A Silent Soul- Chapter 9
#9 of A Silent Soul
Chapter 9! :D
Heyy you furs! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, I know I did! I'm still full from stuffing my face full with food, but the time has come for the next chapter! Now I did make some changes from my original plans for this chapter. It was intended to be extremely depressing and sad, but I made it much more uplifting as I couldn't bring myself to write anything sad after such an awesome day. So I hope you all enjoy the much happier version of this chapter, I'll see you at the bottom of the page!
I awoke to a stiff back and sore neck, obviously I had rolled over during my sleep into a very uncomfortable position.
The first thing I noticed was Elijah's empty bed, and grabbing my phone to check the time I read 11:00 a.m. I guess I didn't get in until almost 3 o'clock this morning. No wonder I slept so late.
Thankfully I didn't have a class that morning, but I did have another class at noon. Sighing heavily I dragged myself out of bed and grabbed my toiletries and a towel, needing to get a shower after being out all day yesterday.
I padded sleepily down the hall to the community bathrooms and yawned as I pushed the door open. Turning the shower on I stripped down and stepped under the warm water, sighing as I worked my stiff muscles.
I thought back to the night before and how badly I treated Elijah, and couldn't help but let a few regretful tears mix in with the shower water. The amount of grief that ran through me was palpable, not to mention Elijah had a funeral to go to today. And not just any funeral, his mother's.
I sent him to his mom's funeral feeling like absolute hell, what kind of person does that make me? What kind of friend does that make me? I don't deserve to be friends with him after all I've done to him.
I turned off the water and halfheartedly dried out my fur. Stomping back to my room I quickly brushed out my fur and threw whatever clothes I had laying out on. Looking in the tall mirror I scowled at my appearance but grabbed my bag and walked out the door anyways.
I ignored the looks I got on my way to the dining hall, not wanting to deal with anyone at the moment. I grabbed a tray and filled it with various lunch choices before turning to find a place to sit.
As I looked around I saw Elijah, Rachel, and that bobcat from yesterday sitting at a table near the back, and Rachel sent a look that could kill towards me as she rubbed Elijah's back.
My ears splayed and tail dipped beneath me as I walked in the opposite direction, feeling even worse now that I'd ruined my friendship with Rachel as well. I ate in silence and sorrow, feeling the regret of the previous day's decisions threatening to overwhelm me.
I only ate half of my meal before pushing the tray away and shoving my face into my paws. What am I doing with my life? I asked myself. I deposited my tray in the dish drop off and left the dining hall. I could feel Rachel's ice cold stare on me all the way out, and I sent one more regretful look her way before leaving.
I walked in the direction of the lecture halls, with math being my next class for the day. Math was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about at the time, but I walked in and found a seat in the back of the room. It was still pretty empty as I was somewhat early so I pulled out my phone and played a random game until class started.
Just as the teacher started his lecture, I watched Rachel walk by me down the aisle. I bit my lip nervously before whistling so high that only her sharp fox ears would pick up the frequency. A few other foxes turned and glared at me, but the look she sent me was enough to make me regret my decision and then some.
Nonetheless I gave her my best puppy dog face and waved her over, needing to speak with her. She huffed before stalking over to me and sitting 2 seats to my right.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't disconnect your tail from your rear end wolf-boy." She threatened quietly.
I flinched at her introduction but answered hesitantly, "Listen... I know it doesn't mean anything to you but I'm sorry for how I treated Elijah. I know he's already told you everything and believe me my heart is beyond shattered for him." I said quietly, meeting her fiery gaze.
She growled lightly, "Your heart? How do you think he feels? He has a funeral to go to today and the last thing you said to him was "Not until I get my head back on straight"? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She whispered back with barely restrained fury.
"I'm going through a really tough time right now a-and I made a mistake okay?! I fucked up bad and took it out on the one person who was willing to be there for me." I cried out, feeling the tears threatening to spill again. She was quiet for a few seconds before speaking.
"You're damn right you messed up. You're lucky that Elijah is an extremely forgiving person, he might just have it in his broken heart to forgive you, no matter how bad you messed up. But personally, I hope he doesn't. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that, I don't care who you are." She said quietly before getting up and finding a seat in the front of the room.
I sat in quiet grief as I stared at the floor, thinking about what she'd said to me. It was then I made my decision. If there was any chance of him forgiving me then I would do everything in my power to make it up to him.
For the first time in a long time I was ready to make a long term commitment to someone who had earned my respect and put me before himself when he was the one who needed it the most.
The class lasted almost 2 hours but as soon as he released us I was up and out the door, hoping to catch Elijah before he left for the funeral. I swung the door of our room open and Elijah's shocked expression quickly turned to depressed as he turned back to the mirror, fixing his black tie. The black button up and black pants greatly contrasted his blue and white fur. I gulped before speaking, "Elijah?" I asked hesitantly. One of his ears twitched letting me know that he'd acknowledged me.
