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The Life of Another - Chapter 32

© Jake Atkinson

P.O.V. - Roger - On his way to the hospital

What a morning! I thought as I shut the passenger door on Ms. Thurlington's car. I am in so much trouble! What was I thinking by showing off on those tests?! Then again, with that stupid Fox screwing with my head all the time I'm lucky I'm still sane at this point. And now I'm stuck with her, sure is a nice car though! How can a school counselor afford a Porsche 911 Turbo S? These things easily run North of $150,000! I can only imagine what she's doing in her off time that brings in this kind of cash.

My train of thought was interrupted as Ms. Thurlington shut the door and clicked her seatbelt into place. "There we go. And I see you're already buckled in. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised considering your father's line of work. I'll bet you spent lots of time riding along with him in those big-rigs. Did he ever give you the chance to get behind the wheel or maybe even teach you how to shift gears?"

She started the rearward mounted engine and it rumbled to life, it's barely muffled exhaust reminiscent of Thad's Bugatti. The sound brought up a surprising rush of emotion and I gripped the armrest tightly. "Sometimes when we were out in the middle of nowhere he'd uh, unhitch the trailer and let me circle it around." Knowing nothing about the man, I'd better change the subject. "Hey, I see this has a manual transmission. At least you don't have to double clutch it like a semi. You must have quite a lucrative hobby in your off hours to keep a pony like this in your stable. I'll bet you can hit a hundred kilometers per hour in like three seconds."

She glided the palm of her hand across the leather-wrapped shifter and pulled it into reverse, easing the car out of its parking spot with smooth authority. "On a racetrack perhaps. But I would certainly never drive that way on public roads. Here, I'll do the clutch. Put your hand on the shifter."

With a growing sense of trepidation, I hesitated.

The counselor's ears drooped slightly. "I know you're too young to drive Roger but it's alright. I just thought the feel of shifting it might bring back some fond memories of your father. Go ahead, I've got the clutch down."

Reluctantly, I dropped my hand to the shifter but before I could push it into gear, she placed her hand atop mine to guide it.

"That's it, now just over and up. There, does that feel anything like those big trucks?" she said as she withdrew her touch.

"Uh..."Damn, is she coming on to me?! Ever since that talk with Mrs. Patterson I've been paranoid that she's hot for me but I guess that was harmless enough. "It's a little softer than I expected."

The car eased forward, it's exhaust burbling as we rolled down the college's private road to the main highway.

Ms. Thurlington tipped her head. "Hmm, I suppose truck transmissions are a different breed. I've never driven anything close to that myself."

This must be her way of trying to be nice. But if that's the case, why am I so tense?

"Heh, I've never driven a car like this before. Maybe that makes us even. Anyway, I'm still in the dark about today's schedule. I mean I know we're going to see Steven, but then what?"

She waved to the security personnel in the guard shack at the gate and, after a moment of concentration to safely merge with highway traffic, picked up the conversation.

"If our trip takes as long as I suspect, we might have to stop for lunch on the way back. That works out though because by then they should have your new apartment ready for testing."

I squirmed against the full grain leather, my ears tucking. "Considering how my last testing session went, is it really necessary? Can't you just use machines or something?"

She shook her head. "No, we don't fully understand how your abilities work. And until we do, the only way we can determine the room is secure is to test it with you. I'm sure you don't want to hurt any of your new neighbors."

"No, of course not." I said as we passed over the bridge spanning the edge of the lake where Roger died. "It's just that after last night I got to thinking..." My ears folded further and I swallowed. "Maybe it would be best for everyone if I wasn't here."

Although the counselor's eyes took on a look of genuine concern, she kept them on the road ahead. "Are you thinking of hurting yourself Roger?"

"No," I said, shifting my gaze from the placid water of the lake back to Ms. Thurlington. "Not like that. I just don't belong at this school. It's been fun playing in this virtual fantasy over the last week but I realize now that it's not something that should continue. If you'd just give the approval, I could be on my way to a foster home in Phelan in no time."

