Kung Fu Panda Spanking
written by charles wilburn and I.
The masters of the Jade Palace had received news that they would be hosting a dinner with the Emperor himself. The cooks were all put on duty and presented with the menu for the night's festivities. Some of the courses they were instructed to prepare they had not prepared before, so the Grand Chef of the Emperor came and showed them the way the Emperor preferred these entrees to be prepared. The dining room staff, likewise, were instructed by the Grand Chef on how the Emperor expected to be served. Everyone in the dining would be on duty for the night of the dinner.
Master Shifu told everyone that they had to be as respectful and behaved as possible, especially, Po. But it was if his words went into one of Po's ears and out the other. Po really enjoyed his food, and he loved new cuisine. This dinner party was going to be an opportunity for him to "put on the feed bag," and the coming of the Emperor, whom he knew to be a big, fat ox who likewise enjoyed his meals, meant there would be good food indeed, and lots of it.
Shifu knew Po was probably going to do something stupid but hoped it would not be that bad. He warne the Panda that the Emperor was a stern observant of tradition. Shifu told him that he might not address the Emperor or any of his court unless they had spoken to him first. The master said he would make it easy for the Panda by seating him next to his friend Tigress, who would give him someone to talk to. "Besides," thought Shifu to himself, "Tigress will be a good influence on Po's often embarrassing behavior."
Soon, the Emperor arrived. Kifu greeted him, falling to his knees, which was the custom in China. The Emperor graciously raised Kifu to his feet and said "Master Kifu, I have heard wonderful things of you and the Jade Palace. I am most pleased to be your guest.
"Your Majesty honors me with your kind words. We have prepared a fine repast for your delectation tonight. Now, allow your servant to show Your Majesty to your quarters. Mayhap you wish to rest after your trip." Kifu called to one of his servants. "Quickly! His Majesty's baggage!"
"Thank you." the Emperor said.
"Of course, Your Majesty," said Shifu, and the servant came to take his luggage. Then Shifu led the Emperor into the gorgeous Jade Palace into the state room, which was the most beautiful, the most well-accommodated room in the palace.
"This room marvels me," the Emperor to Shifu; "of a truth there is no place in any of my palaces that is more splendid than this room!"
Shifu said "Your Majesty honors me. We take great pride, and great care, of this room."
"Indeed. So I see," said the Emperor. "I beg your indulgence, Master Shifu, but I would like to take my rest for an hour or two."
"Of course, Your Majesty," said Shifu. "When you awaken and wish my presence, simply ask the servant who is outside my door, and he will come and get me as quickly as he can. In the meantime, Your Majesty, no one will disturb you."
"Thank you, Master Shifu. You are dismissed."
Shifu bowed low to the Emperor, said "Your Majesty," and left. Afterward the Emperor prepared himself for rest.
Later on, the Emperor was ready to dine.[/quote/]
"Your Majesty," ventured Shifu, somewhat breaking protocol with the Emperor by speaking to him on a topic unrelated to dinner without the Emperor's permission--though the ruler chose to ignore this and listened courteously to Master Shifu, "if you would allow me to, I would like to introduce you to some of our champion kung fu warriors."
"Indeed," replied the Emperor, "I would be most interested to meet them personally."
Shifu had already lined them up to meet the Emperor; all of them were well versed on imperial protocol.
Shifu began to indroduce them. "Your Majesty," said Shifu, may I present:
Master Crane, Master Monkey, Master Mantis, and the two female members, Master Tigress and Master viper. and Po, the Dragon Warrior, the greatest kung fu fighter and a fighter of prophecy.
"I am very impressed, Master Shifu," said the Emperor, "I hope they will be able to perform demonstrations--" the Emperor interrupted himself. "Ah! But I fear there will be no time. I must leave tomorrow. Perhaps during dinner we can discuss some of their achievements."
"Indeed, Your Majesty," said Shifu enthusiastically, "I am certain that they will be honored to share some of their more notable achievements, if it please Your Majesty.
