Doodle Story: Bigger Is Always Smellier
#2 of Klepto Misadventures
Remember that micro monkey who got gassed after trying to rob a giant, smelly rat? Well, it seems like he hasn't learned his lesson, and now he's out to rob a chubby, gassy crocodile. It doesn't end well.
Doodle Story: Bigger Is Always Smellier
Since he already failed at robbing Darwin the rat from the swamp, Klepto, the tiny monkey bandit decided to try something new. After escaping the swamp (and getting gassed into unconsciousness by that chubby hippo) the monkey ventured back into the city. He spent a few days sneaking into hotels and sleeping on massive beds or hiding out in holes in alleyways that feral rats lived in before he finally learned about a new, allegedly wealthy crocodile living in the slums of the city. So naturally, the grey monkey stealthily traversed through the city until he finally found the apartment complex the reptile was living in. Given how small the micro was, Klepto had a bit of a hard time traversing through the building and finding the right place, let alone getting up all the stairs. It was late at night and most of the furries and scaleys in the complex were asleep or locked away in their apartments. Even if someone managed to see him, they'd just assume he was a mouse, not some thief who went about robbing furs. The monkey strained himself as he climbed up the stairs before he reached the sixth floor and was standing on the soft, red rug.
Klepto panted several times as he caught his breath before he shouted and hopped into a fake plant. He hid in the dirt as the janitor walked down the corridor and then downstairs. The six-inch tall monkey stuck his head out of the dirt before he hopped out of the pot and started to scurry down to his victim's living quarters. He didn't have time waiting for the crocodile to open his front door, so he naturally grabbed the nearest thing he could find on the floor that was heavy and chucked it at the door. After the tennis ball made a faint thump and bounced on the floor, he grunted, picked it back up, and chucked it at the door a second time. Klepto placed his back against the wall next to the door and waited for the crocodile to open it. He heard him unlocking the door before he jerked it open and stepped out, growling with his teeth showing. While the yellow beast was busy looking for the obnoxious teenager who pounded on his door and ran away, Klepto quickly scurried underneath him and ran inside.
The monkey was quite pleased with his surroundings. The apartment wasn't really tidy, but it wasn't downright filthy and had the stench of swamp gas in the atmosphere. The worst thing Klepto noticed was the box of Chinese food that was lying on the floor leaking juices onto the carpet. The micro bandit hid behind one of the chair legs and observed the reptile, analyzing how aggressive or hostile he'd be if he got caught. The crocodile slammed the door after realizing no one was there and huffed as he went back over to his couch and sat down. This guy was nowhere near as bad as that rat. He had a fat stomach that bulged past his waistband and was wearing jeans and a gray t-shirt that was clearly too small for his body. But as far as Klepto could tell, he was just some ordinary reptile in need of some sleep and a new diet. Besides, at least his feet didn't smell, or the owner in general; he was most likely too lazy to clean up some of his messes, as opposed to the rat, who thrived in his foul odors.
"Okay, now if what Trifas told me is true, that sapphire should be in his bedroom hidden within his pillow," said Klepto to himself.
Klepto stared at the chubby crocodile for another minute or two, watching as he drank from a can of beer, before he made his move and started to head towards the bedroom. The reptile wasn't paying much attention to anything besides the television set, so he knew he'd be fine as long as he didn't make contact with the croc. He pressed his back against the couch again, inches away from the cold-blooded animal's right foot, before he jumped over it so he was in-between his legs. The monkey was making his job much harder than it needed to be, but he didn't care. Being a mock spy just made his adventures more fun. The monkey waited a moment before he hopped over the other foot and rolled along the floor, trying to be as quiet as possible. Klepto just had to run across the apartment and squeeze his way through the door his target left ajar and he was in the clear. But once again, something seemed to go wrong. The fat croc leaned over as Klepto began to creep along the carpet and lifted his left leg. A loud, sputtering noise burst out of his behind for five seconds, shortly before the noise became softer and squishier, almost like slime was bubbling. The micro frowned after hearing the vile sound coming from the crocodile and groaned softly, already knowing what the reptile did. He chuckled to himself before he sighed heavily.
"Damn, Mackey, you really gotta stop eating so much Chinese takeout!"
Klepto knew that the crocodile had passed gas and immediately covered his nose with his right arm. But it was already too late; the stench of the reptile's intestinal gas was already beginning to creep into his nostrils. Unlike Darwin's flatulence, which was redolent of swamp gas, Mackey's was this unbearable stink that seemed to be zeroing in on the monkey, determined to creep into his lungs. After the monkey covered his nose, he slowly started to head down the living room, hoping to get as far away from the crocodile as possible. But when he removed his right arm, he noticed that the stench was twice as strong now, even though the beast hadn't farted again. Eyes burning, Klepto coughed four times and collapsed to the carpet, already on the verge of passing out or vomiting. And if things couldn't get any worse for Klepto, his target just so happened to have excellent hearing.
