An Intro to an Introvert
Zara, an introverted and socially awkward Zoroark spends his life quietly in Xavier Academy, an academy built specifically for the education of pokemorphs. Today, he has decided to spend his time at the library for some much needed quiet time. Unfortunately for him, things don't go as smoothly as he would've liked...
This story was actually uploaded in parts in another set, but I've decided to just upload the whole thing here. Though it said in those uploads, I'll point out here that this was a very experimental character of mine meant for me to practice with a character that has more of my socially awkward traits. Zara is actually a VERY exaggerated version of myself, as I've taken some of my social anxieties and magnified them on him 3 fold. I feel as though he echoes a lot of how people like me feel around others who he's not familiar with. Feedback is always appreciated, and hopefully you find a bit of enjoyment out of this story. ^^
An Intro to an Introvert
Zara sat quietly in the library, earphones stuffed in his ears and his eyes fixated to the screen of his laptop. He wasn't really watching anything; he just wanted to avoid having eye contact with any of the other students who were also here at the library today. It seemed to be working; the other morphs were walking right by him. Though some took a little bit longer to pass him than he would've liked, they were at least leaving him be. Really, that was all that mattered to him at this point, especially considering the fact that he picked today of all times to go to the library. Saturday, the day when most morphs would be off class and looking for stuff to do that didn't include their mate(s).
While it would've been the smarter decision to go someplace more excluded, he had realized this fact too late. Besides, he had already dedicated himself to the decision, so he would've felt weird doing otherwise. Plus, he was getting rather sick of that garden. The dang pollen made his allergies act up... As the next song in his playlist started up, he dared a glance around him. In the instant that he looked up, he noted that the place wasn't too terribly packed. Sure, there were a good amount of students walking around, but not very many seemed too keen on staying. That meant that, while the place was rather active today, it was still fairly empty, at least in the sense of those staying here.
Now if only the place could get a little quieter, he thought to himself, then this would be a near perfect day. At least compared to the rest of the week so far. Stupid laws class... Literally everyone else in the class knows the answer, yet I'm the one the professor calls up. Doesn't even make sense. And of course I'm called when I'm daydreaming. Couldn't have waited for like...a minute? How long do I usually daydream again? How long do others usually daydream? Hmmm, maybe I can look it up here? There's gotta be a book about this somewhere in here. I mean there are more books here than there are actual stude--
A light tap at Zara's back made him jump in surprise. By Ho-oh's disciples, if the physical ed classes he was taking didn't kill him, he was sure that another scare like that would. He turned around to face the mystery tapper, who appeared to be a Grovyle morph. "Oh jeez, sorry," the grass type said in a light voice, "I didn't mean to scare you..." 99.9% of things that scared Zara didn't mean to. It didn't make him feel any better about it though.
"It...it's fine," he replied softly and quietly, removing one of his earphones from his ear. Glancing at her, Zara realized that he recognized the female. She was one of his classmates in his human customs class. He wondered what she needed him for.
"I just wanted to come over and ask if you could help me out with yesterday's assignment," she explained, answering his question, "There are some problems that I really don't get, and I could use your help in answering them." Zara bit his lip; he remembered that giving a fellow student answers to a question was defined as cheating. At the same time though, she just needed help, and he didn't wanna seem like an ass for not helping her out.
"Umm...sorry," he began, "but it's against the rules to just give you the answers..."
"Oh, no-no-no," the grass type replied, shaking her head and hands, "I don't wanna just copy off of yours. I was hoping that you'd just help me in answering the questions. You know, like telling me whether or not I'm on the right track, pointing out the places to look for in the book, that sort of thing." Zara nodded thoughtfully; that definitely sounded better than what he had thought. Helping her without breaking the rules? Now that was something he could get behind.
And behind her--DAMMIT there goes my clean thought streak for today... All dirty jokes aside, the grass type certainly caught his eye. If he was going to be stuck talking with anyone, he was glad that it would be with an attractive individual like herself. ...Gods, there was just no way of making that sound less creepy, was there? Shaking the thought aside, he nodded to her before whispering, "Sure. That sounds good." The Grovyle smiled.