Before responding, she dropped the car into a lower gear and pulled into oncoming traffic to pass a slower moving vehicle. Although the maneuver was legal, she cut it close and the truck coming at us blared his horn as we settled back into our lane. She scowled and I felt a rush of embarrassment and anger as she muttered under her breath. "Wasn't THAT close."

Realizing I was digging my claws into her expensive upholstery, I forced my hands to relax. "I uh, felt that. Your emotion I mean, still feeling it actually."

Her ears shot forward, then back, and a wave of humiliation washed over both of us. "I'm sorry, I was caught off guard. My unintended emotional transmissions aren't focused so they usually don't last. But we can pull over at the next safe spot and..."

I cut her off. "No! It's ok, really. I just wanted you to be aware of it so it doesn't keep happening."

She took a breath and our car slowed to match the speed of surrounding traffic. "Yes well, again, I'm sorry Roger. I'll try to be more careful. Now, getting back to what you were saying, why do you suddenly want to run away?"

Good to her word, this time, I noticed my feelings of anger and embarrassment already fading. Maybe I should get really nervous so her talent can't get through to me. No, I don't want to be flickering like a defective light bulb at the hospital. My glowing tail alon __e will get more than enough attention. Hey, t_ hat must be why I'm so uptight! Other than that disaster of a trip to the Buk N' Cluk with Aunt Sue, I've never been off campus in my new body. Hmm, I suppose I could take off my hoodie and tie it around my waist to hide my tail but what about the rest? My aura is bound to flare up when I see Steven and his parents._ Damn it, I thought I wasn't going to hide anymore but we're talking about a hospital. People are freaked out enough at hospitals as it is. I huffed with irritation at myself. Who am I kidding? That's a lame excuse.

Ms. Thurlington's voice put an end to my internal discussion. "Roger?"

"Oh uh, sorry." I said. "Got lost in my thoughts. It's hard to explain. I just don't think I'm cut out for this school. I mean, there's been a lot of amazing people that have done some really nice things but..."

While she kept her eyes on the road, she rested her hand on my knee. "Roger, there's always an adjustment period when coming to a new school. You've barely been here a week and I don't think you'd get a better experience anywhere. I realize you've been through some rough times but I'm confident that things will smooth out soon. For instance, I think you might like your new living arrangements. You're getting a fully furnished apartment. In fact, you'll be the first tenant! And your friends will still be able to visit so things won't be changing all that much."

I nodded and studied my claws. "I really do appreciate what everyone is doing on my behalf. And I imagine the apartment will probably be nicer than anyplace I've ever lived, but... I'm worried. I'm scared I could really hurt someone. I should be living alone in the middle of a desert, not in a crowded school."

Her features softened and she gave my knee a squeeze before removing her hand to down-shift for the approaching highway exit. "I know you've had some close calls with your newfound abilities but you should know that we, the entire senior staff, have gone over your case thoroughly. If we had concerns, you wouldn't have been accepted to our school in the first place. Sure there are precautions that need to be taken, and we're taking them. Let me put it another way. All students pose a risk, even those without special abilities. A disagreement could get out of hand and someone could grab a knife from the dorm kitchen and hurt a lot of people. But I don't believe you have the mindset for that type of behavior. The fact that you so willing admit your concerns shows how conscious you are of the situation."

She does actually have a bit of a point, but still, I've slipped in the past.

A self-satisfied smile crossed her muzzle. "Consider us, right now. I trust you enough to be alone in a car with you. Not only that but I'm taking you to a hospital. A building full of people that your very file warns against; people with pace makers, people with weak hearts. Why? Because I trust not only in your ability to control yourself but also in your ability to recognize when you're not in control and to seek help."

I almost smirked. "All that is only true because you're with me. You wouldn't even let me go to PennyMart with Nick. You're operating under the assumption that if things start going sideways you can always zap me. That is, if you can get through the interference."

She shook her head as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. "I can see why you might think that. After all, I admit it was only a short time ago that I overreacted and tried to influence you. But I failed and I've been wanting to apologize. In fact, this brings up another point that I've been quite troubled with."

