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CHAPTER 4

"ON WITH THE SHOW!" Mettaton laughed, clapping his hands robotically as the audience began to develop legitimately serious concern for Alphys' mental health.

EPISODE 3: METTATON'S INVENTION

One bright sunny morning in Alphys' and Undyne's unnecessarily two-story house, Alphys woke up to find herself alone in her bed...which, for her, was a rather rare occurrence for reasons I shouldn't have to explain.

"Undyne? UNNNDYNE? WHERE ARRRE YOUUU?" Alphys cupped her hands together into a tube shape and called out for her.

"Undyne? YOO-HOO? Where you AT, homie?" Alphys continued calling out as she slid down the staircase onto the first floor and entered the kitchen.

"UNDYNE! There you are!" Alphys yelled as she went out the front door and finally found Undyne sitting in a chair outside on the front porch, holding some kind of mysterious box.

"Hey, what's in that little cardboard box you got there, if you don't mind me asking?" Alphys asked Undyne, drooling at the mouth and shaking with excitement at the thought of what it might be.

(Yes, a lot of Alphys' acting deliveries were actually unscripted, just in case you were wondering.)

"Jesus Christ on a bicycle, would you PLEASE chill the fuck OUT?!" Undyne snapped at her.

"Yes..." Alphys sighed, hanging her head in shame.

"Anyway, I've noticed that you've been a little bit on the grumpy side recently, don't you think?" Undyne pointed out, flicking her pudgy little snout.

"I am NOT grumpy!" Alphys growled, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning.

"Oh, come on, Alphie, lighten up!" Undyne urged her, petting her on the head and watching as she bounced up and down like an adorable grumpy little teddy bear.

"It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming...honestly, on days like this, I think girls like you ought to be-" Undyne began.

"Burning in hell, yeah, yeah, I get it, you don't have to freaking remind me!" Alphys shrugged.

"Actually, I was ABOUT to say something more closely along the lines of running around and playing with the adorable little butterflies...but I suppose that works too!" Undyne laughed, opening up the box and pulling a rather odd-looking futuristic helmet out of it.

"What the hell is THAT thing?!" Alphys sneered.

"Mettaton made it for you, so if you don't MIND, I would suggest being a little more POLITE!" Undyne laughed as she lifted the device up and slammed it onto Alphys' head.

"So...are you beginning to notice the effects yet?" Undyne asked her with a devious smirk.

"MUST...DO...NICE...THINGS...FOR UNDYNE!" Alphys screamed in pain as her body contorted into all kinds of weird and grotesque poses, with her smiling from ear to ear in every single one.

"Oh, boy, this is gonna be SO much fun..." Undyne chuckled, rubbing her hands together and darting her eyes from side to side as Alphys became completely brainwashed by the device.

"HAPPY...HELMET...WON'T...COME...OFF!" Alphys laughed, attempting to pry it off of her head with a crowbar...but sadly to no avail. (Or should I say happily?)

IN THE GARAGE...

"SEE HOW I LOVE TO CLEAN...FILTHY FISH TANKS!" Alphys growled insanely as she inserted a ladle into Undyne's (pet-sized) fish tank and fished out a huge scoop of Undyne's poop.

"HA HA HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!" Alphys laughed wildly as she held the scoop out in front of her face and then poured it back out into the fish tank.

"UWA HA HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! OHH HO HO HOO! HUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alphys continued laughing wildly as she listened intently to the loud PLOP of Undyne's feces hitting the surface of the water, then scooped it back up into her ladle and sniffed it.

"AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAH!" Alphys fell over onto the floor laughing as her poor nose began to bleed from how dreadfully awful Undyne's fecal matter smelled.

IN THE KITCHEN...

"GIVE US VORE! GIVE US VORE! GIVE US VORE!" the entire filming crew of Mettaton's news broadcasting channel gathered around Alphys and Undyne in a circle and chanted.

"Alphys, are you SURE you're going to be alright?" Undyne asked Alphys, who had recently shrunk herself to a very small size with her own shrink gun and was basically a mouse now.

"I was BORN ready for this!" Alphys laughed as Undyne lifted Alphys up by the tail and reluctantly inserted her into her mouth.

"My, my, what unexpectedly flat TEETH you have all of a sudden!" Alphys complimented Undyne, sitting atop her tongue and smiling for the camera that had somehow been installed inside Undyne's surprisingly clean mouth.

"The better to, uh...not KILL you with, my dear?" Undyne stammered nervously as she slowly, fearfully opened up her jaws and then struggled internally to close them back together again.

"YAY! I'M SO STRONG! TEE HEE HEE!" Alphys giggled, wrapping her hands and feet around Undyne's teeth and gleefully pushing the jaws away from each other.

"Wow, that poor girl looks like she's really STRUGGLING in there!" an anonymous film crew member gasped in shock.

"Are you fricking JOKING? That crazy little bitch looks like she's literally on cloud NINE right now!" another anonymous film crew member laughed at him.

"Now THIS is what I call GRINDING...OHH..." Alphys moaned as the gently weeping Undyne grinded her inbetween her two massive rows of teeth, showing how resilient Alphys really was.

"Looks like this girl is one tough COOKIE!" yet another anonymous news reporter chuckled as Alphys crawled up onto the roof of Undyne's mouth and held on tightly.