"Elijah, I don't know how much it means to you at this point but... I'm sorry. I know how I treated you was wrong, and I've realized and accepted that. I had no right to treat you like that no matter how upset I was feeling. I just... closed up, and was afraid to come out and tell you what was bothering me even though you told me what was wrong from the start." I confessed to him.
He had stopped to listen, and once I'd finished he turned his head slightly to look at me. The amount of sorrow and depression in his expression was enough to break my heart more than it already was.
"Jasper... I was so worried for you yesterday. I stayed up waiting for you to come back... and after midnight I thought something terrible had happened. I didn't care about what you'd said to me, no matter how much it hurt. I was just worried about you." He spoke quietly, the grief threatening to overwhelm him. He was worried... about me? After all I've done? He nodded at me as I realized I'd actually spoken.
"Jasper, I have something to tell you. I don't care if you feel the same but I just really need you to know... I like you. A lot Jasper. Ever since the night we Skyped I felt something... but I didn't know the right time to tell you." He confessed.
I stood there dumbfounded as I let the words sink in. My roommate... liked me? As much as the though confused me, I couldn't help but embrace the idea. The time in the shower when we sang together. The movie night when he leaned his head on me but I never pushed him away. His worriedness for me last night. I slowly walked forward towards him.
My ears splayed as I watched him shrink away in fear and close his eyes.
I stopped immediately, "Elijah. I'm not mad." I reassured him.
He slowly opened one eye, You- you're not?" He said quietly. I shook my head, closing the distance between us and drew him into the most reassuring hug I could muster. I could feel his tension melt away as he leaned into the hug.
I set my head on top of his, "I'm so sorry Elijah. Is there any way you could forgive me?" I whispered into his ear. I felt him nod and the rest of his tension fade away, replaced by shuddering as he released all of his pent up emotion into my chest.
I stood firm and comforted him as he cried, running my blunt nails down his back and whispering 'I'm sorry' over and over. He finally calmed down and drew away from the hug.
"If that offer is still open, I'd be honored to come to your mom's funeral." I told him, offering a soft smile.
He returned it and nodded his head, "I'd really appreciate it Jasper, thank you." He replied quietly. I walked to the closet and found my best black shirt and grabbed a pair of dark jeans from my drawer. I glanced towards Elijah who was starting for the door.
"You're fine, don't worry about it." I winked. He blushed furiously and sat down on his bed. I quickly changed, but not without some slight teasing. He let out an involuntary whine as I pulled my pants on, and I sent a sly glance his way.
He had his hands buried in his paws and the prominent redness in his face was evident. I buttoned up my shirt and found my dress shoes under my bed, sliding them on.
"Ready?" I asked him. He nodded before standing up. I opened the door for him who nodded in thanks as I followed him out. Locking the door behind me we made our way to the student parking lot.
He lagged behind slightly so I dropped back to walk steady with him. His head and tail drooped as the magnitude of the situation weighed down on him. I pondered something for a moment before acting on the crazy thought.
I slowly moved my hand towards his, brushing it a few times before twining my fingers with his. He looked up quickly as I squeezed his hand. He smiled and squeezed back, and we walked hand and hand to his car.
He surprised me when he pulled his hand away, motioning to the figure standing at the top of the hill. Following his gaze I noticed the bobcat with his back to us, standing beside Elijah's truck. I nodded at him understanding that he might not want his friend to see us like that.
"Hey, I'll follow you in my truck okay?" I told him. Noticing his sad expression once again I reached out and clenched his hand again.
"I'll see you there okay?" I said.
He smiled lightly at me, "Okay." I started walking left towards where my truck was parked, hopping in and starting it up. I backed out and drove to where Elijah was parked, who was waiting for me. I followed him out of the parking lot and on to the highway, on the way to his mom's funeral
P.O.V. Change: Elijah
"He didn't hurt you did he?" Sebastian asked me.
"No, he actually came and apologized to me. It surprised me after how he was acting yesterday, but it was definitely a welcome change." I told him.
He looked pleased, "Good to hear. Glad he decided to come around." The rest of the ride was silent, and we pulled into Longwood Graveyard where my grandma had informed me to meet her. She was originally going to pick me up, but I told her I was driving Sebastian over here anyways and not to worry about it.
Jasper followed us in and parked a little ways away. He jumped out his own truck and met up with us. Sebastian glanced warily at Jasper, as they hadn't exactly gotten off on the right foot. Jasper seemed to notice his reaction, as he offered his hand to Sebastian.
"Jasper. I know we didn't exactly hit it off well but I hope we can start over." He said.
Sebastian took his hand, "Any friend of Elijah's is a friend of mine. I'm Sebastian, nice to meet you." He replied. My grandmother approached us from the site, wearing a long black dress to fit the occasion.
"Hello boys, glad you could come. I know you Sebastian but I don't believe we've met...?" She said as she looked to Jasper.
"Jasper. My name's Jasper, I'm Elijah's roommate. He asked me to come with him and I told him I'd be honored to attend, so here I am." He said. Satisfied, she nodded her head and waved for us to follow her.
The funeral was set to begin in 5 minutes, and I pulled my grandmother aside.