The car's engine fell silent as she tapped the ignition switch. "After your initial meeting this morning I had a private discussion with Mr. Burwell and..."

She caught her breath short and her ears drew back. "I'm sorry to do this to you Roger but we've come to the conclusion that it would be best if I passed your case to Mr. Forester."

The car's interior seemed overly quiet now that the incessant drone of the exhaust was absent and yet I found myself unable to fill the void.

Ms. Thurlington looked to be on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry to do this to you. I feel as though we were just beginning to build a rapport and I don't want you to think for a moment that I'm abandoning you or casting you off for one reason or another. It's just that we think Mr. Forester's experience and unique talents would better serve the situation now that he's back from leave."

"But" I said with a hitch in my throat. "I... what happened?" And why am I feeling this way?! I should be ecstatic not distraught. Wait, this must be how she's feeling and her talent is transmitting it to me! I _'d better not__ say_ anything about it orshe'll feel even worse. Fine, I'll just ride it out. Besides now I feel like a total jerk. She wouldn't be this upset if she didn't care about me.

She undid her seatbelt and gathered up her belongings. "I'm accustomed to using my talents to aid in my counselling and without them I just don't feel I can adequately meet your unique needs. And don't worry, we'll have a group meeting where I'll introduce the two of you and even after that my door will always be open."

I clicked the seatbelt release and managed to get over my dismay enough to formulate a better response. "It seems so sudden. I know I haven't been the most cooperative but..."

The counselor cut me short. "It's not because of something you did or didn't do." She took a breath, pausing with her hand on the door latch. "The fact is that we realized I'm just not properly equipped. The last time I tried to help I felt worse than useless. Metaphorically speaking, I'd push left and you'd go right... or down... or inside out!"

She opened her door and I followed suit, replying "I'm sorry. I never know what to say at times like this."

We shut our doors and with a tap of the alarm fob on her keychain, we headed into the hospital. "It is rather sudden I admit. Let's allow it to sink in for now and concentrate on Steven."

I nodded and we stopped at the main check-in desk where an elderly Mink volunteer was stationed at a computer terminal. She smiled softly. "Hello. May I help you find a particular person or department?"

Ms. Thurlington took the initiative. "Yes, we're here to see Steven Hampton."

"Let me pull that up for you." She said as she typed. "Ah here he is. He's in 404 B. Just take the elevator to the forth floor and follow the signs."

We both thanked her and headed for the elevator where Ms. Thurlington picked up the conversation. "Steven had an emergency procedure to fix his chest injury but he still has to go in for surgery later today for his arm and hip. Despite all that, he and his parents have been adamant about speaking with you."

A moment of paranoia hit me. Damn, I wonder what he's been saying? Maybe after the initial rush of the eventwore off he's back to hating me again.

The elevator doors opened and we reflexively stepped aside to let a a father and his toddler aged daughter pass. The little Cheetah family appeared sad at first but their expressions quickly changed when they glanced my way.

The little cub stared at me openly as she spoke. "Daddy, he's flashing!"

I hadn't realized my moment of anxiety had triggered my aura and now that it was made clear to me so publicly it grew exponentially worse. Ducking my head and averting my gaze, I pulled up my jacket's hood and all but dived into the elevator.

Over my shoulder I heard her voice again as she was dragged away by her scowling father. "And his tail glows too!"

Ms. Thurlington stepped in after me, her tail curled, and tapped the button for the fourth floor. "At that age cubs are naturally curious about their world. She just saw something new and different and got excited. She wasn't making fun of you."

Why can't I stand tall with a 'It's their problem, not mine!' attitude? F#ck, I feel so stupid. "I know. It just caught me off guard."

"Good..." she said as the elevator whirred upward. "And you might want to pull your hood back down. If you step off the elevator with your hoodie up and your hands in your pockets someone might think you're going to rob the place."

Thankfully the elevator skimmed straight to our floor without stopping for other passengers and the short grace period gave me a chance to pull myself together. Steeling my resolve, not only did I remove my hood but I took off the jacket entirely, draping it over my forearm.