"Yes, it does," the Emperor said. "Now, shall we go down to dinner?" The emperor was rather fat, though also strong and muscular; he enjoyed his meals and some said his appetite was insatiable. Anyway, Shifu had prepared a huge meal, designated for the Emperor himself, just in case. It was prepared by Shifu's finest chefs, who were known throughout the province to be second to none. If the Emperor did not eat his entire meal tonight, Shifu had in mind to pack the rest of it in baskets so the Emperor could enjoy it on his way to his next stop on the imperial progress.
The Emperor was seated at table first, then he invited Master Shifu to be seated, and then Master Shifu asked everyone else to sit down. Master Shifu rang a bell, and soon waiters arrived bearing the hot, savory meal. They brought out the Emperor's portion first, and it was so large that it occupied almost half the table, which itself was rather big. Some of the food found its way directly under Po's nose.
Po was finding it hard to resist eating right away. The Emperor had not even been served when Po told his dinner companion and friend, Tigress, "I can't stand this anymore! I'm starving! It's ridiculous for us to wait until "His Imperial Majesty" has been served!"
Tigress put a gentle paw on his shoulder to calm him down. "Relax, Po! You'll be fed soon enough!"
But Po was growing wild with hunger and impatience. Not all of the Emperor's fare had been brought out when Po suddenly began simply helping himself to the Emperor's food. There was a stirring at the table, and Master Shifu and the Emperor looked directly at it's point of origin, and there was Po, serving himself to the stir-fried vegetables; Tigress put her head in her paws for embarrassment, and Master Shifu angrily addressed Po.
"Panda!" Shifu yelled, "what in the name of Heaven do you think you're doing? That is the Emperor's repast! Your portion would have been brought out directly, and you would have had a great feast! But now you've spoiled it for yourself. You are dismissed to your quarters, and a bowl of rice will be brought to you after the rest of us have eaten. There you will await further punishment for daring to serve yourself before the Emperor has been served, and for venturing to try to eat food that had been prepared for him>"
Po lowered his head and was about to leave the table when Tigress tried to intervene on Po's behalf. "Your Majesty! Master Shifu! Please forgive poor Po! he is rustic, and not used to imperial protocol. He has not come by the presence of Majesty before and does not know how to behave properly--he has never been trained! He does not understand! Please forgive him this once, and allow him to eat with the rest of us!"
But now Shifu was angry at Tigress. "How DARE you address the Emperor without invitation to speak! I warned everybody about that before. And how DARE you question my authority to discipline my students as I see fit! You too are dismissed from the table, sent to your room to await a bowl of rice after the rest of us have eaten, and there you will await the punishment that will be given Po."
Tigress tried to speak but the Master saw this. "Silence!" The master clapped his hands. "Guards! Escort Master Po and Master Tigress to their quarters and two each of you stand before their doors!"
Tigress said, "This is so unfair!"
"Did I not say silence?" Master Shifu said. "Guards! Take them away!"
Both Po and Tigress bowed low to the Emperor, who nodded his head to them in return, and the guards took them away.
The Emperor was uncomfortable with the whole thing. He was angry with Po for helping himself to his, the Emperor's own food, and serving himself before he and the other guests had been served, but he admired Tigress' courage and loyalty to her friend. He believed Po should be punished roundly, but would himself be inclined to pardon Tigress. However, he did not defend her; he refused to interfere with Master Shifu's discipline of his studentsHe remained silent.
The emperor nodded at Shifu, permitting him to speak.
"Your Majesty," he said, "I beg your pardon for Master Po's and Master Tigress' behavior. I assure Your Majesty that they will be punished."
"As you say," the Emperor said comfortably, and said no more about the matter. The rest of the Emperor's repast was brought out, then that of everybody else's. The emperor was served, then everybody else's; then the Emperor began to eat. After he had taken his first bite, he asked everybody "Would you care to join me in eating the fine fare Master Shifu has prepared for us?" Everybody else said, "Yes, Sire," and they fell to.
After the feast, the Emperor spoke again. "I think it is actually appropriate for Masters Po and Tigress to be punished in my presence."