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I took it way too far with him... By the time I realized it, it was already too late. A one-night stand would work if you'd do it with someone you'll never see again but not when you see that person on a daily basis... Truth is, I never intended to keep it for "just" one night. With everything said and done and with all the doubts and worries being taken away, Blain and I became friends with benefits... Or as I like to call it, "mates"... Sometimes I wanted to believe that there was so much more to us but every time I snapped back to reality, I got reminded why we didn't want to be romantically involved with each other... Samantha told me from the very beginning that there was no such thing as a romantic one night stand... And yet, it sure as hell felt like that every time I was with him... We both knew what we could expect from one another when we started doing this... To flip the switch and just have sex occasionally... It was great, it really was... But every time he left, I felt empty on the inside, knowing that it will never be anything more... Every time we met up to hang out, we both pretended like nothing ever happened and it was like business as usual... Even though the nights we shared together were great and a lot of fun, I realized that it was all there was to it... I started to have feelings for him but I knew it would change everything between us if I ever gave in to that... So I didn't... I kept silent...

Even now, many years later, I can't seem to recall how I ever managed to pull it off... I had to deny those feelings every time if I ever wanted to make it work between us... Whenever we were spending the night together, I was able to give in to those feelings without him ever knowing, only to deny it again the next day... It's confusing, I can tell you that... It had me worried about the future and what might happen between us... And I couldn't lose him as a friend... It wasn't worth the risk... Not after everything that happened between us... I suppose only time could tell... It did, eventually, when it was too late... But I didn't knew it back then... Everything was fine the way it was... I was happy again...

Sometimes, when you're too focused on achieving your goals and pursuit your own happiness, you tend to forget the people around you. It doesn't always seem like they need you. But it's strange how things can turn out... With everything that happened, I tried to forget about Nikki and Terry and all the problems that they brought along... As if my own problems weren't enough, things escalated to the point where I thought it was best for me not to see them anymore... Sometimes it's best to keep people out of your life... Perhaps I was just too caught up with myself... Perhaps I was too selfish to have realized it... But I forgot that all of them tried to get their lives back on track after everything that happened... I managed to sort my life out once I stopped seeing them almost a year ago and I'd rather avoid them just so that I didn't had to get involved again... Because their problems weren't mine to deal with... But one day, I got reminded that I was there once and how difficult the struggle was for me to get this far... I too wasn't able to get my life straight without the help of others... But everyone went their seperate way after all the fights we've had, struggeling to pick up their lives again... And if they weren't helping each other out, then who would...?

That day started like any other normal saturday for me. Slept in until eleven AM, had some breakfast and talked to Blain on the phone about making plans for the night. Weren't too sure if we were gonna catch a movie or hang out at the beach to do the usual but thought that we could decide later on. After a hearty breakfast which involved fried bacon, I wanted to go to the mall, to spend money I didn't have. Needless to say, I just went there to look at everything I couldn't buy. It's some sort of a girls hobby, I suppose... Going from one shop to the other, try on different clothing and shoes and then leave without ever buying. After placing everything back, of course... At one clothing store, I kept staring through the window at the mannequins they had on display. One mannequin had dark blue denim jeans with stone washed texture, a white frilly blouse with short sleeves and an unbuttoned black macintosh coat. It looked very nice and I was wondering how that would look on me... Just when I was about to enter the store, I received a phone call from an unknown caller... I hesitated to answer the call at first because usually it's just some marketing dude asking silly questions like asking me if I use olive oil or sun flower oil... But lately, I've had several calls from an unknown caller of which I didn't answer... I got a little sick of that so I wanted to know who kept calling me... Answering that call proved to be one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life...

'Hello?'

'Ceylan?! Ceylan! O-Oh my god, I'm so glad I finally got a hold of you! I really need to talk to you!'

'Meagan? Uhm... You've been calling me all this time?'

'Yes, but you haven't answered before!'

'It says unknown caller every time...'

'Oh...'

'So, uhm... What's up? What do you want to talk about?'

'I-It's about Nikki...'

'... Okay, go on.'

'Look, uhm... Can I meet you somewhere...? Please, it's urgent...'

'Uhm... I'm at the shopping mall at the moment. What's going on, why you sound so stressed out?'

'I can't talk to you about it on the phone! P-Please, I really need to see you!'

