California (Todd)
#22 of First Steps
California is exactly what you'd expect: sunny and hot. Thankfully the truck is air conditioned. There's only four more hours left on this trip. It's about time. I'm not sure if I could take any more of this "Life on the road" shit.
I couldn't fall back asleep, even though resting on Wendell's lap is very comfortable. So, after a while of just laying there, I sit back up and put my seat belt back on. The only thing I can think of is how different our lives our going to be now that we're all the way across the country. We're not going to see Sarah and Bruno much after this week. I'm going to have to get used to living with two college girls. And I'm never going to see my mom or dad again. But, then again, the reason we're doing this is because we needed to get away from them.
Neither Wendell or I have talked much since we passed the border. I don't bother with trying since I know that he's very excited to see his cousin. To be honest, I'm a bit scared. I have no idea how Angie and Janelle will react with us coming into the picture. Wendell is telling me that she's excited, but I have no clue. Even after I talked with her on the phone. The second we see each other face-to-face, it might be a different story.
On the other hand, there's Dexter. I have no idea if we can trust him. But then again, Angie did talk to him like she knew him for a long time. At first, me and Wendell thought he was a big liar, but I guess not. However, I'm not sure if I'm ready to think that Dexter could be a friend. We just met the guy yesterday halfway across the country.
After about, I think, thirty minutes, I decide to break the silence. "So, Wendell, what're you most excited about once we get there?" I ask.
"Seeing Angie. No doubt." he says.
"I know, but other than that."
"Uhhh... not sure." I put an arm around him.
"Well, I'm nervous as hell about it."
"Why's that?"
"Because I'm not sure if I'm ready for this big change. I mean, we literally just dropped everything and we ran away from home."
"You mean what we used to call home." Wendell pulls me in tight.
"Yeah. But, this is a huge change. I know that you like to do crazy stuff like this but-"
"What do you mean 'crazy stuff'?" he asks.
"You left three cats handcuffed together. You damaged the inside of your own house. So, yeah, I'd call that crazy." I say.
"I know. But, all that stuff I've done was for a reason. Hold on... are you thinking about... going back?" When he asks this, it really hits me. Have I been secretly wanted to go back to Tennessee? I have no idea. I want to stay with Wendell because I love him, but I'm not sure if I can do this whole change.
"I don't know." I whisper.
"I can't believe this." he says, "I thought you wanted to come with me on this trip."
"I did. But, I have no idea if I'm ready."
"Todd, you're gonna be fine. We have a place to live, a school we can go to, and eventually we can get part-time jobs here to support ourselves. We can start a new life here."
"I don't know if I'm ready to let go of my old life." The second I say that, I regret it.
"What?" Wendell look at me, surprised. Plus, he looks like he's about to tear up. "I did this whole thing for you, Todd. I wanted you to be with me."
"I get that. But I'm not you. I'm not cut out for this scheming shit."
"Todd, please don't leave me. I will be heart broken without you." I don't want to leave him. I hug him tight, with a tear streaming down my face.
"What about our friends?" I ask.
"Sarah and Bruno are in Los Angeles right now."
"But they're not going to be there forever. One day, they're gonna go back to Tennessee, grow up a few years, forget about us for the most part and we might never see them again."
"That's not true. I have both of their phone numbers, so we're still going to talk to each other. Plus, they're gonna visit us every now and then."
"Wendell. you know that one day, those visits are going to stop and we'll grow apart from them. Aren't you afraid of that?"
"I am. That's why when we get there, we're gonna have the time of our lives while they're there." He kisses my forehead. "But I want you there every step of the way. You're my everything."
I don't respond right away. After all, I don't know how to. A lot of thoughts are running through my mind. I love Wendell. I've loved him for a long time. This is something that I have been afraid of since we began dating: we start arguing. Next thing you know, we could be fighting, then we're both in Splitsville, which is not a place I want to go to.
"Wendell." I say.
"Yeah?" he says.
"I love you. I'm not going to leave you." This is the truth. I'd be unhappy without him.
"I love you too."
***
I was afraid to continue that conversation. So I didn't. We just sat there in silence as Dexter drives us down the highway.
"Hey, Dexter. How long until we're there?" I ask. I'd ask Wendell, but he's too busy snoring. Dexter doesn't respond to me.
