Study Buddies
#3 of Burnard
Author's Note: I am not projecting. Much.
I know what you're thinking, I'm taking too long to get to the point of this. But hey, you've been keeping attention this far, haven't you? I must be doing_something_ right telling you about this.
Me and the dildo got a bit...close, after that little experiment, it becoming a bit of a semi-routine activity of mine whenever I needed to get some stress out or pass the time. I'd always get some weird looks from my family from how often I'd be using the washing machine, which was usually twice as much as everybody else when my sexual escapades were at their peak. I really have no shame in it, then or now; that dildo felt really fucking good, I'm more than comfortable in admitting it.
Something I wasn't, though, still, was my feelings towards guys in general.
It was a straight-forward answer, right? One I kept telling myself whenever the thought occurred. _I'm not gay, a guy can like butt stuff and not be gay._It feels a bit childish, now, the more I think about it, but back then it seemed reasonable. It wasn't completely unreasonable, in my defense; every article I'd find was all "Liking anal's totally normal in guys," so I just sort of rolled with it.It became a defense mechanism. Whenever I was knot-deep on that dildo, fucking myself raw and moaning, I'd always bring up that thought as a draw card, on the way back over to the washing machine to clean my sheets for the third time that day.
Maybe I'm a bit too enthusiastic about it, my thoughts finally came to on the way to school one morning. Kris was still my main man for getting me to and from the school; he'd drop me off, then proceed to..whatever it is he would do, as Kris was still a bit mysterious around me. At the time, he was always a guy who kept his guard up, always very shielded, and didn't really talk to me too much. We were 'friends,' kinda-not-really, but he wasn't comfortable around me just yet. But one afternoon, I noticed he was a bit gloomy. Well, gloomier.
"Hey, you okay, Kris?" I asked with some concern as we stopped at his house. "You haven't really said anything today..."
He was hesitant, sort of just looking at me the first time with an empty glare. I wasn't gonna leave it at that.
"Come on, Kris, you can tell me."
"My grades slipped," he answered solemnly, slinging his backpack to rest at his shoulder as he exited the truck.
"No, you're kidding!" I sprung to attention in my seat, ears to the sky and tail stiff as a drying board. "You're like the smartest guy I know, how'd this happen?!"
He sighed with discomfort, looking rather unhappy. "I...it's...it's English. I'm failing English." He looked very defeated, admitting it. As if he was waiting for me to reject him. "It started after the suspension, and I couldn't keep up. If I don't bring my grade back up, I won't graduate..."
"Shit, Kris, why did you keep so bottled-up about it for so long, it's nearly Christmas break!" I unbuckled and started to slide out Kris' side, before he slammed the door shut on me abruptly. He did something he didn't do before: he...scowled at me, with such a serious, deadly look in his eyes.
"You tell no one about this," he started off, before huffing with regret. "I....I have...Dyslexia. I can't read, like everyone else can at least. I keep mistaking words, and it gets so much fucking worse during English that I can't focus."
I blinked, my sympathy easily seen. "Is that really all?" I asked with a soft smile.
"You don't get it." His voice was half-threatening, half-sober. "Everyone hoots that I'm a fucking prodigy; I'm head of Robotics_and_ Chem Club, I can calculate Pi down to the 27th decimal in my head, I used to be the team's best running back. Can you imagine just...how embarrassing, how shameful it is, to myself, that through all that, I can't even read my own fucking name on a piece of paper, without the letters jumbling in my head? I'm ashamed of it, Burnard. I really am."
I just sort of sat there, as Kris vented, never speaking up. It was probably the most I ever learned of him at the time, from that one little heart-to-heart. My brother, Darby, had Dyslexia, and listening to Kris was like hearing it all again on repeat, just with a different voice. I tilted my head, smiling still. I was finally starting to see the cracks in his armor. "Kris, I-"
"No, Burnie. I know what you want to say, and the answer is no."
"H-hey! You don't know what I was gonna-"
"Tutoring," Kris stated.
"Ask...." He had me there.
"I know. It sounds stupid, it sounds selfish, but I have to do this myself. I have to show my folks I can handle things on my own." Kris is headed up to his door now, and I follow after getting out of the truck.
"Your folks?" I repeated.
"My father, mostly. He always kept telling ma that I'm not ready to live by myself. Bastard just wants an excuse for me to work in his company." Kris is fiddling with his keys, and all I can do is cross my arms and smile further. I was finally learning who Kris was: smart guy, overbearing family. He didn't mean to come off as aloof, he just had a lot of shit that was going on in his head at the time. And looking at him, I...strangely saw a bit of me. He was just somebody trying to prove he can do something besides fuck everything up. Something I could relate to.
