Friends?
#2 of First story - first love
Part two is finally here! I had planned on making this one even longer, but this felt like a good place to end it. Plus, its been too long since I posted the first part and I don't want to keep anyone waiting! So here it is!
Please feel free to leave any comments or criticism. Side note - I did this on my phone so go easy on me for typos or bad formatting!! <3 :3
Cassidy, the black furred fox and his white furred sister, Mel, stood outside in the cool fall air awaiting the bus to drag them to another tedious day of school. It was a quiet morning, one of the few perks to living out in the country was not having neighbors to ruin peaceful mornings. After his weekend, Cassidy was feeling calm, and almost happy, quite the rarity on a Monday. He stood in his usual attire of a hoodie and skinny jeans, thankful they didn't have uniforms. He was thinking about what he'd do with himself after graduating school, as he often does, but this time without the almost constant anxiety. He really wasn't sure what he wanted to do for a living or what he'd go to school for. He always wanted to be a game designer, but that would require him moving to California most likely, which he had no interest in, and he also heard the job availability for that was pretty bad. His ruminations and the gentle silence were broken only when Mel spoke.
"Homecoming is soon! I'm so excited! Are you going? You should go with Andi!"
"Nope. Im sure she's going with someone else. Besides, I don't like her like that," Cassidy replied, his tail freezing.
Mel's ears drooped as she gave him a sad smile, "well you could go as friends?"
"Nah. I don't like dances and stuff anyway. Never have." By now his fragile inner peace was on the verge of shattering.
"But it's your last year!" Mel exclaimed, wringing her paws.
"Look, just drop it," Cassidy snapped and shot her a sharp glance. Her tail was practically dragging at this point and her ears were flat on her head, but she didn't say anything else. The bus finally rolled up and the two foxes somberly climbed into their seats.
After sitting in complete silence for most of their hour long bus ride, Cassidy finally turned to his sister and took out an earbud. 'Sugar, We're Goin Down Swinging' could be heard blaring. The small speaker was clearly struggling with the loud volume. "Hey, sorry I snapped at you earlier."
Mel's ears shot up and a smile quickly spread across her face. "No, it's okay. I'm sorry I pestered you like that."
Cassidy gave her a look of mock anger, "yeah, you pain in the ass!" he said, playfully sticking his tongue out.
Mel let out an overdramatic exasperated gasp. "Well in that case... screw you!" Just as she finished speaking, the bus pulled up to the school and the two started filing off the bus, giggling and with big smiles.
Cassidy's mood immediately started deteriorating as he walked to his locker alone. Mulling over homecoming and even prom in the distant future was normally something he avoided entirely, but with homecoming so close people kept mentioning it. He just couldn't wait to get out of this school. He didn't feel like he belonged, and quite frankly, it hurt in more ways than one. His ostracization was mostly caused by himself, but it didn't make it any better. He avoided parties and "the scene" at the behest of his parents, plus drugs/alcohol did little to interest him. Regardless, the feelings of loneliness were so bad, sometimes they physically hurt, like a rope was being coiled around his heart and lungs. It usually starts lightly, but the feeling always grows worse like the rope is being tightened until it's hard for him to breath and his heart starts to hammer, desperate to break free from its constriction. Only a few of his friends can help pull him out. When they aren't around he just has to weather the storm until his mood shifts.
With a sigh, Cassidy slammed his locker shut and walked sullenly into his homeroom, trying hopelessly to ignore the tightness in his chest. He glanced around briefly before plopping heavily in a chair and putting his head down until the announcements ended and the bell signaled his first class.
The day passed pretty uneventfully with Cassidy paying little attention to his classes, or classmates for that matter. It stayed like this right up until he sat down at his lunch table. The second he sat down, Andi had to spoil his miserable mood.
"Hey, honey," she beamed at him. "Homecoming is in a week! And you should totally go!"
"No thanks, I'm fine. I hate social gatherings like that," he replied with a sad smile and a small eye roll.
Andi stared back at him still smiling, she shook her head while "tut-tutting". "Such a Debbie downer! My word! Well no worries. You'll change your mind!" Her smile somehow grew even larger.
