Hell for Horses
Hell for Horses
By William W. Kelso
The barn was a raging inferno by the time I reached it, and I could hear the animals screaming in pain and terror. Some of the other hands had arrived too, but while they were fighting the fire they made no move to enter the barn. I couldn't blame them as it was already starting to collapse. The main doors were open, but the animals were trapped in their stalls.
Finally I could no longer stand the horrible sounds of their pain, so pulling my jacket up over my head I ran through the doors to the nearest stalls. Before the smoke got too bad I managed to open several stalls and a small pen. The horses and donkeys rushed past me to the open doors and into the night. But I knew there were others in stalls back farther in the barn, so I felt my way down the line of stalls, opening the doors as I went. The heat was getting unbearable, but I could still hear their screams and I just couldn't leave them.
I managed to open one more stall and a mare and her foal rushed past me to safety. It was almost the last one, but I knew there was an older horse in the last stall in the line. I made my way towards it stumbling blindly through the smoke. I could hear him screaming, and I yelled "Don't worry Jack, I'm coming!" When the roof collapsed I probably didn't suffer that much, all I remember was a blinding flash and the screams of the horse I was trying reach.
When I woke up I was lying on the ground, but I wasn't hurt or anything. I remembered the fire and knew I should have been burned, and I smelled of smoke. But I was fine and felt really good. I heard a snort and it was Jack, the old horse I'd been trying to save. But he wasn't old anymore! He was like I remembered him from over twenty years ago. Shakily I got to my feet and went over and rubbed his neck. "Hey Jack?" I said. "Where the heck are we?" He just snorted and gently nibbled my ear like he knew I liked. "Knock it off you big goof!" I said. And then he nudged at my pockets for one of the treats I usually carried, but I hadn't brought any that night. But he kept nudging, and to my great surprise I DID have a treat in my pocket after all. He ate it with relish and gave me a big sloppy kiss, which I returned. He'd always been a sweet old thing.
"You know Jack, I don't think we got out of that barn after all. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you in time." He just nuzzled me again, and I knew he wasn't mad at me. He seemed to be saying "At least you tried and didn't leave me alone." I looked around and realized we were standing on the edge of a beautiful meadow full of flowers and lush grass, and Jack began to happily graze on some lush clover. It was a truly lovely and peaceful place, but we were alone. And again I thought, where are we? I turned and looked behind me and the meadow slowly faded away in to a place of barren rock, the grass and flowers getting fewer and fewer until there were no more. I shuddered and knew I wasn't going that way if I could help it. I could feel heat coming from that other place and occasionally a veil of smoke would drift by. Nope, definitely don't want to go there.
And then I suddenly realized we weren't alone anymore. While I had been looking around I hadn't noticed it approaching, but now there was a small grey donkey standing and looking at me. "Well hey there, little guy. I said. Where'd you come from?" And then I noticed his eyes which were glowing with a soft incredibly beautiful light, and I could feel love and comfort radiating from him like the sun. Jack bowed his head in homage, and I did the same. I had no doubt this was a great being of some kind, and just being in his presence was all I wanted, and to feel his love for Jack and me. "Who are you, I asked? What are you?"
To my great surprise he answered me! But as I looked up I realized he was speaking from his heart and mind as his mouth didn't move.
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"Man, I said, I am what you would call an Angel. I earned this great honor long ago and far away when I carried a woman with child on my back. I was one of the first of my kind and we are few. I am one of the wardens of Equine heaven, and those that dwell here are in my care and the care of the other Angels. But there are also a few humans here who gave up their own heaven to be with us. We have many here who never knew the love of a human, and they tend to them and take care of them. It is rare that this is offered, but should you chose so you would be welcome here."
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"May I touch you?" I asked hesitantly. He didn't say anything, but I knew it was OK so
I slowly approached the small donkey. I squatted down next to him and gently stroked his neck, somehow knowing he would like it I scratched his ears and mane. "Oh, you are so beautiful." I said as I scratched, and then unable to help myself I gave him a hug and buried my face in his soft sweet smelling hair. He made soft sounds of contentment and happiness and I knew he welcomed my attentions.
