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January, New Years, everyone was out in the streets or in houses celebrating the new beginning. But for one particular person, there was no advancing to the future. I was a hallow shell of my former self. I slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I ignored the messes that lie strewn amongst the house. Dents in the walls, broken chairs, dirty dishes, smashed family portraits, and uncleaned clutter everywhere. Only the television, computer, and the lonely bathroom mirror were left unbroken. I was checked into therapy once by my friends, but I left twenty minutes into my first session. I've heard rumors going around people I know now that I'm not a pleasant person to be around anymore, well unfortunately that was true.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my once short hair had become long and unkempt, drifting just below my eyes, I wanted to conceal my eyes, to blind them from the rest of the world, as they have seen too much to continue. I kept hearing the same pep talk over and over, that it's time to move on with my life, well I wasn't ready. They just didn't understand, they didn't have their life utterly destroyed beyond their control. I kept staring into my new look for over an hour. I could swear I wasn't looking at me, but at a shadow, a monster who only looked like me. His anger boiling up inside me just waiting to burst.

"Maybe that's the animal I've become then," I said allowed as I combed my hair, grabbing a black coat to go over my black shirt. It wasn't hard to tell that my wardrobe got even blacker than it already was. After locking every door of the house, I walked out and began a walk. There were plenty of people outside, spreading cheer of some kind and celebrating the end of the previous year. I didn't pay attention, and most of the time bumped into someone one or two at a time. I didn't even acknowledged them, just bumped them out of my way and kept walking. I knew they were looking at me, and I could tell what they were thinking about me. They were thinking things like, ‘what a jerk,' ‘fucking dick,' ‘emo kid needs to get over himself,' But I didn't care anymore. Other people's opinions here were crap, I was getting sick of this place. I didn't care about my cursed wealth, about everything I had going again. I even graduated high school early the month before so I didn't have to bother with school anymore.

"Hey watch it punk," a man said after I bumped into him, with that he gave me a shove, or at least tried to. As he touched me I grabbed his arm, elbowed his throat and threw him over me with all my strength.

"Stay the fuck away from me," I yelled and left him there choking and coughing for air. I kept walking until I found what looked like a bar. I wasn't one who drank alcohol, and I wasn't willing to start, but I thought it would be a nice getaway for a bit. Maybe just sit down and blend in with the rest of the depressing scene. I nodded to myself and walked in. I knew I was underage, but no one seemed to notice me walk in, it was like I was invisible to them, and that was what I wanted. I took a seat at an empty table in the corner and lay my face flat on the surface. A waitress came up to me.

"Hey there," she said, "care for a drink?"

"Just water please," I said to her, she was rather cheerful which I wasn't too fond of at the moment.

"Alright handsome," she said walking off, "cheer up why dontcha?"

‘Cheer up? Why don't you mind your business?' I thought to myself. She came back with a glass of water, which I took but didn't start drinking it yet.

"You know, what you wear sends a clear message out to people," She began, it's like she's trying to start a casual conversation with a stranger.

‘Then I wish I had more zippers, so I can tell you to zip it,' I thought again. I didn't feel like talking to her.

"Not much of a talker are you?" She asked and took a seat in front of me, "come on you have something on your mind. I'm on my break now and you can tell me, I'm good with secrets."

‘I'm going to choke this bitch,' I thought again still not talking. I knew she wants to be friendly, but I haven't found interest at all any about her, in fact I was getting more annoyed by the second.

"What's your name?" she said, "I'm Sheva." Who does she think she is. If she asked one more question I'm going to-

"Aw you're no fun," I snapped. I did something here that I still regret even now.

"Bitch, just leave me alone," I started yelling jumping up from my seat, "I just met you, I don't like you, and I don't give a rat's ass if you think I'm rude. You seriously think I came in here to have a nice little conversation? No, I came in here to get away from annoying shit heads like you." I grabbed the table and flipped it over, "so why don't you just go and leave me alone?" She bolted away from me at quite an amazing speed. I kicked over a few empty chairs and picked one up, tossing it at a nearby window. The window shattered to pieces as the chair went through. From there I ran out just pissed to high heaven. This time I just ran straight back home, not paying attention to anybody. When I did, I locked all the doors and ran straight to my room. I collapsed onto my bed and just started crying again. I was confused in all this pain and hate that I had over the past several months. Through my tears I saw the place begin to rain again over the house once more. It was as if nature was relating side by side, and I let that thought hypnotize me to sleep.