"Who's there?!"
Klepto gasped and immediately ran behind one of the legs on the table. He held his mouth and coughed into his hands, hoping to keep his voice down to a minimum. The crocodile stood up and sniffed a few times, wondering if he'd be able to detect the intruder's scent before he got away. The monkey peeked behind the leg and saw the crocodile walking in the opposite direction to his room. He could still get inside the croc's room if he ran fast enough. All he had to do was hope that Mackey didn't turn around while he sprinted. But as the primate began to make way towards the room, he heard another vicious sputtering sound from behind for five seconds. The crocodile groaned after passing gas again and held his stomach. Not a moment later, he lifted his left leg and grunted as he gradually let out a longer and more voluminous supply of gas bubbles that popped and vibrated against his fat ass. Klepto heard the dreaded crackling sound for seven seconds, and then Mackey sighed again and promptly waved a hand behind his ass, not that it helped.
Klepto couldn't even make it five steps before he collapsed to his knees and started to retch out loud. Even in his short stature, someone would've heard the micro primate. But Mackey was too busy basking in his own rancid gas to notice.
"Hehe, those 'yotes are in for a surprise tomorrow during out fart contest!" he shouted to himself.
The monkey was still desperate to get his precious jewel and started to crawl towards Mackey's room, which was still left ajar. But after hearing Mackey grunt again, he curiously turned around and frowned. The reptile had bent over, ass and tail stuck high in the air. He grunted with two fists made before a vile fart burst out of his smelly ass again, this time sounding like a tuba playing one long, deep note. Mackey closed his eyes and sighed with much relief as the gas left his body; he practically felt his giant stomach deflating. The micro heard the deep-toned noise for another seven seconds before Mackey laughed heartily and plugged his own nose. The entire living room reeked of sulfur and rotten eggs, and it felt like someone turned on the heater. The abhorrent stench and surprisingly warm atmosphere was too much for Klepto. He didn't understand why, but this reptile's farts smelled too foul for any living creature to release. Even worse than Darwin's. He was trapped inside this small box, and every minute or two, the box would grow stinkier and stinkier until Klepto passed out or vomited. The monkey ended up doing the latter, watching as a sickly greenish-yellow substance came spewing out of his mouth. He retched a few times after letting out the bile before wiping his mouth clean and panting as he sluggishly tried to get into Mackey's room.
"C'mon...you...you can do it...you're almost there," he told himself.
Enduring all this vile torture would be worth it in the end. Even if Klepto could just hold the sapphire for three seconds, it would all pay off. But Klepto disregarded Mackey's keen sense of hearing, and the crocodile turned around and spotted the pale monkey lazily walking along the carpet.
"What the hell?!"
Klepto looked behind his right shoulder and saw the chubby crocodile chasing after him. Snapping back to reality, the monkey yelped and dashed towards the nearby long rug on the floor. He scurried underneath it, knowing he wouldn't be able to make it into Mackey's room without getting crushed first. Klepto hid in the confined, dark space, panting softly and hoping that the crocodile hadn't spotted him run underneath it. He cautiously stuck his head out from underneath the rug to see where Mackey went, only to scream and hop backwards once a scaly, yellow hand threw itself underneath the rug and tried to grab hold of him. The monkey leaped forward and bit Mackey on the hand, causing him to shout and jerk his hand away.
"Son of a...okay, fine!"
Mackey jumped onto the rug, narrowly missing Klepto. The monkey could tell by the loud thud what the crocodile was trying to do and started to scurry away. Mackey saw the bulge in the rug and snarled as he stomped on it. At least, he almost did, but Klepto jerked away at the last second. He stomped on the hill again, and still missed. The next thing the crocodile knew, he was snarling and grunting as he kept trying to squish the rodent or bug with his feet as it hid under the rug. But Klepto had been in this certain situation before and knew how to survive. He ran forward in a zigzag fashion before jerking around and running in the opposite direction when he reached the end. Mackey spent about a minute chasing after the monkey until he swore out loud and realized his tactics weren't working. He thought about just kicking over the whole damn thing and making it easier on him, but a devious idea came to mind when Mackey felt his stomach grumble.
