You May Now Kick the Groom
Dear Daniel stood beside the podium of the church all proud and excited, waiting for his bride to arrive.
The organs started blaring, and there she was, stepping through the doors of the auditorium, all dressed in white, her glittering dress flowing behind her, was the beautiful Hello Kitty.
Hello Kitty stepped up to the stage following the trail of petals left by the flower girl, this was the best moment in her life, and nothing was going to ruin it.
As she stepped onto the stage, the ringbearer brought the rings and Pastor started reciting the vows. Hello Kitty looked into Dear Daniel's eyes lovingly, this was the man who was to be her husband, and she loved him with everything that she was.
"Do you take this man to be your beloved husband?"
"I do," answered Hello Kitty.
"And do you take this woman to be your beloved wife?"
"I do," answered Dear Daniel.
And for that moment, Hello Kitty felt her heart explode inside her. He did! Dear Daniel really had chosen her as his one and only love! This was the most wonderful moment in her life!
The rush of emotions was so strong that Hello Kitty almost missed what the Pastor said next.
"You may now kick the bride." Hello Kitty thought he said.
Hello Kitty was stunned, the world slowed to a stop. What? Kick the bride? What was that supposed to mean? She looked at Dear Daniel. That didn't seem like a nice thing to do on your wedding day. But then... It was kind of personal, so it did kind of make sense.
Hello Kitty was so taken off guard by what she thought the Pastor had said, that in the heat of the moment she totally forgot that she was the Bride, and that he was the Groom; for some reason, when she'd heard, "You may now kick the Bride", she'd thought it was her task to do the kicking.
Hello Kitty took a deep breath. Okay, let's get on with this.
So as Dear Daniel leaned forward for the kiss, Hello Kitty brought her leg up with all the force she could muster, right through the opening in his legs, landing it... Hello Kitty could hardly dare to think it.
Dear Daniel gave a sharp gasp, folding in on himself. The crowd gasped as well.
Dear Daniel dropped to his knees, grabbing himself, and moaning in agony. The crowd was deathly silent, all staring at Hello Kitty. The Pastor was stunned, not quite sure how to wrap this situation back into the Ceremony.
Finally, the Pastor regained his voice, "Well, they were going to do that tonight anyway, so I guess... Why wait?"
Hello Kitty really wasn't sure that was in their plans of things to do together actually.
Still stunned silence in the auditorium, except for the sound of Dear Daniel's pitiful moans. Dear Daniel was in mortal agony, not quite sure how to feel about the turn of events. Everybody he'd ever known was watching him be like this! Why would Hello Kitty do that? He was in too much pain to contemplate it, he just wanted to die right now. Out of all the days he could have needed to die on, why his Wedding Day? He let out a moan with everything he was, pouring all of his unspeakable agony into it.
"I'm sorry Daniel," Hello Kitty tried, "He said to kick the br..."
Hello Kitty went silent, realizing her mistake. She turned to look at the Pastor, "Why did you want him to kick me?" Hello Kitty looked at poor Dear Daniel and shifted her legs awkwardly. Certainly, there would have been less pain overall if it had been her rather than him, but still... She was starting to feel very self-conscious about showcasing their differences in front of this crowd. That was supposed to wait 'til tonight, when it was just them.
"I said kiss, not kick!" cried the Pastor, totally flabbergasted by the whole ordeal.
"Ohhhh..." It was all beginning to make sense now. Hello Kitty felt her lips: not there. That's why "kissing the bride" hadn't been readily apparent to her she supposed.
It took poor Dear Daniel a few minutes before he was ready for his feet again, when he finally was, he stood up achily and looked at Hello Kitty.
"I'm sorry about what happened," Hello Kitty said, "Do you still 'I do?'"
Dear Daniel looked at her, still uncomfortable from the pain, but now only seeing her. "Of course I do."
And with that Dear Daniel kissed the bride. Of course, when Hello Kitty's mouth was closed, it simply wasn't there, but when she wanted to kiss, she could kiss. And she kissed Dear Daniel with all the love that she had.
"Ahh." Went the audience.
And on that day, Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel were husband and wife.
What a wedding...?