"Thanks," she said, "I'll try not to take up too much of your time." Zara nodded again before sitting up in his seat and scooting over to allow her space to sit in the chair next to him. "What's your name, by the way?" she asked as she sat down, "I hear it during roll call, but I always end up forgetting."
Zara couldn't blame her. Besides, he had forgotten hers too. "My name's Zara," he said gently, "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, too," she replied, "My name's Gwen." Knowing himself, Zara guessed he'd forget the name in a week.
"Nice to meet you too, Gwen," he replied, blushing brightly after realizing that he had repeated himself. Biting his lip, he pulled his backpack out from under his table and opened it up. "What assignment was it again?" he asked as he fished out his binder.
"Assignment three," she answered as she did the same with her bag, "There are just a few questions I don't really understand." Zara let out a slight sigh as he placed his binder on the table. Closing and setting aside his laptop, he opened up his binder and slipped out the mentioned assignment. "Like...for number two: Over recent years, what has been the humans' main mode of transportation?" She looked over to him. "What does the word 'transportation' mean? It's just one of those words that I never learned." Boy it felt weird to be the educated one. Having been raised in an English speaking household all of his life, Zara had forgotten that pokemon had originally spoke in "poke-speak." So much so in fact that he had only now noticed that she was speaking to him in that language. "'Zara?'" she spoke up, snapping him out of his thoughts, "'should I repeat myself?'" Oops; he had been caught drifting off. Shaking his head, he spoke up.
"T-transport means...like...moving to places, or like...travelling..." He glanced at her to see if she was catching on. Sadly, he was unable to tell much from the way she was looking at him. "Um...migrating? Getting from one place to another?" She nodded slowly.
"'Yeah, I think I get what you mean.'" Gwen looked back at her paper. "'So then...what other ways do they get around besides swimming or walking? They can't fly or teleport, can they?'' Zara had to think about his answer to make sure he didn't end up sounding like some human elitist snob.
"...Well...they can," he began, "just...not on their own." Gwen tilted her head. Zara scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Just how much did the Grovyle know about the human world exactly? "You see...humans need to travel far, so they built things like cars, bikes, trucks, trains... They're machines that move you around so you don't have to walk all of the way to your destination." Gwen nodded as she followed along. Thank the disciples that I don't need to explain what those are... Licking his drying lips, he went on. "They also build stuff like boats, which are swimming vehicles that help them travel across the sea."
"'Sea?'" Gwen said with a confused tilt.
"You know..." Zara thought for a bit, "like...a pond? The ocean?"
"'Oh, ocean, ok,'" said Gwen, "'I didn't know it by that name.'" Zara nodded before moving on.
"They also build things like aircrafts, which are flying vehicles. But now a days, humans just have their pokemon fly them places." Gwen pursed her lips at that. "Yeah...I know. I don't feel very good about that either, but not really much I can do about it..."
"'Okay...so I think I get it now... Humans don't enjoy walking on their own two feet very much.'"
Zara bit his lip lightly. "Well...sometimes there are cities that they need to get to, and it would take a long time and use a lot of energy to get to."
"'Cities?'"
Zara paused. "Um...a group of homes? Like the ones we're put in, here at the school."
"'Oooh,'" Gwen nodded, "'So the humans built them, right?'" Zara nodded. "'So then...why not just build them closer to each other in the first place?'"
"Well...um......" Huh...she had a valid point...
"'Anyways,'" Gwen went on, "'I think I get that question now, thanks.'" She went silent for a moment as she jotted down her answer. "'Okay, next question I don't understand: What has been the dominant gender in human society for over several millennia?'" Gwen glanced back up at him. "'When it says gender...it means if the person is male or female, right?'" Zara nodded. "'Okay...well...is that in the book? I don't know how humans demonstrate their dominance over each other...'"
