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"Shhhh, Its ok..."

"I'm right here.."

"I promise..."

"I won't leave you.."

"Everything will be ok..."

"I wont.."

"Leave you..."

"Ever..."

"You know that you could have gotten killed.....I mean, some of the shit that you two pulled was......so.....fucked up." Cassidy said as she looked down at her lover, the porcupine and opossum still naked after their little snuggle session, Cassidy's hand coming to rest on her lover's bandaged chest.

"I know that, but I just had to get to you." Lilly said shaking her head a little. "Believe it or not, there is more here for you than in Jonestown. I mean here you're going to school and all that." She said shaking her head. "And if you stayed in Jonestown.....There would have been nothing but me."

"And you know that is the only thing that I need." Cass said licking the opossum's cheek.

"No." Lilly said shaking her head and looking her lover in the eyes. "I'm something you need, like you are something that I need, but we are going to need more than just one another." She said smiling and licking at her lover's nose.

The two spent several hours together, getting caught up and just enjoying one another. Sometimes hands would slip places, touch and fondle, tease and tickle, even sentences getting cut short by lips pressing against each other. The only reason that the two broke away from one another was the sound of their bellies growling, causing them to giggle and look at one another.

"I think it's time to get something to eat," Lilly said smiling and poking Cass's belly. "Looks like the city life has been good to you."

"Oooooh, just you wait, I'm going to get you good and healthy, too," Cassidy said as she got up and started getting dressed, handing the opossum her jeans, snickering a little as she watched her wiggling into them, not bothering to put a shirt on, the bandages covering her chest enough for her liking.

Slipping back out to the living room, the pair seen that the numbat was still asleep in her seat, getting a little snicker out of the two as they moved on to the kitchen. Once there Cass tugged open the fridge and started looking through the boxes there, pulling out a small heat-it-and-eat meal for each of them.

"Mom is at work, like all the time, so she got a bunch of theses, knowing that I don't really like to cook," the porcupine said as she opened the oven and popped the meals in, closing the door and turning the oven on.

"Well that will make things easier for us," Lilly said smiling and nudging her lover. "I have missed you," she said leaning against her. "I have been here for just a few hours and things are so much better," she said purring loudly.

"You have made things so much better for me," she said giving the opossum a squeeze. The two sit there talking for a little longer as they watched the oven and the food in it cooking before the little ding went off. Lilly slipped off to wake the sleeping numbat up before slipping back into the kitchen.

"You know, I hate to be the downer in this, but I feel I need to be the voice of reason here," Katie spoke up, looking up from her plate.

"Katie......just let us have this one day without having to think of anything like that," Lilly said looking over the table, nearly glaring at her friend.

"I know, that's why I didn't want to bring it up, but we have to at least figure out what we're going to do at night.....I'm pretty sure that we can't just hide out in the house with Cassidy's mom here."

"Well," Cassidy spoke up, smiling a little. "I know that we can't keep you in the house at night, but I know what we can do. I have some extra blankets and stuff, and we have a small storage area that we're not using in the basement."

"So you want us to stay the night in the basement?" Katie asked, cocking her eyebrow.

"Well, just till I can talk to someone," The porcupine said looking to the numbat. "I have heard of this place that is supposed to help kids in bad situations." Her voice getting cut off by the sound of a fork clattering against a plate.

"No." Lilly said looking at the two. "Not again.....I will take my chances in the basement." She said picking up her fork and going back to eating. "I have had my feel of hell holes like that."

"Lilly.....you're going to have to go....you know that you're going to have to have that chest of your's looked at.....it's not looked good since we left," Katie said shaking her head. "And I'm sure if it's one that Cassidy found, it can't be as bad as the one back home."

"I......I don't.....no." Lilly said shaking her head a little.

"Lilly!" Cassidy said in a near scream. "You were just giving me a speech about doing what is best for me and all that shit.....Well it time for you to practice what you preach." Cass said looking her lover in the eyes. "I don't like the idea of you going to a place like that at all, but it's what you need."

"I'll think about it," Lilly said shaking her head a little bit before going back to eating. The group sat there in silence as they ate, the feelings and worry heavy in the air, to the point that it was almost palpable. Each of the three lost in thoughts of different things, working to come up with the best outcome for all three of them.

Once lunch was over, the three split up, Katie heading off to the bathroom to take a little time to get a shower, something that she missed over the time that her and Lilly were on the road. Lilly and Cassidy slipping off to the porcupine's room.

"This is going to hurt....." Cassidy said as she looked down at her lover, reaching down and starting to carefully cut away the bandages on her chest.

"I know, but's not that bad," Lilly said looking up to her lover, shivering a little bit as the cool air hit her now uncovered wound.

"I don't like the idea of hurting you like this...." Cass said as she climbed onto the bed with her lover, softly pulling her head into her lap, pulling the first aid kit over to her.

The two didn't say anything as Cass started pulling out different things from the kit, taking the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and pouring it onto one gauze pads that she had in her other hand. Carefully the porcupine started wiping down the wound, taking time to clean the stitches up without hurting her too much.