When I finally gave it thought, I think I found the words I was looking for. "Kris...what exactly do you want to prove to them?"
"You deaf?" Kris asked me, irritated. "I already said, so that I can handle myself."
"And just what do you think you're showing them by letting yourself fail?" I gave him a very interrogative stare.
"I'm not 'letting' myself! You don't know what you're talking about!" Kris was beginning to get defensive, so I just kept pushing.
"Well, from what you're telling me, you wanna prove you can do it yourself. But all I can see you proving is you can allow yourself to fuck up."
"Shut up, prick!" Kris was angry at that point. "I just..I need-"
"You need help," I countered. Seemed it was that time, I had _him._I could tell from the look on his face, he wasn't happy about how combative I got with him, but I knew he was starting to understand what I meant. "Kris, everybody needs help sometimes. Hell, if it weren't for Lyle, I'd have never passed 8th grade." I fell into a bit of a funk, having mentioned 'He-who-is-a-fucking-prick.' I look to Kris, finally holding up a weak smile. "He wasn't always an asshole...."
Something in Kris' head clicked. It wasn't immediate, but I could see it. I'm not the best judge of character, but I could always tell when someone was stuck in thought. He growled, and glared at me as he went in. "Go home, Burnie."
"But-"
"I said go home!"
_ *Ker-plam! * _Sounded the door.
He'll come around.
It was the middle of the weekend, maybe 3 weeks before Christmas Break. The snow didn't quite kick in, but fuck me if it wasn't already damn frigid in my home, and it wasn't the weather. Everybody just carried this silent dread about them, because Lyle wasn't around. A part of me didn't understand why it was a big deal; Lyle's an asshole, why worry? But I knew just like they did: nobody_ever_ wants to say their Christmas was spent in a jail cell. Not even for Lyle, nobody really deserves that. I'd argue otherwise, but then again, I am the biased party here.
I was playing a bit of Skyrim, as knocks rang out on the front door. I then heard knocks on my own, as Hanna came up. "Look who's got a visitor?"
"Tell'em I'll be down in a minute." After murdering a dragon to death with sweetrolls (mods are so fucking fun,) I got dressed in my school hoodie, and headed down to the front door to answer it.
It was Kris.
"Uh....welcome to my humble abode?" He never just up and arrived at my front door before; we usually broke it off right after he dropped me at my house, and never really talked after that. So you can tell the surprise on my face when I see him standing there.
"I'm not here to visit, Burnard." He seemed serious, but there was a very relaxed tone to his voice. "I was stewing over what you said. And yeah, I think I'll get me a tutor."
"Nice, Kris!" I rub the back of my head. "So, uh...who's your new tutor?"
He grinned mischievously, every tooth on display, as those reptilic eyes appraised me. "You are."
"What." Before I could recover from my deadpan shock, Kris grabbed me by my arm and yanked me out my front door, towards his truck. "H-hey, quit it, this is technically kidnapping!
"See ya', Burnie," Hanna was saying through the doorway as Kris dragged me. "Don't have_too_ much fun, lovebirds!"
" Sh-SHUT UP, Hanna, you're not helping!" I shouted in response, blushing madly.
"Come on, you're always bitching at me in the rides over about all those books you read, bragging about how you aced your lit tests," Kris reminded me, as he continued to tug at my arm, "and the rest of my friends are idiots when it comes to explaining this shit."
Friends!? My juvenile mind processed out of those words with glee. _We're friends?!? _It was a weird thing to focus on, but Kris was always just 'that guy,' the one who'd pick me up and drop me off, out of what I assumed was pity. But hearing how he regarded me as a friend, my heart skipped a beat.
"Not to mention, paid tutors aren't cheap," Kris continued, leading me to his passenger seat, "and there aren't any free tutors at the school this far into the semester." He shut my door, looking at me all 'serious mode' again. "Burnie. You're my best, probably my last, option here. Please, help me out."
"I-I-I-uh..." It was all a lot to soak in at once, but I wasn't necessarily complaining. I nodded, if albeit hesitantly. "I-I'm your man, buddy!"
"You better be," Kris half-threatened, cranking his car. "My graduation's riding on you.."
Great, I thought to myself. Bitter, crushing pressure. That makes me feel worlds better.