Cassidy shot a blazing glare back and practically hissed, "what are you up to?" His fur was starting to bristle out as he became even more suspicious of her. "You're usually not THIS happy."
Andi's eyes sparkled with mischief for a brief second before her hysterical giggling forced them closed. "Oh nothing dear."
He let out a playful growl, "Oh, I'm sure. Well if that's the case, I guess I'll leave you be." His eyes continued to cast a squinted glare at Andi as her face turned so brightly pink from laughing, even her thick fur couldn't conceal it.
"You're so cute when you're mad," she barked out between laughs. Cassidy just harrumphed and went to eating his lunch, paying no attention to her occasional jests and giggles. Lunch always seemed to end the fastest out of all the periods, as such, it was no surprise when the bell rang and it was time for them to go to their next classes.
After sitting through his remaining classes, which he never paid any attention in, it was finally time for Cassidy's last period study hall. His study hall was normally held in an art room, but today they were in the library, since the art room was being used for some homecoming projects. The library was laid out much differently than the art room, which featured an empty center and a ring of linked tables. The library was much more conventional and had 6 tables that seated 4 people each, with a row of computers next to the final two tables. Cassidy sat at one of the empty tables closest to the computers, and immediately began to fake study, but in actuality he was just doodling song lyrics in his notebook "I've been holding back my apathy for far too long."
Between his doodling and scribbling random song lyrics that were stuck in his head, it wasn't until after the first fifteen minutes that he noticed Eccet was sitting right over his shoulder at one of the computers, just an arm's length away. Cassidy gulped, his mouth suddenly feeling dry, and turned fully around to face Eccet. The gorgeous wolf, who was rumored to be gay, like him, was literally a dream come true for Cassidy. Well, almost. He didn't exactly have a good first impression after Eccet yelled at him across the room at him and basically called him out as being a closet gay. The loneliness he felt was compounded by this latest heartbreak and even being near Eccet was almost painful for him.
Cassidy desperately wanted to say something, he wanted to try and apologize for last week. Normally he wasn't shy, but for some reason he just couldn't muster the courage. The familiar depression convinced him that maybe it was better off this way, since nobody would ever like him anyway. That same rope started to coil even tighter and he felt a pressure behind his eyes.
Just as he was about to give up and put his head down, Eccet looked over his shoulder. Those gorgeous blue eyes met his own with an expectant look. Stricken with panic, Cassidy tried to redirect his eyes and act like he was looking at something else.
A small smile crept across Eccet's face. "Hello. You're Cassidy, right? I'm Eccet."
By now Cassidy was speechless. His heart started to beat faster and he got a nervous chill as his mind started racing. Didn't he hate me? Why is he talking to me? Ahhhhh! Say something dummy! With a small wave, he eked out, "yeah that's me. Hi." By now, his cheeks must have been beet red (thank heavens for black fur) and his paws were nervously wringing each other like dishrags.
Eccet's smile grew wider as he stifled a chuckle, clearly picking up on the poor fox's nervousness. "So anyway, I think Andi is a mutual friend of ours, and she told me I should talk to you, since you were a good friend of hers and I'm new here." His eyes had a look in them that reminded Cassidy entirely too much of Andi. "It took me a while to figure out exactly who you were, but I finally did."
"Yeah, Andi and I have been friends forever. It must be tough moving. I never have so I can't relate." Cassidy's tail adopted a slow wag as his confidence grew and the nervousness started to slowly subside. "Uh" he nervously scratched the back of his head, "sooo, how are liking it here so far? Make some good friends?"
The wolf shrugged. "A few. Andi is probably the coolest person so far. I'm not a huge fan of all the country bumpkins though. You definitely don't seem to be one, so you're off to a good start in my book." The last part of his sentence was accompanied by a cheeky wink and the wolf's familiar, confident smirk.
