EggBoozled!™
Knock-Knock!
Naomi opened the door, and a smile lit up her face.
"Becky! You're here! You got the game?"
"I sure have," replied Becky, showing Naomi the new game: EggBoozled™, sponsored by Jelly Belly.*
The two hens squealed in excitement.
"Come in, come in," said Naomi as the two of them rushed back into the house.
Reaching the living room table, Becky set the box down and began taking out the pieces. Naomi's husband Cluck came in with some popcorn and some drinks and began setting the table.
"Cluck's going to be watching the game for us and making sure nobody cheats," Naomi said, eyeing Becky suspiciously. "He also offered to help with snacks and record this game for future viewing."
"Mm-hhm," replied Becky, reading through the instructions.
"I got it all under control," Cluck answered like a true game host, "You two ladies just have fun."
"Okay, here's what it says," said Becky, reading the manual aloud, ""pick a card, eat a bean, the number is all the spaces you move, but are you ready for the egg that it brings?" So basically, we pick a card and the card tells us which egg we're supposed to lay, we take the bean that correlates with that egg, and we move the amount of spaces on the board that is shown on the card, the first one to make it past all 20 spaces wins, easy-peasy. If you pick an egg you don't like, you can always pass on the card, but you also forfeit your turn. Sounds good?"
Determination lit Naomi's eyes, "Let's do this!"
So they set up the board. Cluck shuffled the cards, and they were ready to go.
"Ready for the first card?" Naomi asked.
Becky nodded. Slowly she reached for the deck and pulled the first one out, right from the middle (sigh, she could never go for the top, could she?)
Becky looked at her card a long moment. "Oh, come on." She finally said.
"What is it?" Naomi asked, eyes lighting up, "Something horrible?"
"No," said Becky, showing her the card, "It's just a regular egg, one space."
"Are you up for the challenge?" Cluck asked, picking up the corresponding bean from the game's bean-bank.
"Of course I am," said Becky, snatching the bean from Cluck's wings, "I lay these eggs all the time, some challenge this is." And then she popped the bean into her mouth.
It took a few seconds, then all of a sudden, Becky gave a squawk as the first egg was laid. Naomi chuckled. "You got that on camera, right?"
Cluck nodded, readjusting the camera strap.
Becky went red. Squawking on a basic egg. She may lay them all the time, but still, those things hurt.
Becky moved her pawn one space. "Your turn," she said, glaring at Naomi, feelings of the Universe's betrayal still running fresh.
Cautiously, Naomi picked her first card, looked at it, and gasped.
"What do you have," Becky asked unenthused.
Naomi showed her the card with a big number 3 in the corner, "The electro-pulse! I've always wanted to try this one! It gives off random electrical pulses while you're laying for quite the jolting experience."
Becky scowled, leave it to Naomi, she has all the luck.
"Let's have it," said Becky, gesturing to Cluck. Cluck gave the bean to Naomi, and Naomi ate it.
There was a moment of silence, then, "I think I can feel i- OUCH!" Naomi gave a cry as a sharp electrical jolt went through her sensitive innards. And then there were the contractions. Which were not synchronized with the electro-pulses. At. All.
"Oh, I regret this! I regret this!" Naomi cried as she rolled on her stomach on the arm of the couch. Becky clucked, she looked at Cluck to see if he was getting this, he was.
But when he noticed Becky watching, he turned his attention to his wife, "sweetheart, are you okay?"
Naomi let out one final squawk and the egg fell to the floor. Naomi slumped down from the couch next to it. "That was not what I was ready for at all."
Cluck reached down to pick up the egg.
"No wait!" Naomi said, "It's still-"
Cluck go quite the jolt.
"Charged..." Naomi finished.
Naomi walked back over to the board and moved her piece 3 spaces. Now it was Becky's turn. Becky picked a card, and looked at in shock.
"Uh uh, no way! Not doing it!" Becky slammed the card on the table, a number 5, a Molten Lava Egg. "I pass. Not in a million years."
"Oh, come on Becky, don't you think it'll be fun?" Naomi teased.
"Nope, I pass, it's your turn."
In truth, Naomi didn't blame Becky, nobody ever wanted to draw a Category 5 egg, and very few ever took up on them. Becky was behind, but she felt confident she'd eventually be able to catch up later in the game.
Naomi drew her own card and sighed. A Soap Egg, a Category 2, it wasn't much different then a regular egg, but it was kind of slick which made a difference. And she would have to risk getting her tail feathers wet and find a Bidet after this to make sure the soap didn't dry out her innards. (Was that even how it all worked, she wasn't even sure.)
So, after a few squawks, she had her Soap Egg. 5 spaces on the board so far.
Becky went in for her card and gave an indignant cry. She slammed it on the table. A Flail Egg, Category 4.
"A Flail!? Seriously!?"
"So will you, or won't you take the challenge?" Cluck asked, fiddling the bean questioningly.
Becky hesitated, she was already 4 spaces behind Naomi, and this would catch her up, the game wasn't supposed to harm players, but who wanted to lay a spiky ball of metal?
Still, she wasn't going to have Naomi beating her once again.
