Cavernous Storybook CH8: This Means Robot War!
#8 of Cavernous Storybook
CHAPTER 8: THIS MEANS ROBOT WAR!
"Ha ha ha ha ha...there won't even BE any stairs left for you to climb by the time I'm through with YOU! WAHAHAHAHA!" Mahin laughed maniacally.
"Remember all those wallets I grubbed off of those innocent soldiers back in the tower?" Mahin asked Jack.
"Uh, yeah! In fact, I remember it like it was only YESTERDAY!" Jack screamed at him.
"Well, guess what? I took all of the money from those poor sods' bank accounts and transferred it into my credit card!" Mahin laughed. "Do you have any idea how much those stupid losers got paid just to sit around and guard that dumb old tower all day?"
"Let me guess: even more than I get paid to stand around and guard the dumb old graveyard all day?" Jack shrugged.
"HA! Think like _a thousand _ times more, douche-face! Now you know what happens when you let all of the money fall into one person's hands! DIGISTRUCT MOON SATELLITE GO!!!" Mahin yelled at the top of his lungs as if it were a battle cry, summoning a freaking enormous giant robot the height of a three-story building and automatically teleporting into the pilot seat.
"Hey, you just completely fucking wrecked the throne room, ya know!" Misery pointed out.
"Eh, who cares? You can just magically fix it later, right?" Mahin reminded her.
"Ooh, your ass is grass and I'm the weed whacker! Make my day!" Mahin cackled, directing his deadly gaze back toward Jack as he began running in place inside the cockpit, causing the robot itself to run forward rapidly.
"HUAAAGH! MISERY! QUICK! HELP ME! I'M GOING TO GET CRUSHED LIKE THE PATHETIC WORKER ANT I AM IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING NOW!" Jack screamed as he bolted and ran for his life across the Balcony, with Mahin in hot pursuit, the CLING CLANG CLANG of his robotic footsteps ringing through Jack's ears.
"JUMP!" Misery commanded him.
"ARE YOU INSANE?" Jack shrieked.
"JUST DO IT! TRUST ME, I HAVE A BETTER PLAN THAN THAT FAT FUCK EVER WILL!" Misery promised him as the two of them dived off the edge of the Balcony, where the tower's construction site had previously been located before Mahin had blown it up.
As Jack and Misery jumped off of the island, Mahin followed along behind them, transforming his giant mech into a fighter jet and trailing the two of them viciously.
"GIVE ME A PARACHUTE!" Jack begged Misery as she used her magic bubble shield to protect him from Mahin's machine gun fire. "PRETTY PLEASE?" he begged even harder, suddenly going all twinkly-eyed and adorable on her.
"Sure, why not?" Misery chuckled, producing a pair of shoes on Jack's feet.
"WHAT?! This is a pair of shoes!" Jack screamed.
"Ta ta!" Misery laughed, disappearing.
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total oblivion." Jack stammered to himself as he plummeted straight down toward Tokyo at terminal velocity.
"DO A BARREL ROLL!" Misery commanded him as he narrowly rolled out of the way of Mahin's heat-seeking missiles while skydiving.
"Dammit, I knew I shouldn't have bought the cheap model..." Mahin groaned.
"Ha! You missed me!" Jack laughed, using the jetpack he got from Quote to slow his descent as he landed on the rooftops of Tokyo.
"I was aiming for the local high school, you idiot!" Mahin corrected him.
"Wow, these shoes are amazing! I can't stop running! WHEE!" Jack realized with great excitement as he leapt from rooftop to rooftop, ran all the way across the world-famous Rainbow Bridge, and even ran right past Daisuke Amaya's game development studio, with Mahin leaving a blazing trail of destruction directly behind Jack with each step that Jack took.
"OH MY GOD! MY DREAM! IT'S FINALLY COMING TRUE! YES!" Daisuke Amaya screamed with joy. "NO! MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE IS RUINED! WHY, NINTENDO, WHYYY?!?" Daisuke Amaya cried as Mahin burned the roof off of his apartment with laser beams.
"GRR!!! YOU PESKY LITTLE RAT! GUESS WHAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH? YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!" Mahin roared, transforming his mech back into its original humanoid form, dashing a great distance forward, swinging his right arm, and _FALCON _punching Jack so hard that the sheer force of impact sent Jack flying at least one third of a mile even with his bubble shield on.