"OHH, MOMMA..." Alphys moaned as Undyne's tongue stroked her entire body repeatedly and thoroughly, soaking her in dripping, gooey saliva.

"Sweet jumping Jesus, looks like this little shrimp is far too BIG for Undyne to swallow! I suppose this is where my nasty habit of MILKING the corporate cow just might end up coming in handy!" Mettaton (box form) announced sassily over the television news broadcast as Undyne was handed a tall glass of milk, proving that this entire thing was scripted all along.

"I'll miss you, dear friend..." Undyne sobbed intensely as she slowly tilted the glass forward into her wide-open mouth, giving Alphys ample time to leap up and grab onto her dangling uvula as an enormous rushing wave of milk poured into Undyne's mouth.

"What's THIS, folks?! Ooh, it looks like that dastardly mouse is still alive! What will it do next? OH, DEAR LORD, WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY DO NEXT?!" Mettaton overdramatically gasped.

"TEETH to the left of me...a freaking TONGUE piercing to the RIGHT of me! I TELL YOU, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I AM GOING...COCOA FOR COCOA PUFFS!" Alphys laughed dementedly, having a wild spastic seizure inside of Undyne's mouth before finally returning to her senses and tickling Undyne's soft palate with her claws.

"HIC...HURK...HUEEEGGGHHH!" Undyne heaved, belching Alphys out onto the ground as the poor lizard girl finally grew back to her normal size for completely unexplained reasons.

"Well, that's a wrap, folks!" Mettaton laughed and clapped his hands sarcastically as all of the news reporters left the house, leaving Alphys and Undyne alone in their boring house yet again.

"You're a kinky bitch, you know that?" Undyne told Alphys, shuddering a little.

"Doesn't that mean I have my hair tied up in adorable little ribbons? YAY!" Alphys squeaked, causing Undyne to go AWW while also facepalming herself at the same time.

FINALLY, ONE WEEK LATER, AT THE LOCAL CONCERT THEATRE...

"Greetings, everybody!" Undyne greeted the audience as her and Alphys waltzed into their seats and waited eagerly for their new music video that they had created themselves to begin.

"Greetings, everybody, the name's Papyrus, and I've got a nice little song that I believe will suit this music video perfectly!" Papyrus, who was (of course) the guy handling the movie player, announced through his microphone as he promptly began singing his favorite song.

"This is a song about a deranged yellow psychopath. NO! This is a song about Alphys!" Papyrus redundantly corrected himself as the play's first appearance on the big screen began.

"At some point in your life, you may find that there is someone you end up loving more than anyone else." Papyrus explained as Alphys hopped up and down like an adorable little baby bunny rabbit and showered Undyne with heaping handfuls of bright, colorful flowers.

"But remember, boys and girls, there is NOTHING in this entire blasted UNIVERSE that can EVER replace the immense joy that a nice, warm, freshly cooked plate of Papyrus' masterfully designed SPAGHETTI can bring to you!" Papyrus boasted as Alphys and Undyne sat together at a candlelit dinner table and tied two threads of pasta together into a knot between their mouths...and then accidentally spat it out all over each other's faces due to how awful it tasted.

"Nothing, that is...except for INSANITY!" Papyrus laughed as the real, living Amalgamates suddenly shambled out onto the stage, causing at least a quarter of the audience to run out of the theatre screaming at the tops of their lungs.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO!" Papyrus sang as Alphys rode Endogeny like a horse, grabbing a strand of determination from its body, using it as a lasso and yelling YEE-HAW while doing so.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHOPATH!" Papyrus continued singing as Alphys ran around her lab, injecting determination into everything in sight.

"Did you ever see something so utterly horrifying that you just couldn't muster up the courage to tell anyone about it?" Papyrus asked as Alphys scrambled her way up a massive, towering pile of mail envelopes before finally losing her balance and crashing down onto the floor, cracking an awkward "OOPS" smile with Undyne and the Amalgamates glaring angrily at her.

"Isn't it funny, a lizard marrying a fish?" Papyrus laughed as Alphys and Undyne snuggled together adorably in their bed, with Alphys' traumatizing memories still haunting her.

"And isn't it even funnier when that exact same lizard literally NEVER tells ANYONE the truth?" Papyrus laughed as Alphys threw together a giant Hotland-themed puppet show in which she literally pulled Mettaton's and Frisk's strings to make the two of them do her bidding.

"I mean, come on, it's obviously the truth! Why didn't you tell me? WHY DIDN'T YOU FREAKING TELL ME?!" Papyrus yelled as Undyne grabbed Alphys and threw her into the trash can, which the Amalgamates then dutifully carried off.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO!" Papyrus sang as Alphys and Undyne engaged in sexual intercourse with the Amalgamates, which was censored from the live version but would later appear in the Director's Cut.

"ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHO, ALPHYS IS A PSYCHOPATH!" Papyrus concluded as Alphys sprinkled dog food all over herself and was eaten alive by her own pets.

"Um...Undyne?" Alphys asked Undyne, tapping her on the shoulder.

"What is it, my dear?" Undyne asked her.

"Can I have some brain bleach, please?" Alphys sighed.

EPISODE 3 END