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Part 1: The best laid plan?

"You know, I still think this is a very bad idea," Xela muttered again.

"I know. But come onnnnn it'll be fun!" Allison exclaimed, "Besides, it shouldn't too hard."

"That's what you said last time," Xela muttered, rolling his eyes.

Last time, they'd both nearly been caught after Allison had wandered into one of the rooms with a laser grid. Xela hadn't heard the end of how ridiculous it was to use a laser grid; those were only used in movies. But no, the room Allison had decided to explore, for no other reason than there was something that caught his eye, had a laser grid. The only room in the whole house that had a laser grid. It had nearly cost them the mission. But they'd made it out alright, and with the shiny cubes they wanted.

"Why should I go along with this?" Xela asked, walking beside his mate.

"'Cause you lurve me," Allison said, giving Xela the cute eyes.

Xela sighed and hugged the short raccoon.

"Yea, you're right, I do. Fine. But if you trip any more laser grids. . ."

"Pfft those are only in movies! I'm telling you! Movies!"

Xela laughed and stepped back from his mate. He looked into the raccoon's eyes for a moment.

"So, I'm assuming you have some grand master plan of how to get in there?" he asked.

Allison smiled and nodded, walking down the hall to the back room of their house. They called it their secret private island, and to them it really was. It was a nice house, more than large enough for them to live comfortably. And, like any good grand master thief's hideout, safely off the map. Well, off the map enough. Which really meant not at all. But hey, whatever works.

Inside the room was all manner of shiny objects, and displayed on the table were the shiny cubes from the last heist. Allison tossed those aside into a pile of other shiny objects and put a piece of paper down as Xela walked in. Allison started scribbling on the paper, and after a few minutes, Xela gave in to the urge and picked up one of the cubes and started twirling it, a stupid smile on his face. After several more minutes, Allison pushed the paper in front of his mate's face.

"Hey! I was having fun there! Meanie!" Xela protested

"You weren't even listening were you?" Allison pressed.

"I was!"

"Then what did I say?"

"Uhm . . . something about the . . . way the . . . uhm . . . yes."

Allison sighed and giggled a bit. He bopped his mate on the snout and put the piece of paper back on the table. Whatever had been going on in those few minutes, it didn't really bode well for the paper. It was covered in a seemingly random scrawl with lines pointing in every which direction.

"And this is?"

"The grand master plan!" Allison exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air and knocking off the trademark top hat he always wore.

"Oh. I see now. Clever . . . they'll never see it coming," Xela said, picking the hat up and dropping it on his own head.

"I know! It's genius!"

"So uhm . . . what exactly am I looking at?"

Allison sighed again and bopped Xela on his snout.

"I thought it was obvious. Right here is the totally awesome shiny globe thingy I want," he pointed to a squiggly circle with lines around it, "and this is clearly the route we'll take, because it's not gonna have anything to stop us, and certainly nothing crazy like laser grids, because this clearly isn't a movie!"

"And the rest of this?"

"I dunno. I got bored. It looked good at the time though! Now come, my lovely darling wonderful man fox! There is work to be done!"

"Hey hunny?"

"Yes?"

"It's still the middle of the morning. You wrote on here we do this at night."

Allison looked at him.

"We got a lot of time to kill," Xela said, standing up.

The black and silver fox stood over his mate by a full foot, the top hat just making him look taller. He wore only a pair of faded blue jeans, the bottoms frayed slightly from being dragged on the ground so much.

"What do you propose?" Allison asked.

"Snuggle tackle attack away!" Xela shouted, pouncing on the raccoon.

They crashed to the floor, the thick blue carpet softening the impact, though not enough to keep the pile of shiny objects stable. Both males looked at it as it slowly quivered then came sliding down on them, burying them under a shining mountain of random objects.

Part 2: Wait, what were we doing?

