FSE

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Part 27

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"He okay?" was the first thing Carson asked when I got into the car.

I got plopped into the seat next to him and looked out the window. "He's fine."

I could see his ears laying back in the reflection. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine-" Or...was I? I've been with Carson for almost five months now, going on six. I thought we could spend the rest of our lives together. Or at least till school let out. There were time that I imagined us living together, mid-twenties, in a cozy apartment, trying to work out our debt from college together. We would joke about how stupid high school was, how stupid college was, and how stupid life is after all the useless testing. I was pretty happy; cuddling up to him, exploring the ridges of his muscles with my fingers. Then we would go out to dinner, laugh and just talk. Then we'd come home, and I'd seduce him into bed where- well, you know.

But in the dream he felt warm, almost closer to me than in real life. Now, sitting next to him, he felt cold and distant. I couldn't even stand to look at him. Reflection or not.

Before he could put the car in drive, I spoke up. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

His paw froze. "What?"

"I asked you why you didn't say anything to me earlier."

"I- Did he say something to you?" he said it with a slight growl.

I turned awkwardly to face him. "It doesn't matter what he told me. What should matter is that you didn't."

"I was going to!"

"When? Tonight? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I wanted to be with you-"

"So you lied to me- no let me talk," I held up a paw. "Knowing full well that we weren't going to be together afterwards-"

"We still don't know that. We can keep a long distance relationship-"

"No, Carson. No. You're moving to another country for fuck's sake! I could barely hold a relationship with Bret and we lived two blocks away from each other!"

"But I'm not Bret."

"You might as well be."

I could feel the sting of my own words. Carson could too, and fell silent. I didn't want to be the bad guy. Then why did I feel like one?

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

I pushed the door opened, climbed out, and theatrically slammed it shut. I crossed the hood while Carson got out his side. We were already attracting the attention of a weasel couple. Their ears perked when Carson blocked me from walking.

"Don't run away from this, Scout," he said with a challenging glare.

I put both paws on my hips and glared back. "I'm not the one who's going to be running away."

We stood like that for a few seconds before he made a 'tch' sound. "You know what," he started as he brushed past me, "leave. I don't care."

"Neither do I."

I kept looking forward, not wanting to be the one to relinquish. Even though this hurt more than Brent ever could have. I heard the car door open and close behind me. His car rolled to a stop next to me.

"You don't always have to have the last word."

As he was about to drive off my palms clenched and set at my side. "Yeah, well, fuck you!" I screamed after him.

Nice.

Shut up.

I stalked over to a nearby bench, taking a seat with crossed arms and legs. Fuck him. Honestly, fuck him. He's almost as bad as Brent. If not as bad. Who the fuck does that?

Someone who cared a lot about someone else to where they lied to be able to have a few months with you hoping that in those few months that someone would realize what they had wasn't worth throwing away because of distance. I'm just guessing.

He didn't have to lie to me.

Would you have dated him knowing that you would ultimately have to end it?

Well- I mean...probably not.

Then there's your reason.

I guess...when did you become so helpful?

Just thought -heh, get it?- that I would lend a helpful hand.

Well thank you. It's really appreciated-

What's not appreciated is your outfit. It looks like one of Miley Syrus's shit-

And thank you...again.

I whipped out my phone and texted Sera to see if she were busy. Twenty minutes later, her 2012 Mazda swung around and came to a stop in front of me.

"Get in, whore," she said probably a little too loud. But she didn't seem to care. "Where's your boyfriend at?"

When she saw my ears go down, she just looked at me. "I think we broke up," I sighed.

"What? No way! You two were doing so well!"

"Yeah well...not anymore."

"What happened?"

We got onto the road, thick with traffic. "If you promise to keep your eyes on the road and not to tell anyone-"

"I promise. Now spill."

"He's moving to Germany for soccer. Apparently his dad can find work too so they are going to stay awhile."

"And?"

"'And', what? Did you know?" When she didn't say anything, my ears felt as hot as a stove top. "And you didn't say anything to me?"

"I was told not to-"

"By?"

"The person who told me. Duh."

"Who was?"

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Could you at least tell me who knew?"

She paused. "Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't hear about it sooner. A lot of people know."

Of course. When I want to know something, no one's willing to say anything. But if I let a secret out, everyone tells everyone else. Logic.

"Am I wrong?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"About what?"

"Not wanting to stay together."

I could hear her tongue clicking inside her mouth. "Depends on the person, Scoot. Some people like long distance, others can't stand it. You remember when my ex went to New York."

"You slept with like two different guys."

"So," her paw gyrated, wanting an answer.

"You're a slut?"

I could sense her glare. "No. Long distance doesn't work for me. And you're like me. For the, thirteen years that I've known you, you don't strike me as a long distance kind of guy. Which is why it amazed me that you stuck with Brent for so long."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know. He was pretty much long distance but right there. Emotionally long distant, I should say."

"Yeah, but he was here. Not in New York or Germany. I could walk to his house and chill with him on a daily basis if I wanted to."

"Then there's your answer."

"I don't," I sighed. "I guess you're right. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. But I do want to say: even though he did lie to you, maybe look at it like one of those stupid romance books Mrs. Fitzgerald always makes us read. He lied so he could be with you for the short time that he has left."

"But he didn't have to lie to me."

"Would you have gone out with him?" The silence was answer enough. "Then there you go."

"Thanks, Sera."