"Fine!" said Becky, snatching the bean, and with that she ate it.
And in a few seconds, she regrated it. "Oh deity! Oh deity!" she cried as she writhed on the floor between the couch and coffee table, contractions clamping down on the spiky metal ball, "I regret this! I regret this so MUCH!"
She bumped the table, knocked over a piece, and Naomi picked it back up. Cluck had the camera trained on Becky on the floor.
Then Becky gave one last scream, and the Flail Egg was laid. She stood up and plopped the egg in Cluck's wing, "thank you very much" before going to the board and moving her piece right up next to Naomi's.
Naomi drew her next card and sighed, "Water Egg" Category 1.
Well, at the very least, she didn't have to worry about rinsing out her insides of soap. That could've been awkward.
It didn't hurt much (though there was the occasional squawk, but that can be expected of any egg), but after it was over, Naomi felt like she had Wet herself. The egg held together in its own mysterious way, but it was still an orb of wetness.
Becky pulled her next card. The Boogie Egg, Category 2. "What!?" cried Becky.
The Boogie Egg was an egg that would cause contractions in such a way it would do nothing but make your body boogie.
"Ready?" Naomi asked.
Reluctantly, Becky took the bean and swallowed...
And in seconds, Becky was boogying like there was no tomorrow, shaking her tail feathers and throwing her hips; shaking her booty for the camera. Naomi couldn't resist and put Boogie Fever on the stereo, cluckling to herself. "I'm showing this to your husband," she said.
"No you are not!" Replied Becky indignantly through the pain of contractions and groove.
"Why not?" Naomi asked, "No rooster could turn a blind eye to you with those kind of moves." Then she turned and whispered to her own husband, "I'm totally showing him."
Finally the egg was laid and the boogie fever stopped just like that. It looked like it was Naomi's turn.
Naomi withdraw her egg and her face went red. A Category 5, a Screaming-Bloody-Murder Egg. Nobody knew what these eggs felt like to lay because all memories of the experience were inexplicably erased by the time the laying was over, but by the screams of the layers, it couldn't be pretty.
Becky looked at her, challenging her. Naomi looked back.
Finally, "Give me that," she said, snatching the bean from her husband's hand, "It can't hurt me if I can't remember it." And in an instant she swallowed the bean.
And at that second, she regrated it instantly, she may not have remembered it afterward, but what she failed to realize is that she'd have to remember it at least while she was living through it.
Naomi collapsed to the floor, screaming horribly. What Naomi experienced in those moments, Becky and Cluck would never know and even Naomi herself wouldn't know to speak of it afterwards, but it sure sounded bad. Through all the screaming, somebody must've called the police, because shortly after, there was a knock at the door.
"Officer!" Cluck said, "Good evening."
"Evening sir, is everything okay over here? We couldn't help but notice..." he gestured inside the house toward the direction of the screams that were coming from within.
"Oh yes," replied Cluck, "my wife and her friend are just in the middle of a game of EggBoozled™."
At that, understanding lit the officer's eyes, "Oh, understood, my wife loves that game, if that's everything, enjoy the rest of your evening."
And with that, he tipped his hat and left.
When Cluck got back to the table, Naomi was done laying. As Cluck and Becky helped her to her feet, Cluck looked at her, "You okay?"
Naomi gave an amused squawk, "okay? I don't even remember a thing, it couldn't have been that bad." And then preceded to the table to move her piece.
"Well, this tape may say otherwise," Cluck remarked to himself.
Naomi began to move her piece five spaces to space 11 when she stopped. "Becky, why are you on square 8?"
Becky crossed her wings, "Because that's where I am, have a problem with that?"
"No, you're on square seven, see?" She laid down Becky's previous cards, "one, four, two."
"No, you're obviously missing something, because I am on square 8."
Naomi looked at Cluck, "Cluck, she's cheating again."
"Fine, show me your eggs," Cluck said.
Becky withdrew four eggs, and looked at them quizzically. The regular, the flail, the boogie, and the...
"Where did you get the fourth egg from?"
Becky held it back defensively, "It doesn't matter, it's mine, and it counts."
"Where's your card?" Cluck asked.
"I don't know, must have dropped it."
Cluck looked at Naomi, they weren't going to win this without a fight.
"Just let her keep it," Naomi said, "I'm winning anyway," she moved her piece to square 11 and stuck her tongue out at Becky, "Cheater." Then proceeded to get a sip of Dr. Pepper because she was really parched from all that screaming she didn't remember.
Becky took out her next card. Category 3, Carolina Reaper Egg.
"What!" said Becky, "Carolina Reaper! Well, I never... I've never eaten one of those things in my life and I never plan to!"
"Well, you don't have to eat one," Naomi said, "You just have to lay one. You up for the challenge."
Becky snatched the bean from Cluck and swallowed.
A few moments later, Becky was leaning over the table, hiney out behind her, heaving and wheezing pitifully. "Hot!" She wheezed, "HOT!"
She took a sip of Sprite, chugged some down straight from the bottle, but that did nothing to help, her throat wasn't the right end of her that was parched, she tried splashing under her tail with Sprite, but that wasn't exactly how it worked and she just made a mess on the floor and her feathers. "Spicy! Spicy Egg!"
