Just Once: I. Hate. Board. Meetings.
#3 of Just Once
What could go wrong in a boring-ass board meeting? Go ahead and guess.
LAST TIME ON JUST ONCE: Another reason to hate cramped elevators and normal people for Albus.
As soon as Albus walked in, he was greeted by a board room full of people in bland business suits sitting at a rectangular table, with a window on the other side of the room. "You know you were supposed to get donuts, don't you?" inquired Damien Shysha, a brown bull with the kind of body that made Albus think Why is it that only porn for women seems to revolve around situations like the one I'm hoping for right now? You know. Where a rich attractive person chooses you as their partner to sexually satisfy them. Some of us guys like that, you know. Then his mind processed what he was just asked, and he let out a very quiet whimper. "HA! JUST KIDDING! We stuck Wesha 'I love to judge' Hayden with getting the donuts, and the guy who she's getting them from isn't just exclusively gay. He's BEYOND effeminate. Her judgmental ass must be going fucking insane right now!" Damien shouted right after, causing Albus to jump back, and then everybody else started clapping. It's important that you know that Damien is just under two heads taller than Albus, with shoulders twice as broad. This left Albus with a confusing array of emotions as Damien towered over him, scared to death and, yet, visibly aroused.
Then, a busty-yet-also-muscular female Horse on the opposite side of the table, by the name of Farrah Ferrera, pointed out "Do you realize that we all see your raging erection AND rather bothersome-looking nosebleed?", pointing towards Albus's snout. He then sneezed, getting a little spritz of blood on Damien's suit, before noticing what looked like a waterfall of dark-red paint coming from a very damp cave, I.E. a very bad nose-bleed, and plugging it up with a tissue he took out of a container on the table. "Oh my, oh dear, oh my, oh dear, oh my, oh dear! This is..." He then laughed nervously "Embarrassing, or something. Also, your being incredibly sexy is not even remotely helping. Can I go now?"
"Oh, but what about some DELICIOUS DONUTS!?" Wesha Hayden, a pink bunny with a rosary around her neck and a voice that sounds like Princess Bubblegum's or Starfire's, asked enthusiastically. Albus walked forward and away from her, turned around and saw what looked like endless quantities (and they were, indeed, mass quantities, but not endless. Yes, I just referenced a fucking State Farm ad, and it was a hilarious one. My family has State Farm, and WE certainly save mass quantities) of glazed donuts. WRITER'S NOTE: visualizing them makes me feel hungry, even though I had a nice lunch not one hour ago, as of time of writing that particular part. BACK TO THE STORY. Albus was then offered an empty seat, and proceeded to uncomfortably make his way over to and into the seat, scooting inwards in a bothersomely noisy way.
Wesha then sat down, and handed everybody three donuts. "Now, if you want seconds, you're going to have to ask nicely." she commented. Damien then asked, being an internet troll come to real life, "So, Wesha. What did you think of the person working the counter this morning at the donut shop?", getting the response "Since I have ways of not getting fired by a bunch of sodomite enablers, I think that-", which was interrupted by Albus impulsively and violently yanking on her right ear and slamming her head on the table. She let out a very high-pitched scream, the kind that breaks glass in children's cartoons, and is so unpleasant, you can sue her for pain and suffering if it lasts more than three seconds.
"What EXACTLY was THAT for?!" she asked in a furious tone. "SODOMITE ENABLERS!? ARE YOU A FUCKING SOUTHERN BAPTIST, OR JUST A REGULAR HETEROSEXIST PIECE OF SHIT!?" "You have NO RIGHT to talk to me like that, and I KNOW that you meant for that to be a loaded question, Damien!" Damien replied "It's more than worth it to see such a prejudiced little bitch that, and I'm just being honest here, everybody else here hates as well, go completely ape-shit, and I knew that Albus would react like that." Farrah then remarked "Wow! Most let's players don't overreact as much as you two BOTH just did. Also, sodomite enablers, Wesha? You seriously just said that out loud?" "You only unironically use the word 'sodomite' if you are a prejudiced fucking shithead that belongs in the Dark Ages." Albus remarked.
Wesha continued her bullshit judgment, saying "I think that his lifestyle choices really ought to be a tad more strictly regulated" "Lifestyle choices? Lifestyle choices!? LIFESTYLE CHOICES!?" Albus blurted, taking a few very deep breaths before continuing "We do not choose any aspect of our sexuality. I didn't choose to be bi, he didn't choose to be gay or girly, and I'm pretty sure you didn't choose to be sexually boring, repressive and probably deeply repressed yourself", bringing a douchey smirk to the other board members' faces.
Then, an old crush that Albus still hasn't let go of walked in, and her name was Jemeniah Harberie. Remember? From two episodes ago? What great times those were, back then. He looked into her eyes, and saw depth that would make Inception jealous. She gave him a hug, and he could feel her fur. It was so smooth and silky, it felt like a fuzzy blanket, or an overdesigned plushie. She let go, backed away and gave him a smile that made him have to try really hard to hold back tears of joy. Oh my fucking god, her smile is so beautiful. Everything about her is just so beautiful. She had the kind of enchanting voice that just has to sound like Grey DeLisle, and I'm talking her usual voice, not the nagging voice she did for Vicki from Fairly Oddparents. Goddamn, I miss watching TV, especially that show.
She finally spoke to him for the first time since they parted ways when they left their home town, and said "Oh my god! It's just been SO LONG since I've seen you, Albus! I just missed you soooooooooooooo much!" Try not to fuck this up. Just try to play it smooth, and calm, and _"I-I-I-I mmmmmissed you to. Why didn't you go with me to LA? Where were you? There are no words that can describe how much I missed you." "I know. We used to be such good friends, and I don't want us to not be friends anymore" _FRIENDS!? STILL JUST FRIENDS!? FUCKING BULLSHIT!!! "Oh. Right. Friends. Anything more?"
He saw that she was also blushing like a slice-of-life anime character, but didn't process what exactly that might mean, because in terms of social skills, he was always a fucking idiot. "I...Ah...Best friends?" I wonder if I can just strangle myself with my own tie. Oh wait. I fucking have claws. "There's something that I wanted to tell you so bad before we parted ways, and I just can't let myself miss that opportunity again. I...." and then he fainted. He fell with the perfect trajectory to land right on her tits, and she just held him, not being all that bothered by such, and carried him back to his apartment.
NEXT TIME ON JUST ONCE: "This seriously just fucking happened!?" -Albus Kane