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LAST TIME ON ZOMBIES ARE WANKERS: "YEAH! We fought off ALL the zombies and now we're completely safe for a while!" -Albus Kane, being wrong

After the first round of zombies was killed and turned into fertilizer, the alarm rang again. Whereas last time there was a crowd of a few hundred zombies, this time there were about two thousand, because there were quite a few smaller survivor colonies along the road OPPOSITE where Albus and Morry came from, which led to a big city with a few million people at the time. Thus, as the horde moved towards where the non-infected were, they grew in number despite the almighty power of bullets and sharp things. Clawhauser noticed, and decided to be strong in the face of danger. "OH MY GOD GUYS THERE'S LIKE A BILLION MORE THE LAST HORDE WAS REALLY TINY COMPARED TO THIS ONE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE WHILE WE CAN!!!" Clawhauser shouted through the PA system, breathing heavily and sobbing. "Oh, dear." Albus remarked, before being told by Silas to go investigate from the wall.

He got to the wall, and saw World War Z Zombie Stacking levels of "lots of zombies". He had a face like he had just seen an elderly relative naked, only inside, he was somehow even more horrified, and found what he saw even more revolting. He noticed that a few people were taking pleasant strolls just outside the wall, but didn't think to remind himself that people that stupid are going to die quickly in the zombie apocalypse anyways and, thus, he shouldn't be all that affected as a means of comforting himself, that being very important as he saw thinking, feeling people that will remain nameless and faceless being turned into all-you-can-eat buffets by what would otherwise constitute your typical fat joke, albeit based on the irony of the emaciated physiques of the not-technically-undead-but-close-enough.

He quickly started sprinting back to Silas, who had already gotten the news, and gathered up Morry and a few people you might be familiar with. "SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK IT'S LIKE BLACK FRIDAY BUT WITH ZOMBIES OUT THERE AND WE'RE HALF PAST FUCKED IF WE DON'T MAKE LIKE TEAM ROCKET AND BLAST OFF AGAIN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-" and then Morry yelled "CALM THE SHIT DOWN!!!" at him, not thinking that yelling at people doesn't usually calm them down. He partially did, though. Silas sighed, and started speaking. "We already have people volunteering to stay behind and give their lives to buy the others time. I myself have volunteered. I picked a few other people that intended to leave if we were overrun, because you will all be useful to each other." he said, as he then went through the party members and their skills

There was Albus, with his skill with scavenging, combat and technology. There was Morry with the same skills, but with tactics instead of tech. There were a few Zootopians: Nick and Judy (because of fucking course), with Nick's quick thinking and Judy's ability to restore morale with a simple smile of vague hope. One thing to note about them is that Judy was pregnant, so, of course, that is going to spell trouble. There was Chip, the cynical gay raccoon again, with his negotiation skills. There was WHY CAN'T I JUST KILL HER OFF!!! DAMN YOU, WRITING FIXATIONS!!! Wesha Hayden served the purpose of the crazy preacher that says God made zombies that now legally has to be in every zombie apocalypse story. She blamed LGBT and abortions, so she was going to get yelled at and head-slammed a lot. There was guess who? That's right! Bellwether, who was only alive for the very reason that she will be useful to them, that being her nigh-superhuman cunning. There was even officer Bogo, with his sheer, pure brute strength, something that everybody else was sorely lacking in, but overcompensated for anyways.

Albus saw Bellwether, scowled, and said "If you even THINK about double-crossing me and the people I care about, then I'll turn you into a doormat, Smellwether." They started walking over to where they had kept their personal belongings to get them and move them to RVs modified to be used for expeditions outside the colony. Judy decided to intervene. "I know that the Night Howler incident was just the start of it, I know about the horrible things that I couldn't believe even she'd do until she bragged about them, but is this really necessary?" Morry, being another voice of reason, replied "Yes, and very much so. Given what you already know about her personality if you've ever even heard her name, I'd say that such fear is the only thing to stop her from betraying us and leaving us to die as soon as it's convenient for her.", and then Bellwether finally started talking with "You know, the wussy and tomboy Lions kind of have a point, so you'd better make yourselves useful to me. By the way, what would you do with the rest of me? You only need my hide to make a doormat, you know."