She smiled. "You really do look nice Roger. That's one of the shirts from your PennyMart gift-box isn't it?"

"Yeah, thanks." I replied as the doors opened. "A definite improvement over the donation pile."

Foregoing the nurse's station nearby, we followed the signs and soon found Steven's room. Through the doorway I could see that while it was a two bed design, he appeared to be the only patient and his parents were seated nearby.

I noticed my aura flashing off the top of my muzzle and swallowed hard.Damn this is going to be awkward. I never thought I'd be meeting my old boyfriend's ex-wife again _,_ let alone her new husband. When I think of all the hell she caused when she found out her husband was having a gay affair... f_ #ck, is that really what it was? I never thought of it in those terms but now that I can look back on it more objectively, what else could it be called?_ I sure made some dumb mistakes when I was younger. Figures she'd rush into the arms of the most obnoxious, overly macho blowhard she could find.

Hesitating a step so the counselor would enter Steven's room first, I nonetheless perked my ears and stood tall as I took a position behind her.

Steven's stepfather had a substantial gut, made all the more prominent as he stood to greet us. His posture suggested he thought of it as a badge of honor and his girth strained against the buttons of a blue work shirt covered in a fine white dust that wreaked of plaster and cheap cigars. The company logo, manifested as a small patch over the chest pocket, only added to his overall character by proudly proclaiming him to be an employee of Dan's Drywall.

He made a low whistle with his tongue and shook his head slowly. "They told me not to be surprised if your fur flickered but holy sh#t!"

He half-shoved, half-stepped around Ms. Thurlington and looked me up and down from paws to ears before aggressively clapping a hand to my shoulder. "Guess it helped out last night though! Hah!"

"ROGER!" exclaimed Ms. Thurlington.

Startled at hearing my name, I suddenly realized I was holding Mr. Hampton in a wrist lock.

Holy sh#t! When did I do that?! Terrified at the blank spot in my memory, I released him and stammered out an apology. "Sorry I uh... don't do well with unexpected contact."

Steven's father flexed his fingers while rubbing his wrist. "You've got a grip like a god-damn vise! Never put much stock in that Judo sh#t myself though. I figure a real man fights with his fists. But I guess smaller, weaker guys like you have to make do with that cheap shot stuff."

My ears laid back but I managed to keep from baring my teeth. "Next to a fat f#ck like you, who wouldn't be smaller?"

Ms. Thurlington scolded me again. "Roger! You know it's unacceptable to talk that way!"

"You're right." I said. "It is. And he either apologizes for it or I walk. I didn't jump into that ice cold stream so I could be insulted and pushed around by his worthless _STEP_father!"

Mr. Hampton growled but it was Steven that spoke. "Dad, stop it."

His words came slowly and softly but they silenced the room until his mother cleared her throat. Her voice trembled with fatigue and emotional exhaustion. "I'm sorry. We've been up all night and our nerves are frayed. Please, if we could, let's start over. Roger, I'm Steven's mother and I'm so happy to meet you. I can't begin to say how thankful I am for what you did."

The angry tone in the room melted away and I settled back into a more casual stance. "I'm sorry for overreacting. And Steven, you're sounding better. I hear they fixed up your chest."

The father glared at me over his crossed arms but I ignored him and moved to stand beside Steven's bed. His eyes were half closed, one leg was in traction and the arm on the same side as his injured leg looked awful. Despite all that he was clearly awake, if a bit muddled from the pain medication.

"Yeah." he said. "I have to breathe pretty shallow but it's way better. They're going to fix my arm later and if it goes fast enough they'll work on my hip too. It's hard to believe but they keep saying that I'll eventually be back to normal."

"Glad to hear it." I said while resting a hand on the protective side-rail surrounding the bed.

He rolled his head to the side and raised his voice. "Could we talk alone for a minute?"

His parents exchanged glances and hesitated but Ms. Thurlington took the direction. "You know, there are a few administrative items we need to discuss regarding tutoring and the like. Why don't we head down the hall? I noticed a small lounge and I think I saw vending machines. I don't know about you, but I could use a cup of coffee."

