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Laelaps- Canis Major

Before I say anything, I just want you to know that I have the power to break the fourth wall. No one else does. They, despite talking to you, have no idea you exist. Some would say that I'm insane for talking to you, but I'm not. I'm merely... Supersane. Think about the ones you call "Deadpool" and "the Joker," and most recently, the one known as "the ultimate Spiderman." They talk to you, don't you? So why can't I?

The story resumes as the blindish human asks me a question.

"Yes, Sebun. I'm sure my name is Laelaps. And Skia's the cadmean vixen." Me and Skia had switched weapons back. She got her sword, I got my rifle. What? Did she say that Hephaestus gave it to her? Heh. Wow, has she lied big this time. I am the hunting dog, fated to hit anything I shoot. Why do you think that she had such a bad shot in The Vixen Sniper? I only gave it to her because she's fated to never get hit, so any magicians couldn't defend themselves. Now, I know what you're thinking. But Lae, you're mortal enemies with Skia! And you're a bitch. Think about that. This isn't earth. Canis major and Canis minor have no place here. So we made our own. As for the bitch thing- yeah. I was a bitch. But Kami here had to keep some sort of gender balance, didn't he?

That aside, pun intended, we were on the way to the world tree. Otara healed our Japanese friend before leaving Jessica unconscious. We shrugged collectively and set up camp for the night before Jessica stirred. "Wha- what happened?" the little hare said, blinking her chocolate brown eyes bewilderedly. Is that even a word? How about perplexed? Yeah, perplexed works. Anyways, Otara's host coulden't remember anything about the night before. See, a possession by a deity, or "channeling," is like sleep walking. You get a little rest. You move around. You have no memory of doing so. "Who are you people? Sebun, why are you with them?"

"Wow, this kid has had it rough," I said. "You really did a number on her, Kami."

"Who?" Jessie asked. Oh, wait. Jessica. Sebun told me once that the one time he called her Jessie, she put him into a sleeper hold. Oh well. I have plot immunity.

Anyways, Jessie, Skia and even the one formerly known as Ren were looking at me funny. "Nothing," I said with a sleepy smile and eyes half closed, hoping to get off with the 'tired' excuse.

"He's probably just really tired, the ass," Skia offered. Boy, do I love that woman. It's too bad we're being written by Kami or I would take her right here and now. Alas, this idiot can't write yiff.

"Skia, we've been together for years. You should know by now that I'm a dog, not an ass," I quipped. Do Snarkers quip? Is that my role in this story? I'm pretty sure that Ren/Sebun is the Unfazed Everyman. Other than that, I'm not quite sure. Gods, this is so meta. "Well, it wasn't that he's tired. He's paying enough attention to make fun of me," the Vixen said. "So what was it?"

I responded by going limp and snoring. I mean, who cares? I'm gonna get kicked anyways. I braced myself and... there we go. This kick didn't feel like one of Skia's, though. She would have gone straight for the balls, for one. Ren- I'm sorry, Sebun- glanced at me sympathetically as I realized that it was the hare that kicked me. He said something about them being hard back in, oh, chapter four? Maybe five. I'm not entirely sure. Supersanity is weird. Anyways, putting my pending existential crisis aside, I got up, groaning. "What's the question, again?"

"Never mind," the hare said, waving her hand dismissively. It feels good to be dismissed, for some odd reason. "Are we going to Yggdrasil or not?"

"We are. And you two"- Jessica pointed at me and Skia- "hadn't ever told me who you are. Care to explain?"

"We're two travelers. Do you remember the one that was shooting you?"

She glanced at the sniper rifle on my back. "That was you?" She was looking around nervously, like Who the hell invited these guys?

"I had nothing to do with it. It was her!" I pointed to the vixen that was stuffing her face on my right.

"Sorry," she said, not bothering to swallow. "You know, this is really good!" Well, she was eating it, so I couldn't tell if that was one of her suck-ups, sincerity, or another of her pathological lies. The apology was absolute bull, though, and I don't mean Minotaur.

Jessie didn't seem to detect the strange... lilt, for lack of a better term, in her voice. It was the one sure sign that the cadmean vixen is lying. Either way, the apology was done and over with, and my idea of our place clearer for it.

I may not be able to identify which trope each of us is, but I can tell you exactly what role we have in combat. Sebun is the warrior, honest and kind. He won't ever fight dirty outside of the advantage his sword gives him.

Jessie is the mage/healer. No doubt about it. Otara is a goddess of life. If Jessie's getting possessed by her, than she won't be much use in a sword fight. Besides, did you see what she did to Skia?

I'm obviously the ranged. There isn't any other way. I'm fated to be a perfect shot.

Skia is the rouge, the wildcard. With her ability to never be hit with a ranged weapon or spell, she's perfect. She even has a tendency to dodge sword blades supernaturally. On top of that, she's excellent with a dagger, however much she hates to admit it. The pathological lies are just icing on the badass cake.

Now, on to that existential crisis...

***

"Fourth Wall? What's that? I'm pretty sure I demolished it in the third paragraph."

-Laelaps