"Lilly....we can take a moment if you need to catch your breath or anything like that," Cass said as she pulled her hand back, looking at the now bloody gauze. "And.....I really think that you need to see someone about this." She said looking closer at the gauze and then the wound. "I mean, it's clearly infected."

"It's not....it's just a little red from the bandages," Lilly said, letting out a pained squeak the moment that she felt her lover's fingers and gauze starting to rub her tender chest.

"That little noise sure makes me think otherwise.....that and there is puss in several places," Cass said as she kept cleaning the wound, doing her best to get it good and cleaned up, while trying her best to not hurt her lover.

"If it doesn't get better in a few days, then we will go to the hospital or something.....I just think that it needs to be taken care of better that's all," Lilly said shaking her head a little. "I mean, other than that, I feel pretty good." She said forcing a smiling as she started sitting up, wincing a little.

"You have two days," Cass said as she started rubbing antibacterial cream onto the opossum's chest. "If it's not any better in two days, then I'm making you go to the doctor.....no matter what." She shook her head as she cleaned her hand off on one of the towels that she brought, before starting to cover the wound with a bandage.

"Ok," Lilly said smiling a little as she felt her lover starting to take the bandage off of her arm now.

"And, I hate to have to keep putting a damper on things....but you know that we are going to have to look into that place," Cass said as she started cleaning the cut on her arm.

"I know...but I really don't want to have to go back some place like that. I mean if Katie want's to go to some place like that, then she can," Lilly said sucking in a breath as she felt the hydrogen peroxide cleaning the wound. "I would rather stay right here."

"I know that you don't want to go back to a place like that, but from what I have heard, this place is nothing like the hell hole that you came from, and I wouldn't dream of sending you back to one like that....but my mom would shit a brick if she found out that you had come here and all...." Cass said trailing off as she finished cleaning her arm up and starting to bandage it up.

"I know," Lilly said as she grabbed her shirt and started slipping into it. "I love you."

"And I love you too, my little slut," Cass said smiling, and the moment that Lilly had her shirt on, she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a hug, careful to not squeeze too hard. With a little wiggle the two fell onto the bed, the opossum under her lover smiling and purring. "You're.....Lilly you're shivering."

"It....I'm just happy and excited," She said smiling up to her lover, feeling lips pressing against her's for a moment before they pulled back.

"I wish that this could last for ever, but mom will be home soon...." Cass said as she stood up and helped the shivering opossum up. "Come on." She said taking her lover's hand.

Leading her lover and her friend through the apartment and then to the elevator, the porcupine lead them down to the building's basement. Once they were down there, she started leading them through the corridor and up to one of the many roomed off areas.

"It might not be a lot, but this is were you two will be at for the night," Cass said as she unlocked the door and let them into the little area that she and Katie had helped set up. "And take this....it has my number, call me if you need something." She said handing Lilly a cheap cell phone.

"I love you," was all that Lilly said as she hugged her lover, clinging to her for a moment.

"Are you sure that you're ok? I mean you're still shivering," Cass said looking down to the opossum.

"I'm fine....just like I said, I'm happy to be here with you," she said smiling up to her lover before stepping into the little room and closing the door behind her.

"Are you sure that you're ok?" Katie called out from the makeshift bed. "I mean you don't look too hot."

"I'm ok.....just a little...cold," she said as she made her way over to the bed. "And light-headed." Lilly paused in place trying to regain her balance. "Ok....really light-headed."

"Lilly....there is something wrong?" Katie said as she got up, rushing over to her friend and grabbing ahold of her, starting to help her over to the cot.

"I'm telling you that it's nothing.....just got too excited that I'm finally here," Lilly said shaking her head, shivering more.

"I don't think so." Katie said, paw reaching out and coming to rest on the opossum's forehead. "Lilly! You're burning up." She said pulling her hand away.

"I keep telling you it's nothing......" She said glaring up to her friend. "I'm fine....and nothing is going to change this." She said, her breath starting to grow rapid.

"There is something wrong.....suck it up and face facts......you're sick....we have to do something about it," she said starting to reach for the phone that Cass had given her. "I'm calling her and telling her that you need help."

"No!" Lilly hissed out, grabbing her friend's wrist and holding it. "There is no need....I'm not going back.....and I should have known from the start that you wanted nothing more than to keep me from getting here."

"Lilly...you're sick," Katie said as she did her best to pull her hand from the opossum.

"I'm not sick, you just want to get between me and Cass, you're jealous....you want what we have," Lilly hissed out, standing up and still not letting go of her friend's hand. "You just want to break us up."

"Yes, I'm jealous of you two, but I'm not trying to break you two up.....I want the best for the two of you....you mean a lot to her and she means a lot to you," Katie said in a hiss of her own. "And I'm not going to let your stupidity kill you and ruin my and her life."

"You're fucking lying," Lilly hissed out, panting and shivering harder. "I know how people like you are....you're nothing but a pile of lies." She said, trailing off before going limp in her friends arms.

"God damn it, Lilly," she mumbled as she took the opossum to the bed and laid her on it, making sure that she was still breathing, before dialing Cass's home. "Cass....you need to get down here....there is something wrong with Lilly....she lost her shit and passed out....she's breathing fast and burning up with fever."

