Available Light
The wolf could hear the whistling wind. Nathan had heard the wind so many times ever since he was a cub that he could tell how the wind was "feeling." Today, the wind just happened to be restless and inconsolable- and Nathan knew that just by listening and feeling it. Nathan knew that the timeless and immortal wind had seen all the things that the residents of the earth had ever done. And the wolf also knew that no matter what anyone tried to do to obscure their plans or conceal their machinations, the wind would always blow overhead, at times providing a cooling cross breeze, a summer storm, a blizzard or even a rotating column which destroyed everything in its path. Today, the wind was restless and sleepless, having seen all things possible between sea, earth, and sky. And it reminded Nathan why he left civilization all those years ago. In this cave, built on the sheer rock face of a canyon, he could hear nature wonderful, victorious and alive- in the canyons of the city, the wolf would perk up his ears only to hear the buildings and cry with the kind of mourning nothing could ever stop.
The bemoanings of a society already blessed with so much yet with an insatiable appetite for more were not the only things the wind carried to this mountain hermit's new home for the past four years. This restless wind had like so many of its brethren breezed by the Pacific port cities, heavy-populated with both sailors, and merchants, and tourists of all manner. All of the voices, smells, and memories of the sea came billowing with it, following it in much the same way that a wedding dress follows the bride down the aisle. The echoes of the joyous sea, filled with the adventure and mystery and blueness of the sea reached Nathan's heart and pierced deep into the wolf's soul. As a young whelp, he had always wanted to pursue his own adventures on the Pacific but a near-drowning on his first voyage made him think otherwise. So the wolf, though he was a hermit who had gone to live far away from civilization to rediscover his animal roots, rejoiced in other people enraptured by the sea.
Some days (and this was definitely one of them), he wanted to leave the canyon cave which he called home and run for miles until he reached the port city he once called home. Nathan the wolf could see the city he had left behind from the top of the canyon, a small gathering of gray squares- the rooftops of the houses with a web of roads leading both into and out of the city, delivering goods to the world. But they were not the only ways in or out- the big blue expanse of ocean also served as safe harbor for boats of every nation to come and deposit and withdraw goods. Nathan was always tempted to run with the wind at his back and the weather itself rejoicing, welcoming him to his former home. The music of the sea would be the fanfare for a happy homecoming. But the wolf also knew that all four winds, even combined could not bring the world to him so he knew that he would have to wait until the time was right. Yet he would chase the wind all over the world, he wanted to witness life- in the available light.
Though Nathan had long ago sworn off civilization and all its amoral excesses, he had brought with him to the wilderness some very personal items, in addition to the very simple bare necessities of food and clean water. These included photographs of his history, a college graduation photo (his major was in Photography) and some of his own works, professional or not. These photographs included old friends , the tigress who was his college photography professor and memories of places he had been in the days of his youth, and a painting with the number "1.6180339" in a golden star, with the star itself on a blue background. (The meaning of those seemingly-random numbers had always beguiled the wolf- the painting was itself a gift from his art professor who had long since passed on.) Another picture showed several canids of indeterminate species in orange jumpsuits carrying "Dogs Playing Poker" down a busy street. Nathan had entitled this particular piece "Moving Pictures".
But the one character in the pictures, Nathan had the most interest in was the young wolf who he called the "half-forgotten stranger"- Nathan himself at a younger and more naive age thinking that photography would land him money and financial independence. But then the wolf realized that with his camera, he was seeking not mammon but the transcendent moments that only nature could provide. He had forgotten this avaricious stranger because he had become a new individual- born-again in a new spirituality devoted to finding the sacred geometry of nature.
These moments became obvious to him when the shafts of sunlight broke through the clouds on certain days, or when a bird was spreading its wings about to fly- these pictures were more moving, more natural to the wolf than anything he had ever seen in all of his years in training, in all of his years collecting commissions. There Nathan was trying to greedily cash in by creating beautiful pictures for someone else's private use when nature was giving everything away to everyone for free. And the patterns within the nature spoke of a great overarching design. The spirals of a snail's shell reflected in the growth patterns of the flowering plants Nathan had seen so many times. Such mathematical order, the wolf would think, maybe those numbers did mean something after all but how was Nathan to know?
Nature did not care whether the contrast of white stars on a black night were too dark or the colors of the earth robed in green and decorated with flowers of many colors were shining too brightly or that a singular, long-since-tamed wolf was out living on a cliff's edge somewhere - it just continued to shine forth its excellent beauty to all those with the eyes to look at it. The light just carried all the images and echoes of nature to him and the wolf, while not pretending to know the exact mechanics (even the sages freely admit to having a very limited knowledge) of how it worked- he did enjoy this never-ending serenade of light, color, and design.
And so many times, the wolf had woken up on one of those glorious mornings, the light of the sun illuminating the cave which he called home with brilliant rays, and he would run to the light from shadow to see the dawn of a bright blue sky. There the wolf would behold the rising sun- the once-every-24-hours promise that was made in the east, soon to be broken in the west. The wolf wished some days that he would have wings to fly and pursue the setting sun and overtake it, never having to experience night The earthbound creatures without the aid of modern technology would have to endure the darkness of a long night to see the sun and then endure the heat of the sun to see the stars, which brought more darkness, thus continuing the perpetual cycle. But the wolf chose differently- he would share the wisdom of the birds, as it was their destiny then to chase the sun around the world so that he could witness life- in the available light.
All four winds together would not be sufficient to bring the world home to this cavern. Shadows would constantly hide the rays of sunlight obscuring and blocking the parts of the universe, so filled with sublime geometry, that Nathan wanted to see so badly. So every day he was reminded of why he left the big city behind- it was a chance to see the light both literally and figuratively. The wolf would chase the light around the world- Nathan wanted to live in light. He would go with the wind and stand in the light- in the available light.