Usually with warfare, Zara quipped in his head. Accurate, but not what the question was asking for. As far as he could remember, he believed that the men had set themselves up as the ones in charge. They were the strongest among their species apparently, and that somehow lead to them being the "smartest" and most "qualified" to lead their nations. But he couldn't tell her that. Onn top of the fact that it would make him sound like an ass against the humans, he would be directly telling her the answer. She wanted help, not just the answers.
"Well...I think chapter four in the book can help you there," he informed her, "I think I remember seeing a chart of the world leaders, and leaders are similar to alpha wolves, so I think you should be able to catch on quickly and answer that question."
Gwen nodded in understanding. "'Okay, thanks. I think I got it.'" Silence once again fell upon them as she drew out her textbook and flipped through the mentioned chapter. This gave the dark type a chance to go through his thoughts.
Huh...this isn't so bad. Heck...this is actually kind of nice... He snuck a glance at Gwen, whose eyes were scanning over the pages of her book. Thankfully she isn't too overbearing. She's just here to get some help, and that'll be it. She'll leave once she's...done...and...be on her...way... Huh...he felt...oddly disappointed by that idea. And for whatever reason, he couldn't figure out why.
"'Okay, so last question,'" said Gwen, snapping Zara back out of his thoughts, "'for number eight, it's asking me to describe how the relationship between humans and pokemon differs from the relationship between humans and pokemorphs. I...don't really know much about how humans treat pokemon. Did we go over that in class?'"
Zara looked up thoughtfully. He wasn't sure if they had gone over that in class, but he was sure that he had seen something about that in their assigned reading. Oh, that's right, he thought to himself, it was somewhere in chapter seven. "It-it was in the-we read-no, we needed to read about it in chapter thr-seven." ...Gods, that was a really bad stutter...
"'...Um...'" said Gwen, "'Okay, so chapter seven?'" Zara only nodded in response. He didn't want to risk a stutter like that again. Gwen nodded back and turned back to the desk, sliding her book over and leafing through (heheh, leafing) the pages.
I guess...I could tell her about what I know, he thought to himself. Having lived in a human society before attending the academy, he felt that he had a rather good grasp on what they were like. It was why he had skipped over that chapter of the book, and why he couldn't tell her much about it. W...what would I even tell her though? I never talked with any of them, and I barely ever spoke with any of the trainers' pokemon... Maybe I should read that chapter also... He bit his lip. What exactly did he know about the humans? Had he learned nothing upon his 16+ years of living amongst them? At the very least, he knew that he should have. He shrank back into his seat a little. He really didn't have much knowledge about them. What had made him believe that he did have any knowledge about them? He wasn't smart. He didn't know things. He wasn't good at anything. He was just another average morph attending this academy for the sake of learning about human society.
"'...Hey...'" said Gwen, "'are...you feeling okay?'" Zara blinked in confusion only to find his vision suddenly go blurry. Apparently he had started crying. Quickly wiping his eyes, he cleared his throat and replied, "Y-yeah, I'm fine." He didn't say anything after that, mainly due to the lump that had formed in his throat.
"'Oh...'" said Gwen, "'...are you sure?'" Zara felt another rush of tears coming on, so he quickly turned away to hide them.
"Mmhm," he mumbled back, nodding his head in case she hadn't heard him. Silently, he willed her to leave. She had gotten the help she had been looking for, and she had asked all of the questions she needed to ask. If he stayed silent enough, she'd leave him be. So for a good minute or so, that's what he did; sat there with his back turned to her without saying a word. He heard a bit of shuffling, followed by what could only be the sounds of zippers. He waited a bit longer, wanting to make absolutely sure that he was alone again before risking turning around. A minute passed, then another, and then another. His ear twitched slightly. Had she already left? He still didn't want to risk it, so he waited longer. Quietly, he sniffed the air. It still smelled the same, but was it this way before Gwen arrived? He waited longer, He couldn't hear anything happening behind him. Maybe it was okay to look now? Wanting to mask what he was doing, he turned back to the desk and reached for his laptop. His heart thudded as he saw Gwen still sitting there out of the corner of his eye. Trying not to falter, he slid his laptop over and slipped his earphones back on, opening his laptop and hitting the play button. As the music started playing, he sat there awkwardly, doing nothing but stare at his screen.
