Spoken Word: You Will Never
#1 of Stories/Poems i write on a whim
sighs This isn't a side you guys will see from me very often. I'm not a huge fan of poetry or spoken word. But i feel like this is the only way to get my feelings out into the open now a days. It's not like my voice makes much of a difference. It seems these days that people constantly ignore the fact that there are people out there that struggle, that go through the worse possible feelings on the planet. I am one of those people, however one person in particular, whom i've known for 5 years (He knows who he is) seems to mistake my struggle as a sign of power when in reality it's a sign of pain. especially when he's the one causing it 80% of the time. Yet he's always been my best friend. he's never left my side no matter what the issue and no matter how many times i've attempted to push him away. He's my best bro, he's my best friend.. he's like family to me.. But he fails to realize time and time again when i'm hurting and he's completely oblivious to how much he hurts me. I still love him but i always keep my mouth shut time after time because i'd hate to lose him. Like i said.. Writing is the perfect outlet for my feelings and emotions. I don't have much time these days to write anything due to school and time constraints. Leave a comment below with your thoughts. Whether they be good or bad i won't care much. I felt like i had to get this out there.
Smokey Digsby Expressive Spoken Word
You
Will
Never...
Understand the pain I endure day after day after stress filled day.
Having to hide the true me out of sheer terror, and fear of being rejected by society.
Having to Hide the fact that I'm still a human deep down, that behind the fursona is a person.
Having to fight for the things that are handed to you on a silver platter; Companionship, Talent, Love Friends.
Having to fight just to survive out in this harsh world of ours, alone and afraid that when I go to sleep I may never wake up.
You
Will
Never...
See the struggle I go through on a day by day basis. Having to be the loud boisterous one among a group just to be seen.
See how badly I fight just to be noticed. I work my tail off just for to try to get understood but it seems to me that my most negative actions get the most attention from you.
See how much pain I go through day by day, aving to log into Social Media just to look at pictures of you and him.. or him and someone else, or you and someone else.. All the same looking happy and loved.
You
Will
Never...
Know that I am capable of anything and it's because of you that I keep fighting.
Know that no matter how hard I push myself it's never enough
Know that every time I look at you... I want to kill myself deep down.
Know how badly I just want you to say that we're friends, or how proud you are of me...
Know that because of you and those that swarm you, I hurt myself everyday with feelings and thoughts of doubt and worthlessness.
You were and always will be my brother, my best friend, and my rock.
But it seems to me that no matter what I do.. I'm never good enough for you.
As pathetic as it seems I cry myself to sleep every night because I'm so close to you yet infinitely far.
No matter what I try to do to get you to notice me I'll never be that person that you can just say, "Hey, Thanxs for being by my side."
I realize that I'm never going to be something of worth to you. But I also realize that I am worth something to myself.
And it's because of you that I'm going to keep fighting. On and On And On and On. But not until you notice me.
I will keep fighting until I'm able to show you how much I am capable of without the constant need to fight for you.
It's sad really.
I do everything in my power to surpass you, and get you to notice me.
Yet I never succeed no matter how much I try.
This is where I rise like a phoenix born from the ashes of self-doubt, and depression.
I no longer feel a need to fight for you, yet rather I feel a need to fight against you.
You'll probably never see this or if you do you'll probably never care.
But starting this day
I
Am
Reborn
A
New
Person.