And she continued to wheeze and wheeze, "Oh no! Ice, get me some ice."
But nothing could help quench the spicy in her parched awkward innards.
Then finally, it was done, and she started to move her pawn to spot 11, right next to Naomi's. Naomi's wing went up to stop her. "Hey, 3 spaces, you're at number 10."
"Well, it felt like a Category 4," Becky grumbled.
"It doesn't matter what it felt like, it matters what it is," Naomi reminded her.
Reluctantly, Becky got stuck on square 10.
Naomi's turn.
"Category 2, Duct-Tape Egg?"
Naomi took the bean, and instants later Naomi noticed the problem, she tried and she tried, but nothing came. "It's stuck!" Naomi cried, "The egg is sticking to my innards!" She tried contractions, plenty and plenty of contractions, but the shell of the egg was layered with a sticky duct-tape like material, and contractions weren't getting her very far.
"This is going to take awhile," Becky remarked, "Can I go now?"
Cluck handed her the deck, and she picked a card from the middle.
"Toxic Thorn!" She cried. But then she looked at the board, after Naomi was done with her duct-tape, she'd be on square 13, a Category 4 would put Becky one spot ahead of her.
So Becky took the bean.
It was not good, each contraction caused the thorns on the egg to inject a painful toxin into her. Becky squawked, Becky screamed, finally, she was done, and she took a large gulp of Sprite.
"Ouch," she moaned to herself.
By this point, Naomi was finally done with her Duct-Tape Egg, but the sticky shell had stuck to the feathers of her behind. She ripped it off and cried out as it tore away feathers.
"It seems you took your time," Becky remarked, "I already took my turn."
Becky went to the board to move her piece, "Only two? With how long that took, it should've been at least a three."
Becky shook her head, "Uh-uh, just like my Carolina Reaper, you have to listen to the card."
Naomi looked at Becky, "Tell you what, I'll let you count your Carolina Reaper as four, if you let me turn my Duct-Tape to a three."
Becky looked at her considering, then finally, "Deal!" So Becky moved to 15, while Naomi moved to 14.
Naomi took her next card. Extra Large Egg, Category 2.
Upon having her bean, Naomi cried out as she laid an egg about double the size of an average chicken, it did not feel good, but it got her to 16.
Becky went, Ice Egg, Category 3.
"Well, there's your ice for your spicy innards," Naomi teased "Hope it helps clear out that Carolina Reaper."
Becky scowled, that was long over.
Moments later, Becky cried out and moaned as the egg pretty much froze her tail off, or at least it probably would've been better if it was just her tail.
Next, Naomi pulled the Molten Lava. "Okay, no, I'll pass." Yeah totally not worth winning the game over.
Becky chuckled, "Hm, okay then. Only two spaces to go, too bad for you."
Becky reached for the deck, pulled out her card...
"Chocolate Egg? Category 1?"
Naomi burst out laughing, "Looks like you're not winning this round, are you?"
Becky scowled and snatched her bean. After a few screams, she had a fine chocolate egg just for her.
"Now let's see what I got," Naomi said, reaching for a card. A Rock Egg, Category 3, made out of some of the hardest materials know to fowl, not soft on contractions. A painful laying, and she was tied with Becky on square 19.
"Just one more to go, and I win," Becky boasted.
She withdrew her card...
And gasped.
Naomi couldn't help but look.
Category 6, The Dark Void Energy Egg.
Very few eggs made Category 6, and when they did they were almost all avoided. Becky only needed one more square to win, but if she passed up her turn, she would most certainly be giving her win to Naomi. Naomi knew this, and looked at her, trying to judge what her friend would do.
Then, trying not to think what she was doing, Becky snatched the bean and swallowed it.
She never regretted anything more in her life.
In an instant she was on the floor flailing and screaming, kicking over the table, spilling popcorn and soda everywhere (Becky and Naomi were so loaded up with Jelly Bellys at this point, that Cluck had been the only one really munching on the popcorn anyway). "OW!" Becky screamed, "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
Yep, Dark Void Energy was not something to be messed with.
When she was finally done with her tantrum and egg, she pulled up to her wings and knees and moaned, "Note to self... I'm never doing that again."
She pulled herself up to the table and looked at the board. In her fit, she had knocked the pieces over, so they had to set them back up real quick. And with that, Becky moved her piece to the finish line. "There, I won! See that? Fair and square!"
Naomi looked at her, "Fair and square. That is, if you hadn't cheated."
Becky scoffed, "Only by one square, I would've still won either way."
Naomi looked at the board, the cards that had led them to here; she couldn't argue with that.
And so, with their game night done, Naomi and Becky shook wings.
Saying their goodbyes, Becky packed up her game and headed out the door.
"Until next time," Naomi said.
"Until next time," Becky answered back, and then she departed into the night.
Naomi turned to the husband and the tape recorder still in his wings, "You got that all, right?"
Cluck nodded.
"Should we watch it?" Naomi asked. "We should totally watch it."
*Please note, this story is not sponsored by Jelly Belly in any way, all uses of the Jelly Belly name are entirely intentionally coincidental.