She smiled, her tail waving hopefully, until they acquiesced. Mrs. Hampton turned as they stepped out "Just hit the call button if you need anything."

"Oh for god's sake." said his stepfather as they rounded the door. "Stop smothering him. He's enough of a mama's boy as it is."

Finally alone with Steven, I was able to relax. "You getting enough pain medication?"

He nodded and gestured to a button taped to the railing near his good hand. "Yeah, they've got morphine on tap, heh. Hey uh, you really haven't said anything have you? About your accident I mean."

I shook my head. "Don't plan to either."

His eyes started to water and his ears folded. "I'm sorry Roger. If I had known..."

I reminded myself that when people have been through a severe trauma their emotions can be volatile, and tried to reassure him. "Don't rip yourself apart over it. Part of life is making mistakes." He strained to hold back his tears and I could tell it was hurting his chest so I decided to try a change of subject. "If it's not too hard to talk about, I'm dying to know what happened last night."

Steven took a few stuttering breaths and wiped at the corners of his eyes.

"How can you be so accepting?! I killed your father! I killed the taxi driver! And I heard about that other accident further down the road. Some semi rammed into the stopped traffic and killed four other people! All dead because of a stupid joke, because of me!"

The Wolf gripped at his heaving chest with his good hand, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Hey, take it easy." I said. "You're not responsible for the universe. You played a dumb joke and sh#t happened. And besides, some other kid put you up to it. It wasn't even your idea."

"F#ckin' Jerry!" he blurted out between sobs. "Coward just disappeared after it happened. I wanted to find him so we could report it together but it's like he never existed. I was going to tell when I found him. I was! But that's when you started doing that psychic stuff, and I was already so freaked out I just couldn't handle it any more. I knew that at any minute you'd find my secret and call the police or kill me in my sleep or..."

Although I was unsure how he'd respond to the being touched, I felt like I had to do something to console him and squeezed gently at his uninjured forearm. "Relax, none of that is going to happen. I'd never do any of that stuff. The way I see it, ruining your life would just add another casualty to the list."

I passed him a cup of water, which he accepted with a shaking hand, and he sloppily lapped at the contents. It caused him to cough painfully but it seemed to break the spell of his self-destructive thoughts. His mind clearer, he talked more evenly. "After we had that fight in the kitchen I finally got up the nerve to tell you and went to your room. I could have sworn I heard someone inside but you weren't answering so I decided to teleport in. That's when I screwed up."

Afraid he might start crying again, I pushed to keep him talking. "But how did that land you in the ravine?"

"I don't exactly have it down to a science and it's hard enough to teleport other stuff let alone myself. When I can't see where I'm going I have to focus on my destination really hard but it's not usually dangerous. I can't materialize inside solid objects. Whatever part of me would end up in a tree or a wall just gets pushed to the nearest open space which means I end up in some really awkward positions sometimes, but that's all. If anything, I tend to aim a bit low and let myself get pushed up to where my paws are level with the floor because if I aim high there's nothing to feel for that tells me how far away the ground is. I kind of feel where I'm going before I can see where I am. It's hard to explain."

I refilled his cup with fresh water and set it on his bedside table. "But if you were aiming for my room, how'd you end up way out there?"

He looked away and his ears folded further. "I couldn't stop thinking about how you were going to take the news so I was focused on you when I should have been focusing on the inside of your room. The next thing I knew, I was free falling in total darkness. I must have been at the same height as the second floor of your dorm building and just moved straight across. I probably would have fallen right on top of you but some big tree branches or something must have been in the way so my reflexes adjusted my entry point over... but not down."

I nodded. "And with the darkness and sudden rush of falling you couldn't focus enough to teleport again before impact?"

"Yeah, that and follow up teleportations are harder. That's why I couldn't save your..."

He trailed off into tears again and left me unsure of what to say that might console him. I fidgeted at his bedside until I thought up a diversion. "I'm sorry about that trick I played. I'm not really psychic or anything."

His sobbing stuttered, shifting into a macabre laugh. "You've got to be f#cking kidding me." He cringed and put his hand to his aching chest. "No, no way. I didn't even remember about JamJam until you brought it up. No one but me and my Dad ever knew about that doll."