"Dex?" I ask a little louder. I look up at the tiger. He's got his eyes on the road, but he isn't talking to me.
"Are you going to talk to me?" I'm getting pissed at this point. I sit up at my seat, about to yell at him. I reach over and push on his shoulder. "Dex! Are you gonna speak to me?" As I'm saying that, the tiger takes what looks like earbuds out of his ears.
"What?" he says, clearly annoyed.
"Why are you listening to earbuds?" I ask.
"Because you too were arguing over something and I didn't want to hear it."
"Oh." I pin my ears down. Were we really arguing that much? "You know that that argument is over. Right?"
"I do now. What were you two fighting about?"
"We weren't really fighting. We were having a heated exchange. And it was because I was having second thoughts about this trip."
"What?! Why?"
"Because I wasn't sure whether or not I was ready to just start a new life just like that."
"Todd, why would you want to just give up when you're only a few hours away from where you two wanted to go?"
"I don't know." I put my paws over my eyes. I think I'm about to cry. In front of a complete stranger.
"You're not about to cry are you?" Wendell? How long has he been awake?
"I don't know." Yep. Here come the tears. Wendell puts an arm around my shoulders.
"Why?"
"Because I'm weak."
"No you're not. What would make you think that?"
"Because I am."
"Todd," Wendell pulls my paws away from my eyes and puts his paws on either side of my face, "You are not weak. I don't know what made you think that, but you're not. Look at you. You told off on your parents to try to protect me. You were brave enough to stand up to those fucking cats. You changes your fur even though you thought your parents wouldn't approve."
"I was only able to do that stuff because you were there with me. Without you, I'm not brave at all."
"I don't believe you for a second. You know what I think?"
"What?" I ask.
"I think that you're brave. You're just afraid to show it. Even though you shouldn't be. I mean, that's what I think about every LGBT fur out there. And that includes you." He pauses for a moment. "Look. I understand that this is going to be a huge change for you. For us both. But I'm here, and I'm going to help you every step of the way."
"First steps." I whisper.
"What?" Wendell asks.
"My mom used to tell me that life can have it's ups and downs. The ups are the best points in life. But the downs... well, they can be tough. But she used to say that downs don't last forever. But they will if you don't do something to bring it back up. Though, it's not good to try to bring it back up all at once, because then you wouldn't be truly happy. You just think you are. To bring life back up, you have to start small. A.K.A. First steps towards it."
"..."
"Wendell?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I've found my first steps."
"..."
"You." He takes in the thought for a second, then pulls me in for a kiss.
***
"Dexter!" Wendell pulls out our driver's earbuds again.
"What?" he says, clearly annoyed.
"Did you hear me at all?"
"The point of earbuds is to block out sound."
"And the point of me yelling at you is to get your attention. Anyways, I asked how much longer it's gonna be. My phone's dead."
"About another hour." Dexter takes his earbuds back. "Now leave me alone."
"You didn't have to get aggressive on him." I said.
"Didn't I?" Wendell puts on that sarcastic smile. I roll my eyes.
"Whatever. So, what do you want to do for the next hour?"
"I might have a few ideas." He tickles my side and I giggle.
"Wendell! We're not doing that right here right now!"
"I know. I just wanted to hear your cute laugh." How does this adorable wolf know how to make me blush? Well, he managed to do it again. He kisses the back of my paw and laces his fingers through mine. "At least we're almost there."
"I know. It's almost over."
"I can't wait to see Angie."
"I can't wait to meet her."
"She's excited to meet you." I smile.
"You know what else I'm ready for?"
"What?" Wendell cocks his head to the side.
"To be with you forever." After that, we make out. However, unlike most times, this one's full of passion and love. Wendell caresses my arm and I end up rubbing his back. When's it's done, I end up resting my head on Wendell's shoulder and watch the road signes pass us as we go.
Thirty miles to L.A.
Twenty.
Ten.
I close my eyes and start to drift off, but before I do, I hear Wendell whisper. "Hey, Todd."
"Yeah?"
"We're here." I open my eyes and there it is. Reflecting the sunlight a bit it a sign that says "Welcome to Los Angeles".
Finally. After almost three days. We made it.