Please, just go away, please just go away, please just go away, please just go away... Another minute passed, and there she remained. Wanting to occupy himself and make himself look busy, he grabbed his binder and shifted through the pages, trying to find any paper he could work on. Thankfully, it didn't take him long to find one. Slipping it out of the binder, he reached down and fished out his pen. With it in paw, he rested his muzzle against his other paw and locked his gaze to the paper, spinning the pen in his fingers idly.
Though it was difficult to hear through the music, he caught the sound of what he guessed was a sigh. He cast a glance over to the girl next to him for just a moment and saw that she, too, was resting her chin against her hand. Zara gulped a little and adjusted his glasses before removing an earphone and turning his head only slightly in her direction. "Um...do you still...need something?"
Gwen pursed her lips a little. She squinted her eyes as though she were looking for something. "'Well...I suppose I really don't...'" An awkward silence hung between them, with Zara refusing to make eye contact with the grass type. He shifted around uncomfortably in his seat. She was sticking around for an awfully long time. It only made him feel worse. He was wasting her time. He had probably ruined her day. He never wanted to do that. He just wanted to be left alone. It was why he left his dorm room so much. It was why he isolated himself so much. It was why he hated being forced into social interactions so much. Now, here he was, ruining his classmate's day with the simple act of his existence.
He shut his eyes, ignoring the feeling of tears running down his cheeks, and turned away again. That was it. He couldn't take it anymore. It was time for what he did best... When his eyes opened, his bright yellow eyes began to glow even brighter, He began to focus on an image. Once that image was clear in his mind, he moved on to the next step. Gwen gasped as she watched Zara begin to put his things away in a hurry.
"I've gotta go," he mumbled, "I have somewhere to be." He stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder, hugging his laptop to his chest as he hurried away from the desk.
"'W-wait a minute!'" said Gwen, getting up from her own seat, "'Come back!'" She frantically gathered her own things before hurrying after him, trying to keep him in her sights. A wave of relief washed over Zara as he watched her go. Finally, she was gone, chasing after an illusion that would lead her far off from his trial. Looking down at the desk, he got started on packing his things for real.
Gotta do this quickly..._he thought to himself as he packed, _Gotta finish before she realizes that she fell for my illusion... He rushed his packing, throwing organization to the wind. It didn't matter right now; he could always re-organize later. As soon as the last of his things was put away, he quickly zipped up his backpack and hurriedly walked away from his seat. His eyes darted left and right as he scanned the area for Gwen. If he ran into her now, he would never manage to get away. His heart pounded as he neared the exit. Please don't show up please don't show up please don't show up please don't show up... The second his paw touched the door handle, he rushed out of there. He kept his gaze low to the ground, doing his best to pretend to not notice the confused looks the morphs around him were giving him.
They didn't matter to him. So long as none of them were Gwen, he could care less about who it was he was weirding out. What's class going to be like tomorrow? She's gonna try to talk to me again... I should just sit at the corner of the class. Maybe she won't notice me. If she does, I can just use an illusion again to trick her... His heart raced faster. Oh gods, he would have to do that for a week at least. Who knew how long it would take her to give up? Just keep walking... Think things over in my room... Hopefully Jasper's out today, gone with his friends... I just need to be alone right now... I need to be in sile--
Zara jolted violently as he felt a hand grab his paw. Turning only to glance, he felt his heart jump up into his throat as he realized it was Gwen who had stopped him. "'Zara...'" she began, "'Come on... Tell me what's wrong...'" Zara turned away and shook his head firmly. "'Zara...'" she sighed a little, "'Come on. You don't have to hide from me.'" She was right. He didn't have to. In fact, at this point, he couldn't. Not with her holding his paw. Even if he used his illusions, they would be useless due to her physical contact with him. "'Zara, please,'" Gwen went on, "'I want to help you.'" Zara chocked. He didn't want her help. He just wanted to be left alone. Hell, he didn't even know why he was acting this way. Unable to muster up a response, he merely shook his head firmly. "'Zara...come on. You don't need to act this way.'" He closed his eyes, desperately trying to keep tears from spilling from them. He felt Gwen's other hand hold his paw firmly. "'Zara, it's ok. You can tell me.'"
