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Seeing Nothing

Chapter 70

Azrian marched up the great white bridge that led to Hildrith'el's palace, dragging Sinte along by the wrist. The bridge seemed endless as it reached across the pink sky, and clouds churned against it, gently bumping it as they streamed under and over. Azrian could see the palace up ahead, reaching golden from a sea of clouds, its towers winking in the light as the silhouettes of great birds sailed around it. The singing was more intense in Hektaten and seemed more joyous the closer they drew to the palace, as if those bathed in Hildrith'el's light knew only ecstasy. And there was light streaming everywhere. In translucent, buttery beams. Across the clouds. Across the sky. Across the towers and the soaring birds. It streamed from every window of the great palace, and it was some time before Azrian realized the light was coming from Hildrith'el herself.

"Azrian -- this is foolish," Sinte snarled. He halted and snatched himself free of Azrian.

Azrian staggered to a stop and turned to look at him, her red mane swinging around. She was wearing yet another long white gown Sinte had given her, along with gold bracelets on her wrists. Her breasts heaved within the white ruffles of her deep neckline, and she looked at him in amazement. "You_promised_ me," she said through her fangs, "that you would help me get a glass dagger. You promised me."

"No, I didn't," he said and looked away. "I said I would give you one if you came up with a solution. And creating a new world is not a solution."

Azrian's breasts heaved. "Then I will go to Hildrith'el without you!" She spun away. And she didn't see the fear that crossed Sinte's face. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back again, and she looked at him from behind the licks of red mane that tumbled in her gaze, tense and furious.

"Let go of me, Sinte," Azrian demanded quietly.

Sinte shook his head. "You have no idea what it takes to actually make a world, to become ruling god of a world. Or don't you think your father would have done it? You will not walk among mortals, as the transformation will have made you a danger to them."

Azrian frowned. "Transformation?"

"You will remain separate from them. And over time, you will become cold and distant and unconcerned with the trifles of their brief lives, because you will have watched them live and die, again and again. You will withdraw into your own light as the endlessness of eternity spreads before you, as Hildrith'el withdrew, as your father withdrew, and they will weep for the warmth of your light. They will love you and despair."

Azrian gritted her fangs and tore herself free of Sinte, her mane bouncing and tumbling again around her bright golden eye. She stared at him, trying to understand the fear in his silver eyes. "What do you mean? My father didn't withdraw. He is still trying to help --!"

"Your father gave up!" Sinte shouted her over, and she took a shuddering breath and fell silent, lost somewhere between anger and confusion.

Sinte took a breath and repeated calmly, "Your father gave up. The dogs weren't sent to punish the foxes. They were sent to kill the foxes. And your father went along with it."

Azrian shook her head. "No. . . ."

"Yes," Sinte said firmly. "But the foxes were stronger than the gods had ever anticipated. Ayni was proud that her children survived. So she continued to watch over them . . . even as she watches over the dogs."

Azrian shook her head again and scowled. "That doesn't mean I shouldn't help them --"

"Etienne, you mean," Sinte said darkly.

Azrian went still. "What?"

Sinte's nostrils flared. "You aren't doing this for the foxes or the dogs. You're doing this for Etienne."

Azrian sneered. "Don't be absurd. You sound like a jealous idiot and I'm not listening anymore. In fact, I think I stopped listening long ago." She tried to turn away and screamed softly when he took a halting step and snatched her around. He held her tightly by the arms, and ignoring it when she struggled, he held her tighter and peered into her face. She fell still and looked at him.

"Tell me the truth," Sinte whispered. "Did you dream of Etienne?"

"S-Sinte --" She screamed softly again when he shook her, and her cleavage trembled.

"_Did_you?" he whispered sadly, and his frowning eyes searched her face.

"I made love to him in a dream. He held me and kissed me. For hours and hours. It was . . . incredible. And I thought . . ." A tear filled her eye. ". . . I will never know his arms again."

"No, you won't," Sinte agreed and let go of her. "Because if you do this, you will lose us both."

Azrian's lips parted in surprise. "S-Sinte --!"

"If you go to Hildrith'el," he said over her, "I will fly down to Aonre." His nostrils flared. "And I will kill Etienne."

Azrian's chest heaved. She stepped close to him, and they were nose to nose as she hissed, "You wouldn't dare."

