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Toru's life Tour: How I learned to stop worrying and love being gay.

First entry: Coming out...

October 11th 2018 (plus or minus 5 years).

*unknown entity clicks play button*

The video begins with an adolescent Akita, paw still lingering on the mouse. His eyes overserved the screen uncertainly. Visually the video was crisp enough, but the slightly distorted sound quality made it more than obvious that a laptop's built-in camera was used to film.

"Is this thing on? Oh, it is!" he said with a pop of panic.

In a hurry, the Akita backstepped into the center of the webcam's frame, in an uptight posture with both paws balled at the base of his chest.

This doggo was loosely on the plump side, but not without a fair amount of muscle evident in his chest and arms. His well-trimmed, crisp tawny fur showed off his shapely muzzle. He wore a purple V-neck, and a black cap adorned with the colorful words 'Let it out'. Well-groomed as he was, it was obvious that this fluffy boi fur's smelled herbily fresh (even though cyberspace).

A staggeringly purple room filled the background of the video. It was adorned with multitude of posters from famous Broadway musicals and Disney movies. Directly behind the Akita was a closet left ajar. Inside could be seen a hidden collection of plush-dolls and a book shelf full of unoffensive young adult romance novels. Somehow one of the plushies, a polar bear, had been separated from its companions, its head sticking out from underneath Toru's well-made bed.

Amber eyes shaky and apprehensive, the Akita took a deep breath. He then let out a strained smile, before addressing his nascent online audience. "Hi... uh, internet. My name is Toru. I'm still not sure where or when I'm going to be posting this... Vlog, I guess? But um, I wanted to announce that I'm going on my first date... and it's for homecoming," he said apprehensively before his face tightened in uncertainty. He then bounced his eyes around and repeated 'date' with airquotes. "It's probably more like my only other gay friend is throwing me a pity date since I didn't have one... and he did tell me something about this other guy he wanted to make jealous... u-uh wait, I didn't mention that I'm gay yet, did I? Because I am! ...gay. Oh god it feels so weird saying that out loud," he said paws trailing down his cheeks embarrassedly. Immediately after, his head zipped over his shoulder as if reflexively searching for eavesdroppers that might pick up on the word 'gay'.

Looking back to the camera, the Akita let out a strained laugh that quickly died out. His shoulders sagged as he let down his paws, frowning uncertainly as if debating whether to continue. He looked back up, discomfort flitting across his face and amber eyes. "And the theme is... Homecoming out. Like... a pun for 'coming out of the closet'... It's LGBT themed... am I overexplaining? Anyway, I'm going to be coming out to basically the whole school."

Choppy explanation complete, Toru let in a sobering lungful of air. He let it out in a nervous huff of air, deflating like a balloon. "This is just so much. It's like, a milestone moment in my life so... I figured it might be good to record before and after it, you know? Maybe I can watch it in ten years when hopefully everything is okay and good and I can be like 'wow, what a worrywart I was' or something..." he said, nervous paws now rubbing the fur on the back on his head. "It's kind of a lot for a guy like me who... gets scared at the drop of a pin. But I got the push I needed thanks to this one guy who I have a huge... crush on."

Eyes dropping down, the Akita blushed something fierce. Evidently, he realized that he subconsciously did the 'his dick was thiiiiis bit' gesture with his paws as he said 'huge'. He quickly redressed the embarrassing gesture by dropping his paws down.

"U-Uuuhh, so I guess I won't say his name because I want to keep his identity secret, in case anyone I know finds this video... Let's just say he's just so nice... and... handsome... confident, and..." For a moment Toru's gaze faltered, looking down at the ground, the Akita's mind somewhere in a sweet cotton candy dreamland. "perfect..."

With a bashful smile he readdressed the webcam, paws to his heart. "So... I wanted to impress him and show him I'm confident with who I am. So, I need advice... how I can look and act more confident as a gay Dog who's still a sophomore in high school. Life stories, general tips, advice on how to keep myself from chickening out... And I'd love to hear recommendations if there's any like, gay shows or stories or webcomics that I should read that could help me, or even gay TV shows. There's a lot out there, but half of it seems... really stereotypical," he spoke the final words with sagging ears and a mote of dissatisfaction.

