Stephan's Father
Stephan‘s Father
Stephan stood alone, cold, and silent. His arms hung loosely at his sides, and the three small lilies in his paw felt like weights. The breeze rustled his fur and tail. His heart said it was impossible but his eyes showed clearly the fresh markings on the tombstone. His mother was gone.
He knelt carefully down and touched a paw to the ground above his late mother. With shut eyes he brought the flowers to his lips and gently kissed the soft petals before laying them in front of the grave marker. Night was falling fast and the biting wind began to bother the raccoon. A storm would break soon, and the weather was sure to wash away the small flowers Stephen had laid.
He stood and waited motionless. He was lost, his eyes and ears unfocused, unable to register the world around him. He never heard the crunch of gravel as a vehicle approached. Nor did he realize the strong arm that wrapped around his shoulders and led him into the car and out of the rain. Apparently he had stood in the downfall for some time. He turned to see his father driving him away. The first time he had seen him in years.
Stephan's father, Rai, was a raccoon whose grey fur was as much due to his natural markings and his showing age. He taught which is how he had met Stephan's mother, a student. The two had an affair which had produced Stephan. The age gap between Stephen and his mother was less than that of the two parents.
The older raccoon faced prosecution for his actions toward Stephan's mother, and in turn other girls stepped forward to publicize his guilt of previous sexual interaction with minors. Stephan met Rai for the first time while his dad was still in prison for his crimes, and once more upon his release. Now his father, a raccoon he has seen only twice in his 20 years, was driving Stephan away from his dead mother's grave.
"I uh..." the older raccoon swallowed heavily, "I saw the obituary in the paper and thought... you know. That I should try and find you." The wipers cleared the windshield of the falling water with a steady rhythm. Stephan stared out of the front of the car, but his eyes could not focus past the wash of water on the window.
"I thought maybe you would need someone to talk to." The rain beat loudly on the roof. "I know I've never been there for you before, and I know we will never have a father son relationship. But I want you to know that you're not alone." Rai sighed sadly as he turned to glance at his son staring at nothing. "Heart disease is an awful thing that has taken many good people from their loved ones."
The two rode on in silence. Rai directed the car into the parking lot of a small diner and brought the car to a halt. "You hungry?"
Stephan shrugged and pulled on the handle of the car, the first sign of life since Rai had picked him up.
The two sat across from each other in a booth, damp from the short walk from the car. The small eatery was rattled with the sound of heavy rain, accented by occasional thunder. A short red fox walked up to their table a politely asked for their drink order."
"Tea, unsweetened please."
"And what will you have?" She asked turning to Stephan.
His voice soft and cracked he asked for a glass of water. She nodded and walked off.
"She's kinda cute eh? Or do you already have a girl?" He opened shyly, trying to get the depressed raccoon to talk.
"That girl is my age Rai, watch who you're calling cute. A convicted cub-fucker may get in trouble for that."
The old raccoon dropped his head in disgrace, his ears hung low. The room flashed bright light quickly followed by the loud crack of thunder. The young fox girl returned and gave them their drinks.
"What would you like to eat?"
Rai responded first, "I'll have the turkey club, no pickle."
"What's today's soup?" Stephan quietly asked.
"Tomato."
"Bowl please."
The waitress smiled happily, "I'll be back with your order soon." She walked quickly to the kitchen leaving the two raccoons alone again.
"Of course, I wouldn't be here if you weren't a perv."
Rai shook awkwardly as he took a drink from his glass.
"Guess I should thank you." Stephan raised his water in a toast, "To pedophilia." Then he drank deep from his glass, nearly emptying it of its contents.
Rai sat shocked. Stunned with shame and a growing fear of what his son had to say about him the raccoon let his jaw hang in surprise. Stephan was dark and hateful, and had every right to be. A public criminal had come to try and offer his condolences to him after he lost his mother. Moreover that criminal was a father he never knew.
The sky ripped open yet again, the deafening thunder filled the diner. The storm was powerful and violently buffeting the building. The waitress stepped out of the kitchen and turned on a television to see a weather alert being detailed on the news. Rai could see that although the storm was strong, the worst of it would not pass them, the diner and its occupants would be safe.
"Sorry."
Rai turned to his son.
