A Sad Love Story
BEFORE
I've always believed that everyone will find their true love at some point in their life. Whether you're gay, straight, bi, or whatever. It will happen. Well, everyone... except me. I finished my senior year at the high school. The problem is that I haven't had my first boyfriend yet. My other problem, is that I'm a boy. And in case you haven't figured it out, I'm gay.
I've always been ashamed of this fact. I was born this way. And although I don't want to change, I know how furs like me are treated in this world.
I'm a fox/siberian husky hybrid. My fur is mostly orange. The tip of my tail is black, along with my ears and my paws. There's also a black ring around my right eye. I've been told that I look cute in it, but I don't believe it.
I sit up in my bed thinking it's just going to be another day with the same routine. Waking up, eating a few pop-tarts while listen to mom and dad getting on my case about getting into college. To be honest, I wanted to get into college, but I wanted to wait a year to give my brain a break from school. Plus, I had a decent job in town and I wasn't ready to leave it.
After I head downstairs, I just grab my coat, shoes and head out the door. I know it's the middle of summer, but sometimes I get cold outside. As I'm heading towards the gas station, I see him. Sitting on the bench behind Speedway, is the cutest fur I've ever laid eyes on. He's a labrador with brick red fur. Has blue eyes that I get easily lost in. Even his name is as adorable as his smile. Chris. I've had a crush on him ever since freshman year. But, I've never had the courage to talk to him. I sneak a quick look at him as I walk past. He looks up from his phone at me. I quickly look at the ground and keep walking. I'm scared that he caught me looking in his beautiful eyes.
When I get to the crosswalk, I push the button and wait for the sign to say it's good for me to cross. But, when the light's about to change to green, a paw places itself on my shoulder. I turn around and see that Chris is there. Right behind me.
"Hey," he says in his beautiful, soothing voice.
"Hi." Is all I can say. I'm very nervous right now.
"Kevin. Right?"
"Yes."
"You went to the same school as me. Didn't you?"
"Yes. I did."
He gives me that cute smile and my heartbeat races faster. "I thought I recognized you. I've seen you in the halls before, but never really had the chance to talk to you." He puts his paw out. I'm hesitant at first, but I gently shake paws with him.
"I can say the same too." Shit! I think there was desperation in my voice. Or was it nervousness?
"Really?"
"Yeah." Stupid! I think I just screwed up.
"Well. I'm happy we're talking. You wanna walk with me?" he asks. My heart skips a beat when he proposes that.
"Sure." I accept. When the light turns green, we walk across the street together. He keeps his paws on his side. I'm tempted to reach out and hold his paw as we walk, but I just keep them in my coat pocket. I let my tail wag a little bit. But, I don't want to be too obvious that I'm excited right now. I just started talking to Chris, I don't want to scare him away.
Eventually, we end up at a local park. As we walk through, we pass by a fox and a wolf cuddling on a bench. I think one called the other "Todd" but, I'm not sure. It makes me hope that that can one day be me and Chris. I can't help but glance over at Chris every now and then. I'm worried that he'll catch me doing that again.
After a while, Chris breaks the silence between us. "Kevin?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I tell you something?"
"Of course." What's he about to say?
"Hang on." He carefully grips my wrist and leads us over to a tree where probably no one will hear us. If we kept it at a low voice. "I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"Well, I've sort of been thinking this for a long time."
"What is it?" He doesn't answer with words. Instead, he put his paws on my shoulders and gives me a brief kiss.
"I like you." he whispers. My ears perch up when he says this. Did I hear him right? He likes me? He really likes me? Is this real? I'm not having a mid-day fantasy?
"Really?" My voice is too soft that I almost think that he doesn't hear me.
"I do." Chris kisses me again and hugs me. I hug him back, gently caressing him in the process.
"I like you too." I say. Chris gets on his knees and lays down on the grass. He pats down next to him. I take the hint and get down beside him.
"Just out of curiousity, what's with the jacket?" he asks.
"Sometimes I get cold easily." I say.
"I won't let you get cold." Chris slips the jacket off of me and puts it too the side. Before I can get too cold, he wraps his arms around me and cuddles with me. We're kinda like that couple I saw earlier.
"Can I ask you something?" Chris asks.
"Of course." I say.
