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Let me see... it's been 6 years since I confessed my feelings for Allan. Since that I had several breakdowns and depressions and one statement from the psychiatry that I was mentally ill, something with schizotypical disorder... not to confuse it with schizoid which is the full version of schizotypical. Anyway, I stood in front of the new apartment where I was hoping I could stay till the end of my psychiatrist education, consisting of 1 and a half year. Man, just because I might be a bit of an economical wreck I had to succumb to share an apartment with whole... two other furs. The leading tenant was a nice guy, a leopard named Kelly who had the opinion like few of his kind that muscle and speed wasn't everything. 1 point from me already. Further more he had the opinion that the strength of furs lied inside their minds and should optimize their use on it. 2 points now. And last but not least he said he was an introvert. Ding ding ding! Whole 3 points! Extremely few had manage to fill all of these attributes! A clever and introverted idealist, well maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but seriously, there are extremely few I had met who were like that. Maybe because I myself an introvert... Kelly informed me that he wasn't able to make an appointment with the other tenant because he always seemed to be so busy with managing with his team of some sort of sport, meeting with other initiators from an psychiatric health care group and arranging with his fellow leaders in a scout organization. To me, it sounded too extroverted for my taste but I guess I shouldn't fret about it since Kelly seemed to be more of my kind. I hadn't been dating for about 2 years now. It shouldn't surprise me if these relationships I'm going to have with my fellow tenants are going to be superficial as it was with most people I came across in my life but there might be a slight chance for a date with that leopard!

The area the building of the apartment took was humongous! Even though this area was known to be huge the building still managed to take about a whole 40 % of the space. The area was called The Rododendron Plaza. You could tell that this place, in particular, was old by just glimpsing the size of these beautiful and majestic plants! Not that they look anything special when they didn't bloom but believe me, the sight of vibrant colors and strong and seducing scent they gave when they finally are in the mating mood were awe inspiring, especially in larger numbers and in bigger sizes. The Rododendron Plaza could be described as a integrated city park with out being a park!

While of all these thought came through my mind, I was stepping to the stairs towards the floor 3, number 7A. Yeah... I could both smell and see that this building wasn't in its primetime anymore: the smell of old walls and floors, the humidity was bearable and the several small but noticable cracks here and there gave it all away. Perhaps I would still have a splendid time here with the leopard Kelly, maybe he would be able to make me believe in love again after all these failures in the past! The past might be resolved when I get to know Kelly a bit more... I surely hope so. After my latest depression for about 7 months ago I wouldn't be able to bear another failure, but hey; he might be my new light!

You're thinking too much again, Francis!

I had adapted myself to phrase this whenever I was thinking too much about a situation... A defense strategy from overthinking which I've learned in the times when I was going to a psychiatrist. Admittedly, it was helpful in many incidences and situations. I had reached my destination! I didn't know what to expect so it was a bit surprising for me to see a sign on the door saying "Aut inveniam viam aut faciam - General Hannibal". I know what it meant and I know that Hannibal didn't speak that language, so what I got from it was: Either Kelly wasn't as clever as I thought or it might be the other enthusiastic tenant who put it there. Nevertheless, I would expect some knowledge and intelligence from one of them but whoever put it there had some facts to correct. As for the doormat it said "East, west, home is best!" A tat too bright for my taste, but oh well, it might as well be the home of my life...

_ Control it, you dimwit

_

Right! Just knock on the damn door and get this over with.

*Knock knock-knock*

And then I just realized there was a doorbell... what a good impression I gave my other possible tenants. Dimwit!

"Coming" I heard someone yell and before I could think superfragilisticexpialidocious quickly the door opened. At sight, I thought that Kelly was using the same clothes as we first met but then I came to think of that he mainly uses black and white clothes. It suited the theme of his race; yellow, black and white. I couldn't tell if he had his ears laid back of uncomfort or it was just a genetical part of his race.

"Hello, Francis!" said Kelly with what it looked like a fake smile but was nonetheless nonchalant about his gesture to let me into the apartment. I replied with my own social conventioned smile and replied with "Hello, Kelly" and after I entered the hallway I continued with "I appreciate your fast response to my request to a have reisdence to live in until my education is over"

"You should show your appreciation and grattitude towards the other tenant. He proposed the idea of renting the available room"

"Is he present in the apartment?" I asked to clarify my curiosity.

"Not at the moment, but he'll return shortly. It's his day for cooking the dinner so he went to the grocery store" he made a short pause. Not that it is uncommon but I highly enjoy when there were schedules for a week, obviously because I endorsed order. He reenacted his welcome "Meanwhile, allow me to show you the apartment, I'm sure we'll be able to settle an agreement regarding the rent, even with your state of economy" his fake smile had faded and his face now showed a firm, nearly emotionless, neutral face. He made a sign to me to follow him through the door to the left which apparently lead to the a slightly smaller room than the hallway where three doors could be seen; two doors were open at right and left and the door ahead was closed. My experience told me it was Kelly's room that was closed... I had already taken a good like to him. The only problem remained: Is he into males?

"The room to your left is supposedly yours if we succeed with our agreement" he stopped at the other side of the left doorframe.

I was just about to add a slight complain but before I could spell a word a "Back!" was shouted on the hallway. That's odd.

In my short annoyance my inner peace just wasn't that peaceful anymore when I sighted the other tenant who had returned. We stood there and watched each other's eyes in short time that felt like an eternity. I didn't know what I felt; hatred maybe, or confusion? A slight despair perhaps? But the way my breathe and heart acted were completely the same way when I saw Allan. This can't be Allan, he didn't look like him, not what I remembered: This fur had a straight scar which diagonally went from his left forehead to past under the right eye. A scar Allan never had. His whole fur was white and Allan's whole fur was black which was rare for a husky. His fur was thinner than Allan's as well. Still, I felt the warming and unease feeling that I get when I was in front of Allan.

"Allan?" I mumbled.

The husky looked at me with lifted, invicible eyebrows and replied with "I don't go by that name... My name is Ben, Ben Howard"

"Oh" I wasn't able to say more than that... For the first time in 7 months I had lost my cool for a person whom I'm not sure who he is... and that happened outside breakdowns and depressions which had never occured before.

Just... calm down, Francis, he's not even Allan. Even if something had happened to his appearance he would never have changed his whole name from Allan Coop.

Right. Pull yourself together... but my heart was still galopping whereas I managed to have the breathing on control.

"Is everything as it should be, gentlemen? Ben, you can freely withdraw the proposal of renting the room if you're not satisfied with our possible tenant" asked Kelly politely with unchanged face but still alternately looked at me and Ben.

"Uhm... it's fine, we can figure this out" replied Ben and had seem to had shaken the incidence off.

"If it suits both of you I would like to proceed my action by showing Francis the rest of the apartment. I rather want to finish this and return to my room for my daily routine"

I made an awkward nod and decided to follow Kelly to see the rest of the apartment. I really enjoyed the way Kelly spoke which is how I normally talk to new people and even to my closest friends. After I experienced the letdown some years ago I decided to act more formally and more distanced to avoid too close contact as I considered I had with Allan. There was just something with Ben that made me fail keeping my calm.

It was past the tour and Kelly and I were in the living room to discuss the matter of the rent. Under the conversation I felt weird and incompleted but we came down to an agreement which I was hoping to being able to keep but I didn't expect any noticable profits.