Read My Mind
#12 of The Silence of the Savior
Ch 12
Though it was less than an hour, especially at the quickened pace she had set herself, the walk seemed too long. But rather than push herself faster and arrive out of breath, she let her mind wander. This would be the third time in the week since she'd gone home that she would be heading to Jared's place for dinner. She was certainly getting her exercise, but it was harder to work off the hardy meals that Jared continually made for her. And he always sent her home with more leftovers than she knew what to do with.
The sun was high in the sky as she held her only cook book close to her chest. Tonight, she would make a dessert for him that may end him in chocolate coma, but she had to head over earlier to make sure he had all the supplies she needed. She didn't think that he would mind the surprise.
Thinking about him smiling as he opened the door for her made her heart flutter. She let out a sigh as she hugged the book closer, wishing it was him. Yet her smile slipped as she remembered the tension in his face when she had left his apartment two nights before. They had easily fallen into a strong kiss, his maw brushing hers roughly, over and over again, making her knees resemble a reed in a wind-storm.
Catching her balance, Jared turned her back to the wall by the door, his warm body pressing against hers giving her a firm support. Her paw rose to his cheek as his arm balanced against the wall above her head. Her head was spinning and her heart was entered in the Olympic races; he was her only connection to the world. With her other arm wrapped around him, holding them as close as possible without suffocation, he could feel her heart thumping against his own, practically in time. Almost as if it were speaking in brail he could feel it saying ‘I love you.'
His passion slowed till he was simply placing small kisses on her lips and stopped. He glanced up to meet her eyes, so dreamy, shining like diamonds in the sky. His heart skipped and caught in his throat. There was no expectation in her features, but hope seemed the fill her limbs, give her solid knees once more. But his head pounded again, beat against the inside of his skull, trying to bring the words to the surface. He still couldn't seem to cut the strings on the weight holding them down. They were stuck in his throat, behind his heart, till they fell back down, making his stomach twist in agony.
He looked away from her, to the light coming in from the window; ever his excuse, his way out. "It's late. You should get home." The diamonds glossed, the smiled faded ever so slightly, but she bit her lip, she would not show she was hurt. A small smile and she turned for the door, leaving him leaning on the wall. "Goodnight." She turned back as she stepped through the door. A genuine smile and she was gone.
She wished she knew what he was feeling; could he maybe have been trying to...Her surprise cut off her train of thought as she looked up at his building. Lost in her own thoughts her feet had still brought her here. But as she looked down, she found another surprise. Jared was walking up the steps to the door, he hadn't seen her come around the corner. Her maw broke in a smile as she started down the sidewalk toward him, but stopped short and he turned and smiled, opening the door and motioning for the woman behind him, that Sunn hadn't even seen, to enter the building.
‘Another woman?' Sunn could feel her heart break as she watching him smile warmly at the lean grey rabbit as she nodded to him and walked into the building, then turned to follow her. She could feel her maw hanging open in disbelief. She tore her eyes away, not wanting to see. Had she not know this would happen? But the feeling is the same, whether you are prepared or not. She knew she was bound, and happy to be so, but could she really live with herself if he were to go on without her. Could she stand to see him with another woman?
Though she had told herself she could, seeing it before her eyes changed everything. There was nothing she could do. Her cook book slipped from her paws and fell to the ground. It seemed like an eternity passed as she turned and made her way down the street.
He looked at his watched, it was only noon. ‘Why would she be here so early?' Trotting down the steps he started after her, stopping as his foot paw hit something on the sidewalk. Leaning down and picking it up, he found it was a cook book. Looking inside the cover, he found Sunn's name scrawled inside. ‘She dropped it?' That must have been the noise that had gotten his attention, but when he saw her she was turning away. Looking back at the stairs leading up to his apartment he realized the looked he'd seen before her back was turned and everything snapped into place. Whirling back around in the direction he had seen her go, he started running after her.
Forever passed in a moment as she looked up and found where she was. She hadn't taken the normal route, but she had still ended up on the same street. Across the coble stone from her, she looking to the mouth of the alley and shuddered. Yet her feet seemed to want to cross and go in. Maybe they were right, maybe it was never supposed to have happened. The alley swallowed her and tears started streaming from the corners of her eyes. Maybe she was supposed to die that night.
Looking did no good, she was obviously not there. He closed his eyes and inhaled the air. Unbidden by him, his feet started off in a direction, wanting to be enwrapped by her smell the moment his nose picked it up. As his eyes opened he was off at a run. Where could she have gone? He needed to explain, how had he lost sight of her so quickly?
Her stomach retched; if it had not been empty it surely would have been as she knelt, fingering the ropes on the ground, remembering all too well how they had felt around her arms. Looking around herself she froze in fear, her eyes locking on the large bloodstain beneath where they had put her. Her fingers dared closer, but she pulled them back as if from poison at the dried, disgusting texture of it. Lifting her paw to her throat, beneath the fire-red fur she could still feel the scars, not healed enough to disappear.
Her Mind was gone, remembering the pain as her eyes had opened that night. Remembering the laughing as her three attackers had passed the mouth of the alley and spotted her. The buildings are old, falling apart in most places, she should have known not to take the alley ways, but she had a possibility for a sale that night, she needed to get where she was going quickly. Who knew that a loose shingle from three stories up could knock a person out for a good five minutes. She could hear what they were saying as they stopped and looked into the alley as she struggled to her feet.
"I don't see any one, you?"
"No, it's clear, let's go!" She struggled to her feet, the bump on her head screaming, and tried to make a dash for the other side of the alley, but the lion was too fast. Grabbing her shoulders he through her into the open section sticking off the alley, between the buildings. She caught herself against the far wall and spun around, hunched low, bracing herself to fight. The Greyhound and the Beaver came into her view and she curled her lips back, silently snarling at them.
"We're gonna make you scream." She tried to growl but only succeeded in bearing her fangs.
"Looks like we got a biter boys." The Grey smiled at the other two before he put on a less than convincing face of concern. "What's the matter, can't talk?" Hate flooded her vision and he laughed, causing her head to pound and her stomach to heave. "That'll make it that much more fun for us."
Suddenly the damned dog lurched forward and a hand fell on her shoulder. She rose and spun on her heals, swinging, landing a surprising hit on his jaw. He stumbled, shocked and confused, and she turned as if to bolt from the clear alley opening. Yet her feet wouldn't carry her. Maybe she was supposed to give up.
A hand touched her arm, just above her elbow, and her instincts spun her and slashed out. He cried out and fell back against the wall where he had been thrown that night, grabbing his arm to stop the bleeding. But something wasn't right, her vision blurred and cleared as the colors of his fur changed. The black, just behind his nose, flooded the white of his maw, changing his whole face. The dark, almost stripes around his arms filled and covered, the almost golden color darkened and tightened around his paws, spreading up to his under-maw. There was something so familiar about the colors, black and brown, his eyes changed shade, ever so slightly and she gasped, stepping back to the wall. In her eyes, his maw shorted to proper length and his face widened and his ears filled so that the slender frame of the Grey was gone.
Tripping on the ropes as she continued to back away from the Rottweiler, she fell to her back, knocking any air out of her lungs. Jared was immediately on his feet, rushing to her, yet being not to startle her again. "Sunn? Sunn, are you alright?" Her mind was flooded with more images and she could feel his hand wrapping around her throat. She tried to gasp, but nothing came in. Nothing went out either. There was no air left in her body. Her vision swirled in black. This was right, what it was supposed to be. She would cause him no more trouble.
It was black. Silent. Finished at last. Things were finally set right, and she would never hurt him again.
Pain.
But that couldn't be right. It wasn't supposed to hurt after it was done. What kind of cruel trick is this? She could feel her lungs expanding as more pain raced through her. But how could she be breathing?!? Pressure on her lips as more air expanded her lungs.
"Common, Sunn. Come back!" More pressure, more air, more pain. She wanted it to stop, wanted to sleep again, but the voice. It sounded so familiar, so hopeful, yet so painful. Was it really calling for her? More air, more pain, but her thoughts were getting clearer. "Damn it, Sunn!" There was no anger, only pain, but not her pain. This was someone else's.
A sharp sting ran through her body as it suddenly took over. Her lungs burned and she gasped and coughed, rolling to her side, feeling like her stomach would come up. More coughing, more pain till finally the breathing came easier, more natural. Rolling to her back she looked up and her heart thudded against her ribs.
‘Jared?'
"It's me, I'm here!" It was almost as if he'd heard her. Her bottom lip started to tremble uncontrollably and she turned away. Another woman and he still came to save her... ‘Another woman...' She could feel the tears burning in her eyes. She closed them, but that only pushed the tears out and down her cheeks. "Sunn, please look at me. Don't cry, please listen. It isn't what you think." Her eyes slowly opened, and even more slowly she turned to meet his own, shinning like he might also cry.
"Carmen, the Rabbit you saw, she lives in my building. There is nothing going on between us. I promise you." Unsure what to think, she could only stared at him for long moments. She wanted to smile; to throw her arms around him and kiss him, but how could she continue to hurt herself for him? How could she love him if he could not love her in return?
He smiled down at her, trying to bring the one he saw hiding behind more tears out into the sun. "Sunn... I don't want to hurt you anymore. I want to do things right... right for you." He tried to smile again, but his own eyes were shining too much. Lifting her off the ground, he hugged her close to him. There was nothing this time, no sick feeling. His heart was thumping away, but it stayed away from his throat. He chuckled to himself and he let some of his tears trail down his cheeks. "I love you, Sunn. I don't ever want you to leave me."
Her eyes were wide, staring at the alley wall over his shoulder. Could she really be hearing this? Was it real? "Please believe me; this is more real than I know how to say." He let her fall back enough to look into her eyes. It was like he was reading her mind; like they were one in the same. Her smile broke through, stronger than ever, and she did fling her arms around him, hugging him closely before she brought her maw to his own and kissed him for what felt like an eternity. An eternity longer than any darkness in her past. They would make this work, no matter what happened.