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38.

Jake's Day: A Fox Behind Bars Side Story

I dreamt about him again last night. Like every night.

God damn him.

The top bunk creaked and I wasn't in Grenskil with the wolf any more. I was back in the Calidonia State Penitentiary. Harris, my cellmate was awake, probably still awake, I don't think the possum ever slept.

I got up quick, eager to start my morning routine so I wouldn't have to think about my dream. Brushing each tooth individually, combing my red fur until it shined, and taking note of what still hurt from the last fucking I got. Some days I wanted to know what was bruised and stretched so I could protect myself as well as I could from more pain, other days it was so I could push the pain until it was all I could feel. I wasn't sure what sort of day it was yet, but my hole hurt. No blood, but yesterday a wolf fucked me dry until I was sure he'd leave me with blisters. He wanted it to hurt me.

Harris was still reading his thick book when I glanced to see if he'd watched me finger myself. He didn't. He never did. I think I disgusted him. But he didn't try to get me to talk and I didn't have to worry about him attacking me, so he was the best cellmate I could have hoped for.

A buzzing announced breakfast. Harris jumped down from his bunk and patted my shoulder. Some half-assed familiar way of saying good morning as he left the cell. I did one more pointless ritual and marked an X on the calendar taped to the wall. A year and two months until I was supposed to be eligible for parole, not that I was holding my breath. Piter said he'd fixed it so I'd have to serve my whole sentence. He even joked that he might keep me longer if he felt like it.

That was before the husky traded me away. I'm not sure he even thinks about me any more.

I stood by the cell door and listened to the clopping of Dimitri as he strode past before I slipped out and started following. Regal was there and it was a constant surprise to me that he made it through another day.

This morning he was talking at me about some idea for a painting or something. Completely oblivious to my lack of interest or how pretentious it made him sound. He also didn't notice the way Max was watching us and saying something to that new, big wolf with the silver dyed mohawk.

I watched them over my shoulder until we were out of the cellblock and lost in the flow of inmates.

***

It was weird, walking past the furs in Piter's pack when we got to the cafeteria. I'd known some of them since I got here. I never expected any kind of loyalty, but it hurt how quickly the husky was willing to throw me away at the Alpha's command. It meant learning new routines, new pains and new ways of surviving. Such an inconvenience. Barely worth it.

"But look. There's like no green peppers in this at all. I'm not asking for more, I'm just asking for a do over. Take this back and try a scoop from over there." Regal poked his hand under the sneeze guard to point, snatching it back to miss getting slapped by the goat's spatula.

"C'mon back here, I've got a green pepper for ya," the goat made a lazy attempt at a threat and reached under his apron to stroke himself.

I don't know if it was chance or spite, but when the goat scooped some of the scrambled/omeletted egg-like product onto my tray, I seemed to have an abundance of green pepper slices in it.

"Fucking fascist!" Regal shouted. God, he was annoying.

At the table where we sat with Dimitri in feline turf, I ate as fast as I could. It was never up to me when or where I had to go so I tried not to waste any time. Regal still hasn't learned that. He spent several minutes complaining about the food before Dimitri threw a folded piece of paper at his head.

"Read it," the tiger grunted.

Regal read a list of names, furs who owed Vince money. I haven't been with Vince very long, but it seemed that list of noncompliant gamblers got shorter every week. Dimitri must have been doing a hell of a job scaring anyone dumb enough to think they were outside of the one-eared wolf's reach.

"And for the foxes," Regal said cheerfully, "you've got a wolf named Tory for lunch, and Kalvin wants your company this evening."

I dropped my spoon. Kalvin? I'm lucky if the hare and I get to have a session once a month, it's only been two weeks since our last. He was the only one who knew how I liked it. Phantom welts tingled across my back and my dick ached for his touch. I sank deep into the back of my mind, reliving the sensations Kalvin could give me...

Regal shook my arm. Dimitri was leaving and the rest of my food had gone untouched. Damn. I hurried to shove my tray in the bin, but still being a little out of it I tilted it too far and dropped a fork. Someone laughed behind me as I dropped to my knees to reach for the utensil. It was under the cart the bin was on and I had to stretch.