Two shadows darted across the street, slithering around the pools of light cast by the streetlamps. If anyone saw them, they probably wouldn't think much of it. Especially not with the silhouette of the ridiculously large top hat. If anyone passed by close enough, they would have been able to hear a soft tune being hummed. It would sound almost like that kind of music that played in the great movies where the secret agent is infiltrating the enemy stronghold. A very off key version of that theme music. Fortunately, no one passed by them close enough to hear the off key theme music, or see the ridiculous top hat. Allison and Xela ran the last little bit of distance and entered the alley next to the museum.

"Ok, give me the rope," Allison said.

"Wait, what rope?"

"I told you to get the rope."

"No, you didn't. And there was clearly nothing on the plan about a rope. I remember."

"There totally was! That's what that one squiggly line on the side was! It was the rope!"

"There were a lot of squiggly lines!" Xela exclaimed.

Allison huffed and looked at the side of the building. He quickly tried scrambling up, only to slide back down. Not one to be beaten, he tried again, and then a third time, with the same result. He backed up at looked at the side of the wall.

"Hmm . . . you think you're so high and mighty, don't you wall? Trying to keep me trapped down here an-hey, Xela, where'd you go?"

His mate's head appeared above him, a silhouette against the night sky.

"How'd you get up there?!" Allison asked.

"Ladder about four feet from you."

Allison looked and sure enough there was a ladder built into the wall. He stuck his tongue out at the wall and quickly scrambled up the ladder, the theme music resuming. Once up top, he looked around. Xela was bent over, arranging the gravel on the roof to form a pattern. Allison tapped his shoulder and pointed at one of the skylights.

"Under there will be out prize! Come, grasshoppah, we are close!"

The raccoon resumed humming the theme music and skipped over to the skylight as the fox followed behind. They looked through into the darkened museum. Directly below them was the celestial globe. Even in the dim light, it looked shiny, and that was the important part. It didn't matter the value of the object itself. If it was shiny and interesting enough to catch the Great Allison's eye, beware. He'd passed by potentially valuable items in his ceaseless quest of all the shiny things in the world. It was a quest both he and Xela took very seriously.

"Now, all we have to do is open the skylight and one of us gets lowered on the rope, and we're done!" Allison said, smiling.

"We don't have a rope though. I have some floss, but I don't think that'll work very well," Xela said.

"Oh. Right. I knew that. So, backup plan! Where's the door?"

Allison scanned the roof as Xela moved off. A moment later, he called his raccoon over to him. The roof access door was slightly ajar. Allison clapped Xela's back and opened it.

"The door was like that when I found it," Xela said.

Allison stopped and thought for a moment.

"See, I told you there'd be nothing to stand in our way! This is destiny!"

Xela smiled and walked down the stairs quietly, ducking his 6 foot frame to fit into the door. Allison followed, closing the door back to its original state. The door at the bottom was in the same state, and showed no signs of their passing. Down a short hallway was another set of doors, these closed. Xela gently opened one, making no sound, and peeking into the room. After a moment to make sure it was clear (and there were no laser grids), the fox and raccoon slipped through the door, shutting it silently behind them. Allison smiled and looked around.

"You know, I've never actually been here. It's kinda cool. No crowds, no pushy tour guides, no . . . oh my!"

Allison took off running across the room and climbed over the rails into one of the exhibits. He struck a pose in what was passing off as late 18thcentury culture. While the colours were wrong, the purple waste coat and top hat not matching the somber blacks of the time, he seemed to be just part of the exhibit. Xela walked up smiling.

"I must say, Mr Tour Guide, this exhibit looks a tad off. Why are all these fellows wearing black?" he said.

Allison giggled and quickly changed poses to something much more risqué, making Xela laugh again. He motioned to his mate, who jumped from the exhibit into his arms.

"I've always wanted to do that."

"What, join an exhibit or jump from one to my arms?"

"Both! Come, there are shinies to find! Forward, my noble steed!"

Xela just looked at the raccoon in his arms, his eyebrow raised. He picked a random direction and started doing a half-galloping motion. As it happened, they had gone in the right direction. Rounding a few corners, the globe came in view.