He grabs my paw and says something that makes me cry. "Will you be my boyfriend?" The first tear comes sooner than I expected. Chris wipes it away, but more come.
"Yes." I say.
"Really?"
"Yes. I want to be your boyfriend. I love you so much." I bury my head in his chest and silently weep a bit more. Chris strokes the fur on my head and pets my back.
"I love you too." He kisses the top of my head and hugs me tighter.
After about an hour of cuddling, crying, and kissing, my phone goes off. Dad texting me asking me where I was. I messaged him back saying that I had to take a walk around town and got caught up talking to a friend.
"I have to go." I regretfully say.
"You sure we can't stay for a few more moments?"
"My dad's worried about me."
"Ok. Mind if I carry you home?"
"Sure." Chris helps me into my coat and helps me stand up. I wrap my paws around the back of my neck and he picks me up. He's so romantic. That's another great thing about him. I rest my head on his shoulder as he carries me home. Thankfully, it's only down the street. We pass by the gas station and I tell Chris that my place is only a few houses up. When we get to my house, he lets me down on the ground. We take each other's paws and look into each other's eyes. And of course, I get lost in them easily.
"I guess I'll see you later." Chris says.
"I hope I see you too." I say. He kisses me again and lasts longer. When he let's go, he smiles at me and walks down the street. My heart jumps for joy as I walk into the door. My dad is sitting at the kitchen counter when I come in.
"Where have you been?" he asks.
"I had to take a walk."
"Why?"
"I had a headache and was a bit stressed out." I make up an excuse. But, it'll probably be a 50-50 chance of him buying it.
"So, you decided to take a walk?"
"Is that a problem?"
"It is when you don't tell your mom or I where you're going."
"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Before I give him a chance to explain, I walk up the stairs and lay down on the bed again. I look at my clock. It's been about two hours since I left. But, I was hoping that it would've lasted longer. After all, I finally have a boyfriend. I'm not sure whether I should tell mom and dad. After all, they always believed that honest was the best policy. However, they also made it pretty clear they don't like homosexuals.
I spent the rest of the day eating, napping and thinking about Chris. I can't help it. He's so adorable. At around nine at night, I look through one of my favorite websites: SoFurry. It's a great website for furs like me. Even though some of the stories on there have yiff in it (which I'm absolutely NOT into), they're pretty good.
As I'm scrolling through to see if any new good stories have been posted, I hear a knock on my window. I look over and see a figure standing outside of it. I'm about to yell, but I see that it's only Chris. I walk over and open the window and he climbs into my room.
"Chris?" I ask, "What're you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you again. Plus my folks are pretty upset with me right now." he says.
"Why's that?"
"They think that I'm smoking and that's why I was at the gas station."
"You don't have a smoking problem. Do you?"
"No. I've never smoked a cigarette in my entire life."
"Well, you're ok to stay here tonight, but you'll have to be quiet. My parents are still here."
"I will." He embraces me in a hug and I do the same back. Before I can kiss him, he pulls his shirt off and reveals his stomach fur. It's just as gorgeous as the rest of him. He has a lean figure, but not too skinny. I gently stroke his fur. Smooth to the touch. Just like I predicted. He puts on a smile, grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head.
"Are you a hybrid, Kevin?" he asks.
"Yes." I blush. "How'd you know?"
"My cousin has a fur pattern like yours and he's a hybrid too."
I smile. "Well, you're right. My dad's a fox and my mom's a siberian husky."
"Well, either way, you look beautiful." he holds my paw again. The fireworks going off in my heart continue.
"Thanks." I say, blushing a deeper shade of red. Chris gives me a kiss and smiles.
"I could look into your eyes forever, Kevin."
"Awww." I can't help but say that.
"I'm serious." He puts a paw under my muzzle and lifts it so he's looking directly into my eyes. "Your eyes are more beautiful than a clear night sky."
"That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." I start to tear up again. How come is it that it only takes a compliment to make me cry?
"Don't cry on me, Kev." Chris says in his sweet voice. He wipes the tear out of my eye and kisses me again. "You're the sweetest fox I've ever met."
"Thanks. You're the cutest dog I've ever met." I flirt with him a little.
"You're very nice." He picks me up again and carries me over to my bed. We end up laying down together. I cover us both with a blanket and snuggle up to Chris. Immediately, I feel his body warmth against me and it makes me shiver a little.