"Fuck! Don't let her die or anything....I'm coming," was all that Cass got out before hanging up the phone, rushing through the house, thankful that her mom was in the shower. She scribbled a note that she would be back that she was going to go help her friend with something.

"I don't recognize my life."

"Who is this soul? So weak and paralyzed."

"Cold claws raking up & down my spine."

"I'm never alone, but I'm lonely all the time."

"This is where it ends, within the empty dark."

"I'll set myself aflame, resurrected."

"By the spark..."

She brought the shard of glass heavily down upon her bare arm. Bare would do it justice, tiny scars--etched into her flesh, that time would never erase. Reminders of her actions, of what she felt, of what she would always feel. Perhaps too heavily it came down. She hadn't meant to--not again. Yet it was only the way in which she felt something that could be something other than disappointment. The others, friends, they called themselves. Lola, the dog that had gone and left her--with parents, things that she no longer had, Katie--no, best not to think about that treacherous numbat's actions, and Cassidy--the porcupine that had adorned her with with nicknames under the guise of love and happiness, they had never cared--they never had. Whether she was being used for sexual favors, or just some childish notion of working together against a foolish adult, oh, Amanda--what had--no, no--best not to think about it--none of it mattered.

As the blood flowed with an ever increasing pace from her veins, Lilly could not help but smile. Smile in the hopes that no one would remember her--she didn't want them to. Smile in the hopes that the shard of glass, oh, flesh mutilations ever such a crude technique, could finish what cyanide, ever a potent chemical, could not. Seizures that only brought her pain, but never the sweet release of death. A broken piece of glass--hopefully death would bring her some semblance of peace. And if not peace or whatever they had said at church when she was but a child, at least she would be somewhere where it was quiet, where there was no one to bother her, to use her, to lie to her. In the ground, rotting. As it should be. As so would it now be.

She cut. This was not to explain that she was engaged in such a habit--no, she was actively doing it now. Struggling to find some sense of relief, some sense of closer--to find happiness and acceptance where no one else would provide it. Even if it was just her pain receptors and her body protesting against such an action--at least her body cared. At least.

A sickly smile found itself reflected in the shard of glass she held. Even as her smile turned to a grimace--the smile remained, edged into the confines of the glass. It was with confusion--not horror or revulsion at what she was doing to herself--that she watched the scene now unfold before her eyes. Tiny blood-red copies of her face oozed out of the cut. Bloodshot eyes with visceral and oozing--oh, the oozing--out of every pore. She cried out, struggling to scoop up the tiny faces as they streamed out, to put them back in. She didn't want to them to care anymore. Caring hurt. It made her do this. She had to stop caring--enough to stop cutting. The irony. She cared that she didn't care that she cared.

The viscera formed some sort of goop, what was this? Some kind of being, she couldn't quite say. Literally, she could not say, as it stretched out, wrapped itself around her mouth, moving upwards into her sinuses. She couldn't cry out for Cassidy. Or Lola. Or Katie. Anyone, anyone. Black splotches appeared before her very eyes, dancing as if to some invisible tune, delighting in the pain and horror as she felt utterly helpless--and alone. Terrified, unable to reach out to anyone that would care. But who did care?

"No one," the blotches chorused in an eerily cheery song. "No one. No one. No one."

No one.

No one cared. Why should they? Cassidy had left her--probably wrote the letter so she'd have something to hang onto, a sliver of hope. Hope that would dissipate in time, leaving behind only a dull ache in its wake. She didn't want an opossum like her. Neither did Lola, she had left with her new parents. No efforts to contact her, nothing whatsoever. And Katie--she didn't even want to think about what she could be plotting.

She couldn't see, couldn't breathe. But she wasn't dead--not yet. Something, was keeping her alive--something, something. Something that brushed against her leg, faint, but there. Something that she felt, a warm breath down her neck. Something that she felt--a type of watery, slosh-like movement--that coppery smell--what was this?--just beneath her shoes. Something. She was in something. Something was eating her.

The blotches had since dissipated. The viscera remained, staining her skin--her skin that she had oh so loved to look at before, as it was claimed in the name of a five-foot-ten porcupine. Stained with her actions, with her guilt, with the knowledge that no one loved her--no one ever loved her. Her mother hadn't--or else she would have done something more against her father, and not gotten herself killed. Feelings, feelings that she had thought were long gone, feelings that she laughed at and put on a strong face for, using various expletives to make it appear as though she did not care when it was anything but.

Was she being eaten by her own guilt? Her own actions--of blood, of hate, of sadness? Actions that now refused to remain buried inside, to be forgotten, to be compartmentalized. Actions that would now seek vengeance, no matter the cost. As the blood-stained opossum tried so hard to rub away these--feelings--they only multiplied and surrounded her. Surrounding a huddled, quivering mess of an opossum, desperate for some form of acceptance, of love. As she closed her eyes, lips murmuring in a whisper for someone to help her--she knew, she knew that no one would. Because she was not a dead opossum mother's daughter, or a porcupine's slut, or a numbat or bull terrier's friend--

--she was no one. And would always will be. Completely and utterly.