"Dude, hurry up," Regal huffed. Then I heard him yelp with surprise.

I jumped back to my feet, ready to run but it wasn't danger. Sanders, the lion from our cellblock, was smiling, leaning on the bin and looking at us.

"Hi, guys," he said. "Mind if I walk with you?"

Regal gratefully accepted for both of us. Dimitri was gone and might not notice we were left behind until back in his cell.

The lion's greased down mane and toothy grin made me think of a shark. Regal was under the impression Sanders was interested in me. Fuck what he thinks, and fuck the cat. If Sanders wants me he can pay for it like every other prick in here.

***

The doors shut and I was practically alone. Harris was on his bunk, but his mind was in his philosophy books. We didn't have a TV or radio. All I had were a few adventure books and the pictures I put up on the wall.

I sat down holding one of the books but staring across at the photo of him. He was the reason I was in here. That fucking wolf. Every time I looked at that picture I wanted to tear it up, flush it away and forget he ever existed.

But I couldn't.

Not yet.

I opened the book on my lap and pretended to read.

***

"Which one of you is Jake?" asked Tory.

I blinked until my mind cleared. Back in the cafeteria. I stood up, unsure if I'd eaten anything. Regal grabbed my arm to stop me.

"You're Tory, right? I'm sure Vince made this clear, but just so you remember, the Pack doesn't allow you to hurt its members. Unless you want to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your sentence, my friend better not get hurt."

I looked at the wolf. He was tall, his fur a soft shade that hovered somewhere between light gray and light tan. I'd never seen him before so he had to be new. Why did Regal do this? Make threats no one would back up? It only made things worse for me.

Tory nodded absently. "Yeah. No problem."

He had a nice voice. There was an indefinable hint of an accent - maybe northern - hard to place, like the color of his fur. I kept my eyes down and followed him through the cafeteria, past the leering inmates and blind guards, into the kitchen. He stopped in front of one of the walk-in fridges. The broken one they kept empty.

He was new, right? It wasn't chance he would lead me here. This was where they took me if there might be screaming. Fuck.

Tory rapped his knuckles on the door and yanked it open. I hesitated for only a fraction of a second, only noticeable to me, but there was the fleeting ghost of a desire to run.

Hah, run where? I thought to myself as I walked into the dark room.

"You bring him?" asked a voice that was not Tory's.

"Yeah."

"Right. Turn on the light and fuck off."

Recognition struck just as the light bulb went off, showing me the other wolf. Slim but all hard muscle, wrapped in a bristly coat of fur tattooed with an all enveloping spider web. Max. Piter's bloodthirsty thug.

The thick door thumped shut. I spun and grabbed for the handle. As fast as I was it wasn't near enough. Max's open palm slammed across the back of my head, knocking me to the floor.

"Been awhile, hasn't it, bitch?"

I rolled onto my back. Two Max's danced in front of me and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Very naughty, trying to run from your pal like that."

He kicked my thigh hard and I yelped. My eyes opened and my double vision cleared. Max squatted low looking at me as I tried not to shake. He was going to kill me, I thought. It made sense if Piter didn't need me any more. He put his hand out and I recoiled, earning some laughter.

"You stupid bitch. You've been gone a month and you've already lost your manners?"

I amended my thoughts. He was going to rape me, then kill me. I struggled to my knees and licked the back of his hand the way he liked. Max stood up, but I kept my eyes down.

"I bet you're wondering why I brought you here," he began pacing around me. "Is he going to kill me," his voice a mocking imitation of mine, but he was close to what I was thinking. "Can I suck my way out of this? Fucking bitch." He straddled me, sitting down hard on my back, pressing me lower.

"That's better. You always were the best chair in the prison." He sighed. "How's life, Jake?"

I was having enough trouble breathing, but a flick to my ear told me he wanted an answer. "Fine," I grunted.

He snorted at the obvious lie. "What if I told you, Piter was willing to take you back? But he needs you to do something for him first."

