sup, Fox?" He stops thrusting into her, but as I watch, he keeps playing with her clit, rubbing around her lips and pressing against her opening. She seems uncaring that I'm here, and doesn't take kindly to his stopping--she's trying to ride him, to feel more of the hardness in her, and the eagerness makes Falco grin. He looks at me like, Dude, check out what I picked up.
I want to tell him to tell her to shut up, but what comes out is, "Sounds like you're having fun." You can't blame me--it's not every day you walk in on your housemate doing someone, and, well, my vocal chords aren't exactly functioning to the best of their ability. I can't keep my eyes off his cock, buried in her tailhole.
"You could say that," he says, and it's just what I'd expect from him. But I don't expect it when the vixen pipes up and says, "Want to join?"
Falco and I share a look and a laugh. It hits me how fucked up this all is, and how much different this would be if any of us weren't smashed beyond the capacity of giving a shit. He's the first to speak, saying, "She's pretty eager, huh?"
I nod. "Well, I'll leave you to it... but try to keep it down, okay? I'm gonna go masturbate." I say it jokingly--we say shit like that all the time--but I'm really not sure if it's a joke or not, because this time I might really do it.
"It's cool if you want to join," Falco says. I wonder if I heard him right, but as I watch, he spreads her lips wide for me, letting me get a good look at her folds. "You know you want some pussy."
It's obvious that the vixen really wants me to stay--she's looking at me now, eager but speechless. She pats at her pussy as if inviting me in. The lips are swolen, as if she's in heat. "You really think you can take both of us?" I ask.
She's got a nice rack, especially for such a little vixen; I pant as she massages into her breasts, and lifts them upwards to lick at a nipple, giggling. "Oh, yeah, I want you both."
I'm not sure what comes out when I respond. Could've been a protest, an affirmation--just about anything. But I'm fully erect by now, and I know he's right--he just had to bring in a vixen, didn't he? There's this part of me that says banging a girl with your buddy's going a bit over the line, but I'm not in the state of mind to listen to it.
I sit on the bed, and Falco pulls out, his veiny shaft smacking against his chest. My paw finds her groin, and next thing I know, there are three paws there--mine, hers, and Falco's, all crowding around her slit, rubbing at it and teasing it. "Eat the bitch out," Falco tells me, and I do it. I bury my muzzle between her legs and lick up and down her slit. She lets out a gasp, and when I start thrusting a finger in her entrance, I feel her body relaxing a bit.
Falco's wing presses down on my head, forcing me down on her. I hear him dirty-talking us as my tongue plunges into her sweet wetness, and I grind my fingers around her clit. She's gritting her teeth, back arching, and I'm sweating, her mewls music to my ears as I slurp up her juices.
"Oh, fuck, yes!" she yowls. I feel her spasming as she goes through her climax, her breath quick and deep. When I finally look up, I see Falco still playing with her breasts, now kissing her.
Falco's wing comes down and he runs a digit up and down the drooling slit. "Shit," he comments, "that was hot. You ever came like that before?"
She shakes her head, trembling a bit. I can't tell if it was genuine sexual pleasure from what I did, or just the thrill of getting it from two of the hottest pilots in the universe. I decide that I don't care when her eyes fall on the bulge in my pants, and she reaches out to close her hand around Falco's still-throbbing hardness. "I'm so horny," she pants.
"You wanna get fucked?" Falco says.
She giggles. I scoot closer to her, and her paw reaches inside my pants, closing around my hardness. I can see the glee on her face, and I don't have to ask if she'd ever been done by two guys before.
Next thing I know, Falco's slipping inside her tailhole again. It turns me on so much seeing her tightness stretch around that big shaft, her mouth gaping as she lets out a needy moan. I'm as hard as I ever remember being when I dig myself out of my fly and push inside her wet folds.
She squirms underneath us as we both rail her. Alcohol must heighten our endurance, because we go through several different positions, changing holes each time, sometimes involving her mouth, sometimes rubbing our shafts between her breasts.
My memory fades out for a bit, but I recall that it's about ten minutes into the fucking when I realize that I must be really drunk. Falco's on his back, and she's on top. He's in her pussy again while I press my lips under her tail. We've been like this for a few minute or so, and then he pulls her off, letting his shaft spring out. I think he must be close to climax--his shaft is dripping wet, pulsing and throbbing, his heavy sac pulled tightly beneath it.
I don't know why I do it, but next thing I know, I'm cramming it into my mouth, one paw on the shaft and the other on his orbs.
I hear him gasp, and I look up to see his muzzle scrunched in concentration. "Shit! Fox?"
I ignore him, reveling in my newfound respect for cocksuckers. The taste is weird--a combination of both him and the vixen that blends into something slightly repulsive, but still arousing. I feel a warmth envelop my shaft, and then I'm fucking the vixen while we both make out over Falco's dick. It really doesn't feel that wrong to me at the time, and judging from the way Falco's got his head thrown back, breathing hard, I bet it doesn't for him, either. I know we're gonna fight over this later, but right now, we both want his dick in my mouth--and if nothing else, it was worth hearing the surprised yelp the vixen let out.
Both the vixen and I alternate between having paws, tongues, muzzles, or fingers buried wrapped around his shaft and sac. And as time goes by, I find that I really like the taste and smell, and I'm so damn horny, groaning and moaning as I press my nose and tongue to him, trying to get more. I squeeze around him, and he's so fucking hard. More than before, I think, and for once he looks like he's losing control, beak lost and distant.
I'm still the first to shoot, shuddering as I pull out and squirt all over the bed. It's not long before Falco starts to climax, either--he starts breathing hard and making all these funny sounds. I stroke him to climax while licking the tip of his shaft, the vixen mouthing at the base of his shaft and orbs. It's like I forgot that guys cream when they climax, because first thing I know, I've got a burst of his seed in his mouth. I pull away, but I don't think to move away before I get another few jets on my muzzle before the vixen bats me away and takes my place. And of course she swallows the rest.
I'm panting hard, and I'm now I'm as dead-tired as I am dead-drunk, so I kind of just lay my muzzle on Falco's groin, idly playing with his dick. He pulls the vixen up to cuddle with him through the night, and I take that as my cue to leave, ears falling as the realization sinks in just a little over the drunkenness. I've got the door open when I hear Falco say, "Hey, buddy."
I stop and look back at him, unsure of what to say. I'll admit that I'm scared, though thankfully his tone of voice doesn't make it seem like he's going to slap the shit out of me. Of course, not, I think. That comes in the morning.
But in fact, what he does is motion towards the bed. "Get over here."
I ignore him, slipping out the door and slinking back into my own room, lying my head on the pillow but finding myself unable to close my eyes.
I only fall asleep because I'm drunk. I'm so wasted that I don't even bother to wipe his semen off my muzzle.