"Is foxy getting cold?" he asks.
"A little." I guess you can say it's true.
"I think I can fix that."
"How?" He flips me so I'm laying on the bed facing up. He lays down on me facing down. Our noses only this close form touching. I do admit, I'm getting warmer. But I'll always be happy with this dog cuddling with me.
"Is that better?" he asks.
"Yes." I wrap my arms around him and cuddle with him all night. By the time morning comes, Chris is still in my arms and asleep. I stroke him a little and he lets out a little giggle. He's so cute.
"Kevin?! Are you awake?!" my dad's voice comes from downstairs. I look at the clock and see it's almost 9:00.
"Yeah!" I yell. "I'll be right down!" Chris wakes up, but before he can say anything, I put a finger to his lips and he gets it. He calmly, but quickly gets out of my bed, collects his shirt and climbs back out the window. He ducks to the side and out of view when my dad comes into my room.
"Kev, what're you doing in here? Why weren't you awake yet?" he asks.
"I overslept. I'm sorry."
"Well, don't forget you have to leave for your job at 10."
"Ok.Ok. I'll be there." When will he leave.
"Alright." My dad finally leaves the room and heads back downstairs.. Soon after he's gone, Chris comes back into my room.
"I have to go. My parents are worried about me." he says.
"You sure you can't stay for a while?" I ask.
"I'm sure. I'll see you tomorrow." he kisses me in the lips once more before he heads off. He jumps off the ledge and lands on the ground. Looking back up to me and giving me a thumbs up, indicating he's ok.
I go back to my bed and sit down. I wonder how things will be now that I think I've finally found true love.
AFTER
The tears won't stop streaming down my face. I'm full-out sobbing right now. I hold his journal securely on my chest. His mother said he would've wanted me to have it. It's scared to know that it all ended in just an instant. Chris's dad told me he got into a car accident and died yesterday morning shortly after he got to the hospital. I didn't even get to say goodbye, which makes me cry even more.
The last thing I said to him was "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." The last thing he said to me was "I love you more." I wish he could've been alive long enough to say it one more time. Because had I known that it was going to be the last time, I would've said it like it was the last time I was going to say it.
We were told that a pickup truck hit him at roughly 70 mph behind him. Chris was going 60. I skim through the journal again. He used the locket I gave him as a bookmark. Inside is a photo of us kissing. Most of the entries are what he dreamt about. But, I can't focus much on them. I close the book back up, hold it to my chest again and cry more tears.
Later, I hear a knock on my door. "Kevin?" It's my dad. "Are you ok?"
"No." I say through my sobs. I told mom and dad about me and Chris dating two weeks ago. At that point, we've been going out for about six months. My dad opens the door and walks in.
"Look son, we know how much you cared about him." he sits down at the foot of my bed.
"It was more than caring, dad, I was in love with him."
"I know." he rubs my back to try to reassure me.
"Can I just be alone right now?" I ask.
"Ok." he gets up and shut the door behind him as he leaves. I'm not in the mood to have this talk right now. Chris is dead. I do not want to talk about it. I just want him here. In my arms. Telling me he loves me and kissing me. But, that'll never happen again. We won't be able to kiss, we won't be able to hug, or cuddle, or go on dates, or even just say "I love you" to each other.
Chris's funeral is this Saturday. I'm not sure if I can go without breaking down into tears again. Earlier today, Chris's mother came over to my house and handed me a box of stuff that used to belong to Chris. She told me that he probably would've wanted me to have this stuff. his journal was among them. The reason I wanted to have the journal is because it's the only thing among the stuff in the box that has his handwriting. Some other things were a framed photo of me and him (which now sits on my desk), his favorite book (The Testing), and his stuffed fox with buttons for eyes.
The stuffed fox looks a lot like me. It has the same pattern as my fur. Maybe he intended to get one that looks like me. I'll probably never know.
I open the journal again. This time, I take the time to read it. Most entries are about some of his dreams. Perhaps this was his dream journal. At least, that's what I think until I eventually start reading pages that must've been written at the beginning of senior year because they talk a lot about me. There's even some hearts with the letters K+C in here. There's even some sketches of a fox in here. I'm assuming they're me since they kinda look like me. In about halfway into the book, the pages just stop. The rest of it is blank. I turn back to the last page with words on it. This must be the last thing he's written before he...