'Alright, uhm... I'll be waiting for you near the parking lot on King's Square at the fountain.'

'O-Okay, okay... Uhm... I'll be right over!'

'Everything alright...?'

'Yes! I-I mean, no but it's so fucked up, I have no idea-'

'Meagan! Calm down, alright...? Just calm down and tell me what's going on...'

'I really can't tell you on the phone...'

'I'll wait for you here then, okay...? Take your time... You can't drive when you're so upset...'

'Thanks... I'll be on my way...'

'Alright, be careful... See ya in a bit...'

"Well, there goes a saturday afternoon well spend..." Once the call ended, I looked at my phone with a frown on my face thinking_"Da fuck was that about...?"_Why the hell would she call me so all of sudden to talk about Nikki? More importantly, what made her so stressed out...? I suppose I could only wait to find out...

I waited at the fountain like I said I would. Sat on the edge of it while staring at all the people who were there that day enjoying the great weather... Nevertheless, I couldn't help but to think why Meagan would want to talk to me about Nikki so all of a sudden... She tried to call me six times for the past few days so what could be so urgent...? I got a little nervous myself the longer I was thinking about it... Lighting up a cigarette didn't really do the trick... I waited for half an hour until I saw a small Toyota driving up the parking lot ahead... It was parked relatively close by and a grey wolfess got out of it... She locked her car and started to walk in the direction of the square... I stood up and the moment she faced me, she hurriedly walked towards me...

'Ceylan!'

'Hi, Meagan... Long time no see.'

'Wow, uhm... You look good...'

'Thanks, you too... How are you?'

'I'm doing good, how about you?'

'Y-Yeah, yeah, I'm fine...'

I hardly recognized her at first... She looked so much different than I remembered... I think it's the clothes... Whenever I saw her, she was wearing these slutty skirts and tops with open high heels most of the time... Still incredibly sexy but still... Knowing what she does for a living did explain a lot about the way she dressed herself but she looked so much different that day... Pretty is the right word... Maybe even gorgeous... Jeans and a black vest with a beige top underneath... Her bushy tail gently swaying left and right anxiously when she saw me... I tried not to show it but I felt the same when I saw her again after so many months...

'So, uhm... What've you been up to...?'

'I had to sort things out for myself after I broke up with Nikki so, uhm... I did... Things couldn't get any better for me...'

'That's good to hear...'

'You?'

'Things hardly changed...'

'Heh... Sooooo... How's Nikki doing...? You wanted to talk to me about her...?'

'She's not doing well, Ceylan...'

'... No?'

'No... She's seeing a social worker... She's depressed, hardly feel like doing anything... It's really difficult seeing her like this...'

'Hm...'

'Nikki rarely talks to me nowadays and, uhm... I have no idea what's happening with her or why she's acting like this... Now I finally understand how you felt...'

'There's a lot going on with her... There's so much more to it then she ever let me in on...'

'I want to help her but I can't... Not on my own...'

'You can only help her if she wants help. And as long as that's not the case, I think there's very little we can do for her. Then again, it's something she chose for when she keeps us at a distance.'

'I suppose but...'

'I kept calling her to ask how she was doing... She only called me once, just to break up with me. That really goes to show how much I mean to her, doesn't it?

'It's not like that... '

I'm sorry Meagan... I care for her, I really do... But I just can't take this anymore... She expects help but doesn't want to be helped... What more can I do for her than the things I already did...? She was too caught up with Terry stepping out of her life that she forgot about me. Me! I was always there for her when she needed it! I stayed with her when no one else did...! I supported her in every way possible but it was never enough for her...'

'Ceylan...'

'No, I'm done with her, Meagan. I'm sorry, but I have a life of own to live... And I feel that Nikki doesn't fit in anymore... She gave up on me, after everything said and done... What else is there left for me then, what else can I do...? What more would she expect from me...?'

'Heh...'

'Listen, uhm... I have to get going, okay...? I'm sorry, I really am...'

Meagan didn't say anything after that... She was too surprised that I cut off the conversation we were having... So all she did was quietly nodding and averted her eyes... I suppose it was a bit of a dick move, really... I just didn't see any reason what else I could do and I felt like I was wasting my time... And just when I wanted to turn around and walk away, I could hear her voice... The way she said it felt to me like a desperate cry for help... Her voice was so fragile, it sent a chill down my spine...