The crocodile walked over to one end of the rug and got down on his knees, his heels pressed on each buttock. He lifted the carpet just high enough so his feet and fat butt were stuck inside of it. His tail raised, Mackey grinned before he released a squeaky fart from his tailhole, feeling the gas as it slithered its way out of his smelly rump. Klepto was busy whimpering in the fetal position in the center of the rug when he sniffed the air a few times and coughed. He knew he hadn't farted, so where could such a dreadful stench come from? The crocodile patted his bloated stomach and let out a long, bubbly fart for ten seconds, feeling quite relaxed with himself. The putrid stench under the rug only got stronger and stronger; Klepto started to cough and hack as his eyes burned. Another strange rumbling sound was heard under the rug, almost as though a trumpet was being blown over and over again. The whole place was starting to stink like rotten meat. The monkey saw some light coming from one of the ends of the carpet and casually walked over towards it, wondering if he could rush outside without Mackey noticing. But once Klepto was close enough and saw the crocodile's yellow soles and his fat butt resting on his heels, it was already too late.
Klepto could've sworn he saw those jeans vibrating as Mackey released a humongous fart for twelve seconds. It was so loud that it sounded like it actually hurt to let out. The strange trumpeting noise went on incessantly until it suddenly turned into a strange, squishy, deep sputtering sound that made Klepto gag. There was so much hot air being blasted under the rug that the monkey couldn't breathe. Seeing no other option, Klepto threw himself out into the open, where he coughed and embraced the fresh...actually, there was no fresh air. The only difference between being under the rug and being in Mackey's stinky living room was the reduced risk of suffocating. The crocodile spotted the grey miscreant and shouted as he lunged forward and grabbed him with his left hand.
"GOTCHA!"
Realizing the unknown creature could bite, Mackey held Klepto up by his tail upside-down. Still, the burglar desperately tried to get free, muttering and flailing his body in all kinds of directions. The crocodile opened his wide mouth, prepared to eat the primate, when he noticed that the creature he was holding wasn't what he thought it was.
"Wait a second, you're not a mouse!"
Klepto grunted. "Of course not you blundering idiot! What kind of feral mouse has a tail this curly or runs on two legs or wears a bandanna?!"
Mackey blinked. "Y'know, maybe small monkeys taste good too."
The crocodile opened his large maw again and began to place Klepto into his mouth. The monkey yelped after feeling the reptile's warm, moist breath and begged for his life.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I take it back, okay?! Please don't eat me!"
Mackey took Klepto out of his maw and closed it, staring at the burglar questionably. "Fine. Maybe you aren't some filthy rodent, but that doesn't explain why you broke into my home."
"Oh, please show mercy! I-I was hungry and I smelled Chinese food in here. I'm sorry, but I don't have much money anymore--I can barely afford to feed myself, let alone my three kids."
"So you broke into my apartment and tried to steal from me?"
"I'm...I'm not proud of it. It's just, surely a crocodile of your stature can spare a poor monkey some food, or money at least?"
Mackey looked down at his giant tummy and sighed. The small monkey had a point--there were all sorts of animals out there starving, while he sat on his fat ass stuffing his face with an entire bucket of hot wings or barbecued ribs. Mackey sighed and placed the small monkey down on the couch.
"Wait here."
Mackey headed over into his room and closed the door. Klepto grinned, knowing the crocodile was about to fetch that sapphire and hand it to him like an idiot. Along with being a master of stealth, Klepto was also a manipulative liar. The primate had lied his way out of death numerous times, and even stole from the very same creature that showed him mercy. Klepto waited patiently on the couch for the crocodile to appear. After two minutes, the chubby reptile came from his room with a fairly large blue sapphire stuck inside of a jar. The monkey squealed with excitement as Mackey placed the open jar down next to Klepto.
"I'm sure you'll need this much more than me. Besides, I got another ten of them in my closet."
The primate was tempted to weasel his way to get the other jewels, but after his near death experiences, Klepto would take what he was getting.
"Oh, thank you so much, kind sir!"
The crocodile smiled as he watched the small monkey giggle like a child and scurry into the jar. He glomped the blue jewel and laughed before sighing and rubbing his right hand around the sapphire. He pressed his lips against the jewel and gave it a big kiss before opening his mouth and licking it. He had never held a jewel this large before, let alone tasted one that had a strange scent of candy. Klepto smacked his lips before frowning and raising an eyebrow.
"Wait a minute..."
The monkey licked the sapphire again. "Is that...blue raspberry?"
Klepto removed his arms and noticed that they were sticky. He also noticed he was standing on some blue platform that held up the sapphire, almost as though it were a massive ring. But that was because it was a ring. Specifically, a ring pop.
"THIS ISN'T A SAPPHIRE!"
Klepto suddenly looked up and noticed that Mackey was sitting over the open jar, his bare, yellow posterior pointed right down at the monkey.
"Did you really think I'd believe that sob story of yours?"
"But-but I'm not--"
"Save it! This is fifth time some scrawny, short asshole like you has tried to rob me, and my second time I've had to gas one of you away! It's such a joy to sit here and watch all you bandits sneak into my apartment, too stupid to realize that my sapphires you all claim I have are just oversized ring pops. Perhaps after everyone hears about the foul beating you took from Mackey the Crocodile you bandits will stop trying to steal my stuff!"