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I haawed softly in appreciation of the attention the man was giving me. I seldom had time for this from the grooms here as I was usually too busy. Besides they had others to care for. So I enjoyed the gentle loving touch even more. I may be an Angel, but that doesn't mean
I don't need the love and touch of a human too. "Yes, I thought, he may be the one. He will be most welcome here, and we need him."
"Man, I said. Thank you for the lovely grooming. Have you thought about my offer? It will be hard work, but your reward will be my unending love, and the love of my herd mates." And I waited hopefully.
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I thought about it, even though I already knew what my answer would be. "Will my old friends be there? I asked? I won't go unless Belle, Bernie, and my other friends will be there with me. And Jack too, I quickly added." And hearing his name Jack came over and started nudging at my pockets again, and again to my surprise there was another treat in one. Then I took out still another treat, and shyly offered it to the Angel.
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I lifted up my head at the offer of a treat. It was a lump of honey, still in the comb, one of my all time favorites! And I chewed and smacked my lips at the delicious sticky taste. Of course the grooms here always had an equines favorite treat in one of their pockets no matter what it was, that is one of their powers. "I thank you for the treat, my friend. It was most thoughtful of you. But as to your friends, of course they will be here. Even now they are anxiously awaiting your arrival. Even if you do not chose to join us they still would have come to you and gone with you to human heaven. Even one such as I does not have the power to keep them from you. It is the power of their love for you, and it is the strongest of powers. But now I must ask if you have decided." And again I waited hopefully as the man kept scratching my ears, and it was so lovely.
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I already knew my answer by then. "You couldn't keep me away if you tried." I said to the beautiful Angel. "Of course I will join you, it is a great honor and I don't deserve it but if you really want me I will come happily. When can I see my friends?"
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I threw back my head in a loud bray of delight and welcome! And the whole herd answered as they knew we had a new groom! "Man, I said, you are more deserving then you will ever know. You gave the greatest gift you possibly could, the gift of your own life to try and save a friend. You did so without hesitation or hope of reward, and that alone make you very special. No, it us we do not deserve you.
I could not tell you before now, but had you chosen to go on to human heaven instead you would have been given a very powerful position as an Angel yourself, one of the Angels of mercy and they are rare. And should you wish to you can still go there, and your friends will go with you." And I waited for his answer.
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I was a little taken aback by the offer. I hadn't exactly been Mr. Perfect during my life and was a little surprised I'd gotten this far. As to trying to save Jack, I felt I had failed because I hadn't been able to. But me, an Angel? But it was still no contest, "Naw, I said. I think I'm needed more here. Besides, I'd look stupid with wings."
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And again I brayed in joy! Yes, he is a very special one indeed! He was offered the greatest prize of all, and turned it down! Yes, maybe he was the one! "We are honored and overjoyed to welcome you! I said. And now I think you have some old friends to meet." And I looked in pleasure as his old friends came running up to greet him again after so many lonely years.
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I heard them before I saw them. The sound of hooves, neighs and whickers that I would have recognized anywhere though I hadn't heard them in so long. And they came running through the flowers and grass, all the old friends I had loved and missed so much. My first horse Belle, a beautiful gray mare. And Bernie, the old mule who had been my work partner around the ranch for so many years, and he was young and strong again. And Buddy, and Mabel, and they were all there! And I hugged each and every one while they crowded around me, and I had each ones favorite treats from my magic pockect, even a chaw of tobacco for Bernie. Only mule I ever saw who chewed and spit! And they nuzzled and rubbed against me as I tried to scratch all their itchy spots. And soon I was covered in slobber but I had never been so happy in my life. I couldn't believe it, this really was heaven!
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I watched as the man and his friends greeted oen another. And as always I felt my own heart swell as their love for one another filled it. It would never cease to amaze me how two different species could have so much in common, could unconditionally love one another so very much. But then that is the power of love. "Come I said, it is time for us to rejoin the herd my new friend." And as I started to walk away the man and his friends followed, still happily hugging and grooming one another in delight.
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As I walked away with my long lost friends I was happy because I knew I would be with them now forever. But as we started to follow the donkey Angel I suddenly heard a cry from far away. I stopped and listened, straining to hear it. It was the cry of a horse, and I could tell it was in pain. It was cry of fear and anguish, of loneliness and terror. I came to a confused stop. How could there be pain in this beautiful place? I heard the cry again, a wail of complete hopelessness, and I felt my heart ache. I turned around and realized it was coming from the barren wasteland that bordered the meadow. The donkey and my friends had all stopped as well, and were watching me silently. And the same urge that had made me run into the burning barn made me start to walk towards that forlorn cry. I did not hesitate as to do as it would have betrayed my own soul.
