Cavernous Storybook CH7: The Scholar and the Viper
#7 of Cavernous Storybook
CHAPTER 7: THE SCHOLAR AND THE VIPER
"What's that you say?! Toroko's been kidnapped?!" Jack stammered in a panic as he and Mahin woke up awkwardly snuggled together in bed the next morning.
"Your ears do not deceive you, four-eyes." Mahin reassured him, nodding his head. "Looks like you and I have got some serious rescuing to do!"
"I always thought you were a douche, and I certainly wasn't wrong!" Jack chuckled as the two of them walked outside and approached the throne room. "But if there's anything we've both learned from this natural disaster of an experience, it's that having your father living inside your eye socket and stalking you around everywhere is certainly no less fun than it sounds!"
"Hey, wait a minute, that's your weird-ass thing that happened to you, remember?" Mahin reminded him.
"Oh, yeah..." Jack remembered.
"No, that's my weird-ass character quirk that everyone loves, remember?" Kitaro growled at Jack, suddenly appearing out of nowhere again for the second time in a row. "Stop copying me or I swear to God I'm going to sue you!" he warned Jack before disappearing again.
"Oh, and, uhh...where's King?" Jack asked.
"Right behind you!" King whispered in their ears.
"AAA!" Jack screamed. "Ha ha! Hey, it's nice to see you again, pal! Ready to kick the Doctor's hat-wearing, bespectacled, nerdy ass?"
"You bet your monkey ass I am!" King laughed as the three of them finally reached the Doctor's throne room, where he and Misery had been eagerly lying in wait for their arrival.
"Greetings, young adversaries." the Doctor greeted them in an eerily polite and sophisticated manner for such an evil person, making Jack fear that he could someday become a villain too.
"Now, don't get me wrong; I am well aware that you weak, ignorant, cowardly, rabbit-like plebs may interpret me as being essentially the Adolf Hitler of the pitifully small world that you live in." the Doctor began. "HOWEVER..."
"Upon closer examination, one might suddenly realize that in reality...I am really nothing more than just an ordinary historical arsonist doing his job. One day, when my time has come and gone, you people will undoubtedly erect statues of me, and mock me, and perhaps even praise me in numerous aspects for the good that I have secretly done to Mimiga society by being so appallingly bad." the Doctor continued.
"Could you hurry up and finish talking, please? I'm running out of fucks to give!" Mahin politely yelled at him. "No one wants to have to listen to your freaking stupid, long and boring speech before fighting you! Just quit being an overdramatic pussy and start the fight already! Save us some time, will you?"
"Good point, my friend." the Doctor complimented him sarcastically. "Very well then...I shall require no long speech before this battle, which will now be mighty! My eyes are fiery with rage, and my soul is ablaze! Prepare to feel the full extent of my wrath!"
"Don't forget about me either, bitches!" Misery laughed as the two of them joined forces and teamed up against Jack, King and Mahin.
The Doctor made the first move by attempting to inject red flower extract into Mahin's arm with a syringe. "Time for a lethal injection, you bloated communist!" he laughed maniacally.
"Who's laughing now, huh? WAHAHAHAHA!" Mahin laughed as he used his literally filthy hands to snatch the syringe out of the Doctor's metaphorically filthy hands and inject it into him instead, causing the Doctor to go berserk.
"Oh yes...I can feel the power surging from within my blood vessels! UWAHAHAHAHA!" the Doctor laughed maniacally as his muscles bulged and his eyes turned red.
While the Doctor and Mahin entangled into a fistfight with each other, Jack and King were dealing with Misery. "Ha! Missed me!" Misery laughed as she teleported out of the way right before King was able to hit her.
"GRR! That's like the MILLIONTH time she's done that!" King growled as the fight raged on.
"Not so tough now, are ya? ARE YA?!" Mahin yelled furiously as he thrashed the Doctor with a metal baseball bat, using his stretchy arms to help him swing even harder.
"Heh heh...you may be able to knock my teeth out...but you will never break my unrelentingly relentless spirit!" the Doctor laughed.
"THAT'S FUCKING REDUNDANT!" Mahin screamed at him, hitting him one last time with the bat and knocking him unconscious.
Suddenly, to everyone's surprise, Misery stopped fighting.
"I am so sorry, everyone." Misery apologized. "I was the one who created that damned crown. I was so selfish, and now look where it got me. The widespread influence of the Demon Crown forced not only the Doctor, but also me as well, to do its bidding, like a gambler forcing his own twin brother to waste all his money for him because he's too lazy to do it himself."
"What?" King asked Jack, who was glaring evilly at him.
"Since my possession by the Demon Crown also muddled my ability to read minds, I was unable to sense how terrible the Doctor's intentions actually were. I honestly thought he was just your average villain." Misery explained.
"He _is_pretty much just your average soulless villain." Jack sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Looks like Hitler, fights like Stalin." Mahin chuckled. "Now would you mind teleporting that stupid crown off the cliff, Misery?"
"It would be my pleasure." Misery agreed, doing so while Mahin snuck up behind King and Jack and stabbed King in the back. "WHAT IN THE HELL?! Why, you insolent little scoundrel!"
"It's payback time, mister!" Mahin told Jack, who was just standing there with his jaw dropped to the floor, utterly speechless.
"For all the shit you said about me...for all the social rejection I've endured over the years...for all the physical abuse you put me through...and for all the Justin Bieber albums you bought me for Christmas...you are going to fucking pay, Mr. Goody-Goody Two Shoes!" Mahin yelled furiously, stretching his arms out, pulling Jack towards him and strangling him.
"STOP!" Jack commanded him, head-butting him to break free of his grip. "This isn't the way of the Mimigas!"
"I don't give a fuck what the way of my stupid pathetic race is anymore! You're going down, Crazy Eyeball Man! Hasta la vista, mi amigo!" Mahin laughed maniacally.
"...And this is what you get for copying me!" Kitaro flashed in for about two seconds just to tell Jack. "FINE!" Jack growled, clenching his fists and assuming a fighter's stance. "If it's a fight you want, then by God, it's a fight you'll get!"
"But wait, there's more! If you call now, we'll send you some delicious eyes cream! Get it? Eyes cream?" Arthur giggled.
"GODDAMNIT, SHUT UP ALREADY!" Jack scolded him. "It's bad enough that you kept reminding me how to climb up frickin' stairs!"