Klepto didn't even have time to scream before the crocodile let out a giant burst of gas for ten seconds. The massive eruption rumbled and echoed throughout the jar; the monkey was so close to the reptile's smelly butt that he felt the gas blowing all over him. He ducked and retched, shouting as he clawed his way around the jar, trying to get out. Mackey laughed evilly before letting out another strong, smelly bomb from his ass. The monkey gagged loudly again and waved a hand in front of his nose, still trying to figure out how he would escape this fetid chamber. He glanced up at Mackey's ass through his watery eyes and grimaced. Mackey's butt was surprisingly shiny and clean--the only problem was the rotten smell coming out of it. He'd prefer looking at his yellow behind than being stuck in Darwin's pants again and having his nose jammed against the rat's funky, dirty ass. Mackey grunted twice as he patted his stomach and let out two short farts. After the squeaky poots came out, the crocodile grunted again and let out a squishy fart that echoed in the jar, almost like he was farting into a toilet bowl. The monkey had his eyes and mouth shut and his nose plugged and he could still smell all the flatus pouring out of the croc's hole. With how strong the stench was, the monkey was almost wishing he was back in Darwin's pants.
Mackey waited thirty seconds before his stomach gurgled some more and he released another strong torrent of flatulence from his rear, glad that he wasn't trapped inside a smelly jar like Klepto. The burglar was on his hands and knees, coughing so much it felt like he was choking. He almost wanted to vomit again, but doing so in such a closed space would make the putrid stench even worse. He panted several times and crawled over to the blue raspberry flavored ring pop so he could press his nose against the treat. The sweet fragrance of the candy drowned out the smell a little, at least until Mackey let out more flatulence. This time the gas he let out was so strong that Klepto felt the whole jar shaking. The ear-shattering, vibrating noise made the monkey deaf; the hot gas made Klepto's head hurt; the sulfur-scented flatus was slowly but surely burning through Klepto's olfaction system. The unfortunate monkey couldn't take this torture any longer; he was sure he'd pass out very soon. Mackey's farts didn't seem to be dissipating, and he kept adding more gas into the jar. He let out one short, but cacophonous burst of gas for three seconds before sighing and relaxing his bowels. He let out another strong supply of gas that was twice as long and made the jar rumble; Mackey assumed that the micro primate was probably rolling around in his own vomit now, but he wanted to give Klepto one final supply of gas to finish him off. So the crocodile shut his eyes and grunted with his teeth gritted as he blew out a long, eleven-second fart from his smelly ass, feeling all the flatus vibrating against his hole. The trumpeting sound echoed throughout the jar once again before it abruptly stopped and Mackey's lower backside began to calm down.
The yellow croc got off the jar, pulled his boxers and jeans back up, before he turned around and looked down into the jar. Klepto was lying beside the ring pop with swirls in his eyes and moaning softly. Mackey picked up the jar and curiously stuck his nose inside so he could sniff his own medicine. He immediately veered his head backwards and coughed, covering his nose with his right arm. The reptile laughed heartily to himself, quite proud that he could produce an odor so dreadful. He grabbed Klepto by the tail and picked him up out of the jar, observing the micro monkey as he groaned softly, still having swirls in his eyes. Mackey placed the jar on the table and walked over to the window so he could open it. Afterwards, Mackey placed Klepto in the palm of his left hand and used his right one to flick Klepto in the head. Mackey watched as the monkey went flying through the air, emitting a tiny, high-pitched squeal as he disappeared into the darkness. The crocodile smirked before slamming his window shut and sitting back down on his couch.
Luck was on Klepto's side again tonight. Not only did he survive the fall, but he landed in the apartment complex's pool. The micro quickly opened his eyes and noticed he was still alive, but couldn't breathe. Realizing he was in water, the grey monkey quickly swam to the surface and gasped loudly as he took a huge breath. The monkey panted a couple of times before wiping some of the slimy water from his eyes. Since it was getting close to winter, the pool had been closed. Unfortunately, many of the furs and scaleys in the complex treated the pool like a trash can. There were all sorts of muck in the pool; Klepto even found a plastic cup bobbing in the algae-coated water. But it was okay, because the monkey was still alive, and not digesting inside a fat crocodile's stomach.
"Well, I suppose it could be worse."
And that's when Klepto felt a strange, warm liquid splattering on his head, followed by someone snickering to himself. The monkey glanced over at the side of the pool and saw a young adult cheetah grinning as he urinated in the pool, and all over Klepto's head and body. He groaned with frustration and frantically began to swim away.
"OH, GODDAMNIT!"