'She still mentions you, you know... She misses you... There hasn't been a single day gone by where she regrets that she ever let you slip away...'

I closed my eyes and sighed quietly... I already knew where this was going and I sure as hell didn't like it... But hearing the emotion in her voice was very moving... It caused me to stop and turn around to face her again...

'Nikki saw what she was doing to you and how much you were hurt... And that's why she let you go... That's why she said it was best for her not to see you anymore... She thought it was the right decision for you... But not for her...'

'... Ah. So you're asking me to talk to her... Again. For the one hundreth time.'

'Yes... Please...'

'Why me...?'

'Because no one else will...'

"_Wow..."_That one hit close to home... I sure as hell didn't want to get involved again but after Meagan said that, I had no idea what to say... I had a feeling that this wasn't the only reason why she wanted to see me after she said that... It's been going on for such a long time and now all of a sudden, Meagan asked me to give it a try again...? There's definitely more going on... But why now...?

'You've got all the right to move on and forget that she ever existed... But others gave up on her before... I feel like doing the same but I can't do that to her, Ceylan... She's all I got...'

'Heh...'

'But I understand... I can't blame you... But please... Hear me out first before you go... I need to tell you something you won't like to hear but I really feel that you should know... It's the reason why I want to talk to you...'

'... Go on.'

'Last week, I used her laptop for some online banking...'

'Uh-huh...'

'I came across her browsing history and, uh... I-I saw that she searched the internet for a painless suicide...'

'Wait, what?'

'Yeah... She Googled it...'

'... Are you serious??'

Meagan stayed silent again... The look in her eyes said enough... I know things were bad but I didn't know it was that bad... And again, I had no idea what to say... The longer it stayed silent, the more trouble she had to hold back her tears... Her eyes became red... Meagan scraped her throat and looked the other way for a moment... And all of a sudden, the tears were rolling down her face...

'I don't wanna come home one night and find out that she actually went through with it, Ceylan... And I can't take it to see her like this... Not anymore...'

I was stumped after hearing that... I was so shocked, I had no idea what to say or what to do... And Meagan just stood there, wiping the tears out of her eyes... So sad to see... I could've turned around and walked away from everything... But then I wonder... Would I be able to live with myself if I did...? The thought of Nikki wanting to commit suicide was a thought I just couldn't comprehend... But what could possibly drive her...? Was it desperation or a cry for help...? I honestly had no idea...

'Wow, that's, uh... Oh my god...'

'Heh... '

'Holy shit... I can't believe what I'm hearing...'

'I couldn't believe it either when I saw it...'

'I-I mean, are you sure...?'

'Yes, it was recent...'

'Was it there for you to see, or...?'

'I opened a new tab in the browser which showed her internet history... I checked those sites out and well...'

'Oh my god... Uhm... Wow... I have no idea what to say... B-B-But she's seeing a social worker, right?? I-I mean...'

'Yeah, she does... But the thing is, Ceylan... Professional help isn't gonna be enough... She needs people around to support her in every way they can...'

'Pffff... Holy shit, this is heavy... I mean, I knew things were bad, but... Wow...'

'Exactly...'

'Okay, so uhm... If that's all true then, uhm... Fucking hell...'

'She needs you, Ceylan, now more then ever... Please...'

'Heh...'

'I'm not asking you to get back together... But she needs to know that she has people around who has her back... People who still care for her despite everything that happend...'

'I-I know, I know...'

'And I can't ask more from you than you've already given... I would understand if you'd walk away from all this... But deep down inside, I know you still care about her...'

'I do, i-it's just... O-Oh god...'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.. I stood there for a while, trying to make sense of things but the longer I was trying to puzzle it together, the more questions were raised... Nothing made any sense... My mind was spinning and I felt like I could break out in tears after Meagan told me everything... When she saw that I was about to cry and the tears were rolling over my face, Meagan came up to me give me a firm hug...

'It's okay, Ceylan...'

'I-I can't believe why she would even consider it... I don't want her to get hurt... I know a lot of things happened to her but Nikki always kept it to herself... And look where that got her...'

'That's why we need to be there for her...'

'Yeah, yeah... Uhm...'

'Do you want to sit down somewhere and have a coffee...?'

'I could really use a cup right about now...'