No, he couldn't. He didn't even know what was wrong. He couldn't tell her even if he wanted to. "Please..." he croaked through the lump in his throat, "...j...ju-ah...go away..." He heard what he thought was her gasping. Oh gods, had he made her cry? He felt the grip on his paw loosen. Before he could stop himself, he stumbled forward a step or two and slipped his paw out from Gwen's hands. He looked down at his paw and caressed it as though it had been injured. Reluctantly, he turned and glanced behind him. Gwen was standing there, her hands covering her mouth, and her eyes welling up with tears.
"'I...I'm sorry...'" she nearly whispered, "'I didn't...mean to hurt your feelings...'" That broke Zara's heart. All of the tears he had been trying to hold back immediately flooded out from his eyes. He squeezed them shut and turned away. No. He couldn't let her see. He couldn't let her see him cry. He was fine._Nothing was _wrong. There was no reason for him to cry.
But despite all of that, he only cried harder.
He had hurt her feelings. He had made her feel bad. It was his fault. He was the one that had made her cry. He was to blame for her misery. Had he simply not cried and ran away like a little coward, none of this would have happened, His fault. His fault. HIS fault. He should've just stayed there. He should've just answered her question. He should've just stayed in his room today. At this point, the Zoroark could barely even see. The tears blurring his vision made it nearly impossible. But as far as he could tell, Gwen was still there.
But she was walking away.
He suddenly began a war with himself. Should I go to her? Should I leave her be? Do I go back to my room and try to forget this ever happened? What would I say? What would I do? Oh this is all too much! He wiped away his tears with his sleeve. But the second he lowered his arm, he suddenly found himself surrounded by several morphs.
"'Hey dude, you okay?'" said one of them.
"Yeah, is something wrong?" said another. Zara backed away, only to end up bumping against the morphs behind him. He scrambled back to the center, twirling round and round as he tried to find his way out. Before he knew it, more and more morphs were looking at him, surrounding him and preventing his escape. So many people... So many eyes...all of them focused on him. He couldn't get away. He couldn't hide. They were all watching him. Judging him. Looking at how weird he was. They were all so close. _Too_close. He could barely breathe. He was hyperventilating, paws pressed to his ears as he desperately tried to blot out the noise.
Just leave me alone, he pleaded in his mind, just go away! His breathing became erratic. And he began to curl up into a ball.Stay away. Don't look at me! He rocked himself back and forth. They weren't leaving. They were staying to watch him. To mock him. Ridicule him. Go away, go away, go away go away Go Away GO AWAY!!! He squeezed tighter into his ball, using his forearms to clamp his ears closed. He was shivering. Trembling. He was so afraid. So cornered. So trapped. It was hopeless. They would never leave him alone. They would never stop staring at him. He would always be labeled as that weird morph. Names, labels, insults, they would never end. Leave-me-alone-leave-me-alone-leave-me-alone-leave-me-alone-leave-me-alone-leave--
"'Everyone just leave him be!'" shouted a concerned voice. A caring voice. A familiar voice.
Gwen's voice.
Still shaking, he eased one of his arms off of his ear, listening to the shuffling of feet, and the soft murmurs of the crowd. He jerked violently as he felt a hand lay upon his shoulder. "'Hey,'" whispered Gwen, "'Come on, get up... It's okay... No one's gonna hurt you...'" he felt her rub his arm reassuringly. It felt...nice...soothing...comforting even.
