Chuck Norris in Equestria
Chuck Norris in Equestria
By st-seven
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chrysalis was misbehaving on a regular basis since her banishment by kidnapping ponies and causing mayhem. Dozens of ponies were missing in only a few short days. Celestia called the former elements of harmony to assist in an ancient spell. This spell would allow them to call upon Chuck Norris for assistance.
Chuck Norris resides in the dimension of manliness only accessible by himself and a chosen few such as Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. Chuck was sitting on a throne made of enemy skeletons and bear pelts in a round throne room because Chuck Norris lives in a round castle which is equal to a round house. A tapestry hung behind the throne depicting a booted foot kicking a man's face in with a brown beard in the background. Chuck was drinking whiskey out of an opponent's skull; when he noticed a symbol that was glowing on his belt buckle. He glared at the buckle causing it to detach glowing brighter a projection formed showing Celestia and the elements of harmony calling for assistance. "Help us, Chuck Norris you're our only hope." Chuck noticed who the message was from and crushed the skull cup against his head like a soda can.
The room moved towards him so that he could reach the far wall that had a map on it Chuck lined up with the map and performed a roundhouse kick slicing open the space time continuum causing a portal to form with his target destination on the other side of it. Equestria where many different beings lived only do to Chuck Norris' will for good sport hunting. Chuck's portal emptied into the Everfree Forest. Chuck Norris arrived to find the castle had been restored and there were eight ponies waiting for him.
Each pony bowed before him respecting his manliness. Celestia explained the situation to Chuck finding herself getting distracted by Chuck's muscles. Her drooling aside she was able to convince Chuck to help saying that the changelings had been a nuisance for years always messing up parties and kidnapping ponies.
"Oh No!" Twilight exclaimed as a large group of changelings burst into the throne room.
"Oh No!" Applejack yelled as the changelings approached.
"Oh No!" Rarity yelled as a changeling grabbed her and pulled her closer.
Suddenly, the far side of the old castle's throne room wall caved in, and a giant pitcher of red liquid with what appeared to be a face on it burst into the room.
"Oh Yeah!" the drink yelled at the top of its presumed lungs.
The ponies stared in awe at the abomination that was the drink. Chuck Norris grabbed the drink not at all impressed; "Oh No!" it screamed as Chuck Norris started to chug the liquid inside the pitcher. After he finished he broke the pitcher with a well timed punch from his chin fist, which killed several changelings around the room simultaneously in a masterful display of fighting prowess. "I always enjoy a good glass of punch." Chuck said as another channeling tried to attack him from behind only to have his face broken by a well timed punch.
"I'm off to save the kidnapped ponies; you all stay here where it's safe." Chuck explained in his typical manly voice.
Chuck stared at the broken wall which responded to his mental command to repair itself after the world moved for him allowing him to find the changeling hive arriving in the blink of an eye leaving a triple rainboom in his wake. Twilight seeing this created a forcefield to protect everyone. The strain of the blast cracked the shield but it held firm keeping everyone safe.
"So Awesome!" squealed Rainbow Dash after seeing the display of true speed.
Chuck arrived at the changeling hive calling for Chrysalis. "Release the ponies that were captured and leave Equestria forever or else." Chuck said calmly "Not a chance." replied Chrysalis. From this day forward this was regarded as the greatest and final mistake ever made by a changeling. The cries of changelings dying met the ponies' ears as Chuck Norris' reply was to roundhouse kick Chrysalis into the hive which exploded on impact; setting all of the trapped ponies free and sending the hive into orbit while on fire which Chuck Norris willed into being. The changelings that didn't die from the fire died from the lack of oxygen in space.
Chuck noticed the pods were still intact. A light tap from his chin fist broke the pods one by one until the ponies were safe. Chuck was glad for this day gave him something to do with his time to stave off boredom.
"You know what this calls for...A PARTY!" pinkie yelled spontaneously producing confetti.
Chuck Norris smiled at this; his smile nearly blinding the ponies within a half mile radius.
The party lasted late into the night Applejack broke out the cider and Chuck drank half of the 50 gallon stock by himself and only had a slight buzz from the alcohol. The other party goers drank becoming stoned after 5 drinks each because nopony can out drink Chuck Norris.
Celestia rose from her seat calling everyone's attention even Chuck's.
"Attention Everypony and Mr. Norris! I would like to grant Chuck Norris several awards for his actions today. The first is an award created for people and ponies that do Equestria great service using violence; I call it the Chuck Norris award." The medal was carved from a changeling's carapace in the shape of a fist with a beard behind it.
The next award is a plaque recounting the saving of our kidnapped ponies with each saved pony's named engraved on it.
Finally I declare this day for the remainder of my rule to be considered a national holiday for Chuck Norris and all things violent. The tradition would allow for karate and other martial arts tournaments to take place all around Equestria and for a grand tournament to be held in Canterlot." Celestia stated
Nopony disagreed with these statements.
Chuck Norris was pleased and offered for any challengers to try their luck in the ring sparing with him.
Rainbow Dash was the first in line wanting to test her skills against a master like Chuck Norris.
"For these matches I will only use one finger on my chin fist to make the fights fair and not end in fatalities." Chuck Norris said in his many voice
Rainbow and Chuck bowed to each other while Chuck readied his chin fist.
The fight started with Rainbow leaping at Chuck trying to strike his head with a swift kick to the face only for Chuck's finger to block the kick and redirect the strike over his shoulder. Rainbow recovered midair landing on her hooves charging this time unleashing a flurry of hoof strikes to Chuck's mid section only to have him retaliate with strikes of his own hitting Rainbow faster than she could blink knocking her out of the ring with a grunt.
"Good match." Chuck stated calmly extending a hand to help rainbow to her hooves
"Awe that was awesome but I barely touched you how can you be so perfect." Rainbow stated with confusion towards the match contents
"I'm one of the strongest in the multiverse so don't feel bad you did well." Chuck replied kindheartedly
The next to try their luck was Big Macintosh lasting longer than Rainbow did due to his size and muscle mass.
Many shied away after Mac's defeat finding that the largest couldn't win made them stop trying.
When the rounds were over Chuck had to return to his home plane to watch over the multiverse.
"Good bye to you all if you need me you know how to find me." Chuck Norris stated
Chuck took a short breath before roundhouse kicking space time to open the portal home.