"I would." He took her paws and squeezed. "I didn't bring you here just to lose you again. I brought you to Skkye . . . " He swallowed. ". . . so I could have you for myself. You were never meant to leave."

Azrian bared her fangs in a sudden sob, and her paw came up across his face, sharp and hard. Sinte's head snapped to the side and his mane tumbled from the blow. They stood on the bridge, and her breasts were heaving breathlessly as she glared at him.

"I can't believe I trusted you. I can't believe I was so blind."

"I love you," he whispered behind his mane.

"No you DON'T!" she screamed. "You own me!"

"No . . ." He fumbled for her paws again.

She slapped his fingers off. "Don't touch me!"

"I love you," he whispered again and dropped to his knees before her. She watched as he pressed his forehead to her slender belly. He clutched her hips and folded his wings tightly to his back, and in sympathy, she touched his head.

"Stay with me," he whispered. "If you go to the Palace of Light, I will lose you."

"Sinte . . ." She pushed her fingers through his mane and sighed a miserable breath. "You never had me."

Without warning, he snatched her in his arms and took off across the sky, in the direction opposite of Hildrith'el's golden palace. Azrian struggled and finally managed to get free, and it wasn't anything like that first airborne battle. She wheeled around, her wings trailing fire across the sky, and backslapped him, sending him tumbling backward through a cloud.

She lost sight of him in the sea of pink foam, and he managed to burst upon her from behind. Her wings flapped frantically, slapping him in the face as his arms closed around her. She slipped upward in his grasp, but he bit her neck and dragged her down. She felt the hot slap of his sudden erection against her backside as she reached back, scratching at his face. Her nails carved up fur and blood, and he whimpered and let go. She wheeled around without hesitating and punched him. He took the blow with a grunt, flipping down several feet through the air, as if he'd been slapped with a building.

She was bringing her fist down when he righted himself and deftly caught her wrist. She hovered above him, straining against him with jiggling breasts, and with greedy eyes, he grabbed the front of her gown and ripped. One her big breasts popped free, the nipple rolling wildly. She screamed angrily when he twisted her arm behind her back, yanking her down until her back hit his chest. As she wriggled against him, he groped her exposed breast, his hot tongue licking her neck.

"Oh . . . n-no," she whispered breathlessly as she felt the lips of her sex swell with sudden arousal. "S-Sinte . . ."

"Stay with me," he whispered between kisses. He was kissing her neck, and his fingers groped hard at her breast. She watched him tweak her nipple and shuddered.

"S-Sinte . . . Sinte, s-stop . . ."

His paw smoothed from her breast and over her belly. He clutched at her sex through her gown, then impatiently pulled it up and slipped his fingers in. He sighed in her ear as her juices oozed hot over. Then he gathered her limp body in his arms and lifted her jutting nipple to his face.

"Sinte . . . I have to . . ."

He ignored her and closed his mouth on her nipple, suckling deeply. Her head fell back and she cried out, thrusting her breast against his sucking mouth. His fingers groped her backside and squeezed one of the plump cheeks as he moaned and hungrily suckled. He pulled his lips away to lick her nipple, dragging his tongue up her neck and too her cheek in a line of fire that left her shuddering.

"I will despair . . . without you . . ." he whispered.

"Then you . . . will have to despair . . ." Azrian said breathlessly -- and plunged her fingers in his eyes.

Sinte screamed and let her go. His cheeks ran with blood. He pawed at his face, frantic, in pain and confused, his wings flapping in a frenzy and sending black feathers spiraling away across the sky. Tears blinded Azrian as she grabbed him by the neck and yanked him close. He fell still as she whispered, "If you ever go near Etienne . . . I will kill you."

Then she threw him from her and watched sadly as he shrank away in the distance.

***

Azrian flew to Hildrith'el's Palace of Light alone, soaring fast over the sea of gold-kissed clouds. The palace had no grand doors, only a great archway that reached incredibly high but stood incredibly narrow, so that groups who entered would have to fly in a vertical line, and large quantities of birds could not enter at once.

Azrian landed on the smooth, polished floor and took a slow step into the beauty and light, her head turning in wonder and awe.