Cassidy's face lit up with a smile, as he enthusiastically responded in a mock country voice. "wut? You ain't country?" Both boys laughed out loud briefly at his antics. "Nah just kidding, I feel you though. It gets old. I can't tell you how tired I am of camo and trucks." At this point, he was finally able to shed the last of his nerves, and his tail was wagging steadily behind him. Making people laugh was the one thing that always made him feel better.
"Yeahhhh....." Eccett said awkwardly as he looked around at the class briefly. "Not many in here thankfully. But anyways, what do you do for fun?" His blue eyes were sparkling as he asked and tilted his head slightly.
The fox gave a slight nervous laugh before responding, "heh... pretty much nothing but video games."
The wolf nodded knowingly and asked the classic gamer to gamer question. "Xbox or playstation?"
"Xbox! And sometimes PC. All my other friends are on Xbox, so that's what I went with." The fox shrugged, "What about you? Do you play?"
"Uh-huh!" He answered, grinning happily. "I have Xbox too. I love Halo too much to give it up."
"Hey! Me too!" Cassidy was barely able to contain his excitement. "So do you play online at all? What's your gamertag?! I love having more friends to play games with after school!"
Eccet frowned and shook his head, "I don't have internet at my house yet since we just moved in and I can't remember my gamertag, I haven't played much lately. Too busy moving."
Cassidy's ears drooped and his smile faded, "oh darn. Oh well, maybe after you get settled in more we can play some games then?"
"Definitely!" Eccet's confident smile returned as he asked, "what's your phone number? I can text you my gamertag later so we can play as soon as I get the internet set up." Cassidy quickly and shyly agreed. After they exchanged phone numbers, they quietly made small talk right up until the bell signaled their freedom. The students all quickly filed out of the classroom and made their ways to their lockers. Cassidy and Eccet were walking side by side still chatting with each other.
At the end of the hall, Eccet leaned over and whispered in Cassidy's ear, "by the way, your butt looks really cute in those jeans."
Cassidy felt like his ears were on fire while the rest of him froze. He had never been complimented like that. It was too much for the poor fox, and Eccet was already halfway down the opposite hall before the shock wore off and Cassidy realized he was standing dumbly in the middle of the hall. Blushing madly and with a smile stuck on his face, he quickly composed himself and went to his locker, away from the wolf that just turned his world upside down in one sentence.
He should be happy. He knew he should be happy. But he's not. Why? These poisonous thoughts filled the poor fox's mind. The long bus ride home would no doubt be occupied by these musings. He stared blankly out the window, oblivious to his sister's presence. Music blasted in his ears from his mp3 player, but it was drowned out entirely by his own internal argument.
"He said I have a cute butt."
"But that doesn't mean he likes you."
"I know, but it's a good sign"
"Maybe, but what if he just wants sex"
"I guess, but would that be bad? I mean it's not like anyone else ever has."
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Figures you'd be okay with whoring yourself out."
"I'm not a whore... I'm just lonely. I'm sure he wants more than just sex anyway."
"Keep telling yourself that. He probably wouldn't even waste his time with you."
"He seemed nice...."
"Yeah, he sure seemed nice last week too."
The tightness in his chest reached stifling levels as he continued to fight with himself.
"I was fine when I was talking to him. Actually, it was the happiest I've been in a long time. Why don't you just leave me alone. I hate you"
"Hahaha, I am you, stupid."
"Why can't I just be happy."
"You tell me."
"I don't know... every time something good happens, I convince myself it's bad or I don't enjoy it. And I don't know why because all I want to do is be happy... "
He felt a familiar pressure behind his eyes and quickly shut his mind down before he started crying. The last thing he wanted was his sister noticing. She'd try to cheer him up but he was quite sure that wouldn't work. He shut his eyes, and just listened to his music. His favorite band, The Story so Far, always helped him feel a little better. He shut out the world until he felt his sister gently nudge him. He opened his eyes and realized the bus was pulling up to their house. He took an earbud out and smiled at her, giving a small thanks. She just smiled back and nodded, this routine was all too familiar to them. Cassidy tried to remain oblivious to the worry behind his sister's eyes, but it made his heart ache.