She took my arm and the two of us walked to the nearest café we could find once we both managed to calm down a bit... Found a nice spot outside in the warm sun where we could be alone... She placed her hands on mine and looked me in the eyes when she faced me...

'You alright...?'

'Yeah, yeah, I'm okay... You...?'

'I still have a hard time with it...'

'I can tell... It must've scared you too when you found out about it...'

'It really did... I tried to contact you sooner but you didn't answer your phone every time I called...'

'Heh... I'm sorry, I thought you were some telemarketer or something...'

'It's alright... I'm really glad that you answered this time...'

'Me too...'

'Pfffff...'

'I just can't put my finger on it, you know...'

'Same here... I have no idea what's going on with her...'

'Does Nikki know that you found out...?'

'She doesn't...'

'Heh...'

'Listen, Ceylan, uhm... I-I know you and I didn't always get along with each other but... I feel that we should do everything we can to help her a-and...'

'It's okay... It doesn't matter what happened between us...'

'It's just... Besides me, there's no one else and...'

'What about family where she can go to...? Any relatives or...?'

'None that I know of... She has a brother she's very close with but-'

'She has a brother??'

'Yeah...?'

'Nikki never mentioned her brother before?'

'Oh... It's a touchy subject...'

'Ah... So... Where is he at the moment?'

'He's in Sercia...'

'A soldier?'

'He is, yes...'

'No other family besides her brother...?'

'Nikki broke all ties with her family except for her brother when she moved to Ravello...'

'Really?'

'Yeah... Freyton had nothing left to offer us anymore so... I moved to Ravello with them...'

'So that's how you became her roommate...'

'Exactly... Also, it's because my, uhm... "Job" is relatively close-by from here...'

'I see...'

'Hm...'

'Good morning! Have you decided yet?'

Meagan and I didn't notice a waitress standing next to our table, with a beautiful smile on her face... I haven't checked out the menu yet but I felt like having something on the side... A muffin or a beignet or something... So when I took a quick peek at the dessert card, I saw that they had apple-pie as well... I fucking love apple-pie, which may be a bit strange for a feline... Guess I'm just funny that way...

'Uhm... I'll have a coffee and an apple-pie, please...'

'I'll just have a coffee.'

'Two coffee and an apple-pie.'

Once she took our order, the waitress smiled at me and went back inside to get our order. I could hear Meagan sighing quietly and when I looked back at her, I could see she was staring to her left with her head resting on her hand, watching the people on the square... I couldn't help but to notice that the top two buttons of her blouse were undone and I caught a glimpse of her cleavage with the way she was leaning forward on the table... I scraped my throat and averted my eyes and when Meagan looked at me, we started talking again after It stayed silent for a while...

'So, uhm... No relatives and family then...'

'No...'

'Why did she broke ties with them...?'

'I have no idea... Something tells me it had to do with her situation at home but I have no idea what happened...'

'Hm...'

'It went from bad to worse but ever since you and Terry stepped out of her life, things went downhill very fast... Like it was the last straw for her or something, you know?'

'Yeah...'

'And I just don't know why...'

"Well, I might have a hunce..." In fact, I knew why things went downhill very fast after Terry stepped out of her life... Everything that happened between the three of us really left a mark on her... But it wasn't until that day when I realized how much of an impact it had on her... In order to make things more clearer and for Meagan to understand, she had to know the whole story... And I didn't like sharing it...

'Meagan, uhm... I'm going to tell you something about Terry, Nikki and me that you should know because I feel it's one of the reasons... But it's something I'm not really keen on sharing...'

'Oh?'

'Yeah... So... If I do, I'd like to ask you if it can stay between us...'

'Of course...'

I sighed quietly and averted my eyes from her for a moment... I couldn't believe I was going to share this but you know, it's time to stop all the bullshit and the secrets we kept from each other... It got us in this situation in the first place... And even though I wasn't too keen on telling her, I felt that I had to in order to fill in the pieces of the puzzle...

'You know I was with Terry way back... The two of us were together when I met Nikki, who happened to be Terry's friend at the time...'

'Hm-mm...'

'They both didn't know about my bi-sexuality but I really liked Nikki... I got to know her a lot better the more I was spending time with her and at some point, I fell in love with her... But I didn't came out to her and didn't tell her about my feelings, seeing as I was still together with Terry...'