Finally, Toru gave a contemplative look to the screen, one ear cocked down, internally questioning if he had exhausted his list of things to say for the video.

Evidently, he had, "Um, that's all! Thanks for listening!" Toru said as he shuffled over to his laptop. The final moments captured were of the Akita scuffling with his mouse as he nervously struggled to find the button to close the video.

*end of video*

Toru's life Tour: How I learned to stop worrying and love being gay.

Second entry: Emotional rollercoaster

October 13th 2018 (plus or minus 5 years).

*unknown entity clicks on video*

The video immediately starts with that of an Akita sniffling. His eyes were saggy and his cheek fur was downturned as if he had just came back from crying rivers. Early morning light blazed into shimmering purple walls. Filming from his desk instead of standing, the Akita's puffy doggo snoot was in full view to the camera.

Toru's soft voice cracked up, punctuated with intermittent sobs, "You all are probably wondering why I look like such a mess right now... Well I got a recommendation to watch season 4 of Roopaul's Drag Race... That it would help me know what confident gay people act like... I started last night, and now it's already morning, and it hit me that I just spent the last..." Toru tossed a ghostlike stare to the digital clock on his nightstand, the gears in his tired mind clunking and churning slowly to produce a number. "...13 hours binging it... I haven't slept or eaten, and I'm an emotional wreck," he whined, throwing his paws up in the air with a nihilistic smile.

With a lungful of air, he pushed on through, raw admiration and emotion gleaming in his eyes, "It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. The parts where Roo gives speeches about gay family. My heart..." he said in a choked-up voice, letting out another wave of tearless, emotional sobbing. It was hard to determine if the mixed-up pup was happy or sad.

"Oh God, I'm going to start crying again... This is worse than that time I watched the Notebook... or binged those videos of pets seeing their owners come home after years of being deployed overseas... u-hyuhhh...hyuuuhhh"

With one paw to his heart, the Akita fanned out the other by his muzzle as if to ground his emotions. "Stay strong Toru, keep it together! You need to finish filming this!" he said with huffy breaths, eyes shaky as they focused on his paw-shaped lifeline.

After a good minute of Toru's one man show of teenage gayngst, he mustered the resolve to continue his Vlog. "So to my first commenter... Oh geez..." Toru's ears flattened as he muttered the name, "Assjellyapocalypse666... Thank you... I don't think I can talk like... what was the term? Like a 'fishy bitch'? But I've never realized how beautiful being gay could be... how much beautiful art and clothing were all thanks to gay people... I have a lot to think about now... about my gay identity and stuff..." he said with unfocused eyes, his attention span zipping off on the cheapest flight to sleepy land.

After a few moments of exhausted catatonic staring, Toru's eyes rolled back up to center as if he finally remembered what to say. "Speaking of fashion, what do you guys think I should wear to homecoming? Roopaul's Drag Race was amazing in so many ways, but there's no way I'm going in drag, so I still need advice on that."

And then: a surprise. "To-ru!" Resounded the Japanese-accented voice of the Akita's father. Response delayed from exhaustion, the young Akita yipped, as if afraid a toothy monster with bad halitosis were coming out of his closet. He curled his sagging body around to face the distant voice of his pa-pa.

"Don't folget! We're baking apple pies and making peanut butter jelly sandwiches for the countly music concert slash barbeque Boyscout fundlaisa tonight. And afta that we need you and Talo to take the pickup toluck to the massive supastoah to go get unnecessalily laage bulk quantities of Coca-Cola and ovaaly sugaly tea for those who are too young to drink disgusting canned beah! Don't foget to weah yoha hideous Boyscout unifoam and colohful chality lubba wlistbands! If you'a a good pup, I'll even tleat you to McDonaldz aftawaads!"

"B-Be down in five!" Toru responded, the dread concealed in his voice as plain as American rice day in the video.

Groaning, Toru readdressed his screen, "Sorry I need to cut this one short, but I have a lot to... survive from today. Bye."

