Lady Oink: Chapter 1

Story by Butterton on SoFurry

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#1 of Lady Oink Series

The fiendish Doctor Ham has emerged with his eyes set on the Darwin City bank! With hostages held at ray gun-point, the entire city's at his mercy... until a mysterious, plump pig dressed as a skimpy superhero comes out of nowhere to save the day!


The creatures of Darwin City were in a frenzied panic as they crowded around their screens to watch breaking news unfold before their very eyes. Live helicopter footage of a short yet chubby Oxford sandy and black pig dressed in a white lab coat and blue goggles broadcasted to everyone. They stared in fearful awe as he stood on top of the city bank -- waving around a ray gun in hand. Whenever the chopper would attempt to get closer, the pig would fire his ray gun towards it -- blue blasts of energy narrowly missing the aircraft. However, a stray shot hit the cameraman -- stunning him and causing him to drop the camera onto the roof. The pig, seeing this as an opportunity, picked up the camera and spoke into it.

"Listen up, vile beings of Darwin City!" The pig barked with a devious grin -- the camera angel catching an unflattering image of his chubby face. "I, the great and handsome Doctor Ham, the Sinister Swine of Science, shall not wait another minute for an answer! Either you tell me the combination to the vault's safe, or I set my ray gun to the 'shrink' function and reduce this entire bank -- and everyone in it -- to the size of a dollhouse set!" He waved the gun around in full view of the camera. "You have five minutes to give me an answer before I make the ultimate withdrawal this bank's ever seen!" Dr. Ham laughed maniacally before dropping the camera -- causing the lens to crack from the impact.

Dr. Ham walked to the edge of the roof to smirk down at the police below. Their glares of frustration were pleasing to the Sinister Swine, but nothing pleased him more than seeing Warden Tuskman's angered scowl. The giant elephant dressed in a trench coat and a matching, tacky hat that was far too small for his head. He clenched a radio in his hand and talked into it. "Doctor Ham wants the combination to the bank vault, sir." He bitterly trumpeted into the radio. "We can't sit here and do nothing for much longer! Let me send my men in there, and we'll have this little twerp in handcuffs in a few minutes!"

"No, Tuskman!" The voice behind the radio interjected. "We can't allow anyone else to be harmed by Doctor Ham's gizmos and gadgets! Remain on standby until further notice! We'll see if we can get the owner of the city bank to give him the combination in exchange for the safety of the civilians."

Tuskman clenched his teeth in rage. "What do you mean!?" He angrily trumpeted. "You mean we're just going to give him what he wants!? We can't let another criminal torment the city! There has to be a better way!" The radio had gone silent -- with the person on the other end likely radioing someone else. "Gah!" He roared as he slammed his fist on the roof of a police car -- denting it and earning concerned looks from his fellow officers. "It's hopeless, boys! They're not letting us go inside to sort this out ourselves. They're gonna try to bargain with this fiend! We need a miracle at this point!"

"Warden!" One of the officers called out as he pointed to the sky. "Look, up in the sky! Someone's headed straight for us!" Instinctively, every cop dove behind their car doors for cover. When Warden Tuskman glanced up, all he saw was a blurry streak of red, blue, and pink flying his way. He stood out in the open to brave whatever's about to attack them. With Earth-trembling power, the blurry figure landed in front of Warden Tuskman -- shaking all the cars and knocking the cops off of their feet. The elephant's beady eyes widened as he got a good look at what had arrived.

To the surprise of everyone, the person that landed before them was a tall, portly, pink pig dressed in a blue spandex leotard, red boots, and matching gloves. She glanced up at the Warden Tuskman and smiled at him -- her blue mask contrasting from her cute, chubby face. Her red cape and long-flowing blonde hair fluttered in the breeze. "S-Sorry that I'm late, Tuskman!" She exclaimed in a slightly embarrassed tone. "But I'm here now, and I'll do what I can to help!"