Jack eventually landed on his butt right in an open dumpster, with his bubble shield completely shattered by the force of his landing. Recovering from his cartoonish dizziness, standing up and brushing the moldy banana peels off of his head, he was greeted once again by Misery.
"HERE! TAKE HIS WALLET AND USE IT! THERE'S NO MORE TIME TO LOSE!" Misery commanded him.
" DIGISTRUCT MOON SATELLITE GO!!!" Jack screamed at the top of his lungs with even more passion than the Passion Parade that just so happened to be passing by at that moment, which Mahin unceremoniously squished with his giant robotic foot.
"HEY! WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST GAY PEOPLE?!" Jack scolded him, delivering a nasty right hook to his face.
"YOU'RE ONE OF THEM, SO I NATURALLY FIGURED I'D RETURN THE FAVOR AND FUCK YOU UP!" Mahin laughed psychotically, shoving Jack right through a cluster of at least eight housing buildings.
"LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT!" Mahin yelled as he swung Jack back and forth over his head and into the ground.
"AND NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE! SO LONG, GAY BASTARD!" Mahin laughed, swinging Jack around and around by the legs and then throwing him straight into the nearest hospital.
"WHO'S THE COCK SUCKER NOW, HUH?!" Jack yelled furiously as he leapt back into the ring and drop-kicked him, prompting the two of them to engage in a brutal fistfight that contained more punches, kicks, and laser beams than there are picket fences in Texas and buildings in Philadelphia combined.
"Greetings, fellow citizens of Tokyo, Japan." the news reporter greeted everyone on the local television news broadcast. "If you're still watching this, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BECAUSE THERE ARE GIANT RAMPAGING ROBOT MONSTER TITANS ON THE LOOSE AND THEY'LL EAT US ALL-" At that exact moment, the news report cut off completely.
"Vegeta! What does the scouter say about their power levels?" some random Nappa cosplayer atop one of the nearby buildings of Tokyo asked his Vegeta-cosplaying friend.
"THEY'RE OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!" his Vegeta-cosplaying friend replied.
" WHAT?! NINE THOUSAND?! THERE'S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT!" the Nappa cosplayer responded with shock.
Meanwhile, Jack and Mahin had both gone Super Saiyan and were floating in a huge, ridiculously fast circle around each other in midair, firing laser beams directly at each other.
"YOU...UGLY-FACED...FATASS...DOUCHEBAG...PIECE OF SHIT..." Jack growled.
"YOU...STUPID...FOUR-EYED...LOSER...FUCKING DORK..." Mahin growled.
"MAXIMUM POWER!!!" both of them screamed at the tops of their lungs, cranking up the power levels on their laser beams so high that it created an enormous sonic explosion that tore apart literally every single building and bridge within a five-mile radius of the two of them, and nearly destroyed the mech suits themselves.
With the power of their mech suits completely exhausted, Jack and Mahin weakly dragged themselves to Shibuya Crossing, the Times Square of Tokyo, for their final showdown.
"Even if a freaking tsunami comes to wash me away for good, I am never, I repeat, NEVER, getting out of this cockpit!" Mahin growled.
"Not even if I smash this thing right into your stupid fucking face?" Jack asked him, picking up a steamroller. "WRYYYYYY!!!" he roared at the top of his lungs as he threatened to smash Mahin's robot into pieces with the steamroller.
"Okay, fine, I'll get out! SHEESH!" Mahin groaned, rolling his eyes as both him and Jack leapt out of their mechs and readied themselves for a street fight.
"HADOUKEN!" Jack yelled, shooting fireballs from his fists as Mahin cartwheeled out of the way of them.
"SONIC BOOM!" Mahin yelled, shooting a disc of sonic energy from his arms with the last bit of energy he could muster.
"_ TATSUMAKI SENPUKYAKU! _" Jack yelled as he spun his leg around in a helicopter kick motion, sending him just high enough in the air to avoid Mahin's Sonic Boom and hitting Mahin in the face.
"SHORYUKEN!!!" Jack yelled as he delivered the final blow, leaping into the air with a jetpack-propelled uppercut right to Mahin's jaw.
"UUUAHHH!!!" Mahin moaned as his jaw shattered, at least six of his teeth flew out, and he ultimately collapsed onto the floor.
"Huzzah, motherfucker." Jack whispered, crossing his arms as the cheering crowd of his newly acquired fans carried him off of safety.