I start to read:
It's been roughly 6 ½ months since I started dating the cutest fox on the planet. Things have been going great. On our 6 month anniversary, we went to a local fair. It was one of the best nights of my life. I managed to win my BF a stuffed bear after he was struggling. We took a ride on the ferris wheel and shared a passionate kiss at the top. I swear it was like I heard fireworks in the background. When we got off, we held each other's paws. Other furs were staring, but I didn't care. As long as I was with Kevin, I was extremely happy. I never want to be separated from him. Kevin is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. So, at the end of that day, I took him home and told him the words that mean everything to me "I love you soooooooooo much, Kevin." He said he loved me too. I hope that we can do something like this for the rest of our lives.
The words stop after that. I sob into my paw after I read that he loves me so much.B Because it just reminds me about how much we cared for each other. He was a part of my life that I never wanted to let go. I don't want to be without him. I can't be without him. I grab my bag and head downstairs. My parents are in the kitchen talking when they turn their attention to me.
"Hey Kevin." my mom says. They both come over to me and she hugs me. While it's great, I just wish it was Chris hugging me. "You gonna be alright?"
No. "Yeah." I say. "I'm just going for a walk just like we used to."
"Alright. What's in the bag?"
"His journal and his stuffed fox. I just need to be alone for a moment. I'll be back." I walk out the door. I just realized that it's January and it's freezing cold out here. But, I don't really care. There's nothing left for me. I walk into the middle of the woods. I eventually stop and look up. This is probably a good place. Hoisting the bag back over my shoulder, I start to climb one of the trees. Eventually, I reach a branch about 20 feet off the ground. I take Chris's journal (with the message I wrote in it) and the toy fox and put it on the branch. Thankfully, it's big enough so they both stay put.
After about a few more minutes, I don't want to think anymore. I take my dad's heavy duty rope out of the bag and throw the bag to the ground. I tie one end of the rope to the branch and use the other to tie together a noose. I wrap the noose around my neck and tighten it. One jump off and I will be reunited with Chris.
"Kevin?" I look down. It's Joey. Chris's 10-year-old sister.
"What do you want Joey?" I ask.
"What're you doing?"
"I can't do this anymore. I'm nothing without your brother."
"Kevin. We can talk about this. Don't do anything stupid." I see her reach into her pocket.
"There's nothing for me anymore." I leap off the branch.
"NO!!!!!" I see her climb the tree. I dangle ten feet from the branch. I can't breathe. But I just want to be with Chris again. The world suddenly becomes white around me. Just before it does completely, I suddenly fall the rest of the ten feet and hit the ground hard. I cough like crazy, holding my neck. Joey jump down and lands in front of me, dropping a pocketknife. She puts a paw on my shoulder and takes out her phone. I start to weep, yell and cry.
"Hello?" Joey says, "I need help."
(2 MONTHS LATER)
My therapy session is done. This is the 8th one I've had. I shake paws with my therapist, Mr. Danson (a noticeably chubby wolf) and head downstairs and into the parking lot. My parents are waiting for me in their car. I climb into the backseat, where Joey also sits. Ever since Chris dies, she's been over to my house a lot. To be honest, I still see a bit of him in her.
"Hey Kevin." Joey says, "How'd it go?"
"Just fine."
"Are you gonna be ok?"
"I hope so."
"I hope so too." my mother says, "You gave us quite a scare, Kevin. I'm just glad Joey called 911 that day."
"Yeah. She saved your life, Kevin." my dad says.
"I know. And I appreciate it, kid." I ruffle the fur on Joey's head.
"Hey. You know that I can't let anything bad happen to anyone." As we drive home, I think of how things have been different since my near death experience. Mom and dad haven't let me out of their site. Joey has grown to pretty much be my little sister. My dad's friend Mr. Danson has been helping every week in any way he can. I've been having these awful night terrors about Chris. Most involve him standing in the road when a car approaches and kills him, and I can't do anything about it since I'm tied down.
My friends and family are all stilled worried for my life. To be honest, so am I. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be facing the world alone again. But, I know that even though Chris is not with us physically, he'll always be with me mentally. And so, without anyone knowing, I secretly say the sentence in my mind one last time.
I love you, Chris.