*End of video"

Toru's life Tour: How I learned to stop worrying and love being gay.

Third entry: It's all gonna work out

October 18th 2018 (plus or minus 5 years).

*Unknown entity clicks start button*

"Hi, internet," were the refreshingly cheerful starting words to the video. Nobody stood in the range of sight in the room projected, though the Akita's voice rang loud and clear, "It's the night of homecoming, and at least right now, it's off to a good start! The football game was really amazing. We almost beat the second ranked team in our division! I wasn't in it because I'm only JV, but my twin brother scored a touchdown in the second down. He's so much better of an athlete than me... oh, but that's a Vlog for another day. Anyway, I have something I want to show you guys!" Toru said before giddily yet sheepishly walking into the frame of the video.

"So... how do I look?" he asked with a tasteful twirl, arms stretched out as if to embrace the world as he spun.

The Akita wore a purple button-down shirt that opened to reveal a vaguely rainbow-colored tye-dye Tshirt that was probably made in his sixth-grade science class. He wore some colorful vermillion slacks of mysterious origin. Six of those terribly outdated charity wristbands adorned his left arm, forming a rainbow minus the Indigo because fuck that color just too damn illusive. There was a previously unseen joy in his movements, though he still smiled nervously as he continued with his script.

"I know my first commenter... I'll never get used to saying his name... Assjellyapocalypse666 recommended I wear my boyscout uniform, for some reason? But I just decided to go with my own style!" He said looking down at his wardrobe choice, puffing out his cheeks contemplatively. "It's not 'gay gay', but it's colorful, and this is one of my favorite purple shirts... Do I look cute at all?" he asked bashfully as if half expecting someone to shout out "gaaaaaay" right then and there.

"I worried about bringing attention to myself dressed like this... but then I thought, if a terrifying gothic Queen named 'Sharon Needlz' can win RooPaul's drag Race... then I figured, maybe I can just be myself about it! And I started to get excited for it even. I mean, this could be the night that I finally meet my gay family!" he said with a few giddy jumps before letting out a half laugh, half sigh.

"So for my two commenters, thank you for being so supportive and helpful. I don't think everything's going to go perfectly, but I feel like I finally can bring about a positive change in my life. So I'll make sure to tell you all how it-"

"Yo Toru, you in there Dawg?"

"Eeek!" Toru yelped, his fur sticking up straighter than his heterosexual brother (who was just across the door). "One sec!" He shouted out to the swag elemental from outside the room as he rushed over to his laptop.

"That's my twin brother, I should probably turn this off," he whispered, embarrassment pouring into his voice.

But then he paused. He looked down at his clothes, and then at his Polar Bear plushy on top of the plush pile by his nightstand. Uncertainty plaguing his eyes as he deflated in doubt, muzzle sagging. For a moment he remained in that position, before readdressing his Vlog.

"You know what, I'm going to keep this on..." he said shakily before letting out a 'ready now' to his brother.

Into the video appeared a nearly identical-looking Akita, albeit a smidge leaner. He was dressed in a red suit and with a typical black bowtie. Despite the choice of red, he looked as about anyone would expect a straight guy to dress for a high school homecoming.

"Yoyoyo, Little bro, I think your uh... steroid dealer? Is here to see you. He said his name was Daren."

Toru blinked enough that someone might figure he was sending as SOS via eyelid Morse code, "S-Steroid dealer?" Toru all but meeped.

But that topic died out there. As Taro soaked in his brother's colorful attire, he cocked his head and eyeing his twin dubiously, likely wondering if Toru was breaking out some sort of Halloween costume early. "You're really getting in to this LGBT homecoming gimmic, huh?" Taro chuckled, as his twin brother's sweaty fur and skin grew palpably tauter. "Well, if going along with the gimmick is your way keeping it 100 then 'sall good!"

You could see the complicated calculus of WHAT DO WHAT DO? Playing in the colorfully-dressed Akita's mind going as his body seemed to turn to rubber before the webcam. Swallowing down on his spit he opened his maw. It hung silent for a brief span before he finally managed to produce sound. A low, discomforted 'mmmm' noise. Then he got to the dreaded words, "I'm not going along with a gimmick Taro... I'm gay."

