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Everyone has something that they struggle with.

Some people struggle with depression,

Some with grades and their intelligence,

And some even with the things they've done.

But no matter what, their struggle is valid.

It doesn't matter how small or big it is.

All that matters is that it is theirs.

And sometimes they need someone to tell them

That it is valid.

That they aren't alone.

It's part of what helps them to get through it.

So I challenge you today

To write, as I have done here,

And to tell me, fearlessly,

What it is that you struggle with.

The world might not care about it at all,

But I do. And I believe in you.

You won't be alone in this,

I promise.

I will write about what hurts me first,

That way it is easier for you.

That way you can see that someone before you was brave

So that you can be brave too.

---

My struggle is that I am uncomfortable with myself.

Not with who I am, but what I am.

I've known who I am for quite some time,

And I love myself for it.

But I don't know how to feel about what I am.

Put simply, I want to be 'normal.'

And I know people are being polite

When they say there's no such thing,

Because there really is.

Normal isn't being from a certain place

Or acting a certain way.

It doesn't have to do with who you hang out with

Or even what clothes you wear.

To be normal is to be neurotypical.

To function how people are supposed to function

Without the underlying psychological conditions

That cause their perception of the world

To be exponentially different.

It's why the word 'neurotypical' exists.

By being this way,

There are billions of people who can relate to you

In some way or another.

There's always someone you can turn to

With any problem you might encounter.

It's what we all want.

Normal also means to desire friendship

And to act a little crazy sometimes;

To want companions who support you

And to be able to 'let go' around them.

I guess in that way, I am normal.

My desires are similar to the desires of many.

But that is part of who I am,

Not what I am.

What I am is what makes me unique.

It determines everything

And filters down into the way I perceive the world.

Some people are jealous of it.

Some were hurt when I was too proud of it.

And some look on with wonder,

Unsure of what to speak.

But never have I heard one say

That I am okay.

That what I do is valid.

That they understand what it means to be me;

To know what it's like

Not to be somewhat good at one thing,

Nor to be a jack-of-all-trades,

But to excel at many.

And to be able to learn another

In such a short amount of time

Without realizing,

For the longest time,

That most people don't.

And it all just comes naturally.

I want people to understand

How it feels to be that way,

And even more,

What comes with it on the side,

Because being able to do this

Doesn't come without a price.

I want to show people what it looks like

When I see the music that pours out of my speakers,

When it wraps around my head

And touches me.

I want them to know what it feels like

To be overwhelmed by fire and flashes of light

When their anger or pain is too strong,

Or to feel like their brain is getting shocked

When they feel too drawn to someone else.

And I want them to know how scary it is

To nearly black out when all of these things

Get too intense.

Even the pleasant ones.

Things start to get even more complex

When the sounds I see

Are steamed over with nostalgia,

Inflamed with anger,

Acidified with apathy,

Or emptied and adrenalized with a sense of adventure.

It can all be so intense,

And I usually enjoy these experiences,

But it can be hard to focus on friends

When all I want to do is get these things out.

When all I want to do is to create something beautiful.

Something people will care about.

Sometimes this overwhelms me for too long

And I spend weeks without talking to anyone.

When I'm burnt out from this,

Most people have left already.

And I feel reluctant to return to people

Who've decided that it was too hard to keep up

With someone like me.

And I feel unsatisfied with it all.

I want to become friends with people

And then stay friends with them,

Even though it's really easy for me

To work so hard

That I forget that people exist.

And I often wonder about whether it is worth it,

Being this unique,

While being naturally averted

To what keeps normal people together.

But perhaps it's better for me

Not to focus on that at all.

I can put this aside

And let someone else worry about it

Until I'm in a better place.

But first, I want to know that it's okay.

That I'm okay.

That I am forgiven if I forget you,

And that I am not wrong for working so hard.

I don't want to be compared,

But I don't want to be a stumbling block.

I don't want to be more than normal;

More than neurotypical,

But I can't help myself.

Because I can't change that,

I want to meet someone who understands.

Someone who knows more than I do,

And already knows how it feels.

I just want to know them

And know that someone made it.

And I want to keep watching for the next person

Who is like me, so that they won't have to endure

What I had to.

I don't want them to have to deal with someone

Who ignores what you are

And has the gall to tell you that you're like everyone else,

Despite the obvious.

I don't want them to have to deal with 'friends'

Who try to fit them into one of two labels.

A label that they're familiar with;

One that says that they're normal

And safe.

Or a label that keeps them away;

That tells them that they're too different.

That they change too much.

If there's ever a label that they do belong to,

It's one that tells them

That they are someone who does things differently,

And that even though they do,

They still won't be seen as a freak.

I want to show them that I care for them

Even if nobody else does.

Because even though everything I do

Makes me feel more machine-like than human,

I still have compassion enough

To give them something

That I want for myself.

Even if I never find it.

---

So I challenge you:

Write your own struggle between the breaks.

Even if nobody else reads it;

Even if it feels too short or too long,

At least do it for yourself.

You need to.

And you need to find someone who will still care about you;

Who will tell you, "Even after all of this,

You still matter to me. You won't be alone in this."

I know you'll find someone who really cares.

It doesn't matter if it takes a day.

It doesn't matter if it takes ten years.

You will.

So write.