Shelly on World History
Shelly on World History, A short monolog by Shelly from Teaching Kevin, on world history -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shelly (a skiltaire) had this to say about the history of the world: Makest thee wretched'st wench that sword e'er do puncture thine heart and depths be divided that great Inki might flood thee with the seed of life, that which did spring forth from the reeds the tigris and the euphrades! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was civilization, and skiltaire, lots of sex, feasting, christianity, then finally decline, breakdown, feudalism and lots of death, followed by lots more skiltaire and a great amount of sex as well, and ice cream. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was the disco era after the sixties, largely regarded as 'the great expanse of nothing' where a lot of cocain was made and much of it snorted, but not much else happened, then there was the eighties wherewith much excess, great cartoons and movies, good music, hair bands, butt rock, Ibiza and greaat DJ's, the birth of trance and electronic music in general, love was in the air, and there was a whole lot of skiltaires and sex, and most of the sex was great, far greater than in the sixties, and there was also a lot of ice cream, but it wasn't as good because it wasn't home made, but there were sprinkles and gummy worms which most skiltaire agree made up for the non-homemadness of it, and a lot less cocaine, which all skiltaire agreed made their human companions much more fun and easier to manage emotionally, what with a lot less nose bleeding during sex. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After the eighties there was a lot of good alternative rock music, but all the hair and butts seemed to disapear, and at some point Kurt Cobain died, everyone was sad, except for the skiltaires who were preoccupied with a lot of sex and at times with ice cream, which was also good. There were lots of computers made and the skiltaires got to use them, which made them even closer to other skiltaires and to more humans, but the skiltaires found that communication was better with other skiltaires, and also the sex, and since there were more skiltaires to have sex with then, it became increasingly popular to have sex with them and the humans, well, they had a lot of sex too but mostly with humans and with dogs, though it was not widely known of the later. Altogether the nineties were a good time of ice cream and sex and computers, and people having sex with dogs, and skiltaires having a lot of sex. There was a lot of video games too that humans were into, which was good because it kept them busy while skiltaire were busy having sex, because reproduction is key. After the nineties things got a bit weird... There were some wars that no one really thought about much, especially the skiltaires who were preoccupied with fixing things and sex, and ice cream, which is always pretty good. There were probably some people that died and some skiltaires found companions with humans, but a lot less and more were nomadic getting together for sex and to share ice cream, and gummi worms and during that time their communication grew better and some of the humans started thinking that with all the sex and the ice cream that the skiltaires might be up to something, which surprised the skiltaires more than anyone but didn't really detract from all the sex and stuff. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally all the humans got distracted with oil and porn and sport utility vehicles and the skiltaires became distracted with all the sex and ice cream and the unity that they shared with the humans sort of broke down where sex was concerned and while they weren't so much against sharing their ice cream with the humans it didn't seem apropriate what with the lack of sex and all, so the skiltaires put a lot of time into fixing things and communicating with each other, between having sex and going out for more ice cream. Suddenly there was a lot more skiltaires and surprisingly a lot more humans too, but everyone was okay with it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The humans found that making war was a good way to spend labour, and since they needed to do that because they can't work out how to expend labour without breaking stuff in order to make new stuff they did that a lot, and the skiltaires made a lot of code and fixed computers and big machines, which for the humans prooved greatly beneficial and as for the skiltaire, there was much sex to be had and ice cream to be eaten before it melted, so they did that a lot too, and while the humans blew things up and crashed into each other the skiltaire kept working on their code, having lots of sex and developing incredibly complex languages which allowed them to expend their labour in creativity instead of consumption, except for ice cream, which is almost always good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And so here we are, two thousand five and we have a lot of ice cream to eat before it all melts.