That Darn Dragon!
Eliwood Pratt was a superhero. Eliwood Pratt was also a college professor at Hogtown University- both posts he had served since 1974. His everyday job was training the young citizens of Hogtown (mostly pigs but really all kinds of species) to be rational, to use their freewill in making decisions and Pratt also had an eye to natural science. And his writings were top-notch and superb stories that fetched a great deal of money when they got published. But the wolf knew that anytime disaster struck, he would have to take off the button-up shirt and tie of Eliwood Pratt Ph. D., and become the mysterious white-robed Professor, whose super-powered infra-red lenses could see through enemy defenses. But in his heart, Pratt hoped it would never come to that, and he hoped that he would hang up his superhero persona for good Every year proved differently,
The citizens of Hogtown, especially the mayor Larnelle T. Pigglesworth III had called on the Professor to handle numerous problems in the past, from the Rockmen Statue scare of 1996 to the Red Tide Zombie outbreak of 1989 to the Angry Francophones of 1994, and those were just the two that came to mind. All of which were handled most aptly by the wolf who was getting a little up there in years but was more than eager to serve the Hogtowners. This particular day, Pratt alias the Professor was stuck in another student/teacher conference.
"So what exactly happened on Bastille Day, again?"
Pratt slapped his gray fur-covered forehead with his paw "How many times do we have to go over this, Stanley? This is a lesson I've taught but you've never learned. They marched off to Bastille Day and le guillotine claimed her bloody prize. The French got their independence. Any more questions?"
"I guess you told me before and I didn't hear you then."
"No more questions why. So this time I want you to actually listen to the lectures."
Finally, the lion walked out the front door of the lecture hall and Pratt was alone for a moment's peace. But it was only a moment before the phone started ringing- it was the mayor.
"Hello, this is Eliwood Pratt."
"Yes! We need you! There's a giant dragon attacking the city of Hogtown and we need the Professor." There was a worried shriek in the pig mayor's tone of voice and the wolf knew he was not lying. While the police and firemen could do enough to keep the order in town, there were special times when only a superhero would suffice, a superhero like the Professor. So he pushed the secret button on the lectern and turned the four number locks on the side to (censored for Pratt's protection) and the platform and lectern began a slow descent 100 feet down, below the basement of the college. Here, was the Professor's den- filled with super costumes, gigantic TVs like the ones in spy movies, and the greatest super vehicle of all time- the Rojo Estrella, a gigantic flying machine in the shape of an owl, painted black and red. Truly, it was a sight to behold in a room fit for a god. A crime-fighting, justice-loving god.
A click of a button turned on the television as a mink reporter zeroed in on a gigantic dragon
destroying the coastal areas of Hogtown and advancing to the outlying subdivisions where the college was located, nestled between the bright lights of the city and the far hinterlands which no one even bothered to visit. Eliwood Pratt took off his tie and white shirt for a robe. The coke-bottle thick glasses were nixed in favor of the aforementioned red lenses, which if he had to leave the ship would fire optic beams (don't be telling Stan Lee about this, ya hear.) and just look cool even if he stayed in his ship. He had become the Professor. Now all that remained was his trusty super-plane the Rojo Estrella, which would be filled with retro-rockets and the Secret Weapon.
"Y el manso heredarﾃδ｡ la Tierra" and the hatch of the plane opened to reveal a lavish plane with plenty of room for up to 50 (for the rescue missions), and a cockpit which had buttons marked for the rockets and the Secret Weapon. He pushed the button and it sped down a tunnel which led beneath the sea from where the Rojo Estrella would be launched.The tunnel continued almost forever until it verred upward and the Professor adjusted the plane into a vertical climb above the tunnel, above the water's surface and eventually to two thousand feet- the gigantic owl would do battle with the dragon above Hogtown's tallest buildings. And then the phone rang again.
"I'm on my way, Pigglesworth."
"Hurry, he's destroyed the asbestos factory with his fire breath. Darn that dragon! I see you from my window- please, save our city, and my chance at re-election!"
The news struck the Professor with the weight of a thousand bricks- asbestos, the bullet-proof yet also carcinogenic industrial compound was Hogtown's greatest export- representative of the city by being good in the short term (when it stopped bullets and fires) but bad after a while (it caused lung cancer). The economic loss of the asbestos factory now destroyed would be difficult but not impossible for Hogtown to overcome- but the Professor always had a solution.
The wolf pressed the lime green button with shaped like dice and out of the mouth of the owl came dice which hit the dragon mercilessly. But this was a strong and feisty creature, merely rolling the bones would not be enough to stop a dragon of this magnitude. The Professor flew the machine adroitly around the gargantuan dragon's wild swipes. That was until that red beast saw out of the corner of his eye, the bookstore. This was not just any bookstore but one that sold Pratt's works. He breathed in a massive amount of hot air then exhaled onto the bookstore engulfing it in flames.
"All the unsold copies of my award-winning short story compilations about coyotes who flew into the eyes of hurricanes, and wolf photographers who lived as hermits would all be burnt up and unsold. This was beyond forgiveness so the Professor turned his paw to the massive red-and-black button marked "Secret Weapon". With almost no hesitation and burning with anger, he fired at the dragon. Immediately, the mouth of the owl-shaped plane opened and blazing bluish lights sprang forth, in the shape of a five-pointed star. The dragon was scorched and fried by temperatures of over 9000 (hah-hah DBZ reference) degrees, much hotter than the fire he could breathe.
Stunned and dazed, he stepped backward only to trip and fall over the Hogtown Monorail System and straight into a group of high-voltage power lines which gave the dragon the shock of his life- literally. The dragon was dead and the Professor flew back to the sea and disappeared. Soon, the superhero wolf found himself back at the den where he removed his superhero garb and put on the button-up shirt and tie, all of which had been laundered recently. (Thank you Robotic Washing Machine) The wolf took to the lectern, pressed a button, and was back at the same lecture hall he was just at a few hours ago when the fight with the dragon began. (Hours? It couldn't have been more than a few paragraphs ago.)
And as he wiped the sweat off his brow from another hard day at the university (and saving the city), Eliwood Pratt sighed and said "You know, maybe I am a little too old for this." And as he left the lecture hall to head back home "Are these stories supposed to have a moral? Ah, I quit!"
Such is the life of a superhero.
THE END!