Warden Tuskman's face reddened at the sight of the stout pig. She was dressed up like something he'd see in a comic book. Her leotard was cut in such a way to reveal most of her plump yet tender thighs and her mountainous, glossy cleavage. Before perverted thoughts could get the better of him, he noticed a logo on the belly of her costume and read it out loud. "Y-You're, uh, Lady... Oink?" He asked with a raised eyebrow before shaking his head and folding his arms. "I don't know who you are or how you learned to fly, but this is no place for civilians!"

"Of course, Tuskman!" The plump pig began with a dismissive hand wave. "But I'll have you know that I'm no civilian." She proudly smiled as she flexed one arm with a playful wink. "I am Lady Oink: The Porcine Protector! And I can do a lot more than just fly, I assure you!"

"Well," Warden Tuskman began as he cleared his throat -- resuming his stern tone. "While you're sitting here, assuring me of your wide range of parlor tricks--" He pointed up to the rooftop of the bank. "...Doctor Ham's about two and a half minutes away from shrinking the bank and everyone in it. Unless you got some kind of miracle up your butt, you're not going to be of any help around here."

Lady Oink smirked and turned her back towards Warden Tuskman. "Don't be silly, Tuskman," She grunted as she squatted -- preparing to fly up to the roof. "I don't have a miracle up my butt..." As she squatted, the elephant managed to catch a glimpse of her backside from under her cape. He nearly blushed as he noticed that her spandex leotard did a poor job covering her butt -- as most of her plump, pink cheeks were exposed. After she launched into the air, she waved back at the bewildered elephant. "My butt IS the miracle!" Warden Tuskman took off his hat and scratched his head in confusion as to what she meant.

Lady Oink flew up to the top of the city bank to confront Dr. Ham. Her feet gently touched down on the rooftop as she gracefully landed. Lady Oink silently surveyed the area. She spotted the damaged news camera, civilians that were bounded by tape and rope, and a burlap sack meant to hold the money. Dr. Ham was far too busy monologuing to the group of tied-up people behind him that he didn't notice that the Porcine Protector had arrived. "And as you can see," He began to one of the hostages as he squatted down and flipped through the settings of his ray gun -- the weapon changing colors to the corresponding firing type. "This one shoots stunning shots. This one's a freeze ray. This one's a heat ray. This one turns my targets green," He frowned at the gun. "I don't know why, though. I'll have to work out the kinks..." He then switched the ray gun to the shrink setting -- the weapon changing to the color purple shortly after. "And ah! Yes!" He exclaimed. "This one's the shrink ray, which, in about two minutes or so, you'll be VERY acquainted with its effects!"

"That's enough, Doctor Ham!" Lady Oink bellowed, startling Dr. Ham and causing his weapon to jump out of his hand. The Sinister Swine fumbled with the ray gun in a mini-panic until he finally caught it. He cleared his throat and tried to play off nearly embarrassing himself. "Let these people go and give yourself up!"

Dr. Ham stood up and turned around with a mischievous smirk on his face -- expecting to see a cop. "So, they honestly expected a female officer to stop to me without succumbing to the great Doctor Ham's--" His train of thought instantly derailed once he got a full view of Lady Oink. Her tall, voluptuous figure, skimpy superhero-like attire, and her cute, chubby face that harbored a displeased scowl both confused and aroused the Sinister Swine. He stood in stunned silence before clearing his throat again. "R-Right," He began in an attempt to break the awkward moment. "And you are...?"

"I am the Porcine Protector: Lady Oink!" The plump heroine answered as she gestured towards herself. "And right now, I'm here to stop you!" She pointed at Dr. Ham with a look of determination in her eyes. "You evildoers are no match against me and my heroic might!"

Dr. Ham cracked a smile in response to Lady Oink's words. Soon, that smile turned into a chuckle. Then, Dr. Ham fell into hysterical laughter. "Oh, this is too ludicrous!" He howled as he tried to catch his breath. "The cops can't stop me, so they send someone's mother doing their best B-tier cosplay!? What, are you their bargaining chip!? Are you about to flirt with me while in that ridiculous costume or something!? Or are you doing some kind of elaborate bluff!?"

