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They say that the first step is admitting that you have a problem. Hell, I have problems. I was diagnosed with depression, I watched my mother die when I was 12, and I don't know who I've become at this point. You may call me unfortunate, but I would prefer it if you called me by my name, Thayer.

You may wonder where this story is going. I'll get there in a couple of minutes. For now, we should start this story at school. I'm sitting at my desk in my high school, and I'm quiet. The teacher calls on me and asks me a question regarding mathematics. God knows I don't know any mathematics, yet somehow I made it into an advanced class. I hesitate for a little bit, then answer. "x equals 14."

The teacher congratulates me on my answer. Somehow, it turned out to be the right answer. I don't question it; I just count it as a blessing. I look back down at my sheet of paper. It is covered in doodles and poetry. How I love to write poetry. It's not that common for a male hyena to be thinking about writing rhyming works that pertain to love, but I am not a common occurrence.

I write another stanza of an original work.

The warmth in your stare

The way your words spill out

Of your lips,

They invite me to become closer to you.

The bell rings, and the teacher yells the pages for homework. I get up and look at the person in front of me. They are my best friend, and I cannot help but look at them. I don't say anything in regards to this, but they are the one that I have written poetry about. They are the one that I desire. Is it bad that I have a crush on someone that is the same sex as me? I smile as they return the look.

"Thay," he says. I can't help but look at his muzzle for a split second. Oh, how I would like to kiss it. "How do you do this kind of math? It's so hard!"

"Guess I have a talent for this kind of stuff," I mumbled.

"You're gonna have to be my tutor," he says. It sounds halfway serious.

"Kayden, you're going to have to pay me." I give him a toothy smile, and that results in me showing my braces. I chose the color blue, though I had wished they had green. That's my favorite color.

"No problem." It really is no problem. Kayden's parents are filthy rich, though he tried to keep it under wraps. His father's a lawyer and his mother happens to be a paramedic.

"Great. W-We can start this afternoon."

"Great," he replies, signaling for us to walk out of the room. As we do so, he nudges me and discreetly points to a red fox. He looks at her in a certain way, a way that makes my blood boil. I wish he looked at me with those wild green eyes - perhaps that is why I like green, for they are the color of his eyes - and that look, the look I want him to look at me with, it is full of lust. Why do I want him to lust after me? "Isn't she hot?"

I say nothing at first. I study her curvy figure, her graceful walk... Her tail is extremely fluffy, and I suddenly feel jealous. I don't want her anywhere near Kayden. She'd probably use him. I let out a low growl, one that says to stay away from us. That captures her attention and she pauses to stare at me.

She is part of the cheerleading squad, and growling at her is like committing social suicide. I stopped growling as soon as Kayden forms a worried look upon his face. I stare at her, and I decide to stop blinking. Perhaps that would intimidate her. I do so, and she does the same with me. Something about how she reacts intrigues me. Maybe she finds me attractive; that would be the first time that a girl has thought of me in that way.

A piece of my black shaggy hair covers my left eye, and it causes her to break eye contact with me. She frowns, then looks into my light brown eyes. "What's your problem?"

"Wh-What's yours?"

"You. I don't like losers."

I swallow the spit that is building up in my muzzle. I know that she's right. On the school food chain, I am just a nobody, and she is at the top of the food chain. I am her prey, and the prey doesn't have a chance against such a predator. I feel my ears and tail droop as she walks away.

"Ouch, burn." He pauses for a minute, then puts a hand on my shoulder. "Any girl who disses my friend like that is automatically not hot."

I didn't speak after that. I felt tears flood my eyes, but they didn't pour down my cheeks. They blur my vision, which wasn't all that bad. Of course, the images that I see aren't the only thing that are blurring together; my mind is too. On one hand, I want to believe that Kayden could possibly like me, but at the same time, I want to believe that he doesn't like me. The thoughts smear in my brain, and they poison me with a fantasy and reality. It's a double dose of heartache if you ask me.

"Thayer, are you alright?"

I'm quivering at this point. I want to cry, but then I would seem like more of a loser. Another girl stares at me. She is a red panda, and she looks concerned. It is the second time a female approaches me. The petite red panda begins to rub my back, and she whispers to me. "It'll be okay," she says. "You're not a loser. You're just misunderstood. That's all."