Stephan repeated himself, "I'm sorry I said that. I've had a rough day. I could use some sleep"
"You don't have to be sorry Stephan." Rai took a drink from his glass. He gazed out the window, through the dark storm. "What I did was awful and wrong. I was weak. And now I have the opportunity to move past that part of me."
Stephan stared intently at his glass of water. "I don't even know you, yet I grew up hating you. That doesn't seem fair."
The two fell into silence, every so often taking a sip from the glass. This was so surreal to Stephan. It was impossible to talk to Rai about anything. They knew nothing about each other, and frankly, Stephan didn't care to learn about his father. The food was delivered with and polite ‘thank you's were exchanged. Rai eat his meal and watched his son slowly stir his soup with a spoon, not once tasting it.
Rai looked from his empty plate to Stephan's full bowl knowing the young raccoon wasn't going to eat. "Well I..." Rai rubbed his neck nervously. "If you don't want to go to an empty house tonight I uh... Well you're welcome to stay at my place if you want."
"I'll be fine at home."
Rai shook his head, unsurprised. "Alright." He stood and laid money on the table to cover the price of their meal. "I'll get you home."
The two left the diner and drove into the storm. Stephan directed his father to his home and Rai parked outside.
"Stephan, I know you don't want me to enter your life. But I thought you may want the option one day." The old raccoon took a piece of paper and pen and wrote out all of his contact information. "When you're ready, whether or not that ever happens, here's how to find me."
Stephan took the paper and nodded before opening the door, the rush of rain was very loud. "Thanks." He turned and shut the door. Stephan walked into his house and looked out the window to see his father drive away. He dropped the damp paper in his paw on the floor.
He stood alone, looking around his empty house. It was his home now, though it would not be for long. Stephan couldn't afford to live there much longer. He had no job, and the money his mom had left him would run dry soon enough. He needed to find work and somewhere more affordable to live. He walked from room to room. Everything had remained untouched since his mother's heart attack. Stephan looked over everything in the house.
He picked up a small porcelain figure his mom had used to decorate. In frustration and anger he threw it with all he could, shattering it against the wall. He screamed and overturned small table, a phone and lamp sent flying with a crash. Tears rolled from his eyes blinding him as he tore the room apart. He thrashed at furnisher, his claws ripping into the fabric. He fell to his knees weeping. Stephan's sobs were drowned out only by the occasional crash of thunder. The room was in disarray around the miserable raccoon.
Stephan felt like he was burning. He walked to the living room and threw open the window. The storm raged loudly and blew the curtains wildly. The raccoon stripped and fell onto the couch. The strong wind ruffled the soft fur covering his body, easing the coon. He lay there sadly waiting for sleep to take him. But his eyes stayed open and watched the clock tick the night away. After his tears ran dry Stephan stood up and walked to the restroom. He pulled his mother's sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet and left for the kitchen. Stephan thought he just needed some sleep. With a drink of water the raccoon swallowed a pill and returned to the couch.
And waited. Staring at the clock.
One minute... Five minute... Half an hour...
The storm began to subside. Stephan lay still as he felt the soft breeze from the window roll over his fur. Frustrated he returned to the kitchen and took another two pills. His tail dragged behind him as he walked back to the living room. He sat up in the couch and stared at the clock. Trying to time how long he could stay awake with his mother's medicine inside him.
He watched as the clock ticked each second. Soon the sound of rain ended and the clock's metronomic click became audible. Hours passed. Stephan's eyes burned to stay awake. He had at some point began to cry again.
Stephan told himself he had to sleep. It will be better if he can just get some sleep.
He returned again to the kitchen. Stephan overturned the medicine bottle, spilling the contents onto the counter. He took the glass and slammed the bottom into the small pills, cracking them apart into small pieces. Stephan bludgeoned the tablets with all of his sorrow and anger sobbing uncontrollably.
He stopped and looked over the counter. Pulverized sleep aid covered the countertop. He carefully swept the medicine into the glass, he had no idea just how many pills it was. He filled the cup with water and looked out the window to see the first ray of sun.
He just needed some sleep.
He drank the glass. Completely emptying it.
He just needed some sleep.
He returned to the couch to lay across the cushions.
He just needed some sleep.
He closed his eyes, and wondered if he would ever wake up.