The palace was one of trickling fountains and bathes and gargantuan trees reaching up from circles cut in the polished floor. Azrian could see her reflection in the golden walls, and through the many archways, she could see gardens, flowers bursting in riots of color, hammocks hanging like nests from the trees. The trees broke through the ceilings and went on for several floors, and the ceilings were so high, they would have disappeared into darkness if not for the light shining everywhere. Azrian could see birds flying in joyous circles around the great trees and in and out through their canopy of golden leaves. And everywhere she looked, more birds -- females all -- were naked and bathing, splashing each other as they waded through the bathes, giggling, sitting on fountains with jutting breasts as they played in their long feathered manes, singing, hovering, flying, strutting past Azrian with riding breasts and swinging tails.

Azrian thought nudity was not permitted in Skkye and stopped to gawk. All the females were exquisitely beautiful. They dazzled the palace with their colorful plume, blue, gold, orange, green, yellow, red, and white. And their song rose and fell in an echoing melody that trembled on Azrian's heart.

Ah. So they were the ones who sang. And their endless song reached through the waters of Skkye to touch every heart dwelling in every tier. It was a wordless, soothing refrain. And it continued so steadily in the background of Azrian's thoughts, she knew sudden silence would have been almost terrifying. Like the stop of a heartbeat.

As Azrian made her way through the palace, no one stopped her or questioned why she was there. She had expected armed guards at least, but there were none. A few of the females looked her way and caught her eye, their beaks curving at the corners in flirtatious smiles as they stood under veils of falling water, touching their own breasts, touching their own sexes, smoothing claws over round hips as they slowly bent to gather more water and smooth it back through their magnificent manes.

Azrian continued on, reflecting that this was the Heaven Sampson had often spoken of and wishing that he was there to see it with her. When she was a little cub, she would sit on his knee beside the fire, feeling warm and safe in his big arms, and she would listen to his deep voice rumbling up through his chest as he told her stories of King Antony, who was ordained by the Creator to rule the world. The Creator meant for King Antony to rule justly and fairly, to treat the foxes with kindness. But King Antony grew bitter against the foxes when he failed to win Nadheertia's love, and all the world wept for it.

Sampson told Azrian that King Antony would one day reincarnate, that Nadheertia would as well, and that the two of them were cursed to keep returning from Heaven until they were able to unite dog and fox in peace. Of course, those who believed in the Second Coming were usually dogs exiled as heretics or else fox sympathizers. And as Azrian understood it, Sampson was both. She knew the big mastiff had been exiled as a traitor from Varimore, but she had never learned exactly _why._She could only assume it was because Sampson respected the fox gods alongside his Creator and sympathized with foxes.

Nhlahla, on the contrary, did not respect the dogs' Creator and hated anytime Sampson spoke of him. As far as she was concerned, the Creator was responsible for the destruction of her kin, their kingdoms, and their culture, as well as their current suffering.

Azrian hated anytime Nhlahla was unkind to Sampson about his beliefs, and one night, she demanded to an explanation as to how and why Nhlahla could be so close-minded.

"Close-minded?" Nhlahla had repeated angrily. "Watch your brother get shot in the chest by a dog, child. Watch your lover taken from you and touched and fondled by a dog. Then speak to me again of having an open mind and heart. I watched," she hissed, "as my entire tribe burned to dust. And the gods did nothing. And for years, I hated them. And then . . . they gave me you. And I realized that perhaps there was a plan. And that plan did not involve making nice with dogs."

Azrian, at the time, was too young to understand what Nhlahla meant. But now, with the knowledge of her abilities and her godlike status, she understood completely: Nhlahla believed Azrian had been born to conquer the world for the foxes. And the fact that she was fully behind such an idea -- even while in love with Sampson -- was appalling to Azrian, who couldn't conceive of doing to the dogs what they were doing to the foxes.

And yet, for all her hatred of the dog religion, Nhlahla had told Azrian stories quite similar to Sampson's when she was a cub, and she had to wonder if Nhlahla realized just how similar the two religions were. The biggest similarity was the Creator. The foxes viewed Hildrith'el as the creator of the world, a female, and a being of light, while the dogs referred to the creator of the world as a being of light, the Holy Father and Creator, and acknowledged him as male.