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The Angel watched as the man first paused, and then turned to face the other place over which it had no power. And in its own soul the donkey hoped and prayed. Let this be the one, please master. And its hope went up as the man walked towards the barren wasteland.
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I reached the edge of the meadow and looked into that forsaken place. All I could see were rocks and sand, there was no life of any kind. A dry hot breeze was blowing and I could smell a bitter reeking scent, and dirty yellow smoke was floating on the breeze like torn shrouds. I hesitated as I did not want to enter that horrible place, but the cry came again and taking a deep breath I crossed the border between the two places.
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Jack started to follow me, as did all of my other friends. Where I went they wanted to follow. But the Angel held them back, "No, he said gently. Our friend must do this on his own. None may try to stop him or influence his actions. He must do this of his own free will." But they all waited at the edge of the meadow, staring into the gloom with their ears up and attentive. They would wait there forever if need be. And again my hope soared that maybe, finally, he was the one!
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I walked over the barren blasted ground, and there was nothing but burnt rock and sand. A horrible
hot dry wind was blowing, and there were bubbling springs of mud and geysers of foul smelling steam. But the cries, which were louder now, kept drawing me to them. A horrible gibbering thing of scales and fangs tried to bar my way, but though I was terrified I kept going forward and to my surprise it bowed and let me pass. My only thought, my only need, was to reach that chilling cry for help.
And eventually I came to a small clearing. In the clearing was a very small corral with one horse in it. And as I entered the clearing it threw back its head and made another loud Whinny of complete and utter despair and loneliness. As I approached the corral I saw there was a water trough and a pump next to the fence, but the trough was dry and filled with dust. It was horribly hot and the red burning sky made me sweat horribly. The horse was an old mustang, and he was nothing but skin and bones. His coat was matted and filthy, and he was covered in dried lather and salt sores. His hooves were swollen and I could tell it hurt him just to stand. The floor of the corral was bare hard packed earth, and there was no cover of any kind from the burning sky. Then the horse saw me, and it laid back its ears and bared its teeth at me. As it looked at me with swollen bloodshot eyes I could feel its hatred.
I approached the corral talking softly and making soothing noises, but the horse backed away from me until its rump was against the far side of the corral. It lowered its head and let out a snort that was more of a growl. I looked at the water trough and the pump, and taking the pumps handle I began to work it. The handle was almost red hot and burned my hand but I felt no pain. I pumped and pumped until warm tepid water began to flow from it, and kept pumping until the trough was filled to overflowing. And as I looked at my hand I wasn't even burned, which amazed me as I had felt my it burning. The horse had watched as I filled the trough, and slowly his ears had stood upright as he heard the sound
of the water. When the trough was full I backed away to give him room, and still keeping an eye on me he went to the trough and started to desperately drink like he hadn't had a drink in years.
I approached slowly, and tried to pat him on his neck. With a scream he threw up his head and bit my hand, and shook his head back and forth until he let me go. It had hurt, but again I was unharmed.
I backed up again and the horse went back to eagerly drinking the warm water. I knew I had approached him too soon and it was my fault he had panicked and bit me, and I felt no anger.
"If only I had some food." I said softly to myself. And then I suddenly felt my pockets bulge and smelled fresh hay! My magic pockets had done it again! Each one was now filled to bursting with fresh hay. I kept pulling out the hay until I had a large armful, and walking back over to the corral
I dropped the pile of hay on the other side of the corral. The horse was still drinking, snorting in relief and satisfaction, and did not see or hear me approach. As I leaned over the fence it sensed me, and
I had to jump back as it charged me. But it came to a stop when it saw the hay, and at first didn't seem to believe it was there. It took a tentative sniff or two, then a small bite, and then with a starved squeal it began to greedily devour all the hay.