Very carefully, Zara uncurled from his ball and opened his eyes, making sure to keep his eyes away from the gaze of the other morphs around him. "'That's it,'" said Gwen encouragingly, "'you're doing good...'" Gently, he eased himself back up to his feet, hugging himself with an arm and keeping his gaze low to the ground. Suddenly, he felt something wrap around him. It was Gwen's arms. She was hugging him protectively. "'He's fine, everyone,'" she announced to the crowd, "'He just needs his space. That's all.'" He heard more murmurs. Then the shadows of the others around him began to move away. Little by little, he raised his gaze higher. They were leaving. Thank gods they were leaving. Gwen rubbed his back soothingly. Gradually, he began to relax.
"'Zara?'" whispered Gwen, whom he could see from the corner of his eye, "'are you feeling ok?'" The lump in his throat was too big; he couldn't speak. So he nodded his head. "'Do you want to talk?'" He hesitated. What could he even tell her? "'Should we...go somewhere private?'" Zara nodded firmly, despite his desires to reserve himself. "'Okay. Is going to my room ok?'" Again, he hesitated. Students got in trouble if they went to the dorm of the opposite gender. They could go to his room, but they would end up with the same problem. And Jasper would probably be there too, and he didn't want to bother him. He thought about it and figured that most of the morphs around here thought he was a girl anyways, so they would probably be fine.
So he nodded to answer her question. "'Okay Zara,'" said Gwen, "'I'll take you there... Just follow me, alright?'" Again, he nodded, and she stood in front of him and started walking. He was thankful that she was leading him, for he didn't have the courage to look up from his feet. He didn't think as Gwen guided him, instead silently listening to the noise of the background. By the time they reached Gwen's room, he wasn't sure how much time had passed. But before he knew it, he was sitting beside Gwen on what he assumed to be her bed.
"'You can put your backpack to the side,'" she told him, "'I don't want to scare you, but...we might be here for a little while...'" In truth, he had forgotten about it all together. Still, he didn't want to take up her time, and having his backpack on would save him some time in leaving. But...she had said it would be a while, and the backpack wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world to wear. Reluctantly, very reluctantly, he slipped the straps off of his shoulders and gently set it down next to his feet. Once it was there, he sat up, clasped his paws together, and stared down at his lap. A moment of silence passed between them before Gwen spoke again. "'How are you feeling? Comfortable?'" Zara nodded. "'Are you...calmer, now that we're alone?'" He nodded again. "'Good...good...'" She paused there. "'Zara...I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to--'"
"Mm-mm," Zara shook his head, "you didn't... It wasn't you..."
"'Oh...'" Gwen replied, "'well then...do you want to tell me...why you started crying?'" Zara felt his throat close up. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "'...Oh...'" Gwen said with a hint of disappointment, "'is there...a reason why? Can you...tell me why?'"
Zara bit his lip, shifting a bit in his seat. "...N...I can't." He didn't hear anything for a bit.
"'Well...why not?'"
"Because...I don't know..."
Gwen couldn't help but sigh. "'Zara, please just tell me the reason_you don't want to tell me.'" Zara clenched his eyes closed. No, no, no! That wasn't what he meant by that! He couldn't tell her because he literally didn't know _why he was crying. "'Is it...because you don't trust me?'" she asked him, her voice trembling slightly, "'D...do you think...th-that you can't...trust me?'" He felt tears well up in his eyes upon hearing that. No, that wasn't the case at all! What should he say?! How could he tell her?! What words should he use?! What phrases would work?! He knew what he wanted to say, but not how to _say_it. Why couldn't they have just done this in a chatroom?! "'Zara, I...'" Gwen went on, "'I wanna make things right between us... I...don't know why it is that you don't trust me...but I promise I'll try and fix that...'" No, No, NO! That wasn't it! He prayed for her to stop so that he could formulate his thoughts, but she kept going. "'Zara...what can I do to get you to trust me? Please...I...'" He heard a sniffle. "'I want to help you... I...'" She choked again. "'I really do... So please, just... How can I help you?'"