Lady Oink's pouted as her face reddened with anger. She clenched her fists tightly and yelled at Dr. Ham. "I-I am certainly NOT someone's mother!" She began in an offended, flustered tone. "And I'm not cosplaying! This is my hero costume!"

"Yeah, yeah," Dr. Ham responded dismissively with a perverted grin on his face. "Call it whatever you want. I still think you're cosplaying. Though, I'll admit that you are a turn-on in it. Maybe after my grand heist, I, the great Doctor Ham, wouldn't mind spending the night breeding with you to celebrate!"

Flustered at Dr. Ham's lustful advances and insults, Lady Oink was beyond annoyed and ready to throw down. "Alright, Doctor Ham," She began as she marched towards him. "You let those people go, or I'll squash you!"

"Go ahead," Dr. Ham retorted as he aimed the ray gun at the frightened civilians. "Try to squash me, and I'll shrink everyone standing on or in this building to the size of dolls! Except me, of course." Lady Oink halted in her tracks -- unsure of how to approach Dr. Ham with that threat looming overhead. The short pig began to taunt the heroine. "You see, Lady Oink, your little threats fall on deaf ears. I'm far too smart to let any of you come close to me without the combination to the vault! Remember, this entire bank -- and its people -- is at the mercy of me! And even if you had super speed, you're not faster than my trigger finger at this distance! You've lost this match before it even began!"

Lady Oink paused for a second -- thinking of ways to close the distance before Dr. Ham could shrink everyone. While she had super speed, she wasn't about to gamble with the hostages' well-being to test how fast she really was. Out of conventional solutions, Lady Oink decided to use her signature technique. She turned her back to Dr. Ham and squatted -- preparing to take fight once again.

Dr. Ham cocked his head in confusion. "What, are you seriously planning on jumping down there?" He asked as tone grew increasingly smug. "Well, next time, tell them to bring a more convincing cosplayer up here if they try to bluff again!"

Lady Oink glanced back at Dr. Ham with a playful smirk -- confusing the Sinister Swine further. Without warning, she lept backward -- flying towards Dr. Ham butt-first at break-neck speeds! Shockwaves formed around her plump rump as she cut through the air like a pink cannonball. The Sinister Swine stood in terrified awe as her butt grew near -- dropping his weapon in stunned surprise. He was prepared for most scenarios during this heist, but never did he think he'd encounter a situation like this. By the time he realized he needs to dodge, it was too late -- Lady Oink's ass had made full contact with him.

As if everything was in slow-motion, Dr. Ham felt Lady Oink's massive rump collide with his face. Her soft, squishy cheeks rippled and jiggled from the devastating impact -- the ripples transferring to Dr. Ham's face as the collision progressed. Its pillow warmth was juxtaposed with the sheer speed and power at which it met with his head. Before he knew it, his world turned black -- Lady Oink's ass completely obscuring his vision as he was knocked off of his feet. Dr. Ham fell on his back with Lady Oink on top of him -- her massive ass smothering his face. The civilians cowered further when they felt the entire building shake from the impact. "It seems you were the one to have lost this match, Doctor Ham!" Lady Oink proudly bellowed to the flattened pig. "No evildoer stands a chance against my Rump of Righteousness!" She smirked down at him while grinding her butt against Dr. Ham's nose. "Being trapped under my plump and pink posterior is a fitting punishment for putting these people in harm's way!"

Dr. Ham struggled and writhed underneath Lady Oink's ass. Her warm, humid, booty-themed prison was inescapable and unmoving for the Sinister Swine. He blushed crimson red as his nose ground deeper in between her cheeks -- the only thing saving him from intimately kissing her pucker was the spandex leotard that wedgied her. Being entrapped by a large, squishy butt like Lady Oink's both pained and aroused Dr. Ham. He unconsciously huffed her while he squirmed -- only arousing him further as the fleshy scent of Lady Oink filled Dr. Ham's nose. A massive tent was soon pitched in his pants -- large enough to be visible through his lab coat.