'So you were spending more time with Nikki then with Terry at some point...?'

'Yes... So... It really had me confused, you know...? Because the more I compared Nikki to Terry, the more I started to question what I really needed, especially when Nikki told me she's lesbian... Being with someone you know can't make you happy anymore isn't exactly good for your relationship... And that's when things started to go downhill for Terry and me when I didn't want to talk about what was going on in my mind...'

'Hm...'

'And when I finally did tell Nikki about my feelings, she was shocked to hear that... She told me the feelings were mutual but she couldn't give in to it, knowing that I belonged to Terry...'

'So... Did you came out to Terry, does he know you're bi-sexual...?'

'No, he doesn't...'

'Why not...? I mean, I can imagine it's not an easy topic to talk about but...'

'I had a talk with my parents when things got so confusing for me... Well, foster-parents actually... Simon took it well and it didn't mattered to him that I had feelings for another girl... Catherine however, didn't take it so well...'

'Oh...'

'So... The way she reacted was something that really hurt me... And uhm... That's why I didn't tell Terry about it... I was afraid that he might react the same...'

'I see...'

'So... Things started to go downhill from that moment on and Terry and I had a lot of fights... It's sad because he deserved so much better, you know...? He did everything he could to make me happy and yet it wasn't enough for me...'

'Because he couldn't make you happy anymore when you fell in love with Nikki...?'

'Yes...'

'Then what happened...?'

'I went to see Nikki after Catherine and I got into a huge fight... I told her everything that night... I didn't want to go home after I had that fight so uhm... I stayed over for the night at Nikki's place... And I slept with her for the very first time...'

'Heh...'

'I know I shouldn't have but things were so crazy back then... With all the attention she gave me and her caring nature, I just... You know...?'

'Yeah...'

'And that's when Nikki gave in to her feelings... But I guess it was doomed to fail because our consicious was gnawing on us... Me for cheating on my boyfriend and her's for seeing her best friend's girlfriend behind his back...'

'Terry didn't had a clue what was going on between the two of you...?'

'No... Every time I was with her, I missed Terry and whenever I was with him, I missed Nikki... But I guess our feelings for each other were stronger than our sense of loyalty to his friendship, which made it all the more difficult... Nevertheless, we kept seeing each other behind his back...'

'I see...'

'And at some point, I couldn't take it anymore... I broke up with Terry without ever giving him an explanation and I stayed with Nikki since...'

'So why did Terry stopped seeing Nikki...? He didn't know what was going on, right?'

'Yeah... Nikki's conscious kept gnawing on her and thought things could be worked out if we'd tell him... I, on the other hand, wanted to keep it a secret from Terry for obvious reasons... But Nikki phoned him without me knowing and invited him over so that we could talk... He was on his way to Nikki's place before I knew... So... Imagine his surprise when he saw me sitting on the couch there...'

'Okay, so then what...?'

'There was a huge fight and he left, only to never return again... I didn't understand why he was so angry... I mean, I could understand but not the way he reacted...'

'Hm-mm...'

'Terry eventually confessed to me that Nikki went to see him the evening I broke up with him... And then he told me that she had sex with him...'

'What?? No fucking way...! It's bullshit, Ceylan...! Nikki would never do such a thing...!'

'My thoughts exactly... So... Terry was either lying to me to ruin my relationship with her as an act of revenge or something or Nikki was holding back on me... Either way, one of them was lying...'

'Wow... You really believe she would do something like that...?'

'If it's true, it would explain a lot...'

'What do you mean...?'

'Terry said he felt guilty after he slept with Nikki... Said that he took advantage of her that night and that he can't look her in the face after that anymore... I can imagine that Nikki feel she's been used by him... Him being friends with her for so many years, finally score some pussy only to dissapear and never to be seen again...'

'I see...'

'Things started to go bad between Nikki and me ever since and well... The rest is history...'

'Heh...'

'I didn't want to believe Terry at the time but the longer I was thinking about it, the more it started to make sense... I didn't want to confront Nikki with it, afraid that it would only make things worse if she found out that I know... I guess it's one of the reasons but there's so much more going on, Meg...'

'Yeah... Why was Terry so angry when you both confessed to him...?'

'Terry thought that Nikki wanted to tell me that they slept with each other... But then he heard Nikki and I were seeing each other behind his back... I can't blame him for the way he reacted... I would've done the same...'