I'm not stupid. There was not much of a difference between serving Piter or serving Vince, but with Vince, at least my humiliation and abuse wasn't as constant. But with Piter I might live longer. "W-what do I have to do," I croaked out.

Max got off me and sat on the floor in front of me. He pulled a small clear plastic envelope, maybe the size of a credit card, from his pocket. He held it right in front of my nose, showing me the single white pill in it. It could have been an aspirin to the casual observer.

"Put this in a drink, and get Dimitri to swallow it. It's flavorless, odorless, and dissolves fast. Easy."

"You want me to poison him?" My voice was scratchy from disuse.

"Yes. You kill the tiger and Piter will take you back."

"And it will go back to like it was?"

"Yes."

"What happens to Regal?"

"Why do you care?"

That was a good question. For some reason Max took my silence as insistence.

"It's up to Piter. If he learns his place, I don't see any reason why Piter wouldn't keep him around. Always nice to have a few spare foxes."

I stayed quiet, not wanting to think about what he was telling me to do.

"You've got a week. If the tiger isn't out of commission, Piter will not be pleased. And if you breath a word about this meeting of ours, I will personally rip your tongue out by its roots."

It's not that I used my tongue for much outside of work, but I was rather attached to it. "Ok."

"Be smart, Jake." Max flung the plastic bag at me. I stuffed it in my pocket without looking at it.

"Now thank me for giving you this opportunity," he growled. He spread his legs, resting his arms on his knees. He actually might have thought he was doing me a favor. He saw me as a dumb fox, completely broken. It was an impression I did nothing to contradict. A defense I learned in high school. If they can't tell you're hurting, it's less fun for them.

I smiled and let my eyes fall out of focus. I crawled forward and kissed his crotch before letting my hands find the zipper. In my mind I was back home in the cool shade of my backyard, watching myself as a disinterested observer.

His head glistened with pre and he took a fistful of my hair. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend it was Kalvin. The thought of seeing that hare tonight gave me the incentive to protect myself. I tried to read what Max wanted so he wouldn't slap me or get too rough. He was long, but like the rest of him, his cock wasn't thick. It slid down my throat without resistance.

"That's what you foxes like, isn't it?" Max lean back, his shoulders hitting the wall.

I listened to his moans and his insults. Calling me a slut and how this was all I was good for while I sucked him off. Words I've heard all my life from everyone. But Kalvin never meant those kinds of things when he'd say them. Kalvin knew our games were all about pleasure, even if he used pain to get us there. Max was the opposite. He tugged on my hair, pulling back so when he came it would flood my mouth, forcing me to taste everything.

He pushed me away while I was still trying to swallow down the last of his sticky load. "Alright," he panted. "Get lost."

***

The sky was a blue gray, like the smoke from a bong. I looked up as I followed Regal and Hash through the Yard. If the two were trying to keep their relationship low profile, it wasn't working. Any fur with at least one eye could pick up on their obnoxious giggling, hushed whispers and taking every goddamn opportunity they had to touch each other. They might as well be wearing shirts with targets and handing out invitations to push them around. Not that furs needed an excuse to abuse a fox in here.

They stopped at the edge of the canine territory. It was odd not having to spend my Yard time getting fucked in the maintenance shed. I wondered if Regal and Hash secretly wished I didn't have a break today so they could have their illusion of privacy. Fuck them. I had more important things on my mind than their private affairs.

Hash asked me if this was an ok spot to stand around. I nodded. For a coyote he acted pretty nice. Maybe I was hasty when I promised Regal I wouldn't fuck him. But then again, what could Hash offer me besides a friendly smile. He was just as much a slave as Regal and me.

I made a point not to get too close, ambling a few steps away. I put my hands in my pockets, touching the plastic. Damn it. What the hell was I going to do? I didn't care about Dimitri, in fact, he'd probably deserved it for what he did to me, but me poisoning him? What if he caught me? What if Regal caught me? That idiot had some misplaced sense of loyalty to his tormentor. He'd say something and the Tiger would kill me. And if I said anything, Piter would kill me.