"Hey, Warden Tuskman!" Lady Oink yelled to get his attention. "I have Doctor Ham pinned down! Have your men rescue the hostages! And arrest this Sinister Swine!"

"We'll be right up, Lady Oink!" Warden answered through a megaphone before leading a team of officers into the building to rescue the hostages. One by one, his men lead them outside and into a roar of applause from concerned onlookers. Once everyone inside the building was safely rescued, they made their way up to the rooftop. When Warden Tuskman kicked open the door, he instantly turned to Lady Oink -- who had Dr. Ham squirming under her butt. He slowly holstered his weapon in stunned shock. "That's... an unorthodox way of having him pinned down..." He stammered as his men worked to free the hostages. He marched over to the disarmed raygun and picked it up. "With this little toy of his, he won't be a threat to anyone. Now, stand up, Lady Oink, we'll escort this fiend downstairs together."

"Right," Lady Oink nodded as she stood up -- freeing Dr. Ham. Instantly, the Sinister Swine of Science scrambled to his feet and began to make a mad dash away from everyone. "Oh no, you don't!" Lady Oink yelled as she jumped backward -- flying butt-first at the fleeing villain once more. With a painful thud, Dr. Ham was once again pinned under Lady Oink fat ass. "I get the feeling you're gonna be my seat quite often, Dr. Ham!" Lady Oink began with an air of smugness in her tone.

"O-Okay!" Dr. Ham squealed in pained gasps. "Uncle! Uncle! I give up!"

"There we go, hun!" Lady Oink began as she stood up and picked up the short, battered pig by the collar of his lab coat. "See? If you would have said that earlier, you wouldn't have been squashed twice!"

Warden Tuskman stared in awe at how Lady Oink handled Dr. Ham. The fact that she was able to stop him all by herself is a feat that not even he could do. The two of them quietly hauled Dr. Ham downstairs and out the front doors. They then chucked the Sinister Swine into the back of a police car after slapping handcuffs on him.

Enraged by his humiliating defeat, Dr. Ham glared back at Lady Oink with a malicious, vengeful glare. "Don't think this is the last time you'll see me, Lady Oink," He said in a low, threatening growl. "When I get out of prison, I'll dedicate every second of my time and every drop of my intelligence to destroying you! You will rue the day you crossed the great Doctor Haminson--"

Suddenly, Warden Tuskman slammed the car door in Dr. Ham's face -- silencing the talkative pig. "Bah, put a sock in it, Doctor Ham!" He trumpeted in an annoyed tone. The police cruiser began to drive off with the Sinister Swine in the backseat. "He'll be going on a one-way trip to the city's prison, where he belongs!" He then glared at Lady Oink -- who was surrounded by the people who she had helped save. "Now, I have a lot of questions for you, Lady Oink." He said to get her attention.

"Oh?" Lady Oink said with a raised eyebrow.

Warden Tuskman frowned as he recalled the miracles he had witnessed today. "Where to start?" He rhetorically asked while rubbing his temples. "Well, uh, for starters, how the hell did you learn to fly? Why are you dressed as a superhero? And what's with the 'Rump of Righteousness?'"

"Ah, Tuskman," Lady Oink playfully whined as she waved her finger dismissively in his face. "I can't tell you my secrets just yet! We just met, hun! But know this: I'm here to help you, your boys, and this city!" Lady Oink then turned around and prepared to fly away. Before she launched, she turned around and gave the giant elephant a playful wink. "Oh, and when we meet again, I hope we can arrange some kind of date. Hunks like you are hard to come by!" With that, she flew off into the horizon -- leaving Warden Tuskman flustered and confused.

"I'm getting too old for this damn city..." Warden Tuskman began as he let out a tired sigh.