And as it did I pulled more hay from my pockets and added it to the pile, and this time there was fresh clover mixed in. I walked over to the other side of the corral, and since there was no gate I began to remove the rails to make an opening. Then I waited. The horse kept feeding for a while longer, and already I could see an improvement. When the horse looked up and saw the hole in the fence he wasted no time in dashing through, and galloping off for a ways he turned and looked at me. But this time he didn't lower his ears or bare his teeth. He just looked at me with what looked like, maybe, just a little hope. I had done all I could so I turned to leave this horrible place. As I walked away I could hear the sound of hooves following me at a distance, and gradually they came closer. Once I turned around and he was much closer, but he backed up nervously, flicking his ears. When I turned again he followed. And again gibbering hideous things tried to bar my way and tried to drive the horse back to the corral, but I did not let them. I told them "NO!, he is under my protection!" and they bowed and let us both pass. Had they tried to bar my way I would have fought them. And after what seemed forever we slowly neared the border between this place and the beautiful meadow. As he smelled the fresh grass and flowers the old mustang dashed past me and he reared and bugled his joy and relief. And
I watched as his coat became smooth and sleek, and he was young and healthy again.
I was completely exhausted from my ordeal, but I felt a gladness that I had never felt before. And after a few minutes he turned his head, and seeing me watching him he walked over and put his head on my shoulder, and I gently stroked his neck and nose while he cried and I could feel his pain flow away through me. With a final nuzzle he turned and began to run, kicking and bucking and shrilling in delight. I watched until he passed from my sight.
I was aware of the Angel and my friends watching silently, and in fury I faced the Angel and said "You lied to me! You said there was no pain or suffering here! How could you do that, how could you allow such suffering! You LIED to me!" And even as I said it I felt my heart start to break.
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"No, man, said the donkey sadly. I did not lie, I cannot lie. There is no pain or suffering in my herd, but I have no control over that other place for it is Hell. It is rare that one of us goes there. Only those who knew nothing but pain and suffering at the hands of men go there for they cannot even dream of an existence without that pain and suffering. Because of that they are drawn there because they think that is all there is for them, that there is nothing else. We can hear their cries and it greatly saddens us for we know they have never known a gentle hand or a kind word. We ache to go to them but we cannot leave this place. Even I cannot leave. But you, because of the way you died have already suffered the pain of burning fire and heat, so it is unable to affect you even in that place. And none there can stand before you or bar your way for you truly are an Angel even if you don't realize it. A very special one. Only one other has been able to walk in that place before you and return. For thousands of years we have waited your arrival, have waited for the one that could rescue our brothers and sisters from that horrible place they do not belong. You have proven you are that one by doing so without being asked, with only the desire to help one in need and pain." And I bowed to one who was even greater then I.
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And as the donkey spoke I knew he was telling the truth, and I felt a great shame for having doubted him even for a second. I said, "Please don't bow to me! I do not deserve such honor from you for
I doubted you!" And crouching down I hugged the little donkey and he put his head on my shoulder with his eyes closed and I realized he was crying because I could feel his tears soaking my shirt. "Please, don't cry I said! I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it! Please!" and it tore me apart that I had made this great gentle being cry. How could I be so cruel to someone who loved me so!
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"We waited so long!" I said as the new Angel hugged me and I could feel his great and awesome power. He had no idea of how powerful he was, but even if he had I know it would only have embarrassed him. "We had almost given up hope you would ever come! Your work will be hard and never end, but you will have our love and devotion, and those you save will always have a special place in their hearts for you. And your friends and I will always be waiting for you when you come back. And there is another who will watch your efforts with pride, and he will always be with you."
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I stood up and turned away from the donkey and looked at that horrible place as I heard another faint cry of loneliness and need. I turned to the donkey and said, "I have to go now my friend." And he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and love in his heart." And as I crossed back into that other place the Angel and my friends all called to me and told me they would be waiting for me.
And so I go back into that terrible place again and again. Sometimes I may only be carrying a small lame donkey when I return. Other times I may have a whole herd following me. But I never return alone. And nothing can bar my way though I am threatened and tempted every time. But I ignore them as only one thing matters, only one thing is important. And it never gets easier. I am always filthy and drenched in sweat. When I return from a trip I am always so tired and exhausted. But the love from my friends, and the love and gratitude from those I save always give me the strength to return. And I will keep going back again until every last equine that needs my help is set free or eternity ends. And no, I do not see myself as any kind of an Angel, only as someone who cares.
END
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