Alphys Höek

Story by xandermartin98 on SoFurry

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#1 of Alphys Höek

A few short weeks after the events of Undertale, Alphys signs up to be the president of Mettaton's new fan club, having no idea what she's getting herself into. Her resulting sanity slippage, combined with how incredibly unhinged the past events of her life have already made her, end up turning her into a perfect fit for the leading role of Mettaton's new start-up TV series, The Undertale Show, which just so happens to be a blatant parody of Ren & Stimpy. Things only get even better from there.


CHAPTER 1

A few weeks after the events of Undertale, all of the monsters were now living in New York City and had their own houses (yes, those still existed in New York City) in which they lived together in pairs that matched their romantic interests...well, most of them, at least.

Sans lived with Grillby, Undyne lived with Papyrus, Frisk lived with Monster Kid, Asgore lived with Toriel, and Alphys...well, Alphys lived with Mettaton.

To make a long story short...despite how much he could clearly hear Alphys begging and pleading to be with her beloved girlfriend Undyne, Mettaton simply refused, forcing her to live with him mainly for the sake of boosting his own already comically overinflated ego.

It was a cold, rainy morning in Alphys' apartment, and of course, there she was sitting on the couch with her laptop, surfing the Internet restlessly in her Mew Mew Kissy Cutie pajamas.

"Sigh...another day, another FREAKING blog post series on Tumblr about Mettaton...and STILL nothing of importance about ME, his freaking CREATOR...just the typical mindless drooling over how fricking CUTE I am." Alphys shrugged, hanging her head in disappointment as she flipped through page after page after page of fanarts and animated music videos starring Mettaton.

"And who's to say that MY fanbase doesn't do the exact same bullcrap regarding ME, dearie?" Mettaton (EX) teased her, plopping himself onto the couch and sitting right next to her.

"Well, I mean...at least when people portray YOU in such a way, there's actually MEANING behind it!" Alphys shrugged, leaning her head on one of her hands in boredom and sadness.

"HA! Meaning schmeaning! Tell me; when was the last time you saw someone make something about ME that could actually be considered truly DEEP and MEANINGFUL?" Mettaton laughed, patting Alphys on the back affectionately.

"Uh...since they Photoshopped your face onto David Bowie, I suppose?" Alphys laughed nervously, scratching her head in confusion.

"Uh-huh." Mettaton snickered, handing Alphys a pen.

"HUH? W-what do you want me to do with THIS?!" Alphys asked him nervously, fidgeting and sweating out of an immensely justified fear that this was going to be yet another contract deal.

"I want you to sign this PAPERWORK, dearie!" Mettaton chuckled, shoving an excessively huge stack of paperwork into her face and setting a two-minute timer for her to finish signing it.

TWO MINUTES LATER...

"Time's up, darling!" Mettaton laughed as his internal clock's alarm went off right as Alphys was finishing the very last letter of the very last writing of her name.

"UGGGH...what is all of this crap even for in the first place, again?" Alphys sighed, handing the stack of papers back to Mettaton.

"Why, what else could it be, darling? It's a membership form for my worldwide MTT fanclub!" Mettaton laughed, giving Alphys a nice big kiss on the cheek.

"WHAT?!" Alphys shrieked, wiping the oil off of her face.

"Oh, but of course, it's not just ANY type of membership form! Only the best for YOU, darling! Why, I dare say you even get to be PRESIDENT now, sweetums!" Mettaton laughed.

"WOW...PRESSSIDENNNT..." Alphys gasped with excitement, imagining herself as the President Of The United States, receiving a phone call in which someone told her that Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 was a better movie than Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 1.

"What do you MEAN, you don't agree with me?! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?!" Alphys yelled at the top of her lungs over the phone, slamming the big red button on her desk as hard as she was capable of with her fist.

"That was easy." the button said flatly as the naysayer's mobile home literally got bombed by an airplane and exploded into fat, sweaty weeaboo smithereens as a result.

"HA HA HA! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! OHH-HO-HO-HOHH! HUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAH!" Alphys laughed maniacally.

"Alphys, for crying out loud, SNAP out of it!" Mettaton yelled to get her attention, slapping her back to her senses and waking her up from her brief yet incredibly lucid daydream.