After they got off the bus, he turned to his sister and gave her a hug, holding back tears. "How was your day at school?" he asked, trying to sound as happy as possible.
Either it worked, or she took the hint; regardless, after the hug she smile brightly at him and didn't look worried anymore. "It was good! How about yours?"
He smiled back genuinely. "It was good, I think." they both started walking down the long driveway toward the brown brick house that has been their lifelong home.
"What an odd answer. Why 'do you think' and not know?" She tilted her head quizzically.
"Heh. Right," he said while scratching the back of his head. "Well, I guess at the moment it is good, but I'm not sure if it will stay good. You know what I mean?"
She squinted at him a bit, obviously somewhat suspicious, but otherwise not voicing it. "Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense." The only reason she let him off so easy was probably because just as she finished speaking, they reached the front door and went inside where they were greeted in the usual manner.
"MY BABIES ARE HOME! YAAAAY!!!"
Both kits looked over with wide eyes just in time to see their mother as she crashed into them for a hug only a mother can give.
"Hi mom!" They happily chimed in unison.
"You know, we weren't gone THAT long," Cassidy said while sticking his tongue out.
"I know, but mommy misses her babies whenever they leave!"
"Mom.. You're crushing me, please let me go." Cassidy started squirming, trying desperately to free himself from her clutches. His sister had managed to escape somehow and was now standing off to the side laughing at the scene before her.
"Ohhhhh alright," his mother said disappointedly as she slowly loosened her grip. "How was school?"
They both chimed out their response, "good," and started scouring the kitchen for snacks.
The kitchen was laid out with a breakfast bar directly in line with the door they had just walked in from and the stove, fridge, sink, counters, and dishwater on the wall to the left of that door. Cassidy always thought it was a bit odd that the front door used to come directly into their kitchen, but they recently converted the attached garage into a game room and mudroom which now served as a vestibule. His dad really liked cars and always kept two, which was all the old one could hold, so he had a new stand alone garage built. This one was bigger and better and could hold three cars, with space right in the middle for working on anything that would require extra space. His dad's latest car kick was BMWs, quite a leap from the Subaru's he almost always drove. Cassidy only just recently became interested in cars, but still didn't have one of his own and didn't really care for BMWs either. He thought they were a bit snobbish, ugly, and too ubiquitous, their only unique feature were the halo headlights. Lame.
Both kits sat at the breakfast bar to devour their looted snacks. Cassidy had Ritz crackers and honey to coat them with and Mel had a bag of doritos.
Their mother sat down to join them with a cup of yogurt. She's always a light eater. "Sooooo, anything exciting happen today?"
Mel grinned sheepishly, "oh yeah! I failed a test today!"
Cassidy started laughing while his mother gasped in shock. "Mel! That's not good. You don't have to get straight A's but you need to at least PASS!"
Mel started to giggle along with Cassidy. "Oh, it'll be fine. It was just a little quiz for psychology. I don't know, it was something and Freud and penises. I couldn't take it seriously!"
Cassidy was doubled over clutching his stomach while he laughed hysterically, the look on his mother's face and his sister's story was too much for him to handle. Once he finally caught his breath he joined in the conversation.
"It's his theory of penis envy, where he's convinced women are envious of men because of their penises and it contributes to certain behaviors. That's definitely one of his more out there theories and I'm honestly surprised you had a quiz on it"
She shrugged before replying. "Yeah me too, it was weird. The teacher said something about covering all of Freud's theories because he was such a big part of psychology as we know it."
"True enough I suppose."
Their mother finally recovered from her shock. "Well then, how about you, hun?" she asked, turning to face Cassidy. "Any penis envy or test failures today?"
He had to stifle a giggle before replying, "nope! Not for me. Well, not today at least!"
His mother sighed dramatically. "What I'm going to do with you kits?"
Both of them looked at her while laughing, "aww you know you love us!"
"Do I ever! Well I have to get dinner ready for when your father gets home." She stood up and started to gather things for dinner. "Mac n cheese with ham tonight! It should be ready in an hour or so"
"Yay! Welp, I'll be in my room until then," Cassidy said as he started to walk out of the kitchen.