A silence settled between them. Zara's mind raced as he desperately tried to think of what to say. He needed time, more time! What did he need to tell her? What did he want to tell her?! Would his words make sense? Would she understand what it was he meant? What phrasing did he need to use? All of these questions ran through his head, and he couldn't answer a single one of them! For Ho-Oh's sake, he couldn't even think of the first word to say! Stupid, stupid,_STUPID! Why couldn't he come up with one stupid sentence?! What was _wrong with him?! Why did he cry in the library?! Why did he put himself in this situation?! WHY COULDN'T HE JUST BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!
"'Oh my gods, Zara!'" Gwen suddenly exclaimed, slapping her hands over her muzzle, "'I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry again!'" As soon as she said that, he could feel the warmth of his tears as they streamed down his cheeks. Frantically, he wiped them away. No-no-no! Everything was fine! He had no reason to cry! Oh gods, now she was crying too. "'Zara, I-I never wanted to hurt your feelings. I don't understand what...what I'm doing wrong...'" He heard her hiccup. He heard himself choke. "'Zara...I'm not very receptive of how others feel, so I have a hard time figuring out how to help someone in need of emotional support... A-all I'm asking is for you to tell me how I can help you. Please...help me...so that I can help you...'" The room felt silent again, making Zara's mind race even faster. He shifted around in his seat for the sole purpose of filling the void of deafening silence.
"'...So that's it then?'" said Gwen in a hurt voice, "'You're just...not gonna let me help you?'" Zara's heart dropped. "'You just...don't want my help... Is that it?'" Zara frantically shook his head, still refusing to look her in the eyes. "'Then WHAT?! Zara, you're making it so DIFFICULT for me to HELP you! I can't just GUESS what it is you WANT from me!'" She choked again, struggling through it before going on. "'If you want me to help, then just TELL me what's wrong! I don't KNOW what to do because you won't TELL me!'" She sniffed, shuddering as she exhaled. "'Do you just want me to say 'sorry?!' Are you just looking for an apology?! What, Zara?! What is it that you WANT from me?!'"
As Gwen fell silent, Zara's soft sobbing filled the room. He just couldn't hold it in any longer; it was all just too much for him. He wrapped his arms around himself in a protective self-hug, tucking his chin against his neck as he shuddered. "I'm sorry," he sobbed, tears spilling onto his glasses, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." he rocked himself back and forth, his shoulders jerking with every hiccup. "I didn't w-want to...make you cry... Y-you didn't...d-do anything wrong... I'm sorry... I'm sorry Gwen... It's not your fault..." He sniffled and wiped his face, moving his glasses out of the way before removing them and wiping them off. As he put them back on, he stood up and grabbed his bag. I should go." Before he could manage to get away, he felt Gwen's hand grab hold of his shoulder. He froze in place, still refusing to turn around and make eye contact.
''Zara...'" said Gwen, still choking up a bit as she spoke, "'Please don't go... I'm sorry I yelled at you... Just...please...I want to talk...'" Zara let out a shuddering breath. Wiping his nose, he sat back down and put his bag back on the ground. Once he was seated, Gwen let go of his shoulder. "'Zara...would you...look at me? ...Please?'" Zara stayed still. He didn't want to shake his head; he was sure that would just upset Gwen further. But he was afraid to look at her. If he did, he wouldn't be able to hide his emotions form her. He wouldn't be able to make her think what he wanted_her to think. He was a lost cause, so why have her believe that there was anything _wrong with him?
But...if he didn't turn, then it would be obvious to her that there was something wrong. So, very hesitantly, he sluggishly turned his gaze over to the grass type sitting beside him. And seeing her tear ridden eyes, her shuddering shoulders, and her saddened look of concern, no amount of illusions or willpower could have prevented what he did next.