"Whaddayhowa?" Alphys slurred dizzily, shaking her head back into focus.

"Alphys, you silly goose!" Mettaton laughed heartily, clutching his chest and wiping the joyful tears from his eyes. "When I said President, I didn't mean as in literally President of the United States! I meant as in President of my wonderful FANCLUB!"

"WHAT?! OH, NO!" Alphys gasped, covering her mouth with her hands in terror at the thought of how many email messages and phone calls she was going to get bombarded with.

"OH, YES, DARLING! OHHHHHHHH, YESSSSSSSS!" Mettaton laughed, slapping Alphys on the back and heading out the front door to attend his television show.

"Oh, and also, one more tiny little thing, darling; if you so desire, I can even give you your own short but sweet mini-series of short films starring yours truly...YOU!" Mettaton chuckled as he opened the front door and just stood there, letting all the warm air out.

"How about NO, you crazy handsome bastard?" Alphys snapped frustratedly at him.

"If you don't accept this wonderful offer right now, then I won't let you share a room with UNDYNE!" Mettaton teased her, walking over to her and flicking her nose. "BOOP!"

"UGGGH...FINE." Alphys groaned, rolling her eyes but knowing at heart that if the reward was for her to be with Undyne again, then she pretty much had no other choice.

"TOODLES, DARLING!" Mettaton laughed merrily as he walked out the door and closed it fabulously, leaving Alphys cold and alone...and bothered.

ONE UNDYNE GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH LATER...

"Ahh...I feel at least half a cup lighter now!" Alphys moaned with delight as she was suddenly bombarded with an endless stream of disjointed messages from who-knows-how-many different people on her Gmail account, including but not limited to:

"I freaking HATE you, Alphys! You're the most evil character in the entire game and you deserve to burn in hell forever and ever for the absolutely horrific things you've done!"

"Undertale sucks my left ball, Cave Story sucks my right! Fuck all of these stupid fucking overrated pretentious hipster-trash indie games to DIE!"

"I want Alphys to breastfeed Snowdrake's mother"

"I want Mettaton to give me a thighjob, but I'm afraid that the results would be rather CRUSHING, if you catch my drift."

"I'm gay now thanks to Mettaton and I'd still fuck Alphys. I also wanna worship her tail and feet"

Alphys blushed deeply and continued reading through the millions upon millions of comments as she ironically began to wonder why the Undertale fanbase was so madly in love with her.

"TORIEL'S LEFT LEG"

"Man, if Alphys secretly snuck down into the True Lab at night and engaged in bestial interspecies sexual intercourse with the Amalgamates, would that be fucked up or what?"

At around this point, Alphys' eyes began to twitch; luckily, there were only about another fifteen million fan comments to go, so clearly she wasn't about to completely lose her mind. (She was.)

"If you don't turn off Google Notifications, you're gonna have a bad time."

"I want to rub my cock inbetween Undyne's webbed toes and suck on them."

"I want Alphys to stick an inflation pump into her mouth and make herself even fatter MMM"

"I want to fuck the lemon that was used to make Lemon Bread"

"Lizard waifu so hot, hot hot lizard waifu, lizard waifu so hot you lay an egg...AND EAT IT"

"I want Undyne to fucking IMPALE me with her glorious SPEAR!"

"There's a Mettaton-shaped piercing in my Mettaton-shaped Metta-TONGUE!"

"Alphys, I want to see you in stocks with your gorgeous feet being lovingly worshipped by either Endogeny or preferably Undyne...or better yet, how about BOTH of them at the same time?!"

"I want Undyne to melt herself together with Alphys and have some sticky gooey FUN!"

"I want Napstablook to build himself a robot body so that he can amalgamate himself together with Mettaton and then passionately fornicate with him in their grotesquely sexy new form!"

At about midnight, after reading that exact message, Alphys finally lost it, throwing her nigh-indestructible laptop across the room and collapsing onto the floor in a fit of rage.

"FUCKITY DOODLE DOO! NOTHING SICK AND NASTY ABOUT UNDERTALE, NO SIREE, LA LA LA LA LA LAA LAA!" Alphys rambled dementedly as she curled into a ball and began hyperactively writhing around on the floor like a tortured animal as she cried herself to sleep.