Going into Kris' house for the very first time, the one word I could describe it as was 'Spartan.' There wasn't a lot to it; some old furniture, a shelf of old nick-knacks, a TV, a mini-fridge, and a laptop. From what I could tell, Kris was going for the bare essentials at the time. I looked around at the very dim atmosphere, and it was like Kris knew what was on my mind. "What? The trust fund kid surprised at the accommodations?"
"It's not that, it's just...it's so barren in here." Maybe it was me being used to a very crowded house, but even for single-person standards, Kris didn't keep a lot.
"Well, best get comfortable, we're going to be here for a while."
Something about those words gave me a faint shiver. I was going to get to spend hours with a cool, intelligent guy, who thought of me as a friend! I didn't know why it was I was so excited about it, but perhaps I really should've known. But, that realization wouldn't come for a while.
The rest of what happened that day, and really for the next few weeks, wasn't very noteworthy. Kris would drill me on the material, and I'd help him focus on reading; it apparently wasn't not knowing the subject matter that affected Kris, but just the fact he couldn't read it very well. This made it easier for me to help him, and, in a way, we were technically tutoring each other. On the bright side, this was lining me up for acing English for the next few years.
"Here's a little trick, Kris," I explained to him as he was looking over an alliteration worksheet. "Just imagine all the words in reverse."
"You're fucking joking," Kris griped, a deadpan expression meeting against an overall bitter tone.
"Not even. Darby always reads words in reverse, and it seems to help him a lot." I shove Kris' nose to the book, as if that really helps, and smile. "Come on, try it."
Kris grunts, slapping my hand away from his head, and gives it a lookover...then laughs. "Holy shit...that actually works."
"It'll take a bit of practice," I assured him, "but I know you can do it."
"Wow, uh...thanks..Burnie." Probably the first time I ever really heard him say that to me, which made me feel giddy inside. I could just feel my stomach to twist into knots. Little, cute, gay knots. Well, not gay to_me_, then, but we're getting there.
It sort of continued like that, for quite a while. I would get off school, give my folks the heads-up, then leave for Kris' to help him practice his reading. And in turn, I'd learn a bit more about what to expect in Senior-grade English. Definitely a good trade-off, if you ask me. It didn't help that Hanna would always be waiting at the house, giggling like she knows something I don't, and constantly interrogating me about my time with Kris.
"So did you kiss?" She'd tease.
"No, Hanna," I'd continuously deny, "we're just friends."
"You keep saying that, but I see you blushing." That musing smile on her face was always so mocking.
"I-I'm just helping him with his reading, okay?!"
"Sounds apt; after all, I can read you like a book." Hanna quipped. Most of our conversations would continue like that until I went off to my room to be alone with my thoughts. And Mr. Dildo, of course.
Eventually, I was seeing a change in Kris' mood, on the car rides to and from school. He seemed...happy, vibrant. He was always talking to me with that easy-going smile, like he always had a story to tell and was glad to tell it to anyone who'd listen. It was definitely a marked improvement from the glum, solitary lizard-dude I knew from before. He became quite open; I even saw him getting a few new things for his home, like a new oven and..well, an actual bed, instead of a cot. I was glad he was finally feeling comfortable in his own skin, and even moreso to know I helped him out; me, his friend.
Of course, I_just_ wanted to be his friend, at first. But, then....I started to want a little more.
You know you're in for an awkward afternoon when the guy you maybe-sorta-like and you have to read over a romance story for his class assignment.
"This feels a little weird, Kris," I admitted whole-heartedly.
"Yep, ditto. But thing is, I needed a partner to read the script with me, and you were the closest I could nab."
"I guess so..." I looked at the title: Romeo and Juliet._How cliche, _went my brain. But, I agreed to help him, and this was his biggest class grade out of most of the semester. If I could help him pass this, he could salvage his class average. I swallow my initial concern, and began to read with him.
"Two houses, both alike in dignity..."
It's unsure why, but the two of us really got into the roles we agreed to. We each played one of the guys from either house in the first act, and put a lot of vim and vigor into our performances. I got more than a couple laughs out of Kris when I did a very pompous voice for the prince. "Rebellious subjects, harumph harumph harumph!"
"Hhhhahahah! Come on, Burnie, we gotta-hahaha! Gotta take this seriously." He patted me on the back, and we continued reading. I have to say, it was surprising how quick Kris was able to pick up on words now. Seems all that reading practice paid off!