"I found mom's note. She said to give you this." I told her, pulling out my mom's will. She stared at it for a few moments before taking it from me, nodded sadly.
"Yes of course, I assume you found the locket then as well?" She asked. I nodded, pulling out the small heart shaped locket from my pocket that I carried with me everywhere. She seemed to tear up at the sight but refused to let the emotion overtake her.
"I'm glad you found it. I'm sorry it was so early, but now you have a little piece of her to keep with you." She told me. I embraced her for a moment, realizing how hard this was for her as well. We rejoined the rest of the group as everyone had formed a semicircle around the casket.
I stood in between Jasper and Sebastian when Rachel squeezed her way between Jasper and I. She sent a glare towards Jasper before turning to me. Frowning slightly I pulled her away quickly.
"Listen, Jasper and I made up. He came back and apologized to me earlier so we're back on good terms once again." I told her.
"After all he did you forgave him?" She asked me. I winced slightly at her tone but nodded, "He's completely different than he was yesterday. He was so... vulnerable, and I could tell how bad it he felt about how he acted yesterday." I tried to convince her, but she wouldn't bite.
"But he treated you like dirt Elijah! He tossed you aside and-"
I cut her off, "He's changed Rachel. Trust me. I know you are not happy with him right now but he wouldn't be here if he didn't care." I told her. She wanted to keep arguing, but dropped it for my sake.
We rejoined the semicircle, I squeezed in with Jasper to my right and Rachel to my left. The funeral director began speaking as everyone got quiet as we relived the life of my late mother.
A single mother left alone to raise a child because of a deadbeat father who left upon finding out the pregnancy. And now a child left alone to fend for himself when his mother was taken away too soon.
I stood in silence trying to prevent myself from crying, wanting to look strong in front of everyone. Eventually it got too much for me to handle and I let the tears flow freely. Rachel had been squeezing my hand the entire time, but I was surprised when my other hand was taken by Jasper.
He twined our fingers together and clenched comfortably. It felt great to know I had such great friends by my side, and I couldn't help but look forward to what was to come. Finally the time came to read my mother's will.
The director had gone through most of the names already, but she left my grandmother and I for last. "To my mother goes half of my personal funds. And to my dear son Elijah goes my home, as well as my personal belongings and funds." He read.
I was shocked that my mother had left so much for me, but it meant even more to know that I wouldn't be homeless during the breaks when we had to move out. The last thing was to give our thanks and remembrances.
I waited for everyone to take their time, knowing I would likely take quite a while. My friends and I all waited patiently for everyone to clear out. Rachel was the first of us to go up.
She knew my mother pretty well, but refused to let her emotion show as she dropped a black rose in the casket. Sebastian followed after her as well as Jasper. Jasper actually spent more time than I thought he would, taking his time to pay his respects to my mother whom he'd never met.
Finally once he moved I stepped to the casket. Peering inside, my heart warmed slightly to see my mother once again. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, and all the roses piled on her made her look even prettier.
I leaned over and crossed my arms on the edge of the casket, setting my chin on my hands.
"I miss you mom. It's been so hard without you, but I'm doing well. Rachel and Sebastian have been taking care of me. My new roommate and I are getting along great, and I think something could come out of it. We'll just have to wait and see won't we? I'll talk to you later mom, I love you so much..." I finished speaking, taking a few more minutes to simply mourn.
Standing up I placed the single white rose on top of the black ones before closing the casket and turning to my friends. I walked up to them and they all gathered around me in one big group hug.
I was so grateful for the overwhelming support as we stood there for a minute just enjoying each other's company.
We broke apart and I spoke with emotion, "Thanks guys. It really means a lot." I said quietly. They all offered smiles as we walked out to the parking lot. I watched Rachel take Jasper aside, and I kept an eye on them to make sure she wasn't being hostile, but when he wrapped her in a hug I let my worries fade away.
Maybe things won't be so bad I thought with a smile. I waved goodbye to my grandma as I jumped into my car with Sebastian getting in the passenger's seat and we drove away from the graveyard.
The drive back to campus was quiet and we pulled into the parking lot without a word spoken between us.
"Thanks for coming Sebastian. It means a lot to me." I told him before we got out.
"Thanks for letting me come." He said simply. We got out and I locked the truck behind me. It was just starting to get dark as I waved goodbye to Sebastian who had to go the opposite way.
I met with Jasper and Rachel who were conversing between themselves and squeezed in between them. Rachel hugged me quickly, saying she had to get to class. I nodded as Jasper and I were left alone to walk back to our room.
We didn't need to say anything as I reached out for his hand who gripped back firmly.
I smiled at the new feeling that welled up inside me as I stepped inside our room. Once inside we sat down on our respective beds and faced each other. Jasper was nervous about something as his tailed swished behind him and he bit his lip.
Finally he spoke, "I think I'm ready to talk."
Oohhhhhhhhh another cliffhanger! Don't be mad I'm sorry! ;-; A very emotional chapter, but it looks like there's a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I have to get to bed with an 8 hour drive tomorrow back home to Florida. See you all next chapter! :3