Once he got back to his room, Cassidy collapsed on his bed with a sigh. He glanced at his computer wistfully, but didn't have the energy to get up and play a game. He had homework too, but he literally never did it at home. If he couldn't finish it on the bus or in a study hall, he didn't do it at all. 8 hours of school was more than enough without bringing it home.
Instead, he just laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, mulling things over in his head, as sleep tugged on his eyelids. He wasn't sure if he was always tired from staying up too late or maybe from depression or if he was depressed from not sleeping enough; regardless, he was almost always both. "Life's a bitch" was his last thought before he was woken up by his mother announcing dinner time.
Dinner was the only time Cassidy's brother, Rock, ever really came out of his basement bedroom. He would probably eat down there too if he could, but they always ate dinner as a family. It would be nice, but they often paid more attention to the TV than each other. He was a lot like Cassidy in some ways, they both spent a lot of time in their rooms and they both played a lot of video games. The problem Cassidy had was that he liked playing games as a social interaction more than a solitary activity. His brother was the opposite and usually played single player games. His brother also had a girlfriend, Codie, she was shy Fennec fox. She only really came over to their place on the weekends, and sometimes not even then. She had no car, no license, and controlling parents. Rock had to pick her up and bring her back if she wanted to visit their place, but it was a 45 minute drive, so he usually stayed there to save on gas, since she was never allowed to spend the night. Normally, Cassidy would take dinner time as an opportunity to chat with his brother, since he didn't see him often, but he was far from a talkative mood at the moment.
Dinner passed by for Cassidy quickly, he devoured his food with little hesitation and was too absorbed in thought to pay any attention the conversations everyone was having. When he finished, he quickly thanked his mom for dinner and put his plate in the dishwasher before heading straight back into his room. He often sat through dinner silently like that, so he knew nobody would find his behavior odd, which was definitely a good thing. He hated having people worry about him.
He sat on his bed, and looked around his room trying to find something he could do to distract himself. His phone buzzed and interrupted his contemplations. Always eager for someone to talk to, he quickly grabbed it to check the message.
The text was from Eccet! It was nothing more than a simple "hey, how's it going," but Cassidy's still felt a tingle of excitement. They sent a few more texts back and forth, just making small talk about games, movies, and a little bit about school. Maybe he felt legitimately confident for once, or maybe it was just desperation, but either way, he suddenly felt bold. Before he could talk himself out of it, he sent a text to Eccet that read "soooo. I think i know ehat youre up to. Why don't you just ask me already? :p" The second he sent it, he regretted it. With a shaky paw, he sent the phone down and cursed himself. Well that was stupid. Way to be a blunt weirdo...
He laid on his belly with his muzzle buried in his pillow retching with anxiety, until his heard his phone vibrate once more. In a flash he had the text open "my my aren't you a bold one. Well maybe I will, but you have to wait until tomorrow." Great, guess I won't be sleeping tonight. He typed out his reply, "Fine, you're evil though. >:[" After he sent it, he noticed it was midnight, so quickly sent another one. "It's getting late. Need sleep! Goodnight, see you tomorrow. " The phone chimed once more, but he didn't bother looking at it, he just rolled over and snuggled in further, trying to fall asleep before his thoughts started racing. Too late.
Why did I ask him that? And what is he even going to ask me? To homecoming? To be his boyfriend? To fuck? What am I even expecting the answer to be? I probably shouldn't have said that. At least I wouldn't be freaking out right now. Mmmrrrrgggg! Even with his eyes closed, he couldn't help but roll them at himself. Mentally groaning. You've reached a new level of insane. He started chuckling at himself a little bit, unable to contain it, but stopped rather quickly after realizing he was acting like a looney. Heh. Well, I guess crazy is better than depressed. I won't complain. Laughing sure beats crying, even if it's a crazy laugh. After tossing and turning for a few more minutes, he was finally able to fall asleep. He was still apprehensive about the morning, but too exhausted to stay up fretting about it. Patience is a virtue after all.