'You really think this is all true...?'

'I don't have a reason to believe it's not... Either way, it doesn't matter anymore... What matters is that Nikki needs help... And whatever is happening to her, we'll have to be there to support her...'

'I'm glad you feel that way... So... What are we going to do...?'

'Heh... I honestly have no idea...'

'You think it's wise to get Terry involved as well...?'

'Terry...?'

'Yeah...?'

'You really think so...? After the stunt he pulled off on her...?'

'I know but... Nikki misses Terry, right...? How would she react if he stands in front of her door...?'

'Hm...'

'Sex is consensual, Ceylan... I mean, if Nikki really did, she did it for a reason... I don't believe he forced her into it or something, not after they've been friends for so many years, otherwise it would've happened long ago...'

'True...'

'I think she'll be happy to see him...'

'But what if he doesn't want to talk to her...?'

'Then he's a very egotistic, self-centered prick... He'll talk to her if he has a consicious...'

'Terry didn't talk to her about it before, so what makes you think this time will be any different...?'

'He'll listen to you...'

Meagan and I were staring at each other for a moment with a weak smile on our faces... Nikki once told me that I'm the voice of reason... To have the ability to talk some sense into people... It's funny because I never was really good at talking sense into people... I either became very pissed at people or they became angry at me... I suppose the message was received either way... But this wasn't about pursuading him into talking to her... If he cared enough about Nikki, he'll talk to her before it was too late...

'So that means we'll have to talk to Terry first then...'

'I think it's for the best, yes... He has to know about it one way or the other before we talk to Nikki...'

'Texting him or talking to him on the phone wouldn't really be an option with this...'

'No, not really... It's not going to be easy...'

'But it's the least we can do for her...'

'I know...'

'I'm not sure how he would react if I'd show up alone...'

'Do you want me to come along too if you're going to see Terry...?'

'Would you...?'

'Yeah, of course...'

It stayed silent between us again as we turned our heads and stared at all the people at the square... Some kids were tossing coins in the fountain up ahead to make a wish... Seeing that reminded me of Blain and I when we were little cubs... We used to do that all the time except our wishes never came true... Perhaps one day it will... I turned my head the moment I heard the clinging of coffeecups and saw that the waitress brought our order... She placed the cups of coffee on the table along with my apple-pie... But all of a sudden, it didn't really seemed that delicious anymore... I've lost my appetite... I just poked it with a fork for a while as Meagan poured some sugar and milk in her coffee and kept on stirring while staring in blank space... I sighed quietly and took a small bite from my apple-pie... It would be a waste if I didn't finish it... And I'm glad I did because that apple-pie was fucking delicious...

'So, uhm... Meg...?'

'Yeah...?'

'How are you holding up...?'

Meagan sighed quietly and stopped stirring her coffee the moment I asked... She averted her eyes for a moment and when she finally did face me, she looked as if she could cry any second... Meagan scraped her throat and averted her eyes from me once more when she started talking...

'Me...? Still the same, Ceylan...'

'Heh...'

'For the first time in years, I can finally afford myself to take a week off... But now that I have, I actually have no idea what to do... There's no one around I can be with...'

'Any friends or relatives...?'

'I have relatives living in and around San Mantégua who'll support me in any way they can but... San Mantégua isn't exactly around the corner...'

'That's a long way down south...'

'It is... I've been thinking to move back to San Mantégua but I don't have the money... I need every penny I have to make a living and to pay off the bank and the collection agency...'

'You think anyone who would have some money to spare would-'

'No, absolutely not... I don't want any help with that... It's a very large sum of money that I need to pay off...'

'But like you said, every penny helps...'

'Maybe... But money can destroy a lot of good things, Ceylan... So no, I'd rather not... I still have my dignity for what it's worth...'

'Heh... So you're all alone...?'

'I still have Nikki...'

'Even now...?'

'She's all I have...'

It stayed silent for another while as I took a bit from my apple-pie again... Oh man, that was heavenly... The pastry had such a distinctive cinnamon smell... Crunchy crust on the outside with the refreshing taste of apple on the inside... That really sparked my appetite and well, that apple-pie was finished within no time... And while I was still chewing the last bite, I looked up to see Meagan sipping her coffee, staring at the square at all those people going around their business... "God, she's so incredily beautiful..."

If I had to describe her, I'd say she was quite the lady to see... Knowing what she does for a living kind of ruined the picture but... She had a feminine touch in everything she did... Almost gracefully... I suppose that's why she's so desired... It's funny because I always thought of her of being a preppy arrogant bitch... We got to understand each other better once we started talking like normal people... The fighting and loathing we felt for each other disappeared as time went on... She's a very strong, independent young woman that I envied for her strength... With so much life experience enriching her character, how could I not...? Bad things happen to you in order to recognize the good... So how low do you have to go in order to appreciate the simplest of things...? Things that others take for granted...? And how difficult it is to get up from that deep shithole you got pushed in...? I couldn't imagine it... I couldn't imagine how she felt...

Meagan wasn't the shallow preppy arrogant bitch I always thought she was... With the way life treated her, I couldn't blame her that she was like that... I would know because I was there as well... I guess you can call it some form of defense mechanism, triggered when people get too close for your own comfort... But it also causes people with good intentions to get hurt... I could relate to her on that... Every time I looked her in the eyes, I could see that she was worn... They say the deepest scars are those you can't see... But if you look closely, you can see what her eyes have seen, even though you can't always comprehend it... Meagan realized, just like I did, that you can't take on life and everything it throws at you on your own... She was alone, just like I was...

'Listen, Meagan...'

'Hm...?'

'If you ever feel like talking or hanging out... We can always go for a drink somewhere, see a movie together or do something else...'

'I'd really like that...'

'Me too...'

I placed my hands on hers and squeezed them gently while I was smiling at her... Meagan looked back at me and had a weak smile on her face for a moment before she averted her eyes again... I poured some sugar and milk in my coffee and started stirring it... The smell of coffee aroma was intoxicating... Usually, I'm more of a tea person but I can't say no to a good cup of coffee once I picked up its distinctive aroma... Two of us were quietly enjoying our coffee... But once I took the last sip, it had a rather bitter aftertaste once I looked at Meagan and realized what lied ahead of us...

Meagan and I stayed there at the cafe for about an hour... Talked things through even though we had no idea what would be next... Of course we had to let Terry know but how? When? It's mind boggling to tell you the truth... How are you gonna tell someone that their friend is planning on killing themselves...? I can't even imagine what it must've been like for Meagan when she found out... Let alone telling me about it... And I honestly could not understand what would drive Nikki to it... There are so many things I didn't know about her... Hell, I didn't even know what species she was at the time... But needless to say, it really moved me when I first heard it...

What would you do if you found out someone you once cared for plans on killing themselves...? Would you still be able to turn your back on them and live with the idea that you did nothing to prevent it...? I couldn't... Nikki had her flaws, like everyone else in the world... She broke up with me because she thought it was best for me... Even though she never talked about her problems, kept me at a distance and everything was one-sided, I still cared for her... I never wanted to break up with her... But she saw what she was causing, which is why she thought it was best that I didn't see her anymore... She said that she had to in order to give me a chance to find happiness, to find someone who truly deserved me...

Things wouldn't be the same if Meagan didnt call me that day... Nikki probably wouldn't have been alive anymore in the present day if Meagan didn't reached out to me... And maybe I would've found myself in the same situation if I'd find out that Nikki wasn't alive anymore... I'm glad I answered my phone that day... Things would've been so much different if I didn't...

If you ever had the chance to meet someone for the first time again, what would you do...? Would you change anything...? Would you pretend to be someone you're not...? Because that's what I did... I pretended to be someone else.. It create false expectations when you're not really yourself... They get confused when they finally see who you really are because they didn't expect you to... People will say that you've changed but all you ever did was to show who you really are... In the end, no one changed yet they still see you differently... So maybe the girl I fell in love with really was the real Nikki... I had no idea if we could ever be together again... I didn't even know if we'd still be friends after all this... Mainly because I didn't expected us to be after everything said and done... But somehow, it also felt like a new beginning... To me, it felt like we were meeting each other for the first time again and actually be who we are... I had no secrets to keep anymore nor had I any reasons not to tell the truth... I had nothing to lose if I did... And I suppose that was all there was to it... To be honest with each other and tell the truth... It wasn't going to be easy... But it proved to be the turning point in our lives... A whole new start... Either as friends or as lovers... And perhaps to try and get back what the heart once owned...