"That was anti-climatic," Xela muttered, "I was hoping for an epic exploration of the museum."

Allison wasn't listening. Allison wasn't even next to him. The raccoon was intently staring at the pedestal the globe was displayed on. It wasn't even encased in glass. The globe sat on a navy blue pillow with a star field pattern. The globe itself looked like polished bronze, mirror smooth, with star patterns inlaid with pieces of glass. The workmanship was incredible for the time period it was supposed to be from.

"I wonder if they're using a pressure plate. There's no laser grid, obviously, and it's just sitting there. Just sitting there, taunting me," Allison said, sticking his tongue out at the globe.

Xela walked up after hearing this, carrying a large potted plant. He started setting it up on the pedestal, causing the globe to shift to one side and begin falling. Allison yelped and caught it quickly before it hit the ground. He smiled and lifted the globe above his head, like a trophy winner. Xela laughed and turned around, his laughter dying suddenly. He tapped Allison on the shoulder, who also turned. Facing them from across the room were two individuals wearing black ski masks and black clothing. One of them smacked the other on the back of the head.

"I told you we should have turned left instead of right!" the voice said, clearly a female.

"Well, we'll just be getting out of your way then. Have a good time at the museum; we certainly hope you enjoy your stay!" Allison said, turning and walking in the opposite direction.

"Not so fast, raccoon," the female voice said.

Allison slowed down a little but kept walking, Xela walking backwards behind him.

"We're here for the globe."

"Well, funny thing, so were we. See, it's been in my family for several generations and I merely came to pick it back up. Grandma's final request and all. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be going!" Allison said, taking off running through one of the arches, Xela on his heels.

Behind them from the gallery was a shout. The chase was on, Allison thought. He had taken his top hat off and set it on top of the globe, largely to keep it from flying away, but couldn't help noticing how handsome the globe looked with his hat. The duo rounded another corner and looked at the exhibits. It was the Ancient Cultures wing of the museum, this area specifically dedicated to Ancient Egypt. Allison jumped into one of the exhibits, this one consisting of a bunch of wax figures worshipping a stone with the sun shining down. He stood against the stone and raised the globe so it covered the sun. Xela simply ducked behind a sarcophagus display. Footsteps approached the wing and the other two thieves ran through without a second glance. As soon as they'd passed, Allison jumped down from the display and started running in the opposite direction, Xela scrambling to catch up. As soon as they'd rounded the corner, one of the masked thieves stopped and backtracked to where Allison had been standing. He almost could have sword there had been a top hat in the display, but threw the notion off and raced to catch up with his partner.

Allison giggled softly and skipped down the galleries, his prize held above him. Xela jogged just behind him, looking around at all the different displays. He stopped suddenly and walked into one of the rooms, his eyes wide. From behind display cases, the lights still shining over them, was dozens of different types of gemstones and jewels, both natural and cut. He pressed his nose up against the glass and stared, dazed by the display of diamonds. Apparently, they were all natural, not cut to look how they did. He swore that one looked exactly like him and his mate kissing. Allison came up next to him, having finally noticed he wasn't following anymore. Without needing to ask, he saw what his mate was fascinated with. The globe almost dropped from his paws, but he caught it in time. He tugged Xela's shirt and motioned to go. Xela nodded and walked towards the door of the exhibit, though he seemed reluctant to go. Allison nudged him forward and they continued on their way.

"You know, it might have been good if we'd remembered the way we'd come in," Allison muttered, "This place is confusing."

"Well, there were all those 18th century guys you put to shame near the doorway, so if we can find that, we'll be good! Oh, hey, the dinosaur area. You know, there's something I've always wanted to try. . ." Xela said, going to the large model of the T-Rex that seemed standard in all museums.

He grabbed one of the rib bones and pulled himself up, maneuvering until he was all the way inside the skeleton.