It was a no-win situation. The story of my fucking life. Maybe I should take the poison myself. Get off this shit train... It was an appealing thought, but I don't think I could bring myself to do it yet. I owed it to... to him, the bastard wolf that led me here. The son of a bitch I still loved. The wolf I got killed. I had to suffer for him. There was no way I could find peace in this world or the next until I was punished enough.

***

Back in my cell, waiting for the afternoon headcount so the guards would open the common area. Soon, so soon, Kalvin would come for me. I would get the sensations my body craved.

I stashed the poison pill in the loose binding of one of the books on my half of the shelf. It would sit there until I decided what to do. My mind was always clearest after Kalvin cleansed it. Maybe I'd decided tonight...

"Hell is other furs," said my cellmate.

I turned away from the picture I'd been staring at again. Harris was lying diagonally across the top bunk, his head hanging upside down. His long prehensile possum tail was coiled around the frame to keep him from falling while he stretched his arms out, examining his hands.

"It's what I read about today. We look for meaning outside of ourselves, but in a universe so full of consciousness, it reduces us to seeing ourselves as objects."

I didn't need a thick book to tell about being used as an object. "Yeah?" I said, not sure I understood.

"It means everyone sucks."

"Oh." I could agree with that. Harris went back to reading, done with one of his out of nowhere soliloquies I could rarely follow and the guards eventually decided none of us had escaped today. The doors cranked open and almost as soon as they did, Regal swung through.

"Hi," he said.

My eyes rolled involuntarily. I really didn't want to deal with his shit right now. Neither did Harris, apparently. The possum hopped down from the bunk and brushed past Regal and me. Regal mumbled some sort of an apology that was ignored.

"I don't think he likes me," he said. "Anyways, Dimitri said I could keep you company until Kalvin shows up." He picked at the peeling paint on the bars for a minute. "You- you know, you don't have to do this. I know you like what Kalvn does, but if you ever decide you don't..." he trailed off.

I sat on my bunk, not looking at the photos on my wall. Regal took this as an invitation and slowly came in, taking a seat on the plastic stool across from me. He was a mess. His fur looked dull and mangy, dark circles under his eyes, and he found a way to be unattractively skinny. I didn't think that was possible until I met him. I was being unkind, but he was a fox. We had to take pride in what we could, even if his fur was gray it would be nice if he'd use conditioner.

Regal looked at the pictures then at me and I knew what he was thinking. I never should have told him about myself. I hoped it would have shown him why I didn't want to be friends, or whatever idealistic bullshit he had in mind, and why what he and Hash were doing was stupid.

"Is that the wolf you told me about?"

Fuck. "Can we not talk about this now?"

"Sorry," he said with flattened ears. "I was just trying to take you mind off things." It would have been too easy if that was the last of it. I wondered how he managed to keep his mouth shut when locked in with Dimitri. There was no way the tiger would take listening to this constant babbling.

"I was thinking about talking to Dimitri about letting us play some checkers tomorrow. Sanders is still barred from the commissary for a while, but I have a few candy bars left and if we clean out Styen, maybe we could let Sanders win a few times... as sort of a thank you for watching our backs this morning. What do think?"

I ground my teeth. Regal did not want to know what I was thinking at that moment. I stood, wanting to be alone but willing to settle for putting some distance between the two of us.

As if on cue, I heard Kalvin's voice.

"Hello, foxes."

Regal began sputtering embarrassingly. I let my instincts and training take over. Open stance, hands clasped behind my back. The hare could lead me where ever he decided. It was so freeing to willingly give up control, to not fight it or hide in the back of my mind. I trusted Kalvin more than any fur alive.

"Finally wanna get back on the bike and try our brand of fun again," Kalvin drawled at Regal.

"N-no! I- I mean, I was just waiting with Jake... I'll see you when it's over." He nearly ran from the cell and Kalvin laughed.

Kalvin put his hand on my shoulder. "Ready?"

I nodded. Kalvin was lenient about my quietness. If he would have ordered me to speak my obedient compliance like he said he did with his submissives on the outside, I would have. But he didn't.

"Good," he let his hand slide down my arm. "Follow."

It was just me and him, even walking to his cell it felt like we were alone. He held open the sheet he'd fastened to the bars and I entered.