"The rest would be zombie chow. Now, please do us all a favor and kindly shut the fuck up until you have something worthwhile to say." Chip remarked "Aww, look at you two! It's like you were created in some kind of lab to be perfect for the task of driving each other and everybody else insane. We've got a perfectly secure but emotionally vulnerable teenager, and a middle-aged sociopath with the most obvious case of fang envy any prey animal has ever had", and was slapped on the back of the head by Morry. "We're already going to have enough trouble getting these two to work together civilly without you mocking them both" "What's fang envy?" Nick asked. Albus replied "They both come from the subconscious effect of stereotypes. Fang envy is when a prey animal envies the strength they see in predatory animals, and predator's guilt is when a predatory animal envies a prey animal's benevolence. It only occurs when someone-at least on a subconscious level-views the two differently based on stereotypes. In that way, it's analogous to penis envy and womb envy from Freudian psychology...and now I see why the adjective Freudian has a sexual connotation. Sigmund Freud was fucking insane."

They gathered their gear. Albus took the time to add suction-based grapple guns he'd been working on to his dual shotguns, and a pump-action shotgun to the rifle, another mod he was already almost done with anyways, and other than that, he brought with him what he brought there. Morry packed two sawed-off double-barrel shotguns, dual revolvers and a crossbow (of course, along with ammo for it) for herself, and a grab bag of weapons, ammunition, equipment and medical supplies for everyone else. Bellwether brought a dagger that injects Rattlesnake venom into what gets stabbed or slashed with it. Wesha brought her rosary and Bible, being the type to think that they'll keep her safer than dual shotguns straight out of the strangest dreams of Far Cry players. Nick and Judy simply brought their tasers and an album of memories from Judy's childhood and relationship with Nick. Albus took note of that.

"So, you're someone who is certain their parents died, right?" "Yeah. Why are you even asking-" "But you wanted yours to live. Meanwhile, my parents treated me like an abomination simply for not being exclusively masculine and heterosexual, and even more so when I started doubting my faith. At least they didn't circumcise me, but I'm surprised they didn't just go ahead and have me castrated when I admitted to having the hots for my history teacher, who was some musclebound Rhino with a massive package, and I know that my dad survived, at least (and he was the one who made the decisions that fucked up my childhood), because he was none other than Taurin fucking Blacksad, and-" "That doesn't sound like him." "People change a lot, and he probably changed to adapt to living in rural Alabama. I'm pretty sure that even the street lamps were part of at least one hate group, the place was so full of bigotry."

That's when they got in an RV. The RVs were modified to be double the width that they originally were, as well as double-decker. While you might think that would limit where they could go, they were also modified to be near-perfect for off-roading. The one they got in had just what they needed, that being standard for the RVs. There were eight beds (four sets of bunk beds), a mini-kitchen, booths with tables for people to sit and eat in (and the booths were made to be kind of like couches, but booth-shaped), a working bathroom and HALLELUJAH SOLAR POWER FOR THE WIN!!! Bogo decided to be the one to drive, and then they tried to settle on a destination beyond "wherever our adventures take us". Albus and Morry suggested gathering up a bunch of people to make a caravan on the way to some dock (he didn't know which one), where they could "hijack" an abandoned cruise liner or yacht or something like that, and turn it into a survivor colony on the sea (meaning solar power or you're fucked), Nick and Judy suggested going back to Bunnyburrow and hiding with a bunch of other people to rebuild society, nobody else had any ideas, and they settled on Albus and Morry's idea of finding a cruise ship or something. Then they got driving as the colony fell to the walkers, and kept going until it was nighttime and they had to sleep.

NEXT TIME ON ZOMBIES ARE WANKERS: The first day, and everybody will act like a twat towards everybody else. Don't worry, though. They'll get used to each other eventually, and then they'll have other things to be angry at.