What was more, not many fox tribes even acknowledged Hildrith'el as the First Light and creator. Some foxes felt she had abandoned the world -- which was not far from the truth, Azrian thought -- while others believed she had never existed and used this belief to account for all the suffering in the world.

Still others believed Ti'uu was actually the Creator, as he was the only male god of the pantheon, and they equated maleness with power and importance. They believed he had created the world, and depending on who was telling the tale, Ayni was his mate or his daughter and a lesser being.

The dogs in general believed that their Creator was the one true god and that all dogs went to Heaven, where they bathed in the Creator's light, while the foxes scoffed the Creator and believed that E'cru existed as a place for only the blessed to ascend. But the sobering truth of it was there, beyond their reach: Hildrith'el was the Creator and Heaven her Skkye. And Skkye had no place for dogs. Or foxes, for that matter.

Azrian was passing a white basin on a pedestal when something in the water caught her eye. She glanced around to see if anyone was watching, but all the naked females were busy singing and splashing. She didn't understand why her heart was hammering until she took the basin in both paws . . . . and peered in.

Azrian went still. Ti'uu's face peered back at her. She almost staggered back but caught herself from doing so. Instead, she cocked an eyebrow and looked him defiantly in the face. He was unhappy with her. He even looked angry. She decided she didn't care and had almost turned away when he spoke.

Why have you defied me, child? His beak in the water's reflection did not move. He was speaking into her mind.

Azrian's mouth didn't move either as she said into his mind,You are the god of terrible plans, it seems.

Ti'uu's reflection frowned slightly. Don't open a mouth to me, girl.

Azrian's heart burned angrily. Father, I am not a child --!

But you are my child, he said over her. And I gave you a task.

_Don't I have a choice?_she demanded. She heard him sigh, the sound hollow and unhappy as the water rippled.

You can not simply abandon Aonre and think moving the foxes elsewhere will make things better. Many foxes will not move with you to your new world.

And that is their choice. See how I did that? I gave them a choice! Learn from that, Father! Her nostrils flared, and she was about to storm off when he spoke again. She looked down at him and felt rooted in place as she listened.

My child, that is not all that troubles me. Your happiness is more important to me than Aonre itself. And if you create a new world, you will not be able to return.

Azrian blinked sadly. I . . . I know. Sinte tried to tell me.

Ti'uu's eyes in the water softened. You should have listened to him. The child of Despair can sense despair. Long before it arrives.

Azrian's face darkened. You_do _realize he meant to keep me here? He brought me here, pretending that he was going to help me solve all these problems YOU dumped on my lap! And I believed him. Just as I believed you once.

Ti'uu swallowed unhappily, and his reflection rippled again from his sigh. You should go. Hildrith'el is waiting. She knows you are here. She has been waiting . . . a long time. He started to dissolve.

Azrian touched the tips of her fingers to the water, her eye filled with sad longing. Daddy? she whispered miserably.

Ti'uu waited.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. You were just trying to help them.

And I am sorry as well. . . .my sweet child. I didn't give you a choice. I just pushed. Perhaps I should let you do things your own way. Perhaps I should let you try.

Azrian hated when her eye filled with a sudden tear. I'm sorry I failed you before.

Ti'uu smiled. Water doesn't fail. It just flows where it is guided, filling every pocket and corner, overwhelming, caressing, crushing, and consuming. You went where I told you. The lack of foresight . . . that was mine. Sad, isn't it? The god who sees the future . . . sees nothing.

It's not your fault, Daddy. Okay . . . it is.

Ti'uu laughed softly into her mind, and she was glad to see him smile. Ayni still believes she is right, and perhaps in a way, she is. Fire purifies. And water washes away. Hellene fights for her mother, who only wishes to help the mortals as I wish to help them. It seems both our methods were wrong. Pitting you against Hellene . . . was wrong. And caused you needless suffering.

Azrian thought miserably of her missing eye, and suddenly ashamed, she covered the torn side of her face. I have to kill her now.

No, you don't. You simply want to.

Fine. I do want to . . . Is that wrong? She frowned.

He breathed another sigh that trembled the water. No, child. There is no right or wrong anymore. Just blood and water.

Azrian frowned again, not understanding. Where are you? I want to see you.

Perhaps later. Go now.

Wait! Father . . .?

Ti'uu dissolved, and Azrian found herself looking at her own miserable reflection.