Immediately I saw the ropes he'd made from ripped towels laid out on his bunk. I didn't see anything he could use as a blindfold or gag. Sometimes he liked to take away one of my senses to heighten the others.

"This is earlier than usual," he said as he walked to the back of his cell. "I hope you've recovered from our last session." He bent and retrieved a whip, fashioned from braided electrical cords, he had hidden behind the cell's toilet. "But I wanted to get to you before word got around."

My ears flicked. What did he mean? Kalvin turned to face me but his eyes didn't meet mine.

"I'm getting paroled."

"When?" the air left my lunges with the whispered word.

"Friday morning. They... uh, they said I was a model inmate, and they could find a better use for the space." He twisted the whip in his hands. "And because I'm a nonviolent offender..."

"...Congratulations," I said softly.

"Anyways, I wanted us to have one more session. You've meant a lot to me, and I owe you more than you could possibly know." He forced a smile and I tried to do the same.

"Why are you still dressed?" He quirked his eyebrow and the games began.

Kalvin stayed clothed, reinforcing the difference of our roles. I stood with my head bowed, completely exposed to the hare's scrutiny. He reached out and brushed his coiled whip across my chest. My nipples stiffened.

"I love how responsive you are," the familiar compliment rolled off his tongue. He pushed me back, pinning me to the cold bars with only a thin sheet between me and the entire cellblock. His face was inches from mine, an unspoken command kept my eyes locked on his. He owned me when we were together.

"I'm going to make this memorable for you," he promised. He pinched my nipple with his free hand, twisting it until I gasped. "I'm going to drive you until you use your safeword. Do you remember what your word is?"

I nodded. He knew what he was asking of me. My safeword was the wolf's name. My wolf. My angel and devil. Kalvin was one of the few furs who knew the story, and one of the fewer who knew his name. I picked the name as my safeword because it was one word I never wanted to say.

This was going to be Kalvin's parting gift. Breaking the last bastion of resistance in me.

He spun me around. I shivered as he took his time tying my wrists to the bars. He tied them low, just above my waist. The message was I'd be on my knees before we were through and he didn't want to have to retie me. He pulled on my hips so my ass was out a little more, then a rope was tied around me like a belt and he tucked my tail under it so it would be out of the way. Kalvin cared about me or he wouldn't have minded if some of the blows fell on my tail.

"Ten, to warm you up," he announced.

My breathing went shallow and I waited for the sweet sting. Time slowed down and I could hear the whistle of the whip slicing through the air. Then came the first moment where my body struggled to comprehend the exquisite shock of sudden pain. I drew in a sharp breath. The blow landed lower than I'd expected, leaving a diagonal line of fire down my upper thigh.

Kalvin was a pro. He hit where he aimed. If he was starting with my legs, he must have been serious about breaking me. Another strike left my right thigh marked with an X of pain. The third lash hit my other leg and the pain hit the threshold I lusted for. The tipping point where my body had to milk the pleasure from it or go mad from the agony.

The first ten were over and he hadn't even touched my ass. Kalvin paused to admire his work. He felt my legs, fingers tracing the rising welts. Kalvin told me how beautiful I'd look with horizontal stripes but that the cramped conditions forced him to give me a diamond pattern that turned out to be more symbolic of the inner strength my beauty hid. As our session continued and the whipping move up, for the first time I started to see the strength he told me I had.

My ass burned and his lashes began to be accompanied by grunts of effort, like he was a tennis player.

" __Fifty!" Kalvin growled and the strike nearly buckled my legs. He dropped the whip and pressed against me. I could feel his erection through his pants. He grasped a fistful of my poor ass, squeezing until I whimpered.

"This what you want, my little pain-slut?"

I wanted what he wanted. My ego was gone. I lived for his pleasure, and his pleasure was mine.

He pulled his hand away and grabbed my jaw, jerking my head up and shoving a finger into the corner of my mouth. I was hit with a tangy copper taste.

"I own you, inside and out," he hissed and I could hear him unfasten his pants. "Everything from your fur to your blood," he shifted and his cock was pressed against me, his free hand reaching around to cup my balls, "to your cum. You are mine."