I look up at her. That is when I am forced to search for air.

I have always liked Kayden. I loved -- I mean liked - his grin, his personality, his style... But as I look at this fellow student of mine, I find my heart beating like a fast-paced drum. It is not nearly as fast as the times I have looked at Kayden, but it is a close second.

I look deeply into her eyes. At this moment, I realize that I am having a panic attack. I am gasping for air, and it catches the attention of more students. I didn't want to be called a loser. New, troubled thoughts enter my mind. What if I am always a loser? What if no one is attracted to me? What if I end up alone? The thoughts stab me, one by one; they cripple me, if only for a minute.

Perhaps it is the panic attack that has done this to me. This is something that I will never forget. My friend and the female walk me to the nurse's office, even if it is at a slow pace. They have no idea what is happening. They might be thinking that something serious is happening. I am not one to overanalyze when I am having a panic attack, so I leave that thought alone. I

It takes us a while, but we reach the nurse's office, and I am still panicking. My hands are trembling, and tears are rolling out of my eyes. It's taking all I can do to breathe. The nurse notices my condition and rushes me right in. "What happened?" she asks; a concerned look is imprinted on her face.

"I don't know," Kayden replies. "Someone called him a name, and then he started getting like this."

The nurse looks at me and sighs. "Another panic attack, Thayer?"

I nod. I'm trying to focus on my breathing. "Space," I wheeze. That is the only word I can say at this point. It is a safe word, and the nurse will understand what I am saying.

"I think it's best if you 2 leaved," she suggests to my companions. The red panda takes the hint and leaves first. Kayden hesitantly looks at me, then the door. Finally, he leaves, though I can guarantee that he's waiting outside of the door for me. That's the thing about Kayden: he's a loyal wolf. The nurse looks at me and begins to talk.

"Thayer, you should really get these panic attacks checked out. You're having them at least 3 times a day. That's not healthy. Have you tried talking to your therapist about it?" I shake my head. "Well, I would suggest bringing it up. It wouldn't hurt, and they would be able to help you more. All I can do is provide a place for you to calm down." She pauses for a second, then sighs once more. It is a sign that she is worried about me. It's a sign that I've come to know. "I don't like seeing you like this. It breaks my heart," she confesses.

I feel as though the nurse, who I call Miss Janice, is a substitute for a mother. I look up to her, and she is constantly worried about me. She is not like my Aunt Rose, who believes in tough love from time to time. My breathing begins to slow down along with the trembling. I look up at her, and she looks right back at me.

"Thayer, you need to find someone who can help you, alright?"

"Y-Y-Yeah," I stutter.

"Okay." She pats my back and smiles. "Now, I think you're beginning to calm down. I think after a couple of minutes pass by, you'll be safe to go home."

Home? Why would I go home? I have a couple of more classes to complete. One of them is English, and we're on the poetry unit. I would not miss such a class in the world.

"I want you to go home, and I want you to tell your aunt about these panic attacks. Maybe she can get you an appointment with your doctor today."

Fine. I'll do it. I'll miss my favorite classes just to talk to my aunt about this thing that is affecting my life. This will have been the 4th time that I've missed English this marking period. The teacher will begin to get suspicious. Still, I suppose Miss Janice is right. My health is important.

Miss Janice calls my aunt and tells her that she needs to pick me up again. I can hear the gentleness in her voice while I assume my Aunt Rose - I call her Miss Rose, simply because I call every woman by Miss - yells on the phone and is beginning to freak out.

By the time Miss Rose comes to get me, I am fully calm, and I can breathe better. "Thay," she says to me in her thick Southern accent, "What's goin' on with ya? This is the 3rd time this week I had to come an' get you."

"It was another p-panic attack," I explained. "That's all."

"That's all? Boy, this is gettin' outta hand. Come on, we're gonna make an appointment fer the doctor's." The pudgy woman grabs my hand, and we exit the school building.

It is now how serious this matter is. Still, I'd rather skip the appointment, stop talking about my health, and be with Kayden.