FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

My foot won't stop fucking tapping. Nor will my paw stop twitching and don't get me started on my ears that're constantly flicking. I'm just a giant nervous tick. Everything I look at I become laser-focused on. I stretch out and flex the fingers on one of my paws, trying to shake the cold clammy feeling that's settled there. My breath comes in quick and short pants through my nose. My stomach twists into a tighter knot, I might throw-up the dinner I had a few hours ago.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

_ _ I look around semi-frantically, not sure what to focus on. The hospital is mostly abandoned and dark at this hour, 3:27 A.M if one of the mounted clocks are accurate. Only a few florescent beams light up the dim hallway. The only noise is the hum of a far-away vending machine and my annoying foot which just taps away.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

Why the hell didn't I change? Is this the impression I want to leave? Rough jeans and a beat-up sweatshirt? What would they think? Is there still time to change into something? No, that's insane. Besides, what can they expect of me when they call at 1 in the morning? But this isn't just a hospital visit...this is...huge. I rest my head in my paws and close my eyes for a few moments. I wasn't tired...in fact I've never been more awake. But there's so much going on in my mind I feel a headache start to come on.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

No, this is the right decision. I'm already 45 years-old but so much to give. I need a direction in life, a new goal or something. But is this it? Damnit Greg this isn't the time to be asking these questions! I can't help it. My brain's tearing itself into a thousand-pieces and my nausea is only getting worse.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

I can't tolerate sitting anymore, I stand up and start pacing but make sure to stay near room 505. The near-abandoned hospital gives me a creepy vibe, making me shiver. Should I fold my hands behind my back? Make me look all proper? Yeah that's a good idea. My strides take me by a mirror and I take a second to look at my reflection. The same old black panther stares back at me, but my features are significantly more...sunken than I remember. Standing still gives my foot another chance to start tapping away. I growl and start speed-walking again, trying to burn some energy.

Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat

My ears perk up as I pass by the room. Hurried whispers and harsh tones came from inside. Oh God, was something wrong? Was the whole thing off? I've been waiting too long they can't just cancel it! But what if I'm still not ready? What if I'm not good at something? No, they wouldn't call me to come out all this way if this wasn't serious.

Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat

Maybe I should go get a soda from the vending machine? Try to ease my nerves? No, only hard alcohol would save me in a time like this and my stomach feels like it couldn't even handle crackers at this point. Besides, I shouldn't drink anymore regardless! My fingers begin to twiddle absent-mindedly.

The tension of the situation finally gets the best of me and I need to side-step to a trashcan to hurl up some disgusting bile. I hover over the can for a few seconds grasping the sides as I shiver and gag a few more times. _Greg!!!_You need to pull yourself the fuck together. I walk to the end of the hall and lap from a water fountain, rinsing the vile taste from my mouth.

Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat Pat-pat

I hug myself and try to warm-up as I plop back onto the bench just beside the door. What's taking them so long? Did someone change their mind? Again I have to reassure myself that they wouldn't ask me to drive two hours if this wasn't an emergency. But, what if? I curl up into as much of a ball as I possibly can as I continue to shiver. I'm a semi-built guy but for whatever reason, the cold of this place just seems to stab right through me.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

My foot's back at it again.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

The hushed voices coming from inside the room die down and I immediately perk up. Did something happen? What's wrong? Oh God, what if I'm the problem? What should I do? Do I try to go in? What's going on?!?

The hospital-room door opens with a soft click and I shoot up onto my feet with the approximate speed of a bullet. A female cheetah, probably the same age as I, slowly steps out of the room, her heels making claks on the tile floor, and gingerly closes the door. She huffs and folds her arms, staring at the floor for a moment. The cat is in a former business dress but looks unbelievably exhausted with dark bags beneath her eyes. This is Ms. Clark. I've met her a few times when I was interviewed but never had a direct conversation with her. Why is she the one handling this?

The agonizing silence draws on for a few more seconds before she speaks, raising her head to make eye contact. "Mister Black...We really appreciate you coming in at such an hour." She looks me over and replaces her hardened expression with one of friendly concern. "Are you feeling well?"

A little too quickly I reply, "Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just a little chilly in here is all." I try to take the gruff edge off of my voice.

She nods and looks around the hospital. "It is, isn't it?" Her grim expression returns. "No need to beat around the bush. We called you here because I thought it was a simple case, but it turns out there are some.... complications."

I feel the weight in my stomach get heavier by a couple hundred pounds at 'complications'. "Oh?" I ask weakly.

She nods. "It turns out that the father was...uninformed about the whole process or at least he claims that he wasn't. So this has quickly devolved into a liability game of who was responsible for that information ..."

