Kung Fu Panda: Tien Tsin Pepper Dart
Po, Crane, and Viper stood looking down the narrow hallway that stretched before them.
"Careful," said Po, "It might be booby trapped."
Crane looked at the intricately designed tiles lining the floor and the wall, "If it is, we don't have much time to figure it out." They had to get to the dragon orb before the villain, if it fell into the wrong hands, it would not be good.
Cautiously, Crane tapped a tile on the floor with a talon to see what would happen.
The instant he did, a dart came shooting out of the wall, hit the opposite side, and clattered to the floor, triggering another tile, and starting a whole chain reaction of darts and triggers, even many of the wall panels were loaded. The three warriors quickly leapt around the corner from which they'd come to avoid any stray darts.
"Note to self, don't step on any wrong tiles," Po observed.
A few seconds later, the sounds of darts firing stopped, and the three of them stepped around the corner. Po sniffed the air.
"You smell that?" he asked.
"It's making my eyes water," said Viper.
Po picked up a dart and looked at it, "See!" He said, showing them excitedly, "It's covered in Tien Tsin Reaper sauce, it's like a regular Tien Tsin pepper, but a thousand times hotter. You do not want to be shot by one of these darts."
Both Viper and Crane shuddered at the thought. Viper still felt bad for Po whenever she remembered Po's first experience on the training course and how hopeless he had been as he'd got beaten up left and right. She could still remember how her jaw had dropped when he'd been hit right between his legs with that "wooden warrior". She could not imagine how much that must have hurt, and even after all these years knowing him, she still wasn't sure she wanted too. Plus, that insight into males of the Mammalia kind... She'd never admit how weird that made her feel as a female, and not entirely in a bad way either.
"It looks too narrow to fly," Crane observed, "We'll have to risk the tiles."
Viper had turned her attention back to the hallway, at where the darts were lying, where they seemed to have hit, "Guys, I think I see the path."
Without another word, Viper leapt out into the hallway, landing on tiles, bouncing off the walls, her snakey form flowing with elegance and grace as she made her way flawlessly from point to point, not a single dart triggered.
And then she landed on the other side, the end of her tail raised to avoid hitting the last of the tiles.
Unfortunately, her aim had been just a little off, the smallest bit of her tail ever so slightly on the last tile.
"Nothing to it," Viper said proudly, failing to notice her slight margin of error before it was too late.
_Pft! _A dart shot at her, right underneath her upraised tail.
Viper's face went red, her body filling with heat.
"My cloaca..." Viper rasped.
And then she fell face first onto the floor, moaning and writhing, trying to escape the heat of the Tien Tsin Reaper that had inflicted on her in the most uncomfortable way.
Po felt awkward, "We should probably get over there and help her."
So Po and Crane hop-scotched across the hallway to where their companion had fallen, taking the same path Viper had took, careful not to make the same mistake on the last tile as she had done.
Viper's eyes watered as she moaned in misery, she had been unable to dislodge the dart with her writhing and her entire body pulsed with the heat of the hottest pepper known to China. Feeling nothing but the unbearable burning in her very sensitive place, Viper could do nothing but give another retched moan.
"Here, I'm going to remove the dart," said Crane. Viper nodded, and Crane lifted her tail, going red as he looked under.
"Be quick about it will you?" She managed.
Then pop, a second later the dart was gone. "Is that better?" Asked Crane.
Viper just tried to nod, but then it turned into a shake; the heat from the Tien Tsin was still in her, and her eyes continued to water unbearably, there was no way she was okay.
"She's going to be here awhile," Po observed, shifting his feet. He would not want to be Viper right now. Looking at Crane, he could tell that he felt the same.
Her friends seeing her like this she couldn't process how weird it made her feel as herself, and this time she couldn't say it was exactly in a good way either.
"I hate to break this up," said Po, "But we still need to get the dragon orb before the bad guys do." He looked at Viper, "Mind if we leave you here to recover?"
"You get it Po," Viper managed. She couldn't believe after all this they had to finish the mission without her, she had never felt more humiliated.
Po and Crane nodded giving one last awkward glance at Viper ("Sorry Viper" Po said) before retreating further down the tunnel for the dragon orb.
Once they were gone, Viper did the one thing she could think of to clear the pepper out.
She wet herself.
That just caused the burning to flame up worse. Viper gave a guttural cry of angst.
But once the initial flaring as done, the burning began to ease up. Viper sniffled a few times, trying to clear her bleary eyes. She was so embarrassed with her life right now.
When she finally began to feel better, she looked around. Should she try to rejoin the others?
But then she heard the sound of talonsteps behind her. She turned around and there they were, Lord Rooster of the self-proclaimed Rooster Empire and his trio of warrior hens.
"Ah, Viper of the Furious Five, nice to see you again," Lord Rooster said.
"Don't take another step closer," Viper warned, "This hallway, is loaded with traps."
Lord Rooster let his gaze roam across the walls and floor, "A simple puzzle, no more, not difficult to figure out."
He took a step forward.
Viper scanned the floor and ceiling, there was some sort of pattern here, if only she could figure it out.
"I said don't take another step forward," Viper said, "I'm warning you!"
"Or what?" said Lord Rooster, taking another step forward.
Viper brought her tail down quick on one of the hallway tiles. Instantly, a dart shot out, shooting right at Lord Rooster. Lord Rooster ducked, the dart _pft_ing right past him.
Hitting another wall tile.
In an instant, a chain reaction was set off, darts flying everywhere. Lord Rooster and his three hens ducked and weaved...
And then right underneath where Lord Rooster was standing, a dart shot out, directly upward.
Lord Rooster's face went red. "My cloaca..." he rasped, folding over.
STRIKE!
Even facing a bad guy, Viper couldn't help but wince, she knew firsthand what hose darts could do.
The hens glanced awkwardly at Lord Rooster sure this wasn't part of the plan, then their eyes snapped as one to Viper, ready to avenge their fallen lord.
Viper scanned the hallway, plotting her next move.
In five seconds, the three hens had joined Lord Rooster in his fate, and the hallway was crowded with moaning teary-eyed poultry.
In that instant, Po and Crane came running back down the hallway, a shiny red orb in Po's paws.
"Got it!" Announced Po, right before stopping to take in the scene, "What happened here?"
"Let's get out of here," Viper said. "Oh, and mind the puddle," she added quickly.
Fortunately, Crane and Po didn't even bother to ask what the puddle was.
So with that Viper and her two friends hurried back through the hallway, past the moaning poultry, and out into the open night air.
"We did it," announced Po victoriously, holding up the orb, "That was totally epic! Well, except for you Viper, that must have been total misery."
Viper gave him a look, but decided to let it pass.
The orb would be safe back at the Jade Palace, but as Viper glanced back at the temple, she shivered. Perhaps it would never be quite as effective as when Po had been hit with that Wooden Warrior on the training course, but a shot from one of those Tien Tsin Reaper darts somewhere so sensitive was an experience she hoped never again to be reminded of. She wondered how Po must feel every time she thought back to that experience with the Wooden Warriors. Hopefully she'd never know, because secretly, that was one experience she didn't want to forget.
Meanwhile, back in that hallway, Lord Rooster and his Hen Trio continued to moan in pain and humiliation.
THE END