Second Chance
(( Comic project I am working on, basically I'm looking for advice/constructive criticism on the pacing, is this interesting? Does it grab your attention? And any advice better writers might be able to give me. Sorry to have it broken up like this, but it is geared for easy transition to graphic novel. Massive spoilers will be in parenthesis at the bottom. ))
Upper left "Earth: 4158"
1st Panel: Pan of environment, a snow covered wasteland. Some tracks heading through the snow, bleak horizon.
2nd Panel: 3 people in futuristic power armour/environmental suits with scanners in what looks like a building. It could be a bunker. The walls are covered in ice.
3rd Panel: close up of two of the workers, one is waving the other over. Guy 1: "Think I've got a viable sample here. It's in good condition."
4th Panel: Guy 2 is looking at his instruments. "The cells seem to be in good shape. Let's bag it and get out of this freezer." Guy 1 "Yes sir."
Next page, Full page:
Cityscape, buildings half buried in mountains of snow and ice. The three figures are dragging something heavy out to a nearby futuristic ship.
Blurb on bottom right/narrative "All I've ever wanted was a second chance."
Page 3:
Girl waking in a sterile white room. A blanket draped over her chest and body, sitting up a little.
Next panel: She has her feet over the side of the bed, looking around the room, confused and holding the blanket over her chest. The other hand gripping the bed.
Next Panel: She's standing, looking for a door but there is none, holding her forehead. Just one big two way mirror. "HELLO?" 3/4 top down view to show this.
Next Panel: Her hand is placed up against the mirror, she's trying to peer in but can't see anything. She looks confused. "Is anyone in there?"
Page 4:
Page 1: There's a noise and from the view of the mirror the girl turns her head suddenly.
Page 2: A slat opens and food slides across the floor, it looks like some sort of grey matter mush. The girl is facing it, her hand off of the mirror. Another 3/4 view to show the scene.
Page 3: She kneels down beside the door and looks for the seem of the slat, and finds nothing.
Page 4: She sits back on her knees and looks down at the food.Holding her forehead.
Page 5:
Page 1: She's looking back at the mirror. "Am I in trouble?" hand pulled away from her forehead slightly, other hand still holding the sheet to her body.
Page 2: An inaudible noise comes over the speaker. 3/4 view of her kneeling on the floor again. Looking confused at a loud speaker.
Page 3: She shouts back at the speaker "I have a terrible headache. Do you have an aspirin or something? It's... really banging."
Page 4: She's stands back up and moves over the the mirror. "Can you hear me in there?"
Page 6:
Page 1: She's peering at the window again, practically banging on the glass. The men in suits are inside.
Page 2: Guy 1 "Better condition then we could have hoped." She has headed away from the glass again and is off panel.
(( If you haven't figured it out already, the dudes in enviro suits are actually aliens. The reader isn't supposed to know for sure until much later. This is here just in case I get AUP slapped. It is a story about 1 human and lots of other species and races. ))