Ms. Clark begins to rub her temples in frustration. I ask in a low voice, "Is that all?"

"There's some more court terminology involved, but yes, that's the gist of it. So." Her gaze meets mine and it feels like she's looking straight into my soul. "This is it. The proposition stands as is, but you have to be prepared for any future legal struggles. The agency will try to settle as much as it can but it may ultimately come to you."

Oh my God...What the fuck do I do? Am I ready for this? Not just the responsibility but now this legal bullshit on top of it?!? I can't do it...I have to do it! I can't just drop this and walk away. These people are counting on me. I've wanted this for two years now...But if I go through with this everything will change. Everything. But if I don't then _nothing_will change. I'll go to work, manage my company, rack in the money, then go home...alone. I'll always be alone. But what if I can't manage it? What if something horrible happens? What if something happens to me? I can't....

Ms. Clark must see the conflict on my face. "This is your last chance to back out, no questions asked." She places a reassuring paw on my shoulder. The touch makes me recoil slightly. "But I'm going to need your word right here and now if you want to fully go through with this."

Before I could even second guess myself I blurted out "Yes, I do." At those words the stone in my stomach doubled in weight and my cheeks began to burn like a furnace. What did I just say?!?

For the first time Ms. Clark gave a soft smile. She turns and cracks the door open and waves for someone to come forward. A large timber wolf steps quietly out of the room and gently closes the door. He's a little younger than I am, maybe mid-thirties, and also dressed in a business suit. He hands to me a clipboard holding a packet of paperwork, then averts eye contact. I stare at the lengthy document, seeing all of the required information. I give Ms. Clark a pleading gaze. She shakes her head.

"Don't worry about it, just give the master signature at the bottom and we can proceed." She says.

I don't even hesitate. I scribble out my signature as fast as I can and hand it back to the wolf who remains silent. Blood is pounding in my ears and I start to feel dizzy because of how nauseous I feel. I better not throw up again.

For a few surreal seconds we just stand around silently before the cheetah turns back into the room and shuts the door. I don't even get a peek of anyone else in there before my vision is cut off.

So I stood there, at 3 o'clock in the fucking morning on a high floor of a dark hospital wing, waiting for my life to change in the next couple of seconds. I look to the timber wolf and I must look like an anxious mess because he offers me a pity smile.

Click

The door opens again and Ms. Clark walks out, followed behind by a middle-aged black reptile of some sorts. He's carrying a bundle of blue blankets.... The door shuts behind them.

"Mister Black I would like you to meet Oscar, your new son."

I hold my breath and it seems like my entire body freezes in place as the lizard walks forward and offers me the bundle....

With the most tenderness I've ever used in my entire life, I gently take the bundle and cradle it to my chest. There, beneath a swaddle of thick and soft blankets, was a baby otter. He has a thin layer of white uncolored fur and his pink muzzle was parted ever so slightly so he can breathe a little easier. His tiny eyes are shut so he can dream about whatever he likes....Everything about him is so small...he can't weigh any more than 7 pounds. He's...beautiful. I give a little gasp as I start breathing again.

I glance to the others and they're all watching me and Oscar with big smiles. But I don't care about them even a little bit right now. I look back to Oscar. He's...perfect...What was I so terrified about? He isn't scary. I love him already.

Oscar opens up his maw and gives the smallest yawn I've ever heard before shifting deeper into his swaddle. All of a sudden I smile from ear to ear and whatever I do I can't stop. I cuddle him closer to my chest and feel the warmth he's radiating. My shivering eventually ceases.

"Hi there Oscar." I say, my smile never wavering for a second. "It's nice to meet you."

The timber wolf gives a polite cough to get my attention to hand me a manila folder. "This is all of his documents. Social security, birth certificate, the likes."

I take it from him with a nod. "Thank you." I turn to Ms. Carter. "Really...I don't know what to say...thank you so much." She gives me an exhausted smile. We all just stand there, silent, watching Oscar nap. He gives another adorable yawn making us laugh.

"We need to finish up some discussions with the mother, are you okay to take him home or do you need anything like an escort...?" asks Ms. Carter.

I shake my head, never looking away from Oscar. "No, I think I have everything I could ever need." One by one they give me a goodbye and head back into the hospital room, leaving Oscar and I alone for the first time.

I'm....I....I have no idea what to think. This is everything I wanted. I instinctually start to gently sway and rock Oscar. He twitches in his sleep. For the first time in a long time...I'm happy. I can't remember the last time I smiled like this. I notice that all of my anxiety symptoms from earlier have melted away...Holding Oscar, it makes me feel...complete. I've made the right decision.

"Ready to go home Oscar?"