"Hello there, kind sir, would you kindly let me out? This fellow ate me when I was on my way to pick some berries, and he hasn't let me out yet. It's been a few million years and I really gotta pee!" Xela said, causing Allison to crack up laughing.

He went up under the skeleton and handed Xela the globe, and with some help, got inside the skeleton with his mate. They both laughed and shared a quick kiss. However, their fun was cut when the bone they were sitting on suddenly lurched and fell to the ground, taking them with it. The plaster bone replica shattered on impact, the pieces being crushed by the two furs falling on top of it. Xela groaned and rolled over, the globe rolling away from him. It had managed to land dead center of his crotch. Allison yelped and scrambled after it, knocking his hat off. He didn't notice, his attention was fixed solely on his globe that was running away. It bounced down a step and rolled into one of the wings holding weaponry from various ages, coming to rest in the middle of the room. As if it had planned it, the room's laser grid had ended up shooting through one of the glass stars, reflecting off something inside, which sent lasers bouncing in every direction. Allison skidded to a stop and stared at it.

"You have got to be kidding me. This is not some stupid heist movie! Why, WHY, is there a laser grid? This is so not fair! And you, globe! How could you betray me like that?! After everything I'd done for you! All those nights spent alone with you! I let you wear my hat! And this is how you thank me? We are so going to have words when we get home!"

Xela hobbled up to the door, holding Allison's hat. He noticed the lasers coming from the globe and started laughing. Allison snatched his hat from the fox and settled it on his head and began moving towards the globe. He reached it and picked it up, glaring at it. Somewhere in the back of the museum, an alarm started to wail, the screech piercing the silence. Allison looked down and noticed the crisscrossing beam was broken by his foot.

"Oh yea, you are me are really gonna have some words when we get home, mister. Xela, time to go. Kinda escort me to the exit."

"You're not going to any exit with our globe!" a different voice said.

"Oh, you guys are still here? I'd have figured you left. How'd you find us anyway?" Xela asked without turning around.

"The crash kinda gave it all away. Now, give us the globe."

"I dun wanna!" Allison said, placing his hat on the globe.

"That's too bad. I'm afraid this is going to get ugly."

The female placed her backpack on the ground and opened it, digging for something. She stopped suddenly and rose up, holding a dildo. She looked at the other masked thief.

"You grabbed the wrong bag! Why was it so hard to just check which bag you were bringing?!" she said, smacking him repeatedly with the dildo.

Allison and Xela laughed and ran past the other two, who were far too busy with their own problems to notice the escape. They turned the corner and knew where they were. On one side of the room was the same exhibit that Allison had displayed himself in when they'd entered the museum. He stopped and did one last pose "for old times' sake", before they headed back up to the roof.

Part 3: The grand master plan. . .again

The story on the news was probably more hilarious then the final moments in the museum. Local authorities had arrested two would-be burglars who had broken into the Nature and Science museum using sex toys. Authorities were still piecing together what the motive was, but they had succeeded in damaging the T-Rex model. They were ultimately discovered when one of them tripped the laser grid (this isn't a movie, why are there laser grids, Allison had said), and were apprehended while beating each other with the aforementioned sex toys.

Allison sat at the table in the back room, staring at the celestial globe sitting in the middle and smiling. Yet another job well done. Xela walked in behind his mate and rested his chin on the raccoon. They stared intently at the globe for a moment, before Allison looked up.

"You know, we forgot something," he said.

"We did?" Xela asked, finding it hard to remember anything they'd forgotten.

"We did. We have to go back and get it. And this is how!" Allison exclaimed, tossing the globe into the pile of random shiny objects and laying down another piece of paper, scribbling and scrawling over it.

When he was done, he showed it to Xela, who shook his head. As usual, nothing on it made sense. Well, almost nothing. One thing did, though: the item they had forgotten.

Detailed quite nicely, was a sketch of the diamond they'd found. The one that looked perfect like the two of them kissing, top hat and all.