"I'm yours," I whispered around the finger I'd begun instinctively sucking.

He took away the wet digit before using it to loosen my hole. I was a slut, it didn't take him long. His other hand played with my dick until I was dripping. He stopped before I was at the edge, then brought that hand to my face. "Spit," he commanded and I obeyed.

I could hear him using my fluids to slick himself. His wet cock traded places with his twisting finger. I moaned. It felt so good I wanted to cry. His thrusts were slow and deliberate. With everything I had I tried to keep Kalvin in me. Muscles most furs don't even know they have, clenched and pulled him deeper. But all sex ends, and when he came I was left full but empty at the same time.

"Do you want to cum now?" he whispered.

"It's your decision to make," I answered without needing to think. My mind was existing only for him, except a phantom sensation of loss at the feeling of Kalvin's seed beginning to leak back out of me. His hand wrapped around me, pumping with the same purposeful force he'd had when fucking me.

"You are perfect," he said, so it must be true. "Cum for me." I came, ropes of jizz hitting the sheet in front of me. He barely had to touch me.

I struggled to stay standing until Kalvin, in his divine mercy, commanded me to kneel. I dropped with a thud, the impact on my knees and the stretch of my sore and injured skin sent my mind reeling.

"You know what I want to hear. And you know I won't stop until I get it." I heard the crack of his whip but I was too deep in the moment to let it intimidate me.

Then the lashings started anew. A lot of furs might lose momentum after they got their rocks off, but not Kalvin. If anything now that sex was out of the way he seemed to get more into his game. Three quick strikes fell faster than I could absorb them. I let out a choking yell.

Kalvin was delighted. The perception that I might have been near my limits spurred him on. He whipped me hard and fast, not giving me a chance to safeword out even if that had been an option I would have considered. The only sounds that approached words were my pleas for more.

Sting after sting the pain went on for an eternity, until he was as out of breath as I was. "It can end with a word," he told me before a vicious lash cut into my shoulder. "Say it."

I shook my head as it rested on the bars, my own cum dripping into my hair.

Another series of strikes. Another offer to stop. Over and over, further than I'd ever gone. Time had lost all meaning.

From the somewhere deep in the never ending heaven, Kalvin relented. "You win, Jake," he panted.

I win? I'd forgotten what it was we were competing over.

"I could whip you until you're a bloody corpse, but you're not going to give up." He bent over me and kissed me behind the ear, releasing my bonds with one hand. "You did so well."

It was always an odd feeling to drift back to reality after an evening with Kalvin. Memories missing or out of sequence. I remembered collapsing in his arms, and then laying on his bunk, my head resting on his lap. I could see a wet towel stained pink with my blood. My fur was damp. Kalvin was petting me, telling me how proud he was and how happy I'd made him.

My tail wagged weakly.

"You still with me?"

"Yes."

"Good. No lasting damage, but you're going to have these reminders of me for a long while," he chuckled.

I whimpered. He was going away.

"None a'that, Jake. You knew this would happen some day. And before you know it, you'll be getting out too. An' when you do, you be sure to look me up. You'd be amazed at what I can do with the proper tools."

***

I was back in my own cell.

Someone was holding me. I was crying... Why?

Oh God. I remembered. "He's leaving," I wailed. "I'll be all alone."

"N-no you won't." It was Regal's voice. He sounded like he was in tears too. "I'm here for you. You said we foxes were strong, and that we needed to stick together. I promise you I'm here for you."

That was always like him. Full of empathy but not a damn clue about what was really possible. Kalvin was leaving and my wounds would heal, memories would fade, I would be on my own... And the wolf that I still loved was still dead.

Do you remember that moment of clarity I was hoping for? It came before the nightly lockdown. I still had no idea how I was going to make it without the monthly release Kalvin gave me, but I did decide on what I had to do with the poison Piter wanted me to use on Dimitri.

With Harris's help I limped off my bunk and got the pill from where I'd hid it. The moment the main lights switched off, I dropped it into the toilet and flushed it away. If only everything was that easy.