He fully broke down in front of her, his eyes flooding with tears, and his breaths turning into erratic, shuddering gasps. He stuffed his face into his paws in a desperate attempt to hide himself, but he knew it was pointless. She had seen his emotions; there was no denying them now. He sobbed uncontrollably, feeling far too ashamed to look Gwen in the eyes. He tried to stop himself, but that only made things worse for him. He just sobbed harder. It didn't matter anyways. She was there. Looking at him. Watching him as he devolved into a hiccupping, shuddering mess of tears and wet fur. He felt so humiliated, so weak, so pathetic. He could've just walked away from all of this. He could've just left all of this behind. But no. He just had to stay and let things get out of hand. No more thoughts ran through his head. Only the sorrow he felt as he sat there sobbing.
He jerked suddenly as a pair of hands gripped onto his upper arms. The grips slackened a bit upon his jolt, then became firm again as Gwen scooted closer to him. Soon, he felt her arms wrap around him and he felt her turn him towards her. He kept his chin tucked against his neck and kept his eyes covered by his paws. No, he didn't want to look. He couldn't take any more eye contact. And then, he felt Gwen hug him close, pressing herself into him, Immediately, Zara's erratic breathing and sobs ceased, Why was she doing this?! She was mad at him! Why was she hugging him?! Now she was resting her chin atop his head. She was so intimately close... Why? Oh gods...he could feel his snout and paws press up against her chest... No! That was bad! He shouldn't be touching her there!
He tried to wriggle away, but Gwen only tightened her hug. Zara's face began to burn up. She was so soft...so--NO! These were bad thoughts to have! They had been crying just a moment ago, and now he was thinking these dirty thoughts. Desperately, he tried pushing them away, but they were just so hard to ignore. Her chest was just...so soft... No! Stop thinking that! Now wasn't the time! Oh gods, he was getting his tears and snot all over her top. He was _sure_that there'd be a disgusting trail of his snot once he pulled back. Wriggling a paw free and doing his best to avoid touching her chest unnecessarily, he sniffed and wiped his nose against the sleeve of his sweater. Once he felt like the last of his gunk had been wiped off, he let his arm drop down to his side.
He shuddered and hiccupped involuntarily, trying his best to keep himself contained. Gwen on the other hand did little to contain herself. Her crying had quickly progressed into sobbing, and she tightened her embrace around the Zoroark. And hearing this only made him feel worse. As a result, he gradually began to sob as well. With Gwen letting everything out, it was difficult for Zara to not. He felt horrible for putting his classmate through this. He would never have wished this upon her.
And yet, for as bad as he felt about himself, he couldn't help but notice as they cried into each other that...he was beginning to feel...better. The way Gwen held him so closely felt...calming. The tightness of her embrace felt...comforting. And with them crying their hearts out, he began to feel as though a great weight was being lifted off of his shoulders. Gradually, the two of them began to calm down. Sobs reduced to crying, and crying subsided to occasional shudders. Eventually, it came down to them merely sitting there in silence, with Gwen still holding Zara in her embrace. Every now and then, a sniffle was heard from one of them. But other than that, they remained silent. No words were exchanged and no looks were given. They were simply there, away from prying eyes and away from harm or judgement.
"'...I guess all you needed...was a hug, huh?'" said Gwen gently. Unsure of how else to respond, Zara just nodded from underneath her. His back suddenly tensed as he felt a hand rest upon his back, feeling it through his hair. Slowly, her hand trailed down his hair until it reached the end of his back, leaving from there to go back up to his neck. Gradually, Zara began to relax. He wasn't entirely sure of what Gwen was trying to do, but whatever she was doing was very soothing. Only now did he realize how tired he was. Having gone through both an anxiety attack and a straight up mental breakdown, the Zoroark was emotionally exhausted, and understandably so. He began to noticeably lean against the grass type despite his best efforts to sit straight. And as he sat there, he found it harder and harder to fight against gravity. Before he knew it, he was lying on his side, still in Gwen's arms. He squeaked a little, trying to sit himself back up. But he was just so tired, and he was just so comfy... He could just drift...off...to sleep...