Before I could come up with a reply, an impossibly familiar voice responded from behind me. "You learned twice as fast by having someone to teach, even if he was just a doll."

Already on edge, the arrival of my old boyfriend Natsume left me all but dumbstruck. I turned and there was no mistaking him. The Wolf-Sun Bear deviant looked older than I remembered, and his eyes held a sense of immeasurable loss I had never seen in them before, but there was no mistaking his scent. Old memories and deep feelings rushed in with unchecked ferocity. Gasping, I pushed passed him. "I'm sorry. Excuse me."

I ran down the hall and ducked into another patient's room, locking myself in their adjoining bathroom.

Being Steven's biological father, of course they contacted him! I can't go back in there!

The single florescent bulb over the mirror flickered dangerously. That look in his eyes... he thinks I died in that accident last week!

My heart felt as if it would explode with grief and I instinctively fought to stifle the emotion. My internal struggle plunged the room into total darkness and outside the bathroom door muted voices echoed with concern.

"What happened to the lights?!"

"Why isn't the hospital's backup system kicking in?"

"I'll call maintenance. Hello? (click click) The phones are dead."

A dominating voice rang out. "Maria and Michele, start with 401 and check everyone's equipment to make sure the battery backups are doing their job. Mike, take the stairs down to central operations and..."

F#ck! I've got to stop this, but how?! With the crowded floors above and below, there's no safe direction for me to shoot off!

I squeezed harder at the anguish but it only seemed to make everything worse, even the light originally visible along the crack under the door began to diminish. Realizing what was going on, my mind raced with possibilities until one in particular seemed plausible.

What if I just release my emotions without all the focus, __compression and spin? That first night at_ school I bawled my eyes out but it never dimmed the lights._

Fitfully at first, I eased the tension in my chest and my sorrow jumped to the fore. Instinct told me to suppress it but I resisted, whimpering at first but finally letting go.

Damn this hurts! I had emotions in my old body but nothing like this!

Ashamed and frightened by my emotional outburst, I buried my face in my hands until the initial wave of despair passed. Finally, I was able to pull it together without any chakra related tricks and opened my bleary eyes.

God damn! How do people live like this? Day in and day out on an emotional roller-coaster. How am I supposed to function if I can't hold back anything?! At least the lights are back on. Let's hope no one got hurt and my range was short.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. Ugh, I look terrible! I can't go back with my fur all tear stained and dishevelled. If Ms. Thurlington sees me like this she might realize I had something to do with the power outage.

Making use of the sink, I splashed my face with water only to find there was nothing to dry off with but paper towels.

Now I look ridiculous, but whatever. I have to get back there and somehow let Natsume know I'm alright.

Unwilling to delay any longer, I opened the door and stepped out into a now chaotic hallway. Although the power seemed to be fully restored, much of the equipment was still in the process of rebooting and medical staff quick-stepped between the nurse's station and the patient's rooms. As such, I had little trouble procuring a pad of paper and a pen left lying beside a still useless IP phone, it's screen displaying a progress bar as it reconnected. I hastily folded a page in half and wrote Natsume on the front using his chosen kanji symbols. Next I opened the paper and wrote the kanji symbols for my old name along with the symbols for lives, secret_and _trust before finally adding Roger in katakana.

He'll be shocked but I can't let him spend the rest of his life thinking I'm dead. And besides me, he's the only person who will recognize these symbols for our names instead of their original meanings. Although I was concerned about the potential future implications of my actions, I continued to talk myself into it. Even if this note fell into Thad's hands, it would be meaningless. And Natsume wouldn't let something like that happen in the first place. Ok, let's get in there before he leaves.

My heart pounding, I rounded the corner and found Natsume still alone in the room with Steven. He turned to face me and his ears perked forward with surprise, no doubt alarmed by my strobing aura.

"Sorry about that." I said as stopped in front of Natsume. "Been dealing with a little food poisoning. Hey when the lights went out some guy in the hall asked me to give you this."