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My eyes met hers repeatedly "two weeks left of school, don't do anything dumb" I thought, meeting her eyes but in truth I wanted to do something really dumb, I had full intention of kissing her. That day droned on and on strength and conditioning, history, band, multimedia, then, finally it was lunch, I saw her and just grinned. She was gorgeous, her crimson fur flowed effortlessly behind her, and she had beautiful pads that were a shimmering black, just matching the fur on the tip of her tail. (End of tail and pads) I loved her in every way, of course I was dumb, and we were only 7th graders, How could me, a scrawny, tiny timber wolf who was an absolute psychopath, in most eyes, and not to mention my freakish coloring, silver fur and eyes (no pupils) with black undertones.

We had some things in common, first off we were both depressed, as far as I knew I was the only one who knew about her, mine was (in my eyes) well hidden, but there was one project in ILA, the prompt was "choices" after about a week of work we had Pier editing, my two "piers" were my best friend, Maximus, and Violeta, the girl I fell in love with, my parents read it, they didn't understand why I would read this in front of a class, I told them that it had to be done. The next day this is what I read:

A Reason to Lie

Well, I'll admit, I lie, a lot, when you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say "I'm okay," a lie. At school and sometimes at home we can feel inadequate, useless, or like we're a drag on everybody. People, naturally, want to feel good, the easiest way to accomplish that is through making others feel bad. In my personal experience, everybody, even unconsciously has put others down, it's natural. These put-downs start a sort of cycle, almost, it cycles from the top of the school "food chain" between populars and athletics, down through the nerds and to the bottom of the chain, the looser, someone like me, someone with half decent grades, no athleticism, and few friends. At the bottom that one person, last in line, has some common points. They tend to scowl, space out, and avoid socialization. Also they take jokes too seriously, claim to hate themselves, and think about "ending it". I only know these because I've felt this way before or been told that was how I acted. School, we all just want to get by, but this is a feeding ground for the strong and slaughterhouse for the weak. They claim teachers are trained to combat bullying, HA that is B.S. I, personally, have never witnessed a single teacher step into the middle of a situation. They just step out of the way and let nature take its course. By now you probably want to call me out for beginning a rant, nope, just the truth behind a sore subject. Teachers also worsen situations with ridiculous levels of homework, harsh grading, etc. etc. These causes parents to pressure us at home and punish us for bad grades. Just a note: grading should be based off of piers, not unreasonably high expectations, otherwise we would all have failed many grades before, MANY. All of this adds up, piling, and piling, and piling, until, it becomes too much, situations constantly sent many students to a dark place from which escape is impossible. I've chosen to lie to others to save them from worry, and to myself, to keep me from breaking.

That night when I got home I found out that two friends had spoken to the councilors worried about me and that the councilor and my ILA teacher had both called home. I check my emails to see Violeta had shared a document with me and this is what it said:

Your writing almost made me cry. It was mainly for two reasons. He first being that it sounded like it could have been me you were writing about. I have so many secrets as well as many lies. I long to try and say the truth, but I can never bring myself to do it... ever. It always seems easier to deal with all the pain and confusion myself in a dark corner. There are so many things that I am confused about, so many "choices" that I will "make" will supposedly could send me to the devil. Some time ago, I tried to drag myself out of a deep, dark pit that had been in, but the lie "I'm okay" made for a terrible shovel. Eventually, I half crawled my way out, but I keep falling back in.

Your writing also made me cry because I now realize what I have done. The part of me that is still bitter over all the years of torment because of how I look and am decided to act against the shred of logic I still have. The words fat and ugly have echoed through my head for as long as I can remember. I guess that not being very nice to some people has been my way of "feeling better"... "Better" in the way that slices on their wrists make others feel "better''. It is a foul medicine that has worse side effects than it has cures. I want to apologize for being rude. You really didn't do much to deserve harshness from me, or from other people.

Really, I have not fixed my broken self, I just figured out how to run broken. Run by hiding behind masks of laughter, and joy, and lies. I have used sarcasm and jokes to try and counteract my mood, and so that no one suspects anything. It truly is unfortunate how desperate I am to stop lying because otherwise this would not be the response that I would be sending back. This is only the tip of the iceberg, a rough overview of the situation, but it is better than nothing. I am sorry if this was annoying for you to have to read through, but if you need to tell me more I am willing to listen. Hold on for now, for as long as you can, because one day things may improve.

Question, are you presenting it?

Please DO NOT share this information with anybody because there is much that the world does not need to know.

That was the moment I fell in love with her.