Now it was the snazzily-dressed Akita's turn to blink up a hurricane, "Wut?" was his refined, eclectic response.

"...Happy homecoming out?" Toru said with terrified eyes and the world's most unconfident pair of jazz hands.

The rusty cogs in Taro's head turned before, he gave a comically smug grin as if he had it all answered like, no sweat brah, it's all good. "Oh, I geddit, you're just really in character right now. You're doing this just for the night because it's an LGBT themed dance! That's hilarious, you always did want to be a theater ponce," Taro snorted with a hint of condescension. "Well it's good cause you'll be able to do as much of that was you want tonight! Raise the roof! Party!" he finished with some animated 'raise the roof' pumps.

Toru's ears dipped significantly lower, unease and dissatisfaction racing across his expression. "No, Taro, I'm serious. I'm gay," Toru insisted sincerely, paws pressed against his chest with limp wrists.

*twitch twitch* went Taro's ears in turn. "C'mon Josh, you're Toruing me!" he said, uncomfortably readjusting his bowtie. "You're my twin, you can't be... is that even possible?"

"Yeah, it definitely is... I looked it up..." Toru said with an exhausted sigh before his wary eyes realigned with his brother's.

In turn, Taro's eyes started jumping back and forth, the vacuous delusion of Taro's visage now stretched to the limit. "Wow, you even did research! Now that's commitment to a role if I ever saw it!"

Toru's ears were now horizontally bent. A frown formed on his face in a mix of pain and vexation, "No, Taro, listen to me, I'm-"

But Taro wasn't listening, "-You're gonna have a blast, I'm gonna have a blast, it'll be dope! Oh, and you know how I'm dating Stephanie? I could feel it in her voice when I called her earlier, I'm totally gonna score tonight! It's gonna be an all you can fuck buffet! Harhar,"

For the first time, a semblance of anger could be made out on the Akita's muzzle. "Taro, you're talking over me again!" he declared steadfast, the beginning of tears evident in his eyes. "Look, 1: I'm not comfortable hearing about your 'conquests' because I'm gay, 2: Daren isn't a steroid dealer, he's my date, because I'm gay! And 3: I'm not acting about being gay because _I am_gay," Toru nearly barked in a voice aching with frustration, as if pressure and peaked in his body at let out as words instead of steam, "I'm gay! Gaygaygaygaygay!"

Taro, whose suspended disbelief had finally been shattered, stared blankly at his twin, maw agape. "Really? Like, for real real, not for play play?"

"Yeah... for real real," Toru said in an awfully tender voice. "I like guys... guys with muscles... Which is why being on the football team has always been so awkward for me and I could never keep up with you..."

"..." Taro's staple smirk began to slowly lose its form, as he started at his twin uncomfortably, clearly at a loss of words.

During his brother's silence, Toru sniffled, and let out a huff of air brimming with anxiety. He reached for a tissue nearby on his translucent plexiglass desk, dabbing his eyes, before just covering theme entirely with the tissue, "When I found out is when things started getting a lot harder for me..." he spoke in a voice that was choked with tears.

"Toru..." Taro said, in a lingering voice lacking its usual forcefulness. "What's this all about?"

Toru slowly pulled the tissues down across his muzzle as he looked at his uneasy brother, "Are you... upset at me? Upset that I'm gay?" the sobbing Akita asked with glossy eyes, fear thick in his voice.

There was an uncertain softness previously unheard in his brother's voice, "I... I dunno... is that why you've always been so hard to talk to? We got along so well when we were little, but a couple of years ago... you started spending a lot more time alone in your room."

"Yeah... that's around when I found out..."

"..."

