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LAST TIME ON OH, COLLEGE: Albus lost his virginity, and quite a few of you had why boners, didn't you?

When morning came, Albus and Dev were snuggled up together, albeit on top of Dev's bed's cumstained blanket. The sunlight shined through the window, feeling like a flashbang to them both. Albus wiggled down, and closed the blinds by turning the little knob thing with his foot-paws. He snuggled right back into Dev's arms, being held in a protective manner. This made Albus feel both comforted and slightly aroused, and it made Dev feel both powerful and slightly aroused. However, as to the latter condition, they both came so hard the night before, when they became sexually aroused, as well as getting boners, they got little tingly feelings by their junk. Also, Albus felt like he was gonna have a heart attack, his heart was beating so rapidly. "I can hear your breathing, Albus. It sounds like a fucking wind tunnel"

"Just give me a break, alright? Your hotness made me cum so hard my jizz jizzed itself, and that jizz jizzed itself." "Honey, could you please be so kind as to shut the fuck up?" Dev requested. "Honey? Are we going out n-" "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOT THIS EARLY I AM NOT GOING THROUGH THIS BOYFRIEND-BOYFRIEND SHIT AGAIN I have to explain something, don't I?" "I'm pretty sure you have to explain a lot of things" "The last dude I dated was some hypermasculine gay guy who was just a complete asshole" "I'm pretty sure I can act like the opposite of that. In fact, the kind of behavior I think you're thinking of kind of turns me on, at least in theory" "Copping cheap feels, constantly nagging for sex, I was always the bottom (he even figured out a way to make me the receiver when we frotted, but I forgot how), he wouldn't stop sending me dick pics" "If the dick's 10 inches (from 14 to 16 if circumcised, and he'd have to take care of that ASAP, and you can actually do that now apparently), I don't think I'd complain all that much." "I can already hear the slut-shaming"

They managed to take deep breaths, and then went right back to sleep. Then a certain someone from Just Once showed up to OH MY FUCK WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE ALREADY!!?? Wesha opened the door slowly, so as to not make any noise, until she saw two dudes cuddling in a sexually suggestive manner, and went completely ape-shit. "NOT. IN. MY. BUILDING!!! I RUN this dormitory complex, you know, and I will not let lifestyle choices like those-" and then a gay couple, two Cheetahs, went ape-shit. One yanked on each ear, pulling back and away, and she let out an ear-piercing scream. The one to her right yelled "WHO THE FUCK WOULD MAKE A LIFESTYLE CHOICE THAT GETS YOU KICKED OUT OF YOUR OWN HOME BY YOUR OWN PARENTS AT 12, YOU STUPID CUNT!?" Albus and Dev watched the whole thing the way one would watch a troll looking to offend and an SJW looking to be offended interact with each other, until Albus asked "Dev, would you feel better about all this bullshit if I gave you a blowjob and made you breakfast?" "Why yes, I would."

That's when Wesha slammed the door shut, her little bunny tail getting deservedly caught in it. She opened it again, and slammed it again, with her tail yet again in the door. Then, she turned to face the door after opening it, and slammed it, hurting her left foot-paw. She then simply hobbled away, and Albus reached over and closed it himself. I would describe the BJ in detail, but we just got done with an entire chapter of gay sex, about half of which was a gob job. By the way, the dorm has a mini-kitchen in it. Albus made bacon pancakes and breakfast sausages for him and Dev to enjoy. Albus treated his first sausage as a phallic symbol, prompting Dev to ask "What happens when you actually eat that? Also, there's a fork in it.", at which point Albus gave all his breakfast sausages to Dev, took a bacon pancake from him, and crossed his legs only not tight enough to cause testicular damage, with the face O_O painted across his visage. "Just give me a few minutes before I want to start eating" Albus requested. "Alright" responded Dev.

"Did your old BF have a foreskin?" "Yes he did, but why the hell do you care?" "What species was he?" "Rhino. Again, why?" "Just to think about how it would look when you fuck him." "WHAT IN THE FUCK!?" "Dude, just chill. How burly was he, and how big was his dick?" "Ohhhhh, so you're just thinking of fantasizing about me and some other hot dude having sex." "Or you could describe one of your old girlfriends and that would be even better." "Why?" "More variety. One of each as opposed to 2 dudes." "Just stick with the Rhino, and he was a quarterback, so the muscles were obviously great. As for his dick size..." "What about it?" "I'm pretty sure he can use his boner as a bludgeoning weapon" "Aaand now there's a gallon of precum in my...panties. I'm still in drag, aren't I?" "Yes. Yes you are, and you look very, very hot in it." "Can I fuck that one boyfriend and maybe someone who looks like Jesha but isn't an evil bitch? Also, can you watch and jack off in the background?" "I have no words for how fucking bizarre that is, so I'll give it some thought."

After a while, Albus's appetite was back, and he and Dev ate like they were fucking starving in the Arctic. Wesha came by afterwards and started cleaning. "By the way, you're not a couple, right? Please tell me you're not" "Not YET," Albus replied, "But I'm pretty sure that very soon, we will be." "No promises" Dev replied to his reply. Wesha seemed willfully ignorant of the fact that as she bent over to clean under their kitchen table, a closet lesbian and her straight-guy friend were taking turns admiring the picturesque view of her fine ass, before looking away when the other took notice. That's when the woman came out of the closet via text to her friend, who was right next to her, and proceeded to back away slowly. He read the text, and then said to Wesha "Congratulations of having an arse that both I and my best friend find to be nearly perfect" "He should not-" "She. Trans woman, and apparently lesbian, too. She was apparently another straight dude before-" and then Wesha went over and kicked him in the nads, yelling at him to go away.

"I think that it's time for you to make the best of your 15 minutes before your math class begins. The same major and the same dorm room. Oh, boy. I'm going to be hearing a lot of stories about your little 'exploits', aren't I?" Wesha bitched and moaned, at which point Albus instinctively and impulsively gagged her with a large breakfast muffin. "Please shut the hell up and just enjoy the fact that you clearly like to eat muffins" Albus requested, having the :> face as he did so. In a manner so oblivious to the double entendre as to be hilarious, she chewed and swallowed the muffin to say "OH MY GOD YES MUFFINS ARE SO DELICIOUS!!!" This says a lot about her complete sexual obliviousness, along with her fear of orgasm. To understand why, though, you need to look at the sexual slang definition of "muffin", know what the hell a vulva is, and have a crude sense of humor. That is what I presume my audience is like, because that's me.

NEXT TIME ON OH, COLLEGE: Who here likes math class? No wonder there are so few engineering graduates.