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CHAPTER 5: Bewby Trap

"So, I suppose this is it..." King whispered in disbelief as he, Jack, Mahin, Toroko and Arthur gazed upon the dauntingly enormous steel tower that lay before them. "This must be the base of operations for all of those accursed Shovel Brigade scoundrels..."

"This must lead all the way up to the Balcony, judging from where the Plantation is located within the island..." Jack realized.

"Enough pointless jibber-jabber, we're already running out of time as is!" Mahin reminded them.

"Okay, careful...steady...steady..." Jack stammered as the five of them slowly walked along the narrow catwalk, which led to an unnaturally large horizontal gap between it and the base of the tower itself.

"Alright, look, if we fall from this height...whatever distance that bottomless pit around the tower actually is, we are undoubtedly going to go SPLAT on the floor and die." Jack explained.

"You see, kids, this is why you shouldn't fall from long vertical distances!" Arthur reminded them.

"All hail the almighty Captain Obvious..." Jack and King both groaned in perfect unison, rolling their eyes at pretty much the exact same time as each other.

"Wow, what a bizarre and interesting experience!" Arthur giggled, causing Jack to roll his eyes yet again. "Tee hee hee! Do it some more!"

"Alright, now let's not go sucking each other's dicks just yet!" Mahin chuckled, extending his arms out and pulling himself over the gap, then grabbing Jack and pulling him over the gap from the other side.

"Um, dude, there's a button right here..." Jack pointed out, giving him a smart-ass side glare and pushing said button, causing an additional catwalk to somehow magically extend itself out and cover the gap between the catwalk and the tower.

Once all five of them had reached the base of the tower and climbed up the ladder to the first floor, they were able to take a closer look at what lay before them in this tower. Truth be told, it really wasn't a very impressive structure, but by Mimiga standards, it looked amazing.

"So, it looks like this tower is basically a bunch of prefab rooms stacked on top of each other, with a small platform around the first floor." Jack explained. "Each room seems to be connected by a counter-clockwise three-quarter-square-spiral set of catwalk stairs. It might not be particularly sturdy, but at least it'll get us where we need to go."

"That's exactly what they say about cars made of fiberglass, you know." Mahin pointed out. "Alright, so what's in here?" he wondered out loud, peeking through one of the windows into the first room.

"Hmm...looks like there's only one guy in there." Jack noted.

"And the room has two separate doors on opposite sides, too!" Mahin chuckled.

"Is this guy literally asking to die or what?" King snickered.

"Okay, so first up is you, Jack. Yes, you, Mr. Utility Belt! Listen, I need you to lock-pick the doors. Both of them!" Mahin explained.

"Yes...sir?" Jack agreed.

"Next up is you, King! I need you to unravel the blanket around Toroko and make it look like she's opening one of the doors and walking on her tubby little legs into the room. The guard will be distracted by her irresistibly cuddly cuteness, leading us into the next and final phase!"

"Wow, you're quite the trickster, aren't you?" King commented with a mildly irritated look on his face. "Hey, at least I'm technically on your side! WA-"

"SHH!!!" Jack hissed, covering Mahin's mouth with his right hand. "Don't laugh or the guards will hear us!"

"Huh?" the guard in the first room wondered out loud, unlocking one of the doors and walking outside. Thinking quickly, all five of our heroes, except for the unraveled Toroko, hid inside one of the empty cardboard ramen boxes scattered around next to the room.

"Alright, time for Plan B!" Mahin whispered to himself. "We're gonna do this Metal Gear Solid style, bitches! Allah!"

"Hmm...looks like it was nothing." the guard shrugged, lowering his shovel. But then he saw Toroko walking towards him.

"HI!" Toroko squeaked like a little baby mouse. "LET'S BE FRIENDS! YAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I ALSO LOVE FLOWERS AND TEDDY BEARS AND RAINBOWS AND CANDY AND KITTENS AND PUPPIES AND SPARKLES AND THE COLOR PINK!"

"AWW!!!" the guard crooned, trying to resist the urge to hug and snuggle her.

"I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH!" Mahin yelled as he and King jumped out of their boxes and ambushed the guard, completely man-slaughtering him.

"HUH?" Toroko squeaked.

"Mahin, you are such a lovable bastard." Jack complimented him as King wrapped Toroko back up and scooped her up into his arms.

"That I am, that I am." Mahin smirked as the five of them entered the room.

The room resembled a modern-day kitchen, with a small refrigerator, a stove oven, a microwave, and several cabinets. There was also a bed in the corner.

"Hope you have fun sleeping on the floor, Jack!" Mahin laughed.

"Don't count on it, smart-ass." Jack bit back.

"WHOA! What is that thing?!?" Arthur yelled excessively loudly with surprise.

"What in the hell is that stupid bastard up to this time?" the guard on the third floor asked the one on the second floor through his walkie-talkie. "Please don't tell me he's trying to sacrifice himself to the Flying Spaghetti Monster again..."

"Oh, don't worry about him. He's just a goddamned twelve-year-old retard with ADHD." the guard on the second floor replied while making a CD-i Youtube Poop on his computer.

"Roger that. Over!" the guard on the third floor concluded, hanging up.

"Arthur, I swear to God, if you don't shut up, I'm going to have to forcefully yank you out of my eye socket and throw you off the cliff!" Jack threatened Arthur.

"Anyway," Jack sighed, "let's see what this thing is."

"Ah! It's a computer!" Arthur realized as Jack booted it up. "GRR!" Jack growled irritatedly.

"Is this the security mainframe computer?" King asked.

"It sure is, and it would seem that the dumb little shit who runs this place left it unlocked!" Jack replied ecstatically. "Now let me just see here..."

Jack opened up the guard command program, but was blocked by a password screen. "Oh great, now we're officially fucked even harder than I was by Chako." Jack sighed.

"WHAT?!" King stammered in shock. "I'm jealous of you now!"

"Alright, you cheeky boy...try entering BEWBZ. That oughta do it!" Mahin snickered.

"Alright, so...B...O...O..."

"No, just let me type it! Trust me, I know what I'm doing." Mahin promised Jack, shoving him out of the way and typing out the real password. "B...E...W...B...Z! And...enter!"

"Access granted!" the computer confirmed.

"My god, how fucking stupid _was _this douchebag son-of-a-bitch?" Mahin muttered to himself.

"I-I don't believe it!" Jack gasped. "That actually worked!"

"Dumbest motherfucker ever, am I right?" Mahin snickered.

"Damn straight, you are!" King laughed as Jack got back onto the computer.

"Alright, so, we've got a nice big list of commands right here..." Jack pointed out as he explored the menus within the program.

"OOO! OOO! Dude! Dude! Make everyone fart! Make everyone fart!" Mahin whispered in Jack's ear.

"Make them as cute and harmless as I am!" Toroko squeaked.

"Smash their fucking skulls in!" King growled.

"Hold on, I think I've got a better idea." Jack smirked, hooking up an administrator voice-changer microphone to the intercom as he screwed around with the program.

"Alright, so look; as you can see here, this program appears to be linked directly to the soldiers' brains, so we can basically literally make them do whatever we want! Oh man, I have always wanted to be able to troll people on such an amazing level as this! Here we go!" Jack laughed, picking up the microphone.