As if the silence of the room became additional weight to Toru's bones, the Akita sat down on his desk chair, head drooping down to the ground. For a moment his eyes drifted to the webcam, then he let out some pained whine. "It was easy to talk to you when we were pups... But I could tell you weren't different in a way I was. For the first time, I was afraid of telling you something... and well, since then everything just fell apart..." at the lower end of the video's frame, Toru was staring into his palm, breathing heavily as if it was all that was keeping him from breaking down, "You don't... want me to be gay, do you? It's weird for you, isn't it?" Toru moaned defeatedly. All the while he struggled to keep his eyes on his brother, body slowly curling up on itself.

"Well, yeah, this is weird for me," Taro said with upturned palms, his neck swaying back and forth. Toru face sunk into his paws, bracing for verbal impact, devastated as if all his worst fears were about to come true. Based on his timid demeanor, one might think little demons were whispering into his triangular ears.

Responding to his brother's crestfallen expression, Taro's eyes stretched wide open. It was as if suddenly aware of the heavy effect his words had on Toru. An eruption of painful silence consumed the room, as Taro stared at his trembling brother. It was then that Taro lost his usual mannerisms, a sigh signaling some sort of internal decision. A second later, overlaying that usually swaggering face, was now a humble little smile. "But if accepting you being gay means we can be close again like we used to... then I'm okay with that."

Tour's ears flipped upward. He looked at his brother with wary yet hopeful eyes.

Taro started bouncing his body around. "Because you're my little bro, and..." Cue the embarrassed sigh, "...I love you."

Toru's expression became soft as putty. "Taro..." he said in a voice leaking with relief and untamable happiness. A tiny rivulet of tears descended his cheek fur.

Shaking the vulnerability and emotionality out of his eyes own eyes, Taro let out a laugh, regular posture back in full effect . "But not in a creepy twincest kind of way. Now that would be weird, haha." His voice was full of sudden levity.

Toru himself let out a weepy laugh, "You pick now to crack a joke? You're the worst," Toru giggled through his ackey throat.

Taro beamed at his emotional counterpart, "Yeah you're right, that was really dumb joke. Nobody actually gets off to twincest."

Then for one brief moment, the color-pallet of the video waxed monochrome. As if possessed by some god-like entity, the twins stared back at the webcam, inter-dimensionally judgmentally starting at YOU, person across the computer screen, you sick sick fuck with your disgusting fetishes.

But then time returned to normal, and t'was as if nothing had transpired at all...

Taro sauntered on up to Toru, as if it were any other normal day, "C'mon little bro, gimme some sugar," he said warmly as he pulled Toru onto his feet from his chair, enveloping him in a heartfelt hug.

Muzzles now resting across the other's shoulders, Toru visibly melted into his brother as he returned the hug with a wobbling expression, "Taro... thank you, I..." he started before inevitably breaking down. "uwaahuhuhuhuguahuhuhu" his crying sounded like a gagged feral llama with the hiccups. "I'm sorry I'm such an ugly crier..." he whined between deep sobs, tears wetting the shoulder of Taro's suit.

"Sure thing little bro. Sure thing," Taro said calmly, patting his twin on the back.

The held the pose for a while longer before Taro couldn't help but ruin the mood, "I just wish you weren't taking out your steroid dealer."

Toru broke into uneven, gasping laughter, "He's not my dealer!" Toru insisted before correcting himself to Taro's laughter "I mean, I don't have a dealer at all!" he said before succumbing to the laughing himself. It went on for a good twenty seconds. As the last laughs were had, Taro gave one last hearty pat on the back to his emotionally raw brother. "N E way, we should probably blaze it on over now, Homecoming ain't gonna wait for us! Oh and don't worry about me telling anybody, I'll keep it on the low-key down low for you bro," he said as he fingergunned his brother with a few clicks of his tongue.

"Mhm," Toru replied gratefully with a nod and sniffle, teeth delicately pressing down on his lower lip, as Toru bounded out of the room. "Holla! Holla! This gonna be epic!" he hollaed from outside the video frame, soon breaking out into rapid click roll beatboxing.

With that Toru sighed happily to himself, now all alone in his like purple cove.

Wiping a tear from his eye, and sniffing, his amber eyes glistened happily as he ambled toward his webcam, "Later internet... I've got an... epic night to enjoy."

*End of video*