I woke up at the sound of the front door knocking. I had a bad headache which was not getting any favors from all the knocking. I slowly crawled out of the bed and headed my way to the front door and opened it. Joe and Sue quickly walked inside and shut the door.

"Ryan," Joe began, "what the hell has gotten into you?"

"The police are looking for you," Sue said, "people say they saw you destroy part of a bar in a fit of rage, this isn't like you Ryan."

"Who the fuck cares?" I asked, "no one here gives a damn about me anymore."

"We care," they both said in unison.

"That different," I yelled frantically, "I can't stay here anymore, the pain is just too damn much. If you're truly my two only real friends left you'll understand."

"Ryan," Joe began, "we understand, that's why we're here. But if you want to leave there's a few things you have to do here first?"

"Like what Joe?" I shouted.

"Ryan," Sue said, "We've got the papers to put your house on sale. But in it's condition there's no way you'll sell it. Plus if you want to sell it you have to change your attitude back to the way it was."

"I'm not selling it to people. I sold it to a construction agency to completely tear down and leave nothing left," I said, "I'll be moving out within Mid February."

"But Ryan," Joe said, "where will you stay? Where will you live?"

"Far away," I said, "As far away as humanly possible. I have the money to do it too, I didn't want to use that money, but now I will, use the money to get me to where I need to be and donate what I don't need to charity."

"Ryan," Sue replied, "where will you look? You've got to have some idea."

"I'll look over the computer," I said slowly looking at the ground.

"You do that," Sue said, "I'll make you dinner." She headed into the kitchen with that statement. Joe clapped a friendly hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," he said, "cheer up, you still have us that care about you." I looked at him square in the face and managed to do something I couldn't in over six months, I smiled.

***

"You find a place yet?" The female officer who joined us for dinner asked.

"Yeah," I replied, "it's perfect, all isolated on it's own, surrounded by ocean."

"Where's that?" Sue asked.

"New Zealand," I stated. The room was silent for a few minutes.

"Guess I'm not surprised much," Joe said, "just promise us one thing."

"What's that?" I asked him.

"That when you leave that you'll cheer up and have a brighter look on things there," he said.

"It won't be easy," the officer spoke, "Ryan, you don't have New Zealand citizenship, it'll be very difficult without a place to sleep."

"I've taken care of that already," I stated, "I'll be staying at the YMCA within the South Islands somewhere. It's not one for privacy, but it'll keep my warm and dry while I look for work."

"What are you going to take with you?" Sue asked.

"Just some clothes of mine," I said, "along with a couple close belongings." I pointed to a shark tooth necklace that I was wearing. "This necklace from my mother, and the chess set my father gave me as well, but that's all. I don't want to bring much with me."

"And food?" Joe asked.

"They don't allow food on the planes," I replied, "so I'll have to think on that when I get there."

"Well Ryan," the officer said, "I wish you the best of luck on your endeavors. Thanks for the dinner too." She walked to the door and turned back to face me, "and don't let me catch you destroying anymore bars, promise?" I nodded and waved goodbye as she walked out.

"Would you like some help packing?" Joe asked.

"No thanks," I replied, "I know exactly what to do now."

***

The day after Valentine's day was the date my flight was scheduled at, and with Joe and Sue right behind me, I arrived at the airport about an hour before my flight. We spent the hour mostly in silence, just enjoying the fact that this would be the last time I saw them, more than likely.

"Ryan?" Sue asked, "can we make a promise?"

"For what?" I asked.

"That you won't forget us, and give us a call every now and then to let us know how you're doing."

"No problem," I said and stood up, my suitcase right at my side, "Joe, Sue, the two of you have been my biggest friends out of everyone, and have stood by me all until now when no one else would. Thank you." The intercom switched on and a voiced echoed the room.

"Airline New Zealand flight 2010 to Dunedin is boarding. I repeat, Airline New Zealand flight 2010 to Dunedin is boarding."

"That's my cue," I said giving both of them a friendly hug, "I guess this is goodbye then."

"You take care Ryan," Joe said.

"Our hearts are with you always," Sue said. I broke the hug nodding at them with a smile. I grabbed my suitcase and handed the awaiting attendee my ticket. Within the minute I was in my seat, in first class. With the money I had, I was going to indulge on the trip a little bit, but I knew that my ultimate goal was to reach my new destiny. As the plane took off I couldn't help but reflect upon my decision to leave to New Zealand. What was I expecting to find there? Who was I expecting to meet? What will happen to me once I get there? All I knew then was that this was an entirely new beginning to me, and I would embrace it for all it's worth.