It was going great, for a while. We breezed through Act One none too slowly, and moved into Act Two. Then was...well...
"But, soft. What light through yonder window breaks?" Kris would go into reading, playing the part of Romeo. "It is the East, and Juliet is the sun.."
He was putting so much conviction into his role, that I was fascinated and...aroused. I didn't make it out to be obvious, but as Kris kept reading, my thoughts began to drift...of me and Kris, just bro-chilling on the couch, before he wraps me up close into an affectionate hug. I wouldn't resist...I'd let him do it, and we'd sit there as he began to lay atop me, taking off my-
"Burnard! Burnie! You paying attention at all there, 'Juliet?'" Kris would shout at me, to get my attention.
I snapped away from my daydreaming, and looked at him with confusion. "S-sorry, uh..what?" I was blushing fiercely, only able to muster a very weak smile around him. I think the best way to describe my shyness was 'Weapons-grade cute.' "O-oh...is it my turn?"
"Yes, it's been your turn for about 2 minutes, now get to reading damnit," he said impatiently, but with a smile. "We need to at least get to Act Three tonight."
"R-right.." I skimmed the book to look for where my lines come in. Taking a deep breath, I glanced over the words in my head, reading them aloud. "'Tis but a name, that is my enemy; thou art thyself, though not a Montague." I didn't even realize when, but as I read, I just began to look up at Kris, not even reading the words anymore. I was just..quoting them, by memory. "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."
Kris was looking back; all at once, I actually couldn't tell what was on his mind. Likely confusion, in the way I was longingly staring, and my voice carrying a far more enthusiastic drive than it did before. "Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear, that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops."
It went on for...I don't know. For most of the act, I was somehow reading from muscle memory, as whenever I'd look over the words, I'd look back up at Kris, and speak them with a conviction. Before I knew it, we were into the third scene of the act. I was sweating, and panting slightly.
"Hey, Burnie, you alright?" Kris would ask me in concern. "You look like you're coming down with a cold."
"I-I'm...FINE. I'M JUST FINE." I was just shouting it, for whatever reason, and Kris obviously didn't buy it in the slightest. I was trying to hide the small tenting in my pants from my painfully-erect state, vivid images painting through my head. "I-I'm sorry, I should...I should be headed home! Like, now!" I was desperately trying to remove myself from there, to avoid embarrassing myself further.
"You sure you wouldn't prefer me to drive you-"
Ker-chunk!
"Back to your...house..."
Kris knew; he had to have known, and never said a word about it. The problem was, I didn't; rather, I always knew, but was never willing to be honest with myself about it. Just need to get my mind off it, just need to-
"Hey-hey, lover boy!" Hanna was greeting me at the door, and I just sort of shoved past her. Her happy expression turned to concern. "Jesus, Burnie, you look like you've been run over by a lawnmower..."
"I-I'm fine, I j-just need to get to my room!" I was doing a really bad job with hiding it, and Hanna must've known; after all, she gave me the damn thing in the first place.
I didn't even need to waste time with getting myself ready; I was already eager and pliant to it before I even shoved the dildo in. It was in me so fast, I didn't even have a chance to register it before that tip was pressing against my prostate. It just slid in, and I loved it; I was ready for it, more than usual. It went and came in powerful strokes, empowered by my own arm in doing so, and it felt incredible. At some point, I just laid back atop it and stopped bothering to push; I just bounced myself atop it with fervor and delight, tongue lolled out to the side as I whined and moaned in desperation. My climax was coming sooner than I intended, and I began to stroke myself out to it. I closed my eyes, feeling it all mount,
and then I imagined Kris.
I imagined it was him, pounding me open, making me feel wanted; I imagined I was being knotted down by him, as he bred me full like I longed for and deserved. I hadn't even realized, until my climax passed, how vivid such an image was in my head...to the point that after my enthusiasm died down, along with my strings of jism, I was worried.
It's...not..it's not gay. It's just not! I don't love him, he's my friend. _I was denying hard this time. I couldn't allow myself to believe it to be true; that I might actually be in love with a guy. _It was a fluke! A fake! I just need sleep...
I quickly ran my sheets over to the washing machine, down the hall, and got it in there. I ran past Darby and Lulu, who were giving me weird looks, but it was clear they weren't privy to what happened. I grabbed the spare sheets I keep in my closet, and got ready for bed. I was so certain, a little sleep would get my mind off of Kris.
But, even my own dreams weren't safe from desire.
"A-aaaagh! M-more! Fuck me harder!"
It was...so vivid...I could see every last detail of Kris' home, down to the nick-knacks, and we were on that dirty old couch, me laid out flat against it. Kris was pounding into me, grunting with effort in shoving every last inch of himself into my well-trained fuckhole. I gripped at the cushion beneath me, moaning like a bitch. His bitch. It all felt so perfect, so right, as that knot slammed down into me, and I could feel my gut swell with that unholy warmth. I'd shoot out weakly beneath him, my own flaccid cock dribbling seed; I wasn't a man, I didn't deserve to cum like one. Not like Kris. He was a real man.
And it just kept going.
Every time he stopped, he'd pull out and begin again.
I was moaning.
I was his.
I was-
Shit. I...left a bit of a mess there. Lemme just clean that up.
Anyway, I woke up sweating bullets, and looking around. Same old room, same tacky wall color choice, same everything. I was at my home, in my bed; my sweat-soaked, cum-stained bed. I'd pull my sheets away; my sleepwear was coated. That was....wow. My head wasn't quite caught up with the rest of reality, not just yet. It was maybe 20 minutes before my school alarm, perhaps my rude awakening attributed to-holy mother of all wet dreams.
I was meekly gathering all my school clothes together, not forgetting to spend that extra time wisely on a shower, and stepped out of my room with sheets in hand. Hanna was smirking in suspect at me. "Having to wash your bedsheets again, are you?"
"U-uh.....yeah," walking down the hall with her following me close. "I, uh, had a nightmare, sweated right through them."
"Is that what they call them now?" She grinned mischievously, her chops seen. "From all that moaning, it must've been the dreaded Ghost of Repeated Orgasms."
I stopped cold in my tracks. Oh, shit. She heard... I turned back around to her, fearful. "P-please don't tell them..."
"Relax, Burns, you're safe with me." She patted me on the head. "So, when're you going to tell him?"
"Tell who what?" I asked in counter, genuinely confused.
"You know, Kris! When are you gonna tell him you wanna do the humpty-hoo with him?"
"WH- WHAT?!" I nearly pissed myself at that moment, dropping the sheets on the floor. I was shivering. "Is..is it really that obvious?"
"I could fucking smell you, Burnie. You were like my first heat twofold. Not like you weren't moaning his name half a dozen times in your sleep, either." She helped pick up the sheets and clothing again, taking them over to the wash. "Go. Be honest with him, and I bet you anything he'll do the same." Her smile was nothing less of sincere. As much as she teased me, and got under my skin, she always did it with the hopes of helping me out. And strangely, that day was no different.
I was still hesitant. "B-but-"
"Burnard." She...never called me by my actual name before. "You've got this."
"Uh.....alright, Hanna. I'll do it." I gave her a confident nod, then I quickly grabbed my bookbag and dart for the stairs.
"Knock'im dead, little sis!" She shouted at me as I headed out the door. Kris was waiting, as he always did, and I hopped in the truck and felt the familiar comfort of the leather seating. There was something different about how he looked at me that day; he wasn't an easy read, but I knew he was happy about something.
"Hey, Kris." I crossed my legs and smiled at him politely, my head slightly ducked. "So, I've been meaning to ask you something, and-"
He leaned in, and gave me a firm hug. I didn't even know why, but I wasn't complaining. "Can't thank you enough, you little furball."
"I-never even said anything yet.." I squealed under the muffling of his jacket. My tail was swishing erratically behind me in excitement, despite me.
"My grades haven't been this good in a while," he finally said, letting me go. "I can finally graduate with everybody else, once test week finishes up. I'm running a smooth B- in English. Seriously, 'thanks' is absolutely not enough to say to you right now." He's practically beaming. I couldn't help but smile too, knowing I made Kris happy.
"I planned on having a party, to celebrate." He cranked the truck, the engine coming alive, and began driving us towards the school. "Armi's bringing her Rockband set, and everybody's gonna come. I want you to be there."
My heart did somersaults in my chest. A legit get-together, with all of Kris' friends. No excuses, no schoolwork to get in the way! I was finally gonna get to chill with Kris and be friends! Friends...right? Just friends. Just friends....
He was looking at me, expectantly. I swallowed and nodded. "Why would I say no?"
"I knew you'd be there. This'll be great, bro." He hung an arm around me as he drove us. Not exactly the safest driving practice, but I wasn't really in an emotional state to nitpick him for it.
"Y-yeah..."
Yeah...