"Forever"
A short story about love, lies, jazz, coffee and great sex.
He's thrusting into me at 120 bpm - in time with the bass drum - and looking down at me straddled on my back, mouth half open without a care in the world. He growls at me a long, deep, yet soft growl and runs a paw up my sheath. My legs wrap around his back, my tail around his legs, I look up to the ceiling and get lost in a rush of senses. Suddenly he's out of me and after the half second it takes me to realize he isn't going back in I lift up my head and give him a questioning glance. He grins that toothy grin that never fails to make me smile and nods over to the stereo system. The song has stopped. I groan and roll me eyes.
"You better hope the next one's a fast one," he says, his smirk tells me he hopes it isn't.
Of course, the next thing I hear are the melancholy chords of low tempo jazz.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
*
The coffee arrives amid silence and floor facing eyes. I want to thank the waiter, but I just can't bring myself to open my stupid muzzle. Brett has to speak first. It takes me at least a minute to even gather the courage to take hold of my coffee, let alone sip at it.
In my peripheral vision I see his muzzle turn towards me and his mouth open. He closes it again without speaking. I look up now, not quite at him, but at least at his coffee. My ears are so far flattened they're threatening to become part of my headfur.
"Jay," he says finally, his tone low, comforting. Unconvincing. God I just want to run. To deny it all. To cry it all away. "Jay, please look at me."
Yet somehow... that calming, controlled voice keeps me in my seat and draws my eyes up to his. My wolf sits there, both paws on his coffee cup, his eyes sad, almost apologetic.
"Thank you." He says. Then he puts down his coffee, runs a hand over the fur on his head and lets out a long, drawn out sigh.
Hesitantly I move my paw over to the center of the table, hoping against hope that he takes hold of it. Of course he doesn't.
*
It wasn't an idle threat. I see a shimmer of light over his deep grey fur as he shifts back and forth, fucking me in slow-mo, his paw stroking my erection in the same timing. I can't help but let out needy moans and beg him to ignore the song, to go faster, harder. The stubborn wolf doesn't listen to any of it. I can tell in some part he wants to, but I know he loves taunting me like this even more.
"Oh, little husky, I'm sure you can wait another song can't you?" He laughs a short, gruff laugh and I can't help but grin.
"This song is like ten fucking minutes long," I exclaim at the same time as he thrusts especially deep, making the words come out a little more high pitched than I would have hoped.
"All the more reason to be patient."
I whack my tail against his leg in mock anger, but that just makes his grin widen. It would be a lie if I said I hated this entirely. There's something a little sexy about denial of pleasure, it has to be said.
*
"Let's be honest with one another Jay, we haven't been doing so well recently." I open my mouth to retort but he lifts up a paw to silence me. "Think before you talk, please."
"Okay," I say. I take a sip of coffee, it's still too hot. "Brett I... You know I..." He waves my words away with one dismissive movement of his paw. "Is this about the night I stayed out and didn't tell you where I was, then I... I came home drunk and..." I shake my head and look back down to the table for a moment, searching the details of its wood grain for the answers I need. "Because, Brett, please, believe me, that is never going to happen again!"
"No, look, we dealt with that," He looks to the side, frowning out the window at the unknowing, uncaring passers. "It's not anything Jay, it's everything."
My head is buzzing. Existence feels like it's slowly swimming away from me, leaving me enveloped by the nothing of a void. This isn't happening.
"Brett, don't say that." I reach over to touch his arm but he pulls away. I don't try again. "Please don't say that."
"I'm not going to lie to you Jay. Don't you remember? I promised you I never would."
"We can work through this!" My voice by now has involuntarily raised a few decibels. Ears and heads twist towards us. I curl my tail around my legs and stare into the blackness of my coffee. "Brett... I... Brett, I love you."
*
Oh fuck yeah. This is it. Thank fuck for drum and bass. Or thank drum and bass for this fuck. Either way I win.
Yet, somehow, over the pumping synths all I can hear is the grunting and moaning of my lover, lost in the kind of bliss that sex can't get you to on its own. You need to make love to find these layers of heaven. It's nothing more or less than pure and incorruptible passion.
"Brett..." I manage to stutter out between moans, long since past the point of caring who hears us and what they think about it.
"Jay." He says the word like it belongs to him and, of course, I do.
Somehow his thrusts speed up and a few moments later, somewhere between divine ecstasy and absolute perfection, I'm left sticky inside and out. He collapses on top of me wrapping me up in his warm, strong arms and I just stare up at the ceiling, dizzy with climax.
*
"Don't say that," he says, teeth bared, almost growling. I shrink back into my seat and close my eyes for a few moments, collecting my thoughts.
"I meant it. You just said you weren't going to lie. Should I?"
"Jay, for fucks sake, things change. You know - and don't say some bullshit in response to this - you know things have been getting worse between us recently." He takes a deep breath and the harshness leaves his voice. "Not just recently, for a long time now."
"Things can get better, I love you." The fur around my eyes starts to dampen. Damn it. Why is this happening? It's like falling asleep in your own bed and waking up still there, except the rest of your house has been demolished and the ones who did it just expect you to be okay with it. "I don't know what I would do without you Brett."
"I can't be responsible for your life. You've made mistakes, and so have I but, look, you have to realize that the things you do have consequences. That the world doesn't start and end with what you want. Just because you love me Jay doesn't mean that I love you." His voice begins to waver, so, with shaking paws he lifts his cup of coffee up to his muzzle and takes a tentative sip. I want to scream and shout at him that he must love me too, that he told me so, that this can't be happening, but I stay silent. "Things have changed between us, you know?" he takes another sip and a deep breath. "I know you want to make this work. But I'm here today to tell you that it wont. We're too far gone."
"Brett don't say this." I'm shaking my head from side to side over and over.
"Jay."
"Brett don't say this." I'm crying now, past the point of caring who sees me and what they must think.
"Jay."
"Brett don't say this!" I stand up as I shout the words. Not shout, scream. Jay stands up and backs away a half step, his eyes widen. People in the café are openly staring at us by now.
"Jay. It's over."
His stare hurts even more than the words. His eyes full not of sadness, not of rage, not even of fear, but of disappointment. He shakes his head, throws a bill on the table and walks straight past me to the exit.
*
In our post coital quietness, I nibble on his ears in silence as he catches his breath and lands safely back on Earth.
"I love you so much," I say in a breathy whisper.
"I know you do husky." He lifts his head up to see me, then pushes himself forward to nuzzle my cheek. "And I love you too."
I let the silence sit for a little longer, absorbing the atmosphere, the sights and sounds, thoughts and feelings and burn them all into memory. This. Right here. This is the best.
"I know this is going to sound mushy, but, Brett?"
"Yeah Jay?"
"I want to be with you forever."
He laughs a soft and deep laugh and for a moment I think I've said something stupid.